


Ruin or Glory

by Midoriberry



Category: Persona 2, Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Conspiracy, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Futago Siblings, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Mother-Son Relationship, Motherhood, NSFW chapters inside, One Big Happy Family, Politics, Raising children, Shido takes responsibility AU, Single Parents, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2019-09-14 20:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 121,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16919457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midoriberry/pseuds/Midoriberry
Summary: Shido made a decision. Rather than toss the woman he impregnated aside, he took responsibility and married her. Now he is a father with a child who needs him now more than ever. How will this decision affect his future and those around him? How will the life of Goro change?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wanted to write a what-if scenario if Shido was a good man, or at least a man of integrity and took responsibility for his actions and raised Goro in a loving home. I am also a big fan of the Goro-Futaba sibling theory and wanted to incorporate that into the story. I like a wholesome happy family who worked hard to get where they are and have their family mishaps and hijinks.
> 
> The tags will be updated periodically, especially the character tags as this fic does seep into the events of P2 so you'll see some familiar characters there!
> 
> Just as a reminder, this is an AU. It is not condoning the canon actions and events by the characters in canon. This is me exploring a different route on would it all could have been for everyone.

A tired baby yawned against a broad chest, stretching out his chubby arm. It was grasped and kissed with a tenderness tainted with sorrow. Unaware of his fate, the baby cuddled closer to the warmth and safety his father provided. Gentle rocking and murmured shushes lulled the baby to sleep. Tomorrow would be the beginning of a new life for him.

Throughout his life, he made choices. Good choices, bad choices, choices that meant nothing, choices that did something. Never in his life did he ever believe he would ever have to make a decision as heavy as the one he was about to make.

“You’re not fit to take care of him,” his sister-in-law Miwa said. “You’re just a man and he’s a baby with needs. Do you really think you can raise a child by yourself?”

The man frowned. “I’m growing tired of your incessant nagging. Leave already! I have to take my son to daycare before work tomorrow.”

“You say you have it under control but for how long? Can your body take on the added stress of a child without his mother? You’re a man to boot. You know nothing about taking care of a child! I have kids! He is my sister’s son; give the boy to me!”

“Goro is _my_ son!” The man flinched. His son’s sleep was disturbed by his shout. A whimper escaped from the blankets but was immediately remedied by more cradling and a kiss to his baby’s forehead. He laid his son on his bed in a separate room, shutting the door with care.

“You are a selfish man, Shido!”

“Get out.”

“I will not leave without my sister’s son.”

“I said out!” Shido glared at the woman. “If you don’t leave I’ll call the cops and press charges!”  


“You wouldn’t dare!”

“I will sue you for attempted kidnapping if you don’t get out of my house!”

“You’ll regret this, Shido.” Her hands balled up into fists. “Your boy won’t thrive in a house with you. He’ll fail in life and it’ll be all your fault. You will have to carry that burden for the rest of your life.”

“And it’s a burden I am willing to accept. He is my son, and I am his father. Now get out.”

His sister-in-law snatched her purse from the chair. “Toshiko didn’t deserve a rotten man like you.”

“Toshiko didn’t deserve leukemia either.” He reached for the door and opened it. Ever since his wife passed, her sister continued to ask him to relinquish Goro over and over again, and every time he refused. This country was in such a horrid state. The rights of a father being expected to be given up all because of the perceived notion men were not fit to raise their own flesh and blood, as it was the sole responsibility of a woman to perform. To be pressured to give your child up to an orphanage or hand them over to a relative arbitrarily deemed fit to raise your child all because they were a part of a ‘complete’ family. It did not matter if the parent were man or woman, divorced or widowed; it was an expectation in their society for a child to be raised by two people: a husband and a wife. What a farce!

Shido looked at Miwa expectantly with a stalwart aura as he held the door open. He would not give up. Even on those restless nights when he awoke from his much-needed sleep because of Goro’s cries, or those days when the daycare called him from work informing him to pick his son up because he had a fever. He couldn’t give up. He needed to keep fighting to see his son smile, hear his laughter, feel his tiny hands grasp his own.

“I expect this meddling to be your last.”

“You’ll regret this.”

Once the door was shut, Shido slid onto the genkan, sighing deeply. It wasn’t the first time he had threatened her with a lawsuit. Back when Toshiko fell ill, she had entrusted their son to Miwa while she stayed at the hospital and Shido worked. At first Shido was okay with the arrangement, not fine but okay, considering his focus was to work in order to provide for his family’s need. The sooner he got promoted the better it would be he told himself. However as Toshiko’s illness became worse, so did his feelings about his son staying with his sister-in-law.

After leaving work, he would pay a quick visit to the hospital to check up on Toshiko before arriving to a quiet, empty home. He cleaned and ironed his own clothes, washed dishes, and prepared his meals for the week. Dinner was always from an izakaya or a convenience store bento, eaten in a hospital lobby before washing his hands thoroughly, donning a mask, gloves, and disposable gown to enter Toshiko’s room. It was easy without Goro in the picture. Yet as more time passed, it also became easier lose himself to his thoughts. Only four months of age, and yet it was only now when he had the opportunity to stop and truly think how much life his son brought to his home.

_I want to see him._

The doctor delivered him bad news. The leukemia became difficult to stabilize. Every day Toshiko required a transfusion while heavy doses of chemotherapy were given to her as suggested by her physician. Even worse, the most recent blood tests revealed Toshiko had an infection, which forced the chemotherapy to be placed on hold while her frail immune system tried to recover and fight off the infection along with the many antibiotics given. If her infection did not clear soon, the cancer would surely kill her.

Shido stepped into the sterile room, watching as the nurse scrubbed her hands thoroughly before donning clean gloves and administering an antibiotic into Toshiko’s IV line. His wife smiled weakly at the nurse and thanked her before looking at her husband with the same weary expression he held.

“So he told you,” she said once the nurse left the room, pulling the little hair she had left into a sloppy ponytail. “I’m not going be here for long.”

“Don’t say that.”

Her hands trembled on her lap. “About our son… I was thinking maybe it would be best if Miwa took him in. For good.”

“What!?” He heard himself raising his voice. “How can you say that?”

“I want you to be happy, and I want Goro to be happy. You have dreams and a life ahead of you. Raising Goro alone would hold you back.”

“You can’t tell me what I can or cannot do.” Careful not to put too much pressure on her bruised hands, Shido held them lightly against his own. “I’ve been thinking about this. All this. You. Me. Our son. I don’t want him to be separated from me. He’s only four months old. I want to be his father.”

“But you’ll be by yourself.”

“I’ll find a way. I know my parents live far away in Ayanagi City, and my brother's in Amami City, but you have to trust me. I'll find a way. I can’t let Goro not know who I am. I am  _his_  father. What good is that if you can’t even be a part of his life?”

Toshiko smiled. “I want to apologize.”

“For what?”

“For all of this. My sickn-”

“That is not your fault-”

“Let me apologize anyway! I feel that you took on a big burden by marrying me. What we had was a moment of passion, and while I do love you, I… I never felt right calling you by your first name.”

Shido swallowed hard.

“Dear.” Her brown eyes fixed onto Shido’s. “Do you love me?”

“I…” What Toshiko said was true: it was reckless passion, a lust for their bodies and presumed assets. He was an older man in his mid-30s who had a fleeting relationship with a woman in her mid-20s. He accidentally got her pregnant, and with much deliberation took responsibility for his actions and married her. The few months they lived together were peaceful. Toshiko took it upon herself to quit her department store job and became a housewife, while Shido continued with his government job. They got along and didn’t step on one another’s toes. It was nice. He didn’t love her.

When Goro was born, Shido immediately placed him under his family registry and bragged to his family about his beautiful baby boy. The light in Shido’s eyes shone bright. After all these years of avoiding children, Shido understood the excitement of welcoming his own child into the world. He loved him.

“I grew fond of you.”

“I see.” Toshiko laid back into the headboard. “I’m glad. I think I'm fond of you too.”

He smiled through his face mask. “I love Goro.”

“Me too. I love our son. I miss him so much.”

Shido grabbed the hospital telephone and handed the receiver to his wife. “Call your sister. We’re going to get him back right now.”

“Right now?”

“Right now. Do it.”

“Al-alright.”

“If she refuses, tell her I’ll sue her for mental anguish.”

“Shh! It’s ringing! Hello sis!”

As Toshiko spoke to her sister, Shido paced around the room. The seconds felt like minutes. She had been talking about her and her sister’s health for the entire time. Then she asked about her husband and children. When was she going to get to the point of the phone call?!

“Let me have it,” he mouthed, while reaching for the phone. “I’ll talk to her.”

“Oh, is that so?” Toshiko continued, avoiding his fussing hand. “Ah, erm, how is Goro doing? ... That’s wonderful. So Miwa I wanted to ask…”

“You’re not asking: you’re demanding.”

“Sis I’d like to see my baby.”

He groaned at her sugarcoating, snatching the phone. “You’re going to bring him in right now!”

“What the- Shido put my sister back!” Miwa shouted through the line.

“Not until you bring Goro back! Take all his clothes, diapers and all that while you’re at it. I am giving you two hours to bring him to the hospital. If I don’t have him right here in that time I will call the cops!”

“How dare you-”

“Bring him back or I’ll sue you for everything you’re worth.”

“I am not going to let you threaten me. Put Toshiko back on the line.”

“You’ll be hearing from my lawyer. Don’t expect this to go your way.”

Despite her bravado, Miwa relented anyway, bringing a sleeping Goro to the hospital with all his belongings in a large diaper bag and stroller. She glared at the man who her sister called husband.

She held Goro close. “I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

“The proudest,” he replied with a smirk. Shido held out his arms, opening and closing his hands.

“Bastard.”

After almost an entire month of separation, Goro was finally back in his arms. Toshiko may not have been pleased by his methods, but it worked. He never liked that woman, and she didn't like him back. Shido gave no care to her opinion. From the moment Toshiko revealed Goro would be taken care of by Miwa, Shido knew it would become permanent should she become sicker or die. There was no direct proof of her intent, but it was a gut feeling he had. It didn’t help either when she had announced to Toshiko the week prior of her plans to give Goro a proper crib.

A crib took space. A lot of valuable space. If she was not planning to keep her nephew, then she would not consider such a thing. At least to Shido’s logic. Then there was the talk of how her children adored Goro and asked if he was staying forever. Toshiko laughed and humored her sister. Shido didn’t find any of that amusing. Making plans with his son like that as if it were nothing. As if she was going to adopt him the moment Toshiko passed away. He had to put an end to it and today was the right time to do it. Who knows when the two sisters would make some sort of will and put Miwa in charge of Goro. He would not stand for it.

With an almost non-existent immune system, Goro would not be allowed in his mother’s room, however Toshiko was allowed to leave her room albeit with protective clothing. She washed her hands before wearing a gown, mask, and gloves. With the help of a nurse, she walked out from her room and held her baby for the first time in a long while. He was warm and soft, and heavier than she remembered.

“My precious baby boy…” she whispered, nuzzling her face into his. Tears of joy, guilt, and regret rolled down her cheeks. Goro cooed in response to his mother’s familiar heat. “I’m so happy.”

Toshiko would live one more month before her untimely death. And in that one month, Shido woke himself early every work day to take Goro to a daycare catered to working parents. Early drop off, late pick-up. It wasn’t easy to find such a place, and it wasn’t cheap either. Overtime became nearly impossible as it would come too close to the daycare’s closing time but took whatever he could. Then there were the short visits he paid to Toshiko. It wasn’t for himself but rather for his son and Toshiko. The more time she could spend with him the better. After the visit, he ate a simple meal he cooked while feeding Goro, bathed, then slept with his son at his side. Repeat routine.

As busy as he may have been with caring for his son and juggling with work and visiting a dying spouse, Shido was realistic. Fondness was not love. Fondness did not pay the hospital bills or help save money. Fondness didn’t buy diapers or baby food. Toshiko was going to die, and he would have to move on with his life on his on with Goro. He never told Toshiko how he moved out of their old home. It was his home to begin with, she only moved in when they married. With that little profit he found a small, cheap 1DK apartment strategically located near both his job and the daycare. Goro was still a baby and didn’t need his own room. He’d grow out of a crib in no time, therefore sleeping in the same bed- with pillows acting as a wall- as Shido would be the best choice.

There was no promotion either. Shido wouldn’t even give it to himself considering how much he faltered for the past few months since taking back his son. His work may have been impeccable but his expected presence for overtime and nomikai, the afterwork drinking parties, were abysmal. He didn’t deserve it.

There was no time to cry or feel sorry for himself. He had to pull through for Goro. There was no way he’d give his own child up just because it was hard.

_Difficulty is not impossibility._

Looking across the room from the floor, Shido covered his face with his hands, letting out a relieved breath. Miwa shouldn’t disturb them anymore, and Toshiko was dead. He chuckled bitterly at his cynical logic.

His clothes were tossed around the dining area without a care. He grabbed a comfortable pair of sleeping pants and slipped them on. Eyeing his stomach, he could see his body becoming flabby; gym membership cancelled. At least it saved enough for gas money.

He laid next to his sleeping son, completely oblivious to the harshness of the world and its dark reality. Goro was pure and full of insurmountable potential.

Shido kissed Goro’s forehead. “I’ll do whatever it takes. Even if it means having to be relocated someplace else.”

The plan for tomorrow’s activities ran through his head. Tomorrow he would wake up at his usual time, get his son fed, dressed, then taken to daycare. Then he would drive to Sumaru City for a new project he was assigned to. To the average person it looked like a promotion, but in Shido’s line of work he knew it meant a way to get rid of him without firing him. Regardless of the shitty assignment, he’d work like he usually would. Maybe he could get on their good graces, perhaps even get a recommendation from the other entities working on the project.

The prestigious Nanjo Group would be there and Japan’s foreign minister Tatsuzou Sudou and his committee were also a part of the project.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad,” he said as he stroked Goro’s back.

The alarm clocked glowed 3:30am.

It was going to be a long night.

  

The morning routine had no differences from the others. Shido arrived on time to the office in Sumaru City without a hitch. The traffic was terrible, but it was to be expected as Sumaru’s connection to Tokyo deepened.

He yawned.

_I could use a cup of coffee or seven right about now._

Another government official named Sojiro Sakura greeted him and filled in him with the specifics as Shido nursed the poorly brewed coffee he got from the breakroom.

Sojiro asked, “Apparently you studied psychology in college?”

“It wasn’t my major.”

“But you did study it extensively right?”

“Yes. What does this have anything to do with why I’m here?”

Sojiro smirked. “Plenty. Now I gotta warn you: the things you will see here are a bit… out of this world. I don’t need to remind you about confidentiality, do I?”

“Of course not,” he huffed. He wasn’t some young novice on his first assignment. In his years, Shido handled several covert government deals without any breach.

“Good, because it’s not just the government you’d be dealing with either. We’ve got the Nanjo Group and the foreign minister too. You wouldn’t want to get on Sudou’s bad side.”

“I don’t plan on it.”

“Oh, I almost forgot.” The older man led Shido into a small computer lab with scientists going about their own business. “Let me introduce you to someone. You’ll be working with her every so often depending on the needs dictated by the Nanjo Group. She’s one of the head scientists for the cognitive research division for Nanjo.”

At the corner of the room, a woman with black hair wearing an oversized lab coat sat hunched over her computer. She typed furiously, only pausing to look at a book littered with a plethora of colorful bookmarks, then returned with the same pace as before. Engrossed in her world, she did not notice Sojiro and the new man standing at her side, continuing as if there was nothing else to acknowledge. Even with Sojiro’s loud and obvious throat clearing, the scientist did not stop.

“Hoo boy,” sighed Sojiro. “Once she’s in a mode, there’s no stopping her.”

Shido was too exhausted to care, slurping loudly his coffee to keep himself alive.

“Hmm?” The woman stood straight and turned to see Sojiro. “Oh, hello Sojiro. What brings you here today?” She eyed the new guy curiously.

“I wanted to introduce you to a colleague. He has some experience with studying psychology but he’s with the government like me. Maybe he can understand the jumbled mess you talk about.” He chuckled. “This is Masayoshi Shido.”

Shido looked at Wakaba with a blank expression, pressing the cup’s rim to his mouth but took no sip. Normally the first thing he would notice on any woman was her face then her tits, but he was too exhausted to even try. Every adult looked the same when he was this damn tired.

“Hrmmllo,” he mumbled. Shido bowed from habit.

The woman quirked her head to the side, then nodded as she stood up from her chair. “My name is Wakaba Isshiki. Pleased to meet you.”

  

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shido juggles between his new job transfer and taking care of a baby.  
> Impressions are very important, but Goro's well-being was #1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to the Maniacus book, Shido isn't naturally bald. He shaves his head to look intimidating and also hits the gym. So basically the man isn't balding. At this point in his life he still has his hair. 
> 
> I'd like to thank everyone for the comments and the kudos. They mean a lot to me.

“Pleased to meet you too,” he replied like a robot.

“So what are you up to today?” asked Sojiro.

“Just typing up some information I managed to connect to our research. I believe this will link to what the applied science team is working on, and thus they'll become successful with their task. So far it’s been nothing but failure after failure, but with my help they can figure out how to use the kegare energy without rendering the user unconscious or going berserk.”

“Right…” Sojiro scratched his head, shifting his eyes around, unsure of what to make of her comments. The research and science implanted in the facility was confidential, and people like Sojiro and Shido had no reason to fully comprehend it yet Wakaba prattled on with the terms as if they had the full understanding and clearance.

Shido gulped the last bit of the bad coffee, failing to notice when his hand lost strength and accidentally dropping the foam cup onto the floor. Vision blurring, he closed his eyes for a long second while the room spun around. It had only been the first two hours of work and he was already ready to go home and cuddle with his son.

“You know perhaps the forced personas of the users are inferior. There ought to be a better way to bring them out naturally but we still haven’t figured it out.”

“Ah yes, well, we have to go, Wakaba. There’s a lot of stuff I need to cover with this guy and-”

“That’s stupid,” Shido blurted.

Sojiro’s eyes widened and apologized to Wakaba. “He’s just tired. Pay no attention to-”

“What’s stupid?” she asked.

“Forcing personas. That’s stupid. How does that even work?”

“Well,” she started, “first of all-”

“I mean think about it. Personas are masks we all carry to cope and deal with our everyday lives. When you stop and think about it, most personas are inherently ‘forced’ since we are forced to put on a face in public or in front of people we know or don’t know but care about their opinion. You said naturally, so…” Shido yawned. “…so, there’s a natural persona? Wouldn’t it make more sense to refer to the natural state of the person or the user as the ‘self?’”

“Then you’re familiar with what I’m researching!” Wakaba clapped her hands with excitement. “Did you study Carl Jung at school?”

“Jung was the one who resonated with me the most. I still own some of his books.”

“He’s such a fascinating man. A large portion of my work comes from his theories alone!” Wakaba grabbed her suitcase and pulled out a file, handing it to Shido. It was filled with several photocopied pages from a book. “Well it’s a good thing you’re here then, Shido-san. I think you’ll find the work being done here incredibly interesting.”

Sojiro’s eyes narrowed as he noticed Wakaba’s sparkling eyes. Shido’s drowsy eyes awoke as he perused the copies.

“I think we should be heading out,” Sojiro said as he took the file from Shido and returned it to Wakaba. “We have other things we need to be doing. First day and all.”

“I understand,” Wakaba replied, nodding. “I have to finish this report by tomorrow, so you know me.”

“You’ll be here until the morning, gotcha,” laughed Sojiro.

“I’ll see you around Sojiro.”

The smug smile on Sojiro’s face when they turned to leave the laboratory did not go beyond notice to Shido. He rolled his eyes at his superior’s expression. The man thought he had game. It was almost cute but in a pathetic way to see someone much older than him think he had a chance with a younger woman. For all he knew maybe Sojiro did, and maybe the two were banging on the side, but tripping out or not, Shido could see the lack of interest coming out from Wakaba.

She seemed okay. A little absorbed in her world, but nothing too off-putting.

The day went by without a hitch. Despite only having two hours of sleep under his belt, Shido managed to fully wake up and take in the facility, duties, and responsibilities without asking too many questions. A couple more days of orientation and he would be on his own.

_This can’t be worse than that SEBEC clean up from a couple years ago._

Once home, Shido turned on the kotatsu and sat Goro on the kitchen counter while he prepared their meal. Dinner for papa would be fried chicken and rice from the convenient store, and Goro would eat a jar of pre-made baby food made of rice and vegetables. Had Shido slept for more hours he would have made dinner, but the exhaustion crashed into him when he arrived home. By instinct his body knew home meant sleep.

But not before dinner then a relaxing bath for the two of them.

“How was daycare?” asked Shido as he scooped a tiny spoon full of baby food.

Goro babbled, reaching for his father’s arm. Couldn’t his father tell he was hungry?

“That’s good.” Shido took a bite of his fried chicken with his left and fed Goro with his right. “My day was alright.”

Bouncing on the counter, Goro made ‘mmm’ sounds as he swallowed the food, smacking his lips and opening his mouth for more food. He was greeted to the sputtering motor of an airplane as it disappeared into the abyss that was the Goro Cave. Once something went in, it was impossible to get out. Except drool.

“Oh no the rescue plane is losing control!” Shido’s meandering hand shook as it inched closer to Goro’s mouth. “Mayday mayday! The cave is pulling us in! Send help!”

“Aahn!” the cave echoed then collapsed on the S.S Spoony. It mmm’d in delight.

“Poor crew. Looks like we need to send _another_ rescue party.”

“Aayoo paa.”

“You’d think they’d quit after the fifth crash.”

After their dinner, Shido and Goro stepped into the bathroom for their shower and bath. Now that Goro was older, Shido had been relieved to see him delighted around the water. In his earlier months, his son would cry at the temperature change and wail until he was swaddled with a warm towel. At his current age of eight months, Goro instead peed when exposed to the cold, or crawled around the bathroom floor, both of which annoyed Shido who wanted to get his son clean in an efficient manner.

Shido sat on a small stool while he bathed an enthusiastic Goro. He placed a blue shampoo visor on his son’s head then lathered up the baby shampoo for a wash. Rubbing with the utmost caution, Shido washed over the soft spot. The boneless portion never failed to freak him out, but he did whatever it took to get his son clean.

Pouring the baby shampoo in his hand, Shido wiped it against his head and washed his hair in a hurry. The less time he paid attention to Goro, the more likely it was to find his son on the other side of the room. With a quick rinse, Shido’s hands were all over his little escape artist and worked on the body. Once finished, he entered the warm tub for a soak with his son sitting on his stomach.

The temperature was perfect. Shido’s aching muscles relaxed under the water’s welcoming heat. He sighed in relief though it was short lived when his face was met with a splash. Spitting out the water from his mouth, Shido narrowed his eyes at a giggling Goro who continued to smack the water with his hands.

“Goro…” he warned.

“Papa!” the baby squealed as he splashed about. The water was much too fun to let it remain still, and papa’s annoyed face was worth the commotion.

Shido retaliated by lightly stroking the water with his backhand, letting it hit Goro’s chest and sprinkling droplets on his chubby face. He smiled at Goro’s happy babbling and continued to splash with him in the tub.

After the soak, Shido wrapped Goro in a towel, almost in the shape of a burrito. Much like letting him roam, the less he moved while being carried out of a slippery bathroom, the better for the two of them. Shido may not have been old, but he was old enough to know the pain of slipping on his ass would linger for weeks on end.

Best avoid those situations.

Placing the burrito Goro on a sink, Shido dried himself, hung the towel, and carried his son to their room where he gave Goro a new diaper and slipped him into a onesie. The pillow barrier lined along the right side of the bed. Budget or not, there were a few luxuries Shido was not willing to give up, and a western bed was one of them. Too exhausted to do house work, Shido turned off the kotatsu in the dining area, put on warm pants, and crawled into bed with Goro. It was 9PM.

The two faced one another. Goro’s bright eyes wide open with wonder and mirth.

“Sleepy yet, Pillow?” He yawned. “Because papa is very sleepy.”

Goro planted his hands on his father’s hair, then rubbed them against his face before poking his check and lips. “Papa ee.”

Shido kissed his little fingers. Eyes growing heavier by the second, he held him close. “You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

 

 

Fantastic wouldn’t even remotely describe how good Shido felt. With over eight hours of sleep, the pep in his step was noted by his coworkers. First day probably didn’t leave a good impression with his frequent yawning and large bags under his eyes, but it didn’t mean it was too late to reverse it. Today he was crisp, wearing freshly pressed clothes and a healthy breakfast in his stomach. The second day would be the charm.

“You’re looking lively,” said Sojiro, pouring himself a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Unlike yesterday’s batch, this one smelled heavenly. No doubt it had the correct coffee-to-water ratio, perfect to perk up the tired worker and send their taste buds soaring.

Shido took a tentative sip. His tongue exploded at first contact with the rich, bitter liquid. This was damn good. No, not good. This coffee was excellent, an ambrosia even. Did he brew that from the office coffee?

“Did you make the coffee?” he asked nonchalantly. Despite their difference in rank, Shido didn’t want to give his superior the satisfaction. He sipped larger amounts from his cup. Each taste was as delicious as the last.

“I did.”

“Not bad.”

Sojiro grinned. “Well someone has to be the one to make a proper cup around here. Yesterday’s coffee was terrible.”

“I’d hardly call that coffee. More like sewer water, but when you’re desperate…”

“You seemed pretty desperate. I saw you downing the entire pot yesterday when no one else dared.”

A woman wearing a fitted lab coat stepped into the government officials’ break room. Her long black hair held precariously in a sloppy bun which bounced with each step. She poured herself a cup of the freshly brewed coffee, adding cream and a copious amount of sugar before taking a swig.

“I knew from first scent you made today’s coffee,” she said. “Very good, Sojiro.”

Was this woman even allowed in this break room or was there an unwritten rule to ignore staff from a different department into going to your designated room? That or she didn’t care about the rules and went in anyway. Shido couldn’t blame her; the coffee was too good to pass.

“Good morning to you too, Wakaba.”

Ah, that’s who she was. She looked a lot different, more distinguished now that Shido had a night’s rest. With crafty eyes, Shido got a better look at Wakaba and her ‘assets.’ The face was easy enough to admire without being accused of being a pervert or a creep. She was pretty. No wait, she’s beautiful in a bookish way. No, Wakaba was actually beautiful in every sense of the word. Her large glasses merely gave her a deceiving nerdy appearance which covered her natural beauty. Only to those with an untrained eye would be unable to look past the garish eyewear.

Then of course were her breasts. To Shido’s dismay, she wore a black top. Black tended to slim and hide all sorts of imperfections. It was hard to discern, but he was certain Wakaba had an ample rack. If with black they appeared plentiful, then she must have been stacking without the top on. Taking a sip from his drink, he snuck a fleeting peak at her legs. Long, and with a thick girth to her thighs. Though covered by the lab coat, her thighs gave him high hopes for her ass.

“Good morning Shido-san.”

“Morning Isshiki-san.”

“Eh… please don’t call me that.” She grimaced, moving her hand back and forth. “Wakaba’s fine.”

“I prefer Shido.”

“I see.” She smiled. “Do you like the coffee, Shido? Sojiro made it. He’s very good at this. I keep telling him he should open his own coffee shop.”

“Oh, Wakaba you don’t need to tell him that.” Sojiro scratched his temple awkwardly with a blush.

_God he’s pathetic._

“I just found out today actually. And yes, it’s fine.”

“It’s not just fine. It’s delicious,” she huffed, taking another sip from her cup. “Keeps me going these days.”

“You do that.”

Sojiro frowned, sending daggers at Shido’s direction which were ignored completely by the subordinate. Shido didn’t have time to be dealing with an old white knight, nor cared about the affairs between Sojiro and Wakaba, platonic or not. Though he did lament the waste of a beautiful lady on a wrinkling guy like Sojiro. Maybe they weren’t together after all.

Either way, Shido wasn’t ready to get into a relationship. He had his son to raise and a job to secure. If he got promoted, he’d have better chances at getting Goro into a good preschool and _maybe_ then he’d consider getting into a relationship. A casual fuck was fine, but not a full-blown romance. Thirty-five years of living and never fell in love. This wasn’t going to change any time soon. And after what he went through with Toshiko, Shido was done with dutiful marriages. Goro was fine. More than fine. He was the light of his world and would rather ditch work to be a father with him, but he didn’t need another woman in his life. At least not yet.

“So that thing you said yesterday,” said Shido. “Are you and I on a different level of understanding about the persona?”

Wakaba’s eyes widened. She didn’t expect him to remember their conversation with all the yawns and the glazed-over eyes he had. “In the Jungian sense, we’re on the same page but there’s a bit more to it in the context of this science lab.”

“I’m listening.”

“Well you mentioned personas being masks we wear in our daily lives right? The concept is pretty much the same except the idea is that the masks manifest in real-” Wakaba stopped herself from continuing. “Anyway, I need go. There’s a lot of work to be done and I need to do a final spellcheck for my report.”

Shido shrugged as he drank the rest of his coffee. Break time was over, though Sojiro took his time to finish his cup as he waved goodbye to Wakaba. She waved back to her friend, then locked eyes with Shido and repeated the gesture. He returned it with a half-wave.

When Wakaba was out of hearing range, Sojiro walked up to Shido, almost invading his personal space. “Now listen. I know you may have the education to back yourself, but right here, right now? You do not have any clearance to what Wakaba’s doing. So stop asking her to explain things.”

“She’s the one talking.”

“She gets absorbed in her work and talks about it. She forgets about the permissions all the time. I don’t want her getting into trouble, especially with Sudou. Keep your head straight, mouth shut, and do as you’re told. They don’t hesitate to fire people here.”

Shido bit his lip, brushing past Sojiro with clenched fists.

He didn’t have to listen to this.

But Sojiro was absolutely right, and that’s what burned Shido the most.

 

 

After orientation, Shido was free to do his job without Sojiro constantly watching over him. Not that he was a bad guy, but Shido liked working independently. And work turned out to be fine, better than expected even. If he could only put in more effort and stay later for overtime and participate in the drinking parties, then his career’s future would be secured. Though every time the clock struck 6:30PM, Shido raced to his car and drove back to Tokyo to pick up his son from daycare right before closing time.

His sleep patterns were inconsistent, mainly sleeping in the early hours of the morning only to be woken up less than 4-5 hours later. Before Goro, Shido woke up later and maintained perfect attendance while feeling refreshed. Now that he was his son’s sole guardian, it was an entirely different story, though he managed to remain punctual. Shido was not a morning person. By nature, he slept late and woke up closer towards the afternoon. He hated waking up at what he referred to “godless hours” to get ready for work and daycare. Yet he did it. He forced himself awake nearly every day to meet its demands. Sundays were the only day of respite and slept longer. That is, of course, Goro didn’t poke his eyes and nose to get up and seize the day. He was the lark to Shido’s night owl.

Sitting under the kotatsu with Goro on his lap, Shido displayed his bills on the table with paper, pen, and calculator in hand.

“I should sell my car and get a cheaper one,” he thought aloud. “Better gas mileage, plus the money leftover should help.”

Goro scribbled on a paper his father gave him.

“Payday’s in four days, so I’ll be able to get most of these paid by then, but I’ll have to ask for an extension with the telephone bill. I’m running low on diapers too…”

That night Goro went to bed at 9PM.

Shido stared at his crotch. He'd been so pent up lately yet there was no want or energy to masturbate. It had been how long since he last had sex? Definitely before Goro was born. The last time he jerked off was before getting his son back from his sister-in-law. He wasn’t upset at the lack of attention to himself, but moreover, his inability to respond. Various times he attempted to give himself much needed pleasure and release, but each time he failed, whether due to being unable to get it up or passing out trying.

_I’m only thirty-five. I can’t have ED already. Absolutely not. Goddammit this can’t be happening to me! Think of something! Anything!_

“Come on…”

Shido stayed up until midnight.

He tried to think of various scenarios that never failed to get him riled up. Touching, fondling, rubbing, but his cock remained flaccid. After a few more attempts and vanilla-to-wild fantasies later, Shido gave up.

Eyes stinging, his fist banged on the floor. He pulled his hair, groaning out and taking a deep breath as he wiped the corner of his eyes. Counting to twenty, his anger abated. Now he could go to bed and sleep with his son.

 

 

“Wow, you look like shit,” said a feminine voice.

Shido didn’t have to look up to tell it was Wakaba. He had been standing idly at the water cooler without so much as moving an inch. He was certain people were talking about his odd behavior. “Thanks.”

Wakaba tapped at her right cheek. “Did you cut yourself from shaving?”

Shido touched his cheek and felt the small, circular bandage. Just as he almost finished his morning shave, the lights went out and nicked himself rather badly on his cheek. He walked around the apartment like a blind man to find the shutters and his son. There had been no building wide outage but an intentional electric shutdown. After chewing out the landlord for causing the shaving accident and for the mistake as he did pay his bill on time, the power was restored. All that while he was still bleeding from his injury.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

Wakaba shrugged. “You look like you could use some coffee.”

“I’m fine.”

“Wine then?” A floral scent caught her attention. She leaned towards Shido’s direction. “What’s that smell?”

Shido smelled his shirt. No, he didn’t forget to put on deodorant today. He did last week though. During his lunch break, he ran to a Satomi Tadashi Pharmacy. Unfortunately for him the running made his sweating worse.

_That was embarrassing._

“It’s not me,” he said.

“No.” She sniffed closer. “It is you. What are you wearing?”

“Nothing.” He didn’t need to tell her he hadn’t the time to put on any cologne due to the morning’s mishap. “Just soap.”

“Wait, I know what it is.”

Wakaba reached for Shido’s neck and pulled his head to her face. She inhaled deeply. Shido froze. Did this count as sexual harassment?

“What are you doing!?”

She let go. The smile on her face shone brightly. “It’s your hair! What kind of shampoo do you use?”

“What?” Was this woman being serious? “Listen Isshiki-san-”

“Wakaba, please,” she corrected. “I apologize if this came off as abrupt. It’s just that the shampoo’s smell goes well with you.”

Shido blinked.

“You smell nice, Shido.”

He rubbed the area where Wakaba’s warm hand had touched him. A shiver ran down his spine. It was abrupt, yes, but her touch felt nice. Shido swallowed hard at the compliment and the lingering sensation from her hand. “It’s baby shampoo,” he mumbled. His face burned.

“Why are you using baby shampoo?”

“It’s just easier to use.”

“Well your hair does look good. But why don’t you get regular shampoo?”

The heat rose. Mouth dry as a desert. Eyes wandering anywhere but at Wakaba’s. The people who worked with him knew about his status as a single father. It wasn’t a secret, but Shido preferred to keep that piece of information on the down low, though when asked directly to see a picture of his son, he eagerly whipped out his wallet to show off his beautiful baby boy. Yet this wasn’t one of those cases. This was worse. Wakaba was asking about a detail connecting to his financial situation. Even if she meant well or was oblivious, was she truly incapable of reading the mood?

_What a bothersome woman._

“Because a bottle of regular shampoo can get me three containers of baby food. Now are we done with this interrogation?”

He didn’t give Wakaba the chance to dignify a response as he walked away in hurried long strides.

_Read the fucking mood._

 

 

Wakaba bit her lip, staring at the space where Shido had been. This would neither be the first time she offended a coworker with her questions. It always seemed to happen to the ones she had an earnest interest in, be it for work or friendship. And she really did it this time.

She embarrassed Shido.

But she didn’t mean it. How could she have known the subject of shampoo would go so far as to upset him so much? Honestly, he smelled nice. A clean, fresh scent with soft flowers mixed in with his natural musk. It was lovely.

So it seemed the rumors of him having a child were true. The past month he had been working at the research facility, Wakaba couldn’t help but notice him especially when he sped through the hallways at exactly 6:30PM. His first impression may have been of a sleep deprived individual, but his knowledge about analytical psychology, namely Jung’s, excited her. Even him calling her statement stupid had been welcomed. He didn’t know the truth and how far her research had gone, but it was nice to get some critique. He was correct about the persona, but not the persona the Nanjo Group had been investigating.

Better to keep him in the dark. There was no telling what troubles he would encounter for knowing too much. Let it go. It was fine. He shouldn’t have to suffer by knowing how deep her cognitive research went. The burden was for her and the Nanjo scientists alone. She suffered enough as it was from her time in SEBEC three years ago.

Wakaba could not imagine how it was like to be a widower with a baby. Shido’s juggling act appeared impressive, though she worried how long it would take before the next thrown ball would cause him to collapse.

 

 

Over a month into the job, and it finally happened: Shido received the phone call he dreaded since his transfer to Sumaru. A phone call that stripped him of his graces at his previous location due to its frequency. Developing yet frail was his son’s immune system, and how filthy and disease infested the other children were.

Shido went about his day as usual. He made a round in Wakaba’s lab. The scientist in question wasn’t there. A little disappointed at the fact, but Shido brushed it off. Wakaba was a busy woman with many obligations after all.

Sitting at his desk, Shido turned on his computer to read his emails. There were talks about Hisataka Shinjo, Tatsuzou Sudou’s secretary, making an appearance at the lab. He looked at the man’s name; the kanji were familiar to him. The second kanji in ‘jo’ was the same as the ‘jo’ in Nanjo. Nothing too odd yet somewhat strange. Then his first name… Very familiar. Something about it resonated with him, but he didn’t know how with his foggy mind craving sleep, as he only slept for five hours the night before.

Massaging the bridge between his eyes, Shido hummed in displeasure. He honestly needed to get his act together and sleep like a normal person. Yet his thoughts and worries robbed him from his sleep as he laid on his bed with his baby close by, eyes wide open. No Sandman or Morpheus to send him into dreamland.

A lidded cup with coffee appeared on his desk. He looked up to see Wakaba with a timid, melancholic smile. The two hadn’t spoken since their awkward encounter from the previous week. He wasn’t upset with her anymore. Truthfully, the anger dissipated as soon as he got back to his desk and let the entire conversation sink in. Though he couldn’t muster the gumption to apologize for his curt behavior.

“For me?”

Wakaba nodded.

An apologetic smile appeared despite himself. “Wakaba, regarding last week-”

“I’m sorry for offending you, Shido,” she said as she clapped her hands in front of her face. “I didn’t mean to do it.”

“Please, Wakaba, I…” Shido stared at his coffee. “I’m sorry for my rudeness.”

“Would you like to go have lunch with me? There’s a hotel nearby with a nice French restaurant named Clair de Lune. My treat.”

Just as Shido was about to give his answer, his phone rang.

“This is Shido.”

_“Good afternoon, Shido-san. This is Nikkou Daycare.”_

Shido stood from his chair as a cold sensation ran through his body. His heart raced. Here it was. Here’s the phone call he knew so well from the past.

_Oh god please don’t be what I think it is._

 Wakaba’s attention focused at Shido’s sudden solemn expression. What was happening?

_“Shido-san, please come to Nikkou Daycare immediately. Unfortunately, Goro-chan has a case of diarrhea, and per daycare policy we cannot keep a child with an illness as they may spread it to the other children. We’ve placed him in a quarantined crib.”_

“I-I understand.” Something inside of him snapped. “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

Instead of doing as promised, Shido slid onto the floor, hands on his face, rocking himself to get a grip on what was occurring. Wakaba came to his side.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I have to pick up my son from daycare. He’s sick and they can’t keep him like that. I can’t do this. I can’t start leaving work early again, but Goro needs me. But I can’t start this habit all over again. I can’t do this, Wakaba.”

“But they have to understand your situation. You have a sick baby.”

“They only pretend to care! No one gives a fuck!” he shouted. Wakaba startled. Shido jumped at his own words, realizing what he had done and looked at Wakaba with wide apologetic eyes. He patted her shoulder, noting her body relaxed under his reassuring touch. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s not your fault. I’m just… I need this job. I need to make a good impression. My son… My son is depending on me, but he keeps getting sick and I have to be there, but I also have to be here. It’s all…” His voice cracked. “…crumbling down.”

Sleep deprivation, raising a child alone, job transfer, and now said child was ill. It was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. Shido had finally lost control of his juggling. Wakaba had never seen someone so torn between their duty as a career person and as a parent. Her chest hurt as Shido displayed his breakdown before her. He must have been at his wit’s end for him to react in such a troubled manner. No longer caring if people thought less of him for blatantly showing his raw emotions. True despair.

The man needed help.

“I can pick him up.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite his many protests, Wakaba insists on taking care of Goro.  
> She spends many cute and frustrating moments with Shido's baby but mostly cute.  
> Then Shido comes home to... that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The onomatopoeia for dogs barking in Japan is "Wan wan wan." This tidbit is important for context later.

“You’ll _what_?”

“I’ll pick him up. And I can take him to the doctor too.”

“I can’t ask you to do that.” Shido shook his head. “It’s my responsibility as his father. Besides, I don’t want you getting into trouble because of me. I can handle it.”

Wakaba frowned. “You’re not asking: I’m offering. Don’t be such an ass. I’m going to pick your son up and that’s final.”

“Didn’t you hear me? What about your job? Don’t you care about it?”

Wakaba waved her hand flippantly. “It’s fine. I don’t have to be present here all the time. I’ve done research at home before so it’s no big deal.”

“But-”

“No buts!”

“Sudou-”

“What’s he got to do with anything? He’s the foreign minister but he’s not my boss. Last time I checked, my paychecks were made and signed by Nanjo Group’s payroll.”

“Listen-”

“Every minute you try to stop me is a minute wasted for your son. You can’t possibly be this stubb-”

“Stop interrupting!”

Wakaba held up her hands. Shido seemed to be quite touchy when regarding his son. “Okay, _okay_. What?”

“You’re going to need a note for the daycare and the doctor’s office.”

“But why?” she asked. It wasn’t as if she were going to take the baby to the black market. Baby was going to be picked up then taken to see a doctor so he could get better. The poor thing might be crying in misery right now!

“How do you think it’ll look if some random woman claiming to be my coworker shows up to a daycare and insists in taking a child?”

The gears in Wakaba’s head turned. “Oh… yeah, that would be bad.”

“You think?” Shido sighed, pulling his address book from his pocket. “Alright, I’ll give you the addresses. Wait…”

“Wait?”

“Where will you take my son?”

“I figured I could take him back to my place?”

“Where do you live?”

“Mikage-cho; it’s between Sumaru City and Tokyo.”

“No, that’s too many trips for Goro. His daycare and pediatrician are in Tokyo.”

“So, what you’re telling me is… I take Goro-chan back to his home?”

Shido’s eyes shifted. “…No.”

“Well make up your mind already!” Wakaba searched through Shido’s drawers, moving files, papers, and pens until she found his house keys. She held them out to him. “Which one’s for the house?”

Taking a deep breath, Shido pointed at the long bronze-colored key to which Wakaba removed from the key ring without any trouble. It was a huge risk he was taking. Letting a stranger- a weird stranger at that- pick up his kid, then go to the clinic, and finally return him home. Shido feared Wakaba could lose his kid, or even sell him to the yakuza or other shady people. He was placing a lot of trust in this woman. If she does anything to hurt Goro, he vowed to make her life hell on earth.

He handed the notes and addresses to Wakaba. “I swear if anything happens to my son…”

“Yes, yes, I’ll be the talk of the 11 o’clock news.” Wakaba rolled her eyes, amused by Shido’s over-protectiveness. She reached out and grabbed Shido’s hand, noting his slight jump when she grasped it. The warm hand was larger than her own delicate. Whether it was his sleep deprivation or stress, or both, Wakaba was pleased to see Shido allowing her to hold him, even if for a fleeting moment.

“I got this, Shido. Just trust me.”

She could have sworn she felt his fingers squeeze ever so slightly in gratitude.

 

 

_This is further than I thought!_

Wakaba had been in Tokyo many times in the past. In fact, she was a Tokyo native, however ever since getting her research job in Mikage-cho, later Sumaru City, she found herself needing to go less and less to the big city. Her new home was already a bustling city full of life with all the commodities she would ever need. Going to Tokyo felt more like a school field trip than anything else.

Following Shido’s directions, and later asking a police officer for assistance, Wakaba finally found the Nikkou Daycare. She had never been inside a daycare and wondered if it would smell bad or if children ran around all day, coloring on the walls and dumping sand on each other’s heads. Instead of a loud cacophony of crying babies, Wakaba was met with soft music playing in the background.

It was nap time.

A young female assistant with a kind smile approached her. “Welcome to the Nikkou Daycare. How may I assist you? Are you looking to enroll your child to our happy home?”

Wakaba shook her head. “No. My name is Wakaba Isshiki and I’m here to pick up a baby for someone.” Reaching into her purse, she pulled out Shido’s daycare note and handed it to the woman. “A Goro Shido?”

“Shido?” The assistant raised her eyebrow, her cheerful disposition dropping as soon as she heard the child’s name. “What do you have to do with Shido-san?”

“Oh, he’s my coworker.” Wakaba glanced around the pastel-colored playroom, amazed by how cute they decorated it with mushroom houses and flowers. It was as if the babies were the little denizens of a magical rainbow forest with happy animals singing as they danced under the jolly sun. The paintings became darker to reflect the night sky as the cribs lined up under the sleepy moon and her star children. If she were to ever have a baby she would love to give him or her a room as adorable as this one.

The assistant leered. “Just a coworker?”

“Yes.”

“Nothing else?”

“Why would there be something else?”

“Because it’s _you_ picking up Goro-chan.”

Why was the concept so difficult to understand? Perhaps if she opened the letter, she’d know Wakaba was being sincere. This woman was wasting her time just like how Shido wasted time arguing against helping him. Do stubborn people who hate help flock together? This could not be a coincidence, and it wore Wakaba’s patience down.

“Hey listen, I know you’re doing your job and everything, but I need to take that baby to a doctor. Do I need to call Shido-san’s office or something?”

“Oh, no, no, no!” the assistant said, opening the note. “I must let the head caretaker approve before I can let an undocumented guardian take a child.”

_Bullshit!_

Another woman came to investigate and was given the note. Wakaba tapped her foot and glanced at her watch. Time was ticking and so would the availability to see a doctor. Never to half-ass any assignment, Wakaba was determined to bring Goro to a clinic. Shido had plenty of stress to deal with at work, and managed to place his trust, albeit reluctantly, with Wakaba. She refused to give him any reason to take that trust back, baby shampoo faux pas or not.

“Are you the head caretaker?”

“No, I’m one of the other assistants. The manager is having a lunch break and won’t be back for another forty-five minutes. I apologize for the inconvenience. So… how are you acquainted with Shido-san? This is the first I’ve ever seen a woman deal with his intimate affairs.”

_Just give me the baby already!_

Wakaba eyed the company phone and scurried toward it.

“Miss? What are you doing?” asked the second assistant. “What are you going to do with that phone?”

“Call Shido-san of course.” It was her last resort for validity. She didn’t want to have to resort to calling Shido, but they gave her no choice. After all, she didn’t want to look incompetent in front of her coworker, yet more than anything she didn’t want the baby to suffer any longer than he needed to. Babies should be laughing and exploring their surroundings, not laying sick in bed. “I really need to get his baby to a doctor before he gets worse.

The first woman bolted towards the back area while the second bowed apologies. The signed letter was indeed suffice, said the first assistant, and insisted she had completely forgotten the daycare policy along with the second caretaker. Wakaba didn’t care about their selective memory or their lip service as long as the end resulted in taking Goro.

After a few minutes, the first assistant pushed a navy stroller while carrying the baby in question, face obscured as it was buried her shoulder. Turning his head to face to Wakaba, the scientist’s heart exploded.

_HE. IS. SO. CUTE! CUTE! CUUUUTE!_

Cute would not even begin to describe Goro. He had the most expressive maroon eyes, slightly watering from a bout of crying. Tufts of silky brown hair grew along his round head. Perfectly plump baby with chubby rosy cheeks and a button nose. He wore a onesie with airplanes and smiling clouds. When the second assistant put on his hat with bear ears, Wakaba felt her soul attempt to escape her body as it had finally found heaven and had no need to remain on this impure earth.

“You’re going home early today, Goro-chan!” the assistant said.

“Papa?” the angel asked, tears forming in his eyes.

It never occurred to Wakaba that a man like Shido could make such a bundle of love and preciousness. Though, if she had to be frank, she did find Shido handsome. Whenever she had the opportunity, Wakaba snuck around the areas he was assigned to under the pretense of research or to speak with Sojiro. It was during these spontaneous visits Wakaba would admire her coworker’s looks from afar. The close encounters were more difficult to accomplish as Shido retained his sharpness and suspiciousness of his surroundings despite having the minimal amount of sleep to function. How he did it, Wakaba would never know but she appreciated those little moments, her favorite being when he bent over to pick up something from the floor, his shapely rear in view. She hoped he’d never have to wear a lab coat.

Regardless.

Shido made that.

Shido made that beautiful angel.

A beautiful angel who needed hugs and kisses.

_I want to squeeze his cheeks so bad._

Goro stared at Wakaba, unsure if he wanted to go with her or not. He was at an age when babies grew suspicious of strangers. If it wasn’t papa or the nice ladies from the daycare, Goro became apprehensive and whined. He turned his head back, then swiftly again to see Wakaba.

Wakaba held out her arms. “Hello there Goro-chan. Do you want to see papa?”

“Papa?” His face lit up, stretching out his arms towards the stranger, pulling his weight to the point of having the assistant have to hand him over to Wakaba or else he’d fall. Goro studied Wakaba with suspicious eyes. She returned the glare with a smile, poking his nose with her finger.

“Yes, papa,” she answered. “Let’s go Goro-chan. Wow I can’t believe this daycare gives out strollers.”

“That’s, um, his stroller,” said the second assistant. “And that’s his diaper bag there too.”

“Oh, that makes sense.” She said as she placed Goro in the stroller and secured the buckles. One could never be too safe when around a child. “Thank you for your cooperation ladies. You have a wonderful day.”

As she left with the stroller, she could hear the whispers of the two caretakers. No doubt they were upset with her behavior. But in the end, she did what had to be done, and it worked. Goro was safe with her; it was time to head to the pediatrician’s clinic for much needed assistance. Psychology was her expertise, not babies.

To Wakaba’s relief, the clinic was easier to find than the daycare, having no need to stop to ask for directions. At the check-in, she introduced herself and presented the note to the secretary. The note was accepted with no further questions asked save the reason for the visit. Once done, Wakaba waited in the lobby with Goro.

“Goro-chan is so cute,” she sighed as she pinched his cheeks. They were soft and fluffy, exactly what she hoped they’d be. So far he didn’t cry, only an occasional whimper but overall calm. Holding his hand seemed to cheer him up as he managed to crack a smile when she grasped it and played a handshaking game. His smile sent her heart fluttering into a meadow full of flowers. If she were ever blessed with a child, she hoped they would be as precious as Goro.

“My name is Wakaba. Can you say my name?”

Goro blinked.

“Wa-ka-ba. My name is Wa-ka-ba.”

Rocking back and forth in the stroller, Goro hummed with excitement. This was a brand new word with syllables he had never attempted to put together. “Awaa.”

“Wa-ka-ba.”

“Wa-wa-wan.”

“Wa-ka-ba.”

“Wa-wa-wan.”

Wakaba pouted. “No, it’s Wa-ka-ba. Wakaba.”

“Waaa… Wa-wan.”

“No, not like that! When you say it like that, you’re barking like a dog, Goro-chan. Don’t bark at me, okay? Now from the top: Wa.”

“Wa.”

“Ka.”

“Wa.”

“Ba.”

“Ba! Ba ba ba ba!”

“I guess you can’t say ‘ka,’ can you?”

Goro bounced. “Wa-wa-wan!”

“No, no, no we’re not doing that.” Wakaba unbuckled his belts to sit him on her lap. The baby looked up at her with a curious expression. “I don’t want people thinking I trained you to sound like a puppy.”

Goro babbled a response, flailing his arm in an annoyed fashion. “Wa!”

“Stop right there, young man.”

“WA!” Goro grabbed her arm and pulled himself back and forth; Wakaba did not move an inch.

“No barking.” She moved his hands away from her arm, letting him grasp her fingers instead. It seemed to keep him preoccupied. “Why don’t you call me something else? You can say papa right?”

His face brightened at the word. “Papa!”

“You love your papa very much don’t you, Goro-chan?” Without giving it a second thought, Wakaba kissed Goro’s forehead and hugged him. Goro didn’t whine or protest, only letting her hold him close and rest his head against her chest. He played with her employee badge hanging from her lanyard, tugging it every so often but received no negative reaction from Wakaba, only a smile.

“Shido, Goro?” asked a nurse.

“Looks like that’s us.”

The nurse helped Wakaba take the stroller into the treatment room, removed Goro’s clothes, then weighed and measured him. Removing his teddy bear hat, she stroked his head with a warm smile. “I’m sorry to see you here so soon, Goro-chan.”

_So soon?_

“How are you feeling today? Did you get enough sleep at daycare?” She eyed Wakaba. “Is that your mama? Mama is very pretty.”

Goro turned and pointed at Wakaba. “Mama!”

“W-what? I’m not his mama or mother or anything like that.”

“Mama!”

“I’m only doing his father a favor. That’s all.”

“It’s okay.” The nurse laughed. “So, what is Goro here for today?”

After explaining to the nurse about Goro’s issue, she nodded and wrote the information down on the chart. Wakaba held Goro close to her body to keep him warm.

“Does Goro-chan come here often?” asked Wakaba.

“Hmm? Well he’s a baby so his immune system is still new, and he goes to daycare so he’s exposed to lots of germs from the others. But it’s all a part of growing up. If he didn’t have daycare, then he would be getting sick during kindergarten or the first grade. That’s just how it is.”

“Huh… I see.”

_Before the day ends, I need to get a book on babies. Maybe I should refresh my mind on Piaget’s studies._

With a bow, the nurse left the room to inform the doctor.

Wakaba rocked Goro as the two waited for the physician. Snuggling close, he stared at her with big wondrous eyes, and yawned. She booped his nose in response.

“Sleepy Goro-chan?”

He yawned again. “Mama.”

“I’m not your mother. I’m Wakaba.”

“Wa-wa-wan mama.”

Again with the barking. “Fine, call me mama.”

Once the doctor came in, Wakaba’s head spun from the information given. Electrolyte water, diaper changes, snacks, baby cream, air drying, time frame, what was normal, what to look out for, what’s an emergency. It was too much! Goro would be fine but how was she supposed to give Shido all this information she herself couldn’t memorize? She didn’t even know how to change a diaper! Her heart raced as it became painfully aware at how unqualified she was to be a parent.

“This is for you,” said the nurse, handing Wakaba several sheets of paper.

“Huh?” Her thoughts were shaken. “What’s this?”

“Care instructions for Goro. It’s a lot to take in, so we give written instructions to our parents.”

“T-thank you.” The nurse bowed and turned to leave. Wakaba grabbed the hem of her shirt in panic. “W-wait?”

“Yes ma’am?” said the nurse, nervous from the sudden touch.

“Can you teach me to change a diaper?” Her face hot and unable to look at the nurse. “I don’t know how.”

With a sigh of relief, the nurse agreed and showed the step by step process to changing a baby’s diaper using Goro as her example. “It’s not so bad, well the smell is, but anyway, after the first few tries it becomes routine.”

“Let me do it,” said Wakaba. “Just tell me what to do.”

“Remember to use warm water and a wash cloth until his diarrhea goes away. Wipes can irritate his bum because of it. Then you pat him- good job Isshiki-san - dry or let him air dry.”

Wakaba snorted. She imagined leaving Goro on a clothes line to dry. So far changing a diaper wasn’t too awful. The diaper did smell terrible though. Goro giggled when she wrinkled her nose, but otherwise it wasn’t an impossible feat. All cleaned up, Wakaba put the protectant cream on Goro’s bottom and fastened the clean diaper.

Easy peasy.

 

 

“You live here?!”

Goro looked up at and bounced in her arms. This was the home he knew and loved. It felt good to be back at his safe place.

“Awful, just awful.”

For a man who bothered to press his clothes and shave his face, Shido’s house was a disaster. Clothes were thrown everywhere around the dining area, couch, and on the bed. Toys and empty boxes cluttered the floor. The trash was not sorted. The refrigerator was empty except a few old vegetables, three eggs, and one bottle of beer. The top cabinets had several pots and pans which had not been used in ages, an almost-empty rice bag, plenty of baby food and formula mix, and clean bottles and nipples. Zip ties held the lower cabinets together, no doubt to keep Goro out. She dreaded to investigate the bathroom lest she saw something she would regret.

“We’re going shopping, Goro-chan.”

First stop was the hardware store. Child locks were at the top of the list. She recalled seeing foam corners on the edges of the kotatsu and cabinet, so perhaps not all was lost for Shido and his ability to parent. She paced along the store looking at light bulbs and hand tools, ignoring Goro’s ramblings and pointing when they passed the same aisle over and over. After what seemed like the tenth time Goro’s babbles turned into loud whines, Wakaba bent over to look at Goro in his stroller.

“What is it?”

“Daa!” Goro held out his hand, opening and closing his hand at a machine. She realized there had been a sparkling key replicating machine adorned with many colorful decorative keys and a silly key mascot.

“Keys…?”

After the hardware store, Wakaba popped into the bookstore and purchased a few books. The grocery store was the final stop. A good home required cleanliness and a refrigerator stocked full of fresh foods, and cabinets with canned goods and a big bag of rice. Goro deserved to be in a home like that and Wakaba was going to be the one to give it to him.

Strollers were cool. Actually, they were more than just cool, they were convenient. Very convenient. So much in fact, Wakaba was able to carry more items home. She placed a bag of rice inside with Goro. The baby responded to the intrusion by repeatedly smacking the bag; he liked the sound and feel. A small sack of potatoes followed which he tapped a little before going back to drumming on the rice. Eggplants and a cabbage bigger than Goro’s head came after. By the time Wakaba was ready to check out, the stroller had been invaded by groceries.

Once home, Wakaba put Goro in the baby bumper jumper hanging near the kitchen as she put all the groceries away and replaced the gaudy zip ties with the safety latches. Goro hopped in his jumper, laughing whenever he caught Wakaba looking at him causing him to hop with joy and swing about. She poured a clean bottle with the baby electrolyte water and handed it to Goro who downed a sizeable amount before throwing the bottle to bounce some more. She grabbed a small jar of baby food and fed him while he swung back and forth.

She gathered the clothes into the almost-full laundry basket, sorting the darks, whites, and baby clothes. Sweeping the floors took no time once the toys were placed side a box; the other boxes were dismantled and placed into the recycling bin with the other newly sorted trash. Counters wiped, balcony door cleaned, bed made, bathroom given a quick rinse. In between that time Goro had fallen asleep on the jumper, head lolling around, waking up in a jolt when it jerked too hard. Wakaba placed a blanket on the floor and laid Goro to sleep. He slept like a log as she continued the rest of the chores.

Clearing the kotatsu’s surface, Wakaba noticed a worn-out book underneath the various papers. _Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious_ , a collection of books by Carl Jung all in one volume, English edition. The book contained several bookmarks and dog ears. When she flipped through the book, a few sentences were stained with old highlighter and scribbled notes on the side. The first page had a handwritten message addressed to Shido.

“To my big bro, Masayoshi. Good luck with university! Hiroki,” she read aloud. “Cute. He has a little brother.” Wakaba paused, her hand over the message. This was a simple yet intimate message between two siblings. Hiroki went so far as to buy his brother an amazing book she knew Shido would appreciate, and gave the gift its final touches with a proud message. She wondered if the two shared a room and confided their secrets to one another. Did they spend their childhood exploring the riversides, throw rocks with other children, and hunt for beetles until the streetlights lit? Perhaps they were into the opposite baseball team and argued over which team was superior only to laugh it off after a round of drinks. Whatever their relationship was, Wakaba knew Hiroki must have saved up and done a lot of research to attain the book. The act spoke volumes.

“I shouldn’t have read this…” She placed the book back on top of the kotatsu with a tenderness she didn’t know she had. Goro snored away as she sauntered towards the kitchen. Planning dinner would be a good idea to distract her from her thoughts. “I hope Shido was a good brother.”

The next time she saw the kitchen clock, three hours had passed.

**WEEEEOOOOOOO! WEEEEOOOOOOO!**

Wakaba yelped, almost dropping the knife she was using to prepare dinner. “What the hell is that!?”

Goro sat near the couch playing with a toy firetruck. Whenever he moved the truck, it made a loud obnoxious siren. The baby was unfazed by the sound, smiling whenever he pushed it against the floor.

“That’s a terrible toy,” said Wakaba, setting the rice cooker to start. She walked up to Goro and carried him to inspect his diaper. “Did your papa give that to you?”

She shrugged when she received no response and gathered the supplies to change his diaper. When she removed the diaper, Wakaba was greeted by a splash.

“Gah!”

Goro peed on her. It was a little fountain, but unlike a fountain it wasn’t a welcomed or pleasant sight. The baby giggled at her reaction and giggled even more when she rushed him to the bathroom sink and rinsed him off. She shrieked when he urinated on her shirt again after the quick wash.

 

 

Shido arrived home around eight. As he removed his shoes at the genkan, his nose was welcomed by a delicious aroma. His stomach growled. When he entered the kitchen, he found his son whacking a carrot on the floor while Wakaba stirred a pot.

“What is this?” he said pointing at Goro who continued to thrash the carrot around, pieces flying around with each strike.

“Hm?” Wakaba faced Shido. “Welcome home! Goro-chan’s helping me cook.”

“Papa!” Goro squealed in delight. He dropped the carrot and crawled to his papa’s feet. When Shido lifted him, Goro planted a big kiss on his father’s cheek. With a smile, Shido returned the kiss to both cheeks and whispered a hello into his son’s ear.

“How is that helping?” he asked. His face turned from loving to irritated in less than a second. “You’re letting him make a mess. A mess _I_ have to clean.”

Wakaba frowned as she placed her arms on her hips. In no way was she going to take this sort of talk from Shido. Not after all the hard work she’s done. “Don’t _you_ lecture me on cleaning. This house was disgusting when I got here. I can’t believe you let your son around this filth.”

“The house was messy not dirty,” he retorted.

“Same difference! You should be ashamed of yourself! I don’t care how busy or alone or tired you are but there is no excuse for this. Zip ties? Really? Are you really going to have to cut and replace them every time you need to access something from those cabinets? And your fridge was practically empty. What in the world are you feeding yourself? You need to eat so you can support Goro-chan.”

Looking at the dining area, Shido noted it had been cleaned and organized. Goro’s boxes were gone save for the largest. His son was not going to be happy with the missing boxes. At a far distance he noticed the red firetruck his mother had gifted Goro. He could have sworn he hid that godforsaken toy from his boy. Wakaba must have found it and released its evil back into his world. “This is above and beyond what I asked you do to, and not in a good way, Isshiki-”

“Wakaba-”

“Whatever! I never asked you to do this. All you had to do was pick up Goro and take him to the doctor. The rest was unnecessary. I don’t know what you’re trying to imply but let me tell you with certainty: I clean my home every Saturday evening and on Sundays.”

“You got this place looking this bad so fast?”

“It’s Thursday!”

“So? That’s embarrassing!”

“I was going to clean it in two days. Listen you…”

Shido stopped, noting there was something off about Wakaba. A flash of a lacy pink bra strap clued him in. He was at a loss for words with his long awkward pause making Wakaba fidget under his intense gaze.

“What… what are you wearing? Is that my shirt?”

Surely enough that was exactly it. Wakaba wore one of his sleeveless white undershirts. It fit her loose, causing the straps to fall over her shoulder and reveal her bra. Without a second thought, she pulled it back up only to slip again when she moved. Inwardly grateful, Shido was able to appreciate Wakaba’s figure better. Her chest was indeed amble enough to show a sizeable and most generous amount of cleavage. If he were not so annoyed and focused on her actions, Shido would be aroused. But it wasn’t the time for that. This woman wore his patience thin.

“Yeah sorry,” she smiled apologetically. “Goro peed all over my blouse when I changed his diaper.”

The corners of Shido’s mouth twitched. _Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh._ He scratched his nose and wiped at his mouth. “That’s your own fault.”

Wakaba shrugged. “I mean you’re right. But this was my first time changing a diaper on my own. Oh, that reminds me.” She picked up Goro’s bottle from the floor, filled it up with more electrolyte water and replaced the nipple with a clean one. “Here you go Goro-chan. Drink up.”

Goro drank from the bottle as he leaned back into his father’s shoulder. Wakaba smiled, patting his head; the baby returned the sentiment, reaching out to be held by her. She held him close and showered his forehead with kisses as he sucked on his bottle.

Oddly enough, Shido didn’t feel upset over Goro’s preference to be held by Wakaba. He was happy in her arms, beaming at her with his big bright eyes while she added more ingredients to the pot. Every time he pointed at something, she explained what it was and why she was going to use it or not.

“Dinner’s going to take some time,” she said, facing Shido. “Why don’t you go take a shower? I’ll watch the baby.”

Shido shook his head. “No. I’ll take him with me.” He held out his arms to coax his son. “Come on, Pillow.” Goro squirmed in Wakaba’s arms until his father carried him off towards the bath where he sang an incoherent baby song the entire time.

 

 

If there was a god, and if that god chose to strike Wakaba down right there, she would be 100% okay with that for her heart couldn’t take the overbearing cuteness of Goro’s singing. How did such a sweet child come from such a serious man? The answer to her question was received in the form of a man’s singing voice echoing from the bathroom.

“ _Momotaro~ Momotaro~_ ”

Wakaba punched the kitchen counter. Being in this house was not good for her health.

“ _That millet dumpling on your hip~_ ”

That man needed to stop. For the love of everything sacred, he had to stop or else she would explode into a million pieces. With her death, all research on pscience would be held back for years, perhaps even decades. She simply could not afford a premature death, especially not with one involving death by cuteness overload.

“ _Won't you give me one? ~_ ”

All that work. All that effort. Gone. Gone to the wind. The Nanjo Group would lose a valuable employee, and it would be all his fault. Masayoshi Shido killed her and killed the cognitive science research team. He did it. It’s his fault!

To distract her from Shido’s pleasant voice, Wakaba hummed a song and focused on dinner. Food was an excellent distractor. Have to put in spices and more vegetables to compliment the meat. Add more stock. Ignore the burning ears. There was work to be done.

After what felt like an eternity, the bathroom door opened.

Wakaba walked over to catch Shido’s attention. “Dinner’s ready in five min-Whaaa!”

“Shit!” Shido shouted in panic. He had forgotten Wakaba was in the house and stepped out of the bathroom without a towel. The Goro burrito was used to cover his genitals. Heat rushed to his cheeks. “What are you doing here!?”

“I was making dinner! I told you that already!” she yelled, doing the best she could to not look down at his naked body, failing miserably. Her eyes darted down in places she shouldn’t be staring at but did. Her face was on fire.

Both were frozen in place. Goro babbled, completely unaware of the situation; he smiled at Wakaba.

Shido bolted for the bedroom door, keeping his backside to the wall, then realized his dilemma. Hold Goro with one arm and risk exposing himself to Wakaba again, who would not stop staring, or turn around to open the door and risk exposing his ass to Wakaba, who would probably stare at it even more. Neither situation was a win, and the former risked him dropping Goro if he were not careful. He had only one other alternative.

“Could you get the door?”

Wakaba’s eyes widened, hands pointing up. “Y-yes I got it.” It was an easy task. Opening a door. No big deal. Open the door while reaching over a naked man and his oblivious son. The naked man whose body had been nurtured and sculpted into that of a Greek statue. The body she most definitely had not seen its most vulnerable and masculine portion. Surely not her. Yet she had to open that very door.

_If he asks if I saw anything I’ll deny it. He doesn’t have to know I saw his… Oh I saw it, I can’t believe I saw it! It was just there. Just out there and just there and… there._

Despite Goro playing the role as the censor, opening the door took every ounce of willpower to not look down. Her eyes would be greeted to a cheerful baby, but it wouldn’t change the fact she tried to intentionally see Shido’s privates again. She turned the doorknob as she gazed at the ceiling. Shido slipped in with a fraction of his dignity intact.

To pass the time, and to forget what she had just seen, Wakaba opened one of the books she bought. At page seven, she heard Shido groan from inside the room. If she ignored it then perhaps everything would be okay and pass. The bedroom door opened only to have Goro crawl through the door while wearing a lion jumpsuit. A clothed Shido soon followed, sulking.

“You didn’t need to reorganize my drawers. I had everything done organized to my tastes.”

“I don’t agree with the order.” Wakaba folded her arms. “It should be shirts on top drawer, then underwear, then your pants with socks and then the sleepwear.”

“That’s ridiculous. It’s inefficient and nonsensical. Underwear and socks go in the first drawer separated by colors. Non-formal shirts in the second, again separated by colors. Then sleep clothes. All pants have to be hung in the closet with the oxfords, suits, and blazers.”

“That makes no sense.”

“I am not going to have this argument with you.”

**WEEEEOOOOOOO! WEEEEOOOOOOO!**

The two jumped.

Shido carried Goro and pulled the firetruck away from his son.

“… Let’s have dinner?” Wakaba sighed.

 

 

Dinner was amazing. A hot homecooked meal warmed Shido from the cold weather and the woes of everyday life. It had been a long time since he ate a meal someone else made that tasted good. Toshiko, while she tried her hardest, was unfortunately not the best cook. Shido still ate her food, though not with as much gusto as he would with his own homecooked meals. Even she preferred it when Shido cooked. That had said enough for the two of them.

Still, it was nice to eat delicious food. Wakaba made beef stew and rice. She mushed a small portion of rice, carrots, and added a spoonful of the juices to a small bowl and fed it to Goro. He jumped in his high chair, begging for more of the meal. She placed the food on his tray, letting him use his hands to feed himself.

“I left the key and instructions the doctor gave me on top of the kotatsu.”

“Thanks.”

“Goro-chan… when can he go back to the daycare?”

Shido paused his spoon in midair. “Policy says twenty-four hours without an episode of diarrhea.”

“But that’s…”

“I know. I’ll be calling in tomorrow to take care of Goro.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” Shido frowned. “It’ll be fine. I have Saturday and Sunday off. I’ll probably be taking Monday and Tuesday off if he’s still sick.”

“That’s not what I meant.” She shook her head. “I can take care of Goro-chan tomorrow while you work. If he’s still bad, I can do Monday and Tuesday too. I sometimes work from home, so it’s not a problem.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You can’t call in either. What if it gets to the point where you get transferred again? They might take you to Iwatodai to be with Kirijo, and that’s much farther from Tokyo than Sumaru. Are you ready to move out?”

She was right, and he hated it. Calling in would lead into the slippery slope he had fallen from a few months before. It started with one for a sick child, then for another issue with his son then wife, and then it spiraled down towards his demotion. If he moved to Iwatodai, he’d be much farther from his parents who already lived far enough as it was in the Toyama prefecture, and with that move he would never be able to see his brother again. Amami City was only an hour and a half away from Tokyo after all, and his brother Hiroki had been busy enough with his work projects and home life. He couldn’t expect him to go so far to visit him; it wouldn’t be fair.

He’d have to start over with finding a suitable daycare too, which was a nightmare in of itself as the ones he sought for were either very expensive or full due to their popularity among dual-working families. Then there was his reputation. Everyone already talked about him behind his back. Iwatodai would be no different though this time he would be the man who didn’t learn his lesson from the first demotion and wouldn’t be given any opportunities on his second chance.

Shido sighed, “Fine. You win.”

Wakaba playfully wiggled in her chair and kissed Goro’s forehead. “I’ll give you my address. You can drop him off before you get to work.”

“I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this.” He took another bite of his meal, lamenting at its incredible flavor. _She just had to be a good cook._

After finishing their dinner and exchanging information, Wakaba gathered her belongings and put on her shoes in the genkan. “I’ll see you and Goro-chan tomorrow then? Thanks for letting me use your kitchen.”

Shido held Goro in his arms, all cleaned up from his attempts at feeding himself. “You used it on your own.”

“I guess. Thanks again, and please keep up with your home. You’re setting a bad example for your son.”

He rolled his eyes. “I will. You said you lived near which school?”

“St. Hermelin. If you find the school, my apartment is just a few blocks away.” She smiled at Goro, placing her hand on his head, stroking his soft hair. “Goodnight Goro-chan~ I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Goro reached out to Wakaba. “Mama!”

Shido and Wakaba’s eyes widened.

“I-I have to go! See you tomorrow Shido!” She ran out the door, flustered and still wearing Shido’s shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is in the works. Please look forward to it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shido goes back to work while Wakaba watches his son.  
> The infamous Hisataka Shinjo makes his rounds to Shido's office and he brought a friend along, a friend Shido feels he had encountered years prior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really big on the old games, so some of these names like Hisataka Shinjo will be familiar.

Driving past St. Hermelin’s, Shido searched for the apartment complex, the school bringing back memories of the SEBEC case he worked prior. There were students from that school who were involved, yet none identified. Perhaps it was for the best. Everything was too bizarre, too illogical. It would only burden them and the investigators to pinpoint the others entangled into Takahisa Kandori’s mess. The man was dead. His delusions of grandeur could no longer hurt others. Although Mikage-cho promptly forgot about the incident, it stayed fresh in his mind. How could he forget the SEBEC building’s transformation, fused with a typical office interior and the fantastical Deva Yuga described by the detained scientists? A labyrinth of traps and shadowed rooms. How could he ever forget the very moment he found Kandori’s rotting corpse oozing into the pristine marbled floor? The only son of the late politician Kensuke Kandori of the revered Kandori family now food for maggots. How could he forget that _voice_?

**Ma…sa…yo…shi…**

Shido shivered at the memory. He eyed the rear-view mirror to check on his son who had been sleeping peacefully in his car seat.

Knocking on the door, Shido was surprised to be greeted by a chipper Wakaba in grey sweatpants and a faded magical girl shirt. The home smelled like fresh coffee and toast.

“Good morning!”

Her face beamed like the sun. Typical morning person mannerisms that boiled the blood of the night walkers whenever they chirped how lovely the morning light was, or how splendid it was to see the sun up in the sky. Shido almost squinted at her brightness.

“Morning,” he mumbled.

Wakaba leaned over to the portable car seat. “Good morning, Goro-chan!”

Goro yawned, smiling when he saw Wakaba’s radiance close to his face. “Mama…”

She patted his head. The urge to burst over the apple hat he wore increased with every second. “It’s so chilly outside! Come on in.”

“I’m just dropping him off.”

“Don’t be silly,” she said, grabbing his free hand and pulled Shido into her home. “I have coffee and breakfast ready. Join me.”

“Absolutely not. I will be late.”

Wakaba sighed. She grabbed the car seat, taking the baby into her living room. When she turned back, Shido was gone. “Not even a goodbye, Goro-chan? That’s rude.” Right as she closed the door, Shido stopped it with his foot.

“I’m not done,” he said, carrying a box in his arms.

“What’s all this?”

“Goro’s belongings. I doubt you have anything to entertain a baby.”

“You don’t know that.”

Shido rolled his eyes. “Don’t you even pretend.” He pulled off his shoes at the genkan and stepped into her home. It was considerably larger than his current home with an actual living room separated from the dining area, and more rooms besides the bathroom and master suite.

 _Goro would love the extra room_ , he mused. He stroked his son’s chin with his finger, eliciting a joyful coo before setting up a foldable playpen and placed a few toys and bedding inside. Even if Wakaba’s home was safe, it wouldn’t be enough to get his curious adventurer from exploring and opening everything. Shido would never forgive himself if anything happened to Pillow because of something he could have easily prevented. Excessive? Maybe. But if his son was safe, nothing else mattered.

“Done.” Unbuckling Goro from the seat, Shido lifted him high above his head. “Papa’s going to work.”

“Papa!” Goro sucked on his hands and received a kiss on his cheek. Shido pulled out a squishy silicone toy from the diaper bag and handed it to Goro, to which he immediately chewed on the object. The baby gurgled in relief.

“You be a good boy to Wakaba.”

“Wa-wa-wan mama.”

Shido grimaced. “Why are you barking?”

Wakaba laughed nervously while pouring coffee into an insulated mug. “I wouldn’t encourage him to say my name for now.” She brought the drink over and eyed the pop-up play area. “Wow, this looks nice! You’re going to have a good time, Goro-chan!”

“You’re avoiding the obvious,” he said, pulling Goro away from Wakaba. What was this mama business all about? If she thought he was letting her get away with changing the subject, she had another thing coming.

“Avoiding?”

“Don’t play coy.” He leered. “Why does he call you that?”

“Uh-”

“The _that_ being mama.”

“No, I know that.” Wakaba closed her eyes and groaned, the impending headache coming through. “The nurse called me that, and, well, Goro didn’t stop. I mean it was either that or him barking at me like a puppy. I wasn’t about to get scolded by an old lady at the grocery store for teaching ‘my son’ ‘useless’ things.”

“I suppose you have a point.” Whatever the point may have been. “Goro might be fussy today since his other teeth are uprooting. So, don’t be surprised if he seems inconsolable.” Right on cue, Goro yanked his father’s hand and gnawed on it. “Or starts nibbling you.”

Shido placed Goro in the playpen and returned the chew toy to his son. He surveyed the area making sure there was nothing else he was missing. All the toys were in place, the diaper bag was filled with extra diapers, food, snacks, bottle, and electrolyte water. His arms fluttered around, pointing his fingers in random areas to be sure he had all his i’s dotted and his t’s crossed. A soft chuckle brought him back to his senses.

Wakaba smiled at his behavior. It was cute to see a man dote on his child. He didn’t strike her as the type, but there he was checking his son’s diaper and kissing his head multiple times. His surprised face changed into a serious expression when he realized she had giggled.

“Anyway, I’ll be going now.”

“No breakfast?” she asked.

“No.”

“Not even toast to go?”

“I’m fine.”

Holding the pink tumbler, Wakaba extended it towards Shido expectantly. “Then take the coffee I prepared for you.”

“Alright.” Shido grabbed the mug without a thought, her victorious grin not going unnoticed. “I really do need to go.”

“I’m not stopping you.”

He shrugged. “I’ll you two later then. Make sure Pillow doesn’t get into any trouble. He’s starting to like forks.”

“Um… okay?” she said while nodding awkwardly, shifting her eyes. “I’ll keep an eye out for those forks.”

Walking along the outside corridor, Shido heard Wakaba yell out “Have a great day, Masa-Masa!”

Without looking back, he gave a half-hearted wave and left. As he drove into the designated company parking lot, it finally hit him.

“What the hell did she call me?”

 

 

“Nice mug, Shido-san,” a coworker chuckled.

Shido looked at the tumbler Wakaba had given him. The ends were steel-colored, and the midsection had fluffy mice chasing cheese in a pink background. Considering he didn’t have to call in today thanks to Wakaba’s offer, Shido couldn’t find it in himself to care about being caught with such a girly mug. He already surrounded himself with baby toys and accessories at home and in public whenever he went out with Goro. This would not be any different. If anything, it would suggest he was getting some on the side. Not a bad thing to imply at all with all the men he interacted with at work.

“Jealous?” He smirked and drank from the mug. While not as delicious as Sojiro’s coffee, Wakaba’s had been fairly decent.

“N-no.” The coworker hadn’t expected the cool response. “I-I gotta go. Shinjo-san is coming today, and I have to be r-ready.”

“You do that.” _Fool._

It was hard to be nervous about Hisataka Shinjo’s appearance. Everyone else around him seemed to tense up whenever they heard his name. Rumors floated around the facility about the man in question. Him never removing his sunglasses or his prodigious brilliance with the scientists being among the many. Shido had never met him, but apparently according to some coworkers, Shinjo had been gone for a while doing some important business for the foreign minister. What these affairs were, nobody had a clue, yet they must have been important if it meant for the science department to come to a slow crawl with their research due to his absence.

His return would bring back the morale to the science department, or at least that is what one scientist told him. The cognitive research group carried on as usual without Shinjo around. They attributed it to Wakaba’s never-ending thirst for the unknown realms of the human mind and how to harness its power, and the Nanjo Group’s support for their research independent from Sudou’s demands. Presence of the lead engineer or not, Wakaba would continue as if Shinjo were there.

The day passed as usual. Shido had been tempted to call Wakaba to check up on his son. Not that he didn’t trust her but hearing his boy’s voice would put him at ease. The nervous energy around the office suffocated him. He picked up the phone, ready to dial Wakaba’s number but was stopped by a female coworker.

“Shido-san! He’s here!”

“What?”

“Hisataka Shinjo! He's in our section!”

He jumped from his seat, the nervous energy creeping into his mind. His coworker bit her thumb before walking back to her desk. Shido shuffled the items on his desk, the corner of his eye catching a dark man in a black suit with opaque sunglasses speaking to another person at their desk. The coworker trembled in their seat, stammering when spoken to. The female coworker cried when approached. Sojiro’s eyes met Shido’s. A touch of fear painted on the older man’s face. He spoke like a gun was pointed at his head to Sudou’s secretary.

Something was wrong.

When it was his turn, an intense pressure hit the very core of his soul. The sobs and anxieties of humanity roared. Desolation and destruction dragged his being into a bottomless abyss. It was not Hisataka Shinjo emitting this negative energy. It was a _presence_ following him.

This presence…

It felt familiar.

“I haven’t seen you before,” said Shinjo, voice calm and pleasant. “Where are you from?”

Mustering all the strength inside, Shido spoke. “My name is Masayoshi Shido. I am from the Tokyo branch.”

“You’ve come a long way, haven’t you?” He stroked his chin. “Tell me, Shido-san, what did you study?”

“Political science.” The entity became denser, landing on his shoulders like an inquisitive cat. Shido’s muscles struggled to move yet refused to give into its oppressive nature. “I minored in psychology.”

The malevolent force eased its grip. Shinjo’s eyebrows rose above his sunglasses. “Interesting… Did you have a specialty in that minor?”

“Analytical psychology,” he answered through gritted teeth.

“Fascinating topic isn’t it?” Shinjo smiled. “I see great things ahead of you, Shido-san.”

His chest grew heavy, throat caressed by invisible hands waiting for the right moment to apply pressure. Breathing nearly impossible. “Th’k you, sirrr.”

“You have a good day.”

Shido replied with a stiff nod. The moment Shinjo opened the door, the weight in the entire office completely disappeared. Various coughs flooded the room. One office worker threw up in their trash can. Shido gasped for air, lungs desperate for oxygen, eyes steadfast on Shinjo until he stepped away and closed the department door. He walked up to Sojiro’s desk, who had been in a fit of tears.

“It’s never been like this before…” Sojiro whispered, drying his eyes with his kerchief. The tears continued to flow. The shock of the presence still lingered in his system. It was too much for him, for anyone really. Shido had been on the verge of tears himself.

“What…” It felt like he had run a marathon while wearing an abdominal binder. “What the hell was… _that_?”

“That…” he said, removing his glasses. “That is something that happens sometimes with Shinjo-san.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!”

“It’s not always with him. I just said sometimes with Shinjo-san, but not like this. We’ve never felt it this strongly before.”

Shido slammed his hands on the desk. He did not nearly piss himself to be left out in the dark like that. “What are you _talking_ about?”

Sojiro wiped his glasses, placing them back over his eyes. “Let’s talk outside.”

The two men exited the building, their strength renewed.

“That feeling you got?” Sojiro said, “I have no idea what it is.”

“That’s not the answer I expected for having to leave the building for.”

“Well, I ain’t got any clear cut answers for you, Shido.” Sojiro frowned. “I don’t have the clearance for what’s happening in the deeper floors of this lab. I just come here to do my work as told and keep quiet.”

“Which I imagine is what you were also told to do.”

“The sooner you understand that, the easier it becomes. I know for a fact they run strange experiments here.”

“And that feeling is one of them?”

“Probably. There’s some high science coming from beneath our feet. Things none of us will ever understand.”

“But how can we even… what in the world was that feeling? It felt like…”

“It felt like the very evils of man laughing at you.”

Quite an apt description, though Shido would say it were more like all of that but rolled into one whole entity. It didn’t feel like death. Death seemed to have a definite sensation. No. This _thing,_ this _creature_ was the absence of death yet yearning. It yearned for destruction, for sadness, for anger, for envy, for revenge, for uniformity.

It craved chaos.

“Does this ‘visitor’ come often?”

“Not really, and most people are able to ignore it while the few that do tend to react by shaking. Very rarely does anyone faint but some have. Today’s was unreal though. It never gone so far as to affect everyone like that.”

_And it didn’t affect Shinjo either. It was as if he wasn’t fazed by it at all. How the hell is he able to do that?_

He wanted to mention Shinjo, but thought against it. The fewer questions he asked Sojiro the better. The old man dodged too much for his liking. Shido figured he’d have better chances asking others and investigating on his own. Perhaps Wakaba would be able to provide more answers. Once she started talking, there was no stopping her. A glib person was just the sort of target Shido had been looking for.

Sojiro would prove another problem if he were not careful. No doubt his superior would become suspicious if he suddenly hung around Wakaba, asking things that were beyond his job description. That man coddled her too much and it annoyed Shido to no end. She wasn’t a child: she was a grown woman with a high paying job. At some point in her life she’d need to get her shit together or someone would swoop right in and take advantage of her naiveté. And by the look of things, she did have her life together, only she behaved in a manner she wanted, which was far beyond the Japanese norm.

Whatever.

It was her life.

Even if Sojiro took issue with him approaching Wakaba, Shido did not care. That entity was out there, and it bothered him. Something deep inside his heart recognized it.

_Did this thing touch me before…? I just don’t remember._

A bad memory.

It felt like a bad memory resurfacing to haunt him once more. Somehow Shido overcame it. What did he do to rid himself from it, he wondered.

 

 

Wakaba worked at her desk with Goro on her lap. He banged toy keys on the desk as she typed furiously on her keyboard. Eyes glued to the computer screen, Wakaba placed Goro on the floor and continued her work. Nothing seemed to break her concentration. Not even Goro’s random squeals or shouts.

“Mama!” he yelled from the living room.

She ignored his call.

“Mama!”

Ignored again.

This time Goro remained quiet. The only sounds heard were of crinkling diapers and dragging. A few grunts were heard then a soft thud. Smacking against fabric and a little whimper. The squeak made Wakaba jump from her desk and into the living room. If something were to happen to Goro, Shido would murder her.

Instead she saw Goro wobbling as he stood from the floor, his hand on the couch for support. The diaper bag’s contents were thrown around the room. He took one step forward towards Wakaba.

“Goro, no!” Wakaba panicked. Shido would have told her if Goro had begun to walk. He only warned her about forks. “You can’t be walking now! Your father hasn’t witnessed it yet!”

“Mama!” he smiled, holding out his arms taking two more unsteady steps.

“I’m flattered that I’m your first. Really, I am,” she responded, rubbing her brows. “But if your papa ever found out, he’d be very upset. So if you don’t mind: please fall.”

Goro stared at her curiously before taking another clumsy step. Thankfully his balance gave out and fell on his bottom. Wakaba felt bad over wishing a baby to stop walking, but it wasn’t her place to witness this pivotal moment in a baby’s life. It belonged to Shido, not her.

“Good boy, Goro-chan!” She clapped her hands and carried him. “That was actually pretty terrible of me to say.” Wakaba kissed his pudgy cheek. “Let’s get you freshened up.”

After changing his diaper –narrowly avoiding another fountain surprise– and giving Goro a snack, Wakaba pulled out a book from her office, and sat inside the playpen with Goro. Never delving deeply into child cognitive development, Wakaba’s child skills were lacking, at least that is what she told herself. She only briefly touched upon it back in her university days when discussing general development of human cognition. She paid little attention to the chapter, cramming before her exams and finals before the information slipped entirely from her mind. With Goro in her life, or for the next few days, Wakaba knew it was about time to revisit Jean Piaget and his findings.

If anything, it would serve as a refresher, or better yet a way to connect these ideas with her research.

Goro climbed onto Wakaba’s lap, watching as she read the book, poking at random pictures of infants. Wakaba pulled him close, relishing the baby’s pleasant warmth. It was no wonder why Shido had called him Pillow a few times. She wondered if he knew he said that cute nickname aloud. Knowing a man like him, he didn’t think much on it and let the term slip. Wakaba giggled to herself.

“Yes that’s a baby, Goro-chan. What a cutie.” She read a few more pages before sitting Goro in front of her. “Let’s test your development with a game.”

Leaning close to the baby, Wakaba covered her face with her hands. She counted a few seconds before opening her hands like a door and said, “Peekaboo!”

Goro giggled.

“A positive response!” Wakaba clapped softly; Goro mimicked back. “Did you know that was me?”

He babbled, clapping his hands in delight.

She repeated the test again. “Peekaboo!”

Like the chorus sung by the angels, Goro’s laughter was music to her ears. She repeated the game until her mouth hurt. Wakaba realized she had been smiling the entire time. Everything about this baby was a joy.

“Maybe we need to test your motor skills,” she thought aloud. These findings were accurate like in the books, but she wanted to test how far Goro’s cognitive and motor development went. “I’ll be right back. I need to get my notebook!”

Stepping into her office, Wakaba searched for an empty notebook. It had to be the perfect cover too. This was about a baby therefore the cover had to reflect something cute and precious like Goro. Anything else would be boring and make her research feel awkward. If she didn’t have anything she liked, Wakaba figured she could go to the Satomi Tadashi Pharmacy for cute stationary. Yes, it would be perfect, and Goro would enjoy the time out. Fresh air was good for a baby and maybe a small lick of ice cream too.

She stopped her search, deep in thought.

“If Masa-Masa calls him Pillow, I should give him a name too. It’s only fair.”

**WEEEEOOOOOOO! WEEEEOOOOOOO!**

Wakaba yelped, “Waah!”

Rushing to the living room, Goro had been playing with his toy fire truck. Why was that toy even in her house?

 

 

Shido returned from his late lunch at the Aoba district. As much as he would have loved to go to Hotel Pleiades’ French restaurant, he was better off eating something cheaper. Considering the sort of day he had so far, comfort food from Double Slash Café put him at ease. The curry rice reminded him of home. Shido made a mental note to buy the ingredients for curry; it had been a long time since he last made the dish. It never came out as amazing as his father’s, but it was still delicious, way better than Hiroki’s.

Saturday would be an excellent day to laze about, cook at his own leisure and take Goro to a nice place. The patrons of the café mentioned a nearby park in Aoba with a designated baby area. Perfect for Goro.

When he entered his department, coworkers were whispering amongst each other, eyes darting away from Shido. Sojiro stood solemn at his desk, holding a file in his hands.

“What’s happening?”

“Do you remember Ogata?”

“Vaguely. He’s the one working with the cognitive research group, right?”

“Yeah, he’s the government appointed researcher to be sure we’re all on the same page with the Nanjo Group and Sudou.”

“What about him?”

Sojiro sighed. It was difficult to say something as heavy as what just occurred. Never in his life did he ever encounter something like this. Other places like construction or machinery yes, but not research. “He’s dead.”

Shido blinked. “What? How is he dead?”

“I don’t know the full details, but… he’s dead. Some are saying a heart attack.”

“He’s not that old.”

“Don’t you think I know that already? What happened to Ogata was nothing short of a tragedy. All I know is that Shinjo was specifically asking for you after the incident.”

“Me?” Of all people, why him? Was it the background in psychology? Ogata had a similar background, but actually majored in the topic. All he had was a minor, and that was more than a decade ago.

Sojiro nodded. “I’m not sure what it’s all about. He just gave me the paperwork to fill out regarding Ogata’s passing. Anyway, if I were yo-”

“Shido-san,” replied the smooth voice of Shinjo. “Just the man I was looking for. Please, come with me.”

Shido chewed his lips. He looked back at Sojiro, who shifted his eyes around, scratching the back of his head not saying a word. It was not his place to tell him anything. Despite not being directly from the government, Shinjo outranked both of them and had the full authority to do whatever he deemed fit for Sudou’s vision. Shido nodded at the secretary and followed him.

“You must have heard of what happened to Ogata.”

“I did. It was unfortunate.”

“Indeed, truly unfortunate,” he answered blandly. “But Ogata was not fit for the role.”

Shido remained silent. Say the wrong words and he was out the door. Thoughts about moving to Ayanagi City with his parents began to flood his mind. He would have to start all over again, but at least Goro would have a home over his head and surround himself with loving grandparents. His mother pestered him to visit with Goro, so even if this were not the most favorable outcome, for the most part, he got an excuse to go visit. That had to count for something.

Masayoshi Shido, the man who could gather grants from third parties to fund for government research, the man who the government called to handle the SEBEC scandal when Takahisa Kandori’s body could not be found, the man who could interpret a large portion of Kandori’s cognitive research to his superiors, this very man was at the brink of another demotion in his career, a career he had painstakingly worked for since graduating university.

_Would this even be happening to me if I threw Toshiko away?_

**No.**

Shido startled.

The sound of shattered glass.

“Are you alright?”

“Y-yes, I’m fine.”

“As I was saying, Ogata lacked ambition. He didn’t ask the right questions or seek out far beyond what was in front of him. Tatsuzou Sudou does not need people like him; the world does not need people like him. The only way humanity can progress is through ambition and exploring the unknown. Without that drive, we would still be swinging from the trees.

“He was partnered with a brilliant woman working for the Nanjo Group, a Wakaka Isshiki. Now that’s a woman with the drive we are looking for. She is cunning and approaches the hypotheses at every angle imaginable. It’s as if she can see beyond the consciousness of the human mind! A stupendous gift! But Ogata held her back. It was as clear as day his ego and cautiousness did not allow Isshiki to explore the beyond-”

“The tip of the iceberg. The human mind is an iceberg with the consciousness being the tip.”

The dark man grinned, patting Shido’s back. “Yes, yes, exactly that! You are quite well versed despite your minoring. Though Freud…?”

Shido shrugged. “I think the iceberg analogy has merit. The psychosexual development, not so much.”

“Regardless, as tragic as Ogata’s sudden death may have been, I do believe it is a necessary evil. In the name of science, of course. Had he not died, I would have soon fired him. There is no room for ego in the science world. That is how progress is delayed.”

What a messed-up thing to say, though it wasn’t entirely wrong. Still, Shinjo-san’s words made Shido feel uneasy. They were like the ramblings of a madman though one with a keen eye for the scientific method. “What does this have to do with me?”

“I believe you are the right person to fill in for Ogata’s position. The two of you are from the government, and it is only right to have someone from that sector to replace your own.”

“Sir… is this?”

“A promotion?” He chuckled. “Of course, it is, Shido-san. I didn’t appoint Ogata, and the results reflected it. But you… I can see you have the drive to continue. You have contingency plans even before the worst has bothered to rear its ugly head. You are an ambitious man. A true leader. And it is because of it that you and Isshiki will be working closer now. I expect great things from the two of you.”

A promotion! It’s a promotion!

“Thank you, Shinjo-san,” he said with a bow. His heart pounded, blood rushing to his head. The urge to grin like an idiot becoming more difficult with each passing second.

“I’m pleased you accepted,” said Shinjo. “HR will get in touch with you on Monday.”

It was a dream. It had to be a dream. There was no way he’d be promoted this quickly at his new job, but then again it wasn’t like he didn’t have years of experience on his back. Perhaps not with in depth research they performed at the science lab, but he learned fast, and the topic was right up his alley. And Wakaba, well, he’d work directly with her, so it meant he had plenty of excuses to be near and ask her about the oddities of the facility without Sojiro looming around like a lost dog.

Head held high and a pep in his step, Shido jaunted back to the office. This would be the last few days he had to be there on the regular as Ogata spent most of his time in the science lab with the other researchers.

“How did it go?" asked Sojiro.

“Shinjo asked me to take Ogata’s place.”

“What!?”

Shido frowned. “Keep it down, Sakura.”

“It’s just so sudden.”

“I know.”

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on, and I’m happy for your promotion, really.”

Shido bit his tongue. _I’m sure you are._

"But…” he sighed. “Be careful okay? I know you’ll be getting more clearance and the circumstances of Ogata’s death are weird, but stay safe. You’ve got a boy, don’t you?”

“I do.” And that’s why Shido knew he would be fine. He had aspirations and dreams, but if he died, nothing would happen. A sad immediate family but that was it. But Goro? Goro was precious potential. Goro depended on Shido. If he failed, if he fell, his son would suffer the most. His baby would carry the burden of his failures and start on life with a massive handicap be it with a tarnished name or sent to an orphanage, only to be passed from home to home without the hope of ever becoming adopted.

Shido knew how the system worked. He had looked it up out of curiosity when dark thoughts plagued his mind, and regret for his decision to marry Toshiko seeped into his consciousness. It was a documentary in English he found in the foreign section of a Tokyo library. What he saw shook his heart. How could his country do such a thing to children? His son? In those heinous places without affection, without the prospect of ever having a loving family? Shido would not allow it.

His son bore no sins. He did not ask to be born. The responsibility was entirely on Shido. If he could only gain more power and influence, he would strive to steer the nation in the right direction.

 **Ma…sa…yo…shi…  
** **Why don’t you?**

Shido rubbed his ear, and flicked at his wristwatch, knitting his eyebrows at the face. “Sakura, what time is it?”

“It’s almost four, why?”

The watch’s face cracked, and the hands ceased.

“My watch broke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have more Goro-Shido bonding cuteness.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wakaba gets a taste of what it's like to have a baby when the sunshine and rainbows are gone.  
> The following day Shido takes Goro to his park debut and is met by the mothers who run the playground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the comments and kudos.  
> I will do my best to continue to update as frequently as possible.

_To recover hit points, use Medicine and Gem~_  
_When trouble arises and your friends are almost dying~  
Rescue them with a Life Orb or Blood Orb~_

Mikage-cho’s Satomi Tadashi Pharmacy was one of Wakaba’s favorite stores. Goods and services aside, it had the catchiest theme song. Whenever she visited the Sumaru stores, she would be greeted by their various remixes depending on the ward. It was fun and there were plenty of enthusiasts for the family-owned pharmacy. At work there was a rumor the scion of the Nanjo Group, Kei Nanjo, loved its music. Though skeptical, Wakaba thought the idea of a mature, cute teenage boy like Kei singing the theme was adorable. She hoped the rumors were true.

 _For petrification you can always use a Dis-Stone~  
_ _And for poison pains, Dis-Poison is the best~_

The two walked along the pharmacy with a brand-new stroller Wakaba purchased while on her way to the store. Shido had forgotten to bring it, so she figured it would be best to get one for herself in case she got too tired to hold onto Goro. Plus, if her taking care of Goro was going to become a thing, having one in her house meant less things to worry about. It wouldn’t be right for Shido to constantly haul baby supplies every time he came over. Her home was more than big enough for her anyway. What was a stroller going to do in the grand scheme of things?

“Here’s the stationary, Goro-chan.”

Goro chewed on his toy. He whined when Wakaba placed him in the stroller, wanting to be held by her for longer. And he cried when she didn’t read his mind and kept him there. It took Wakaba until they reached the pharmacy to console him. The addictive bubbly music soothed his ire.

Wakaba’s ears burned the entire walk from the store to the pharmacy. Judgmental eyes from bystanders stabbed her as Shido’s baby wailed in his stroller.

_Was the pharmacy always this far away?_

Goro had been relatively calm with him the past two days until now. She had no idea what she had done wrong; all she did was put Goro in a stroller. Did he not like it? Was it too small? Maybe he didn’t like the way it smelled? Wakaba tried to get something similar to the one he had previously. She even gave him a snack but he threw that on the ground. Goro snuggled happily the entire walk from her home to the store and now this?

 _They must think I’m the worst mother in the world_ , she thought the entire way. _I used to think the same way whenever I saw crying babies in stores. I am the worst!_

Once they were in the pharmacy did Goro cool down. Wakaba sighed in relief, wiping the tears from Goro’s face.

It took her a great while to figure out which notebook she wanted to record her findings for Goro. The pharmacy frog brand notebooks were cute, but they didn’t feel right. She skipped out on stars, apples, the latest sentai, sushi, and even the polka dotted ones. A cute rabbit sitting on a crescent moon notebook caught her eyes.

She squealed, “I love this one!” Her eyes darted back to the shelf. Underneath the rabbit notebook was one with an illustrated lion. Wakaba picked it up, smiling. “I think I’ll take this one too.”

 _The eternal ally of those who fight~  
_ _Our city's friendly drug store~_

The third destination was an ice cream shop. While Wakaba ate the treat as they cruised along the path home, she decided to stop by the Araya Shine to enjoy the tasty dessert. They sat on a bench next to a shrine lantern. Hard to admit, but it had been a long time since Wakaba last visited the shrine. She had been too consumed with her work, and the utter disaster of her SEBEC gig made it difficult to gather the nerve to seek spiritual guidance in either church or shrine.

“Wanna try?” Wakaba held the ice cream cone near Goro. He reached out but was denied by Wakaba. “No, not like that. Lick.” She licked the ice cream to show Goro. “Okay, you try.”

Goro opened his mouth wide, holding out his arms to grab onto the cold treat. Wakaba pulled them down and let the tip of the ice cream touch his mouth. The baby smacked his lips, his face perking up when the lush cream registered as a satisfying sweetness. He whimpered when she removed the cone.

“You liked it?” She allowed for another taste. “It’s delicious right?”

Babbling in delight, Goro had a few more licks before Wakaba deemed it enough. She finished the rest, using a baby wipe to clean her hands and Goro’s face. Baby accessories were quite handy.

The cool air was refreshing. Wakaba felt at peace carrying Goro closer to the shrine. The sakura trees were barren from the winter. Soon the bare cherry blossoms would bloom later in the month or around early April. The hanami, cherry blossom viewing, was one of Wakaba’s favorite festivals. It was a magical moment when the trees would turn pink, petals falling on the roads, the rivers, and on the heads of the passerby. Then after only a few weeks the beautiful flowers ceased to bloom, and it was all over. That critical time easily missed by ignoring one’s surroundings or being too caught up in your own world. Wakaba promised herself she would never miss out on the hanami, and have at least one day to indulge in a picnic, be it alone or not. Last year she unfortunately spent it alone. She wished Sojiro would have come to Sumaru City sooner but by the time he arrived, the blossoms were gone. Though it didn’t upset her; she was used to the solo picnics.

But when she was among the flowers, she imagined herself as princess in a fairy tale or a sorceress who had the ability to make the cherry blossoms fall before her feet like a VIP carpet. It was a silly game she played as a child and the idea still stuck in her mind. Harmless fun really. She looked at Goro who had been staring up at the shrine. He must have been born after the flowers completely wilted.

“This will be your first year to see the flowers, isn’t that exciting? Maybe if Masa-Masa doesn’t mind, I can take you out on a picnic.”

A golden butterfly fluttered along. Despite the overcast, its wings shimmered in an ethereal light and caught the eye of Goro. The baby reached for the butterfly, fussing each time it escaped his clumsy grasp.

Wakaba giggled when the butterfly landed on top of Goro’s head for respite. Its wings twitched; Goro turned his head yet it remained in its place. “Look, Goro-chan!”

The butterfly stood on Goro’s head for a few seconds then moved around, tickling the child with its dainty limbs. The glittering gold never faded, only intensified as it reached the top of Goro’s forehead. It was as if it were giving a silent blessing to the child before flying off into the shrine.

Whatever this was, God or merely a butterfly, Wakaba felt the anxieties within her soul fade for a brief moment. All was calm and right. The only individuals were her and Goro, and their entire world was the Araya Shrine and its verdant forested area. The air was fresh, not a trace of any toxins. It was warm, safe, and welcoming, almost like if she were back in her mother’s womb dreaming in a deathlike sleep of the day she would be born.

And then that moment left.

Her shoulders grew heavy. Her mind became plagued with her experiences, fears, hopes, dreams, and nightmares. The world returned to the way it always was. She wished she could go back to that moment when she no longer knew suffering. Not in death, but in life. Yet it was gone. Did she even encounter such a tranquil time or was it an illusion?

Goro squirmed in Wakaba’s arms to face her. Something wet had touched his head. He reached out to his mama and placed his hand on her tear-stained cheek. Her glassy eyes returned to reality, turning her head to kiss his tiny fingers.

“I’m okay, sweetie.” She embraced Goro; his rapid heartbeat soothed her. “Thank you.”

Wiping her tears and giving Goro a peck on his forehead, the two left the shrine. It was time to go back home.

 

 

“Okay!” Wakaba sat in the playpen with Goro, notebook and pencil bag at hand. Diaper changed, tummies full, naps napped, work saved into her floppy disk: it was time to put more of Piaget’s studies into action. “Let’s make science!” She raised her arms high.

Goro repeated the action. “Yaaaa!”

“Alright, so I have this object.” She held Goro’s colorful plastic keys in his line of sight. She hid the keys under a blanket and showed her empty hands to Goro. “Where are they Goro?”

Humming excitedly, Goro crawled to the blanket and pulled out the keys, flailing them about.

Wakaba clapped. “Good job!”

She wrote a date on the second page of the notebook and wrote about her experiment and her first test. It would not be over as retesting had to be done plus the introduction of variables. If she were to truly measure out baby Goro’s cognitive development, she would have to be thorough with her tests.

As the time passed, Wakaba gave Goro a break whenever he appeared to lose interest. At first she was frustrated at his disinterest, but then she had to remind herself that Goro was only nine months old and had the tiniest of attention spans. If she herself couldn’t listen to an important announcement from her boss, what made her think a baby would want to play the same game on repeat?

“How about a bath?” she asked, removing her glasses.

Lips quivering, Goro began to cry.

“W-what did I do?” What indeed did she do to make Goro so upset? First the stroller, now this? “I thought all babies liked baths. You don’t want a bath, Goro-chan?”

He wailed, pushing Wakaba’s face away.

“My face…” she said to herself. “You’re old enough to understand some concepts, even bath. But you probably don’t comprehend it unless you’re in the room itself. That’s what exposure is to you. ‘If not A then B’ should not apply to you yet. Not at least until you’re one. Hmm… What chang- My glasses! Object permanence!”

Putting on her glasses, Goro’s bawls waned into tiny sniffles, the tears in his eyes not yet falling. His frown transformed into a cooing half-smile then a wide grin.

“Goro-chan there is no way I am going to shower with my glasses on.” Wakaba sat Goro on her lap, slowly moving her glasses up and down with her hands. Her dark eyes were on Goro’s maroon. Up, down, up, down. When Goro smiled, Wakaba took it as a signal to move on and placed the glasses on her forehead, then quickly put them back on her nose. She repeated the same motion until the baby touched her face while the glasses were on her forehead.

“Good boy, Goro-chan.” Her hand stroked his soft head. It was a lot for him to take in such a short amount of time. She knew nothing of babies but plenty about cognition. If he saw it enough with exposure perhaps he would comprehend Wakaba minus glasses equaled Wakaba. “I know this is hard for you to understand, but it’s still me.”

Goro honked her nose when she removed the glasses entirely from her face. “Mama…”

Wakaba exhaled in relief. That baby sure knew how to make a lady smile. “That right, sweetie.” She wrote her findings on her bunny notebook while Goro put on her glasses.

Without any further setbacks, Wakaba whisked Goro away for a relaxing bath. To make things easier, she decided to bathe with Goro, careful not to let any shampoo get into his eyes. A mental note for her to buy a baby shower cap for the future. She would discover Goro had a penchant for wandering around when she wasn’t paying attention. It took one swift hair wash for Goro to be on the other side of the bathroom and lifting himself to touch the water inside the tub. Wakaba rushed over to him, earning a big whine.

“Oh no you don’t! I am not about to get chewed out by your papa because you decided to go for a swim!”

Goro pouted, though forgot about the transgression when Wakaba soaked in the tub with him.

 

 

Shido knocked on the apartment door. A muffled “It’s open!” came from inside. He waited a few seconds. Nothing happened. It must have meant he was allowed inside. Twisting the doorknob, he entered the home, the smell of delicious food in the air. A man could get used to being greeted by food.

“You’re supposed to say, ‘I’m home!’” yelled Wakaba from the living room.

“That’s not how it works.” Shido removed his shoes. “I don’t even live here.”

“Say it!”

“This is ridiculous. It's not my house.”

Goro’s body appeared above the couch with Wakaba’s arms holding him. “What kind of manners are you teaching your son, Masa-Masa?”

“Papa!” Goro kicked his legs, gurgling in glee at the sight of his father. How he missed him!

“Don’t call me that.” He smiled and waved at his boy. In darkest days and loneliest nights, seeing his baby in good spirits always brought out a smile. What a charmer. “I’m home.”

Goro’s body swayed back and forth. “Welcome home!” Wakaba stood up from the floor helping Goro walk using her hands as guidance. He had good control while being supported by her, though his excitement for his father made him falter a few times.

“Let him go,” he said, eyes full of adoration focused entirely on Goro. He kneeled on one knee and held out his arms. “Come on, Goro.”

“You sure?”

Shido nodded, opening and closing his hands to signal to his son. “You can do it, son. Come to papa.”

At the release of pressure on one hand, Goro pulled towards his father. “Papa!” He waddled five steps before landing on his butt. His father continued to call out to him, encouraging him not to give up. Goro stood up, smiles and giggles and determination on his mind. Papa was here. He was finally here!

At his second stumble, Shido lessened the gap between them and called out to Goro once more. “Papa’s here, Pillow.” It took three more steps for Goro to be in his arms, his wide open drooling mouth nibbling into his papa's shirt. Shido hugged and kissed him with praises. “You did it!”

Wakaba smiled. “He sure did. This was definitely his first time doing this.”

Shido arched an eyebrow. “What?”

“Walking. Goro has not walked here at all. Congratulations!”

He stood up, giving Wakaba the strangest look. “You…Wha- You know what? Forget it.” Shido sat on the couch in the living room, staring out into the distance, nothing to look at. His leg bounced Goro. Now that he was at rest, his mind began to wander and think about what had transpired that day. A man was dead. A man died on the job. And he took that man’s job; it was offered to him. And he said yes. He said yes to a dead man’s job. And he was more than okay with it.

He didn’t feel the couch sink when Wakaba sat next to him. His mind was too forgone to sense the change in weight. He didn’t react when Goro was taken away. His leg continued to bob an invisible child. The anticipation of the promotion, the rekindled reputation, the salary was becoming a reality. His reality. His son’s reality.

A gentle hand rested over his own and broke his attention. “Did something happen?”

What was the best way to tell someone that their coworker died on the job? There was no manual for this. And while he felt great about the promotion, having to explain someone the why in this situation unnerved him.

The hand squeezed, clasping his fingers. The soft touch distracted him once more, yet in a pleasant manner. It had been far too long since a woman touched him, sexual or not. Wakaba’s hands were dainty and smooth compared to his large, rough hands. His hand could easily engulf hers if he wanted to. Would it frighten her if he tried or was she spacey enough to think it perfectly normal for a man to suddenly grasp her hand. Then again, she started it.

“How about dinner?”

“Dinner sounds… great.”

“Go wash up.” She patted his hand with a smile. “I’ll go feed Goro.”

Taking advantage of his brief absence, Wakaba grabbed Goro’s fire truck from her hiding place and slipped it into the diaper bag, covering the evidence with the extra diapers. There would be none of that in her household. How he could allow Goro to keep such a horrible toy was beyond her. A man like Shido didn’t seem like the sort to tolerate nonsense, so why this toy? It confused her to no end.

“I bathed with Goro by the way,” she said at the table. “You don’t have to worry about that tonight.”

“You bathed _with_ Goro?”

She nodded, giving Goro a spoonful of his dinner.

_I wish I was Goro._

“He’s very adventurous.” Her hand patted the baby’s head, grinning. “You have to keep an eye out on this Indiana Jones, isn’t that right Goro-chan?”

“It’s a blessing that he’s bold, but it’s also a curse that he isn’t.” He sighed. “The day he starts walking independently is the day my hair goes white.”

“Yes.” She swallowed her tea a little too cautiously. “Something I have not seen. Not at all. Nope.”

“Yes, that of which you have allegedly not witnessed,” he said, after taking a mouthful of fried rice. The rich umami of the soy, meat, and vegetables hit his tongue like fireworks. Wakaba had apologized earlier for the leftovers, but Shido did not care. The flavors had time to marinate, and the combination with the rice was heaven. A delicious meal. Simple as that. “You know Ogata, right?”

She nodded.

Shido ate another portion. “He’s dead.”

Wakaba’s chopsticks fell from her hands. “What?! How? When?”

“Apparently it happened today. I don’t know the full details, but people in the office are saying it was a heart attack.”

“Ogata… I can’t believe he’s dead.” She remained silent for a long minute, eyebrows furrowing. Her lips moved, silent words unspoken, unheard. Ogata had been with her for the past year. For him to pass away without a warning shocked her, though at the same time it didn’t. In the recesses of her mind, Wakaba knew the probable cause of his death, and she kept the secret to herself.

Shido noted her response. “It’s sad.”

“Yeah… but you seem…” She sucked in her lips, chewing on the bottom. “…happy?”

“I…” He swallowed hard. Was it that obvious he wasn’t so fazed by Ogata’s death? He looked at Wakaba. Her eyes did not judge. Merely curious, observant. If Shido had to be honest, Wakaba hardly seemed upset about Ogata being dead; rather the circumstances of his death agitated her. In his experience, someone who gave a shit about someone didn’t continue to eat as if nothing happened. She swallowed her food just fine. “I got a promotion.”

“Huh? Where?”

“In your department. I’m going to basically be Ogata.” _Except hotter._

“Then that means you’ll be working with me, but on the government side?” The room felt hot. Wakaba unconsciously fanned herself with her hand. “I think it’s great. I mean, it’s terrible what happened to Ogata but, wow, I was gone for one day and you’re already promoted. If that isn’t God’s grace I don’t know what is.”

There was nary a hint of sarcasm or an ulterior motive in her tone. Her posture relaxed. She grabbed the spoon to serve herself more rice only to glare at the plate then at Shido for leaving a tiny portion behind, not even enough to fill a quarter of the serving spoon. Unable to hold himself back, Shido smirked. “Please take care of me.”

 

 

“Papaaa…” said Goro, poking his father’s eyes. It was Saturday morning, which meant papa would sleep in if Goro allowed. When Shido remained unresponsive, Goro pinched the nose then stuck a finger up a nostril. Surely papa would wake up after that. “Papa.”

No one had ever warned him about this. Everyone mentioned having children was a joy and a challenge, but they never said anything about being woken up in the heinous hours of the morning by your child. Goro was worse than a rooster. The bird at least didn’t come to peck you and usually ran off to strut with his hens. Goro’s babbles may as well have been the rooster’s crow by how loud he got when upset when his waking tactics failed. His slaps didn’t bother Shido either unless he smacked his nose with more strength than usual. Thankfully there was no blood, but the pain fully woke him up.

“Papa!”

Shido groaned, “You’re the worst rooster ever.” His eyes rolled back to sleep. A few more prods and pinches and Shido was awake.

Diaper bag prepped, bottles full, snacks packed, stroller ready. Fresh diaper changed, baby sun hat on, face wiped clean of mashed bananas, booties on feet. It was time for Goro’s park debut. Shido had heard about the term before from a female coworker. From what he gathered, it was an important event where a baby and their mother went to the park to play and congregate with the other mothers. The impression the new mother gave ensured her place in the playground.

“I have no idea why this would even be considered important,” he said to Goro, securing him into the car seat, pacifier in his mouth. “It’s just going to the park.”

They arrived at Aoba Park in good time despite a slight accident on the road between Tokyo and Mikage-cho. Shido placed Goro on the stroller with the diaper bag and studied the park map on the sign. Aoba Park was immense, and famous for its little shrines, food stands, nature, and play areas. After determining their location and the whereabouts of the baby playground, the two were off.

Fresh air. Clear streams. Budding green trees waking up to meet the spring. It had been a long time since Shido last been to a park. Before Goro, he would spend his spare time after work and on weekends at the gym, then go out and do something for leisure. After marriage, his recreation lessened, though his routine trips to the gym remained. Even though he didn’t regret quitting his previous gym membership, Shido missed the gym. Of course, he could go running at a nearby park and do simple exercises at home yet it didn’t feel the same, and due to his limited home space, he couldn’t keep unnecessary equipment like weights. If he could find a way to have Goro supervised while going to the gym, Shido would be less embittered. Erectile dysfunction or not, intense exercise was his alternate outlet when he wasn’t masturbating or getting laid, or in the mood to play an instrument or dance.

Having one semblance of his former life would make all the difference.

The baby playground was small, yet ample enough to accommodate for a parent to be next to the child during their activities. A row of empty strollers were parked along a curb. A blue pavilion blocked out the sun to shade the space for the toddlers who frolicked about, playing with the equipment or the sandbox. Some mothers played along with their children, while the rest watched them at a nearby distance. Shido could count with one hand the number of fathers present, and he was one of them.

“I think you’re the youngest one here.”

After parking the stroller, Shido carried Goro to the baby swing. A mother looked at Shido from the side as she swung her child.

“You’re going to love this,” he said, patting Goro’s head before gently pushing the swing. “It’s like your jumper, Pillow.”

Goro kicked his feet with enthusiasm, a jubilant cry.

While the two played in the swings, the mothers gathered around to gossip. They had been a tight-knit clique in Aoba playgrounds, judging mothers and their children during their park debut. Only the trendiest, most worthy of women were graced to join their inner circle. Knowledge was precious, and so were connections. They knew of the best preschools, the best sales, and the best everything in child rearing. It was a privilege to be among their group with a few non-clique mothers staying far apart from the group within the playground as a means to impress the leaders.

“Who is that man? Do you know him, Murata?”

“I don’t, Takeuchi. Is he someone’s husband, Nagai?”

“We’d know if he were… How about you, Toriyama? You seem to know the husband gossip.”

“I mean, I’d brag until my face went blue if my husband were _that_ handsome. Wouldn’t you, Ichikawa?”

“Absolutely. We’d know at an instant if he were any of the other mothers’ husbands. He also has a baby I’ve never seen before.”

“He’s a beautiful baby too,” said Takeuchi.

“I don’t see a wedding ring either,” replied Ichikawa. “Divorced? Widowed?”

“What a heartless woman to leave…” Murata eyed Shido’s rear. “…such a sweet, loving husband.”

“Truly. I believe we should welcome this gentleman and his baby to the playground. It’s the right thing to do,” said Toriyama.

Nagai, the leader of the group, stepped forward. “I’ll speak to him when he’s done with the swing.”

Shido lifted Goro from the swing, surveying the area to see what else was baby friendly. A woman approached them with the resolve to speak.

“Hello, my name is Nagai. Are you new here?”

With a keen eye trained through his teenage years to remain unnoticed, Shido eyeballed her measurements. It also helped to have a baby to block the other person’s line of sight. No one ever suspected the man holding a baby to check out women, and Shido loved it.

Small yet cute tits. The flat ass was a tragedy, but not a deal breaker. If he ignored the gaudy make up, she’d be a five at best. With his broken dick she was up at a seven. Still, she had a melodic voice, plump lips, and dressed nicely.

“Why yes, it is.” His voice changed from father to smooth operator. “My name is Shido, and this is my son Goro.”

“He’s adorable~” she said, bending down a little, squeezing her breasts together with her arms. “You’re a cutie, Goro-chan.”

Goro stared at the lady, running his fingers over his lips mimicking deep thought.

Nagai reached over to touch Goro’s head. Shido pulled Goro away, placing his hand over his head in a protective embrace. He did not give her permission to touch his boy, and probably not ever for her indiscretion.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Shido-san. That was so thoughtless of me!” She bowed apologetically. “Please, why don’t you have a seat over here? The ladies love meeting new parents!”

Shido eyed the bench in question. It was surrounded with eager mothers who twisted their locks, tucked their hair, and straightened their clothes. Their intent signaled strong, restless, lustful. The carnal energy radiated from a mile away.

“I’d love to,” he said and strutted to the bench, oozing with confidence. He sat Goro on his lap, his little prince to his king.

One woman touched his arm using a slight squeeze to feel for definition and wasn’t disappointed when her light pressure hit hard muscle. “Hello I’m Murata. Welcome to the playground. Tell us about you and your cute son.”

_Five._

Shido grinned at the woman’s bold touch. He was back on track to his old self. “My name is Shido, and this is my son Goro. He’s nine months old.”

“What a darling,” crooned Toriyama. “He’ll be a man just before you know it! My name is Toriyama, Shido-san. Pleased to meet you.”

_Eight._

“Likewise,” he said, letting Goro grab his hand to nibble on it. If he could get to his diaper bag, then his boy would find better relief for his aching gums. But the company was too good to pass up. Better to let Goro turn him into a chew toy than to forgo this moment. “Do you ladies come to this park often?”

“Oh yes!” exclaimed Takeuchi. “We bring our children over here during the weekends and sometimes weekdays. It’s refreshing to see a father around the area. We don’t get the pleasure to see them often.”

_Hmm… Four._

“My husband’s here but…” Ichikawa appeared to be the youngest of the group. They all glanced at an uninspiring man reading his newspaper, head nodding desperate to keep himself awake. The children’s loud screams fell to deaf ears. “Yeah, that’s him.”

 _Six. I am so sorry a cute woman has to fuck that._ “He seems like a pleasant man.”

“Y-yeah… It’s still nice to see a man like you here.”

Nagai sat next to Shido, careful not to make the error of touching Goro without his father’s consent, but deliberately touched Shido’s other arm. “Shido-san, Goro-chan would be so cute with my Hana-chan.”

Takeuchi frowned. “No, he’d be perfect with my Kotoko-chan!”

_Why? He’s just a baby. Why do women care about marriage so much?_

“Ladies, ladies. There’s no need to fight. I’m sure Goro will get along with both your beautiful girls- No, no, no, no Goro.” Shido pulled away from the ladies’ hold to grab Goro who had been leaning too far over his lap. He held Goro close to his body, his arm firm around his son’s midsection. Goro growled at the restriction, immediately remedied by Shido shaking Goro’s hand with his free arm.

The women gushed at Shido’s paternal instinct, lavishing him with compliments, rubbing his shoulders and knee. They promised to show him the bento box they made for their children to give him tips for his baby, and the recommended toys and educational tools needed for Goro to become the perfect little genius.

This was Shido’s old world. Women giving him attention, especially for sex, had been a staple before marrying Toshiko. These ladies were all thirsty, sex-deprived housewives who wanted to feel appreciated, and only their outings to look forward to. They were bored of their below-average-looking husbands with low sex drives and their general disinterest in child rearing. Frankly, Shido himself had not been keen on child rearing either, but one look at Goro and it was a light exterminating the growing darkness inside.

If he could have a fling or two, Shido would be at a better place. Perhaps not in the world of finance or social standing, but with himself. His body ached for sexual release, and worst of all he couldn’t give it to himself if he wanted. He missed that the most, more than the ladies, though they were a big bonus when he managed to seduce one for a quick romp. All these women were more than willing to give it to him, and he sorely wanted to fuck each one in a park bathroom until his balls were dry.

_How am I supposed to do that if I can’t get it up?_

“I can tell you do a lot of exercise, Shido-san,” said Murata. “Do you go to the gym?

“Of course,” he lied. They didn’t need to know it had been months since he last set foot in one. “Unfortunately, it’s becoming harder with Goro. Late daycares are difficult to find.”

Despite her husband’s proximity, Ichikawa massaged Shido’s neck. “You can take him to GOLD fitness club in the Yumezaki ward. They have all kinds of classes and equipment, and best of all: there’s a daycare!”

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s north of Aoba if you’re wondering. Really close to a shopping district called Central Avenue.”

“I’ll have to investigate this club.” He turned around and gave her a dazzling smile. “Thank you, Ichikawa.”

She blushed. “It was nothing, Shido-san!”

The jovial rival-like atmosphere among the mothers tensed the moment he thanked Ichikawa. Shido scratched his neck in a subtle manner to push Ichikawa’s hands away without offending her. He had to think hard about the situation. Say the wrong thing and he could kiss the easy sex goodbye. He hadn’t been in a dangerous position like this since university. It was time to create an escape plan.

Shido turned Goro to fix a cowlick and kissed him on the forehead. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I have to go meet my father for lunch. It’s his birthday and he would like to see Goro.” Not a stutter, or a hesitant pause. His son was his accomplice: look cute and function as his affection magnet to ward off any suspicions he had a favorite among the mothers. His baby nailed that job perfectly. Shido sighed inwardly in relief when he heard the leader giggle. The women’s energy returned to its horny normalcy.

“We’re sorry you can’t stay any longer,” said Takeuchi.

“It’s so wonderful you are fulfilling your duties as a son. Your father must be proud,” replied Nagai.

“Thank you, ladies.” Shido bowed while holding Goro.

“Will you be here next week?” asked Murata. “It’s almost the hanami too. You should join us.”

Shido grinned at each woman. “Goro and I would be more than happy to join you at the hanami, and yes, we’ll be here next week. But I really must get going. I don’t want to be late with my father.”

“We understand,” said Nagai. “We’ll see you next week!”

Shido carried Goro as he pushed the stroller. Once the two were outside of view from the playground, he tossed Goro up a few inches into the air before catching him. Goro giggled at his father’s play and received many cuddles and kisses from him.

“You did it, Goro! You did it! You are the best!” Shido nestled his son close to his chest, swaying his body while the two embraced, a flurry of kisses to Goro’s head. “Thank you so much.”

Gazing into his son’s dark eyes, Shido’s heart leapt for joy. A swell of pride or was it a lump in his throat?

“You helped papa today, you have no idea!” Shido kissed Goro’s nose then pressed his lips on the soft spot of his head. He whispered, “I love you so much.”

“Um excuse me?”

Shido frowned. Who had the gall to disturb him during his precious time with Goro? “What?” he snarled, turning to face the fool. It was Toriyama.

If she had noticed his interaction with his son, or alarmed by his abrupt response, Shido didn’t know. Though he could tell she came to him without the other mothers’ knowledge.

“I just wanted to say how much I appreciated you being at the park today. Children need to see more fathers being proactive in their lives. My husband is absolutely useless in that regard.” She scowled. “And among other things, but not you. I can tell you’re very _thorough_ and _giving_.”

“I’m also a _blessed_ man,” he answered with a smug smirk.

“Mmm, I can tell,” she said, glancing below Shido’s belt before facing him.

“Rest assured, next week, I’ll come prepared with my supplies. A little extra _protection_ never hurt anyone.”

“I’ll bring some supplies too since I think we’ll have quite the… appetite next Saturday.”

“I’ll be ravenous.”

Toriyama smiled. “Until next time, Shido-san.”

Shido waited until Toriyama had left. If the other women had the intent to approach him, he didn’t want to be a part of it. At least not until next week when he had his way with them in the park. He power-walked half way across the park before taking a break. He changed Goro’s diaper and fed him a light lunch and provided plenty of fluids.

Once in the car, Shido rolled down a window and pushed back the passenger seat to lay back while Goro laid on his chest and stomach. He used one of Goro’s blankets for warmth.

“I’m going to have to take you to the park more often.”

Shido yawned. Goro’s eyes rolled back listening to the sound of his father’s heart. Shido stroked Goro’s head with a fond, sleepy smile. His movements diminished as the minutes passed. Eyes heavy. Consciousness fading. A soft snore.

There was no rush to return to Tokyo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Park debut' or 'koen debyuu' is a very real thing in Japan.


	6. NSFW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shido tries to get his manhood back and fails. He requires more assistance to bring him back on top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Instead of writing an entirely separate fic with the lewd chapters, I decided to keep it all in one since it will flow better.  
> All the chapters containing NSFW material will be named "NSFW" in the chapter title in case you are not interested in reading it. Just know that the NSFW chapters will not contain important plot elements but their actions will be referenced in regular chapters. I mean, these are grown people here.
> 
> Every NSFW chapter will contain tags in the chapter notes. I don't want to flood the fic's tags with stuff that only appears every so often. So yeah these chapters are rated E.
> 
> Tags/Warnings:  
> Masturbation, sex fantasies, harem fantasies, hand jobs

Human resources got in touch with Shido on Monday and reported the official move would occur the following week. Everything would remain as it were until then. The news hadn’t pleased Shido, having no choice but to shrug off the disappointing news. It didn’t help he only got three hours of sleep the previous night.

Sunday sped by until nightfall, and then it came to a screeching halt after putting his baby to sleep. Shido spent the rest of the evening on his couch with his pants down, desperate to get a full erection. That Friday when he ate dinner with Wakaba, he could feel a slight chub forming seeing her pout about the scraps he left. She was…

Cute.

Very cute, in fact.

Something about the way she pursed her lips and puffed her cheek seemed adorable to him. Perhaps it was the hectic work week or his awful sleeping habits, or his desire to have an orgasm, but in that instance Wakaba’s agitation did a number on him. Despite her loopy, care-free personality and ugly eye wear, he knew from the moment he saw her with the right amount of sleep she was beautiful. And he rarely went for the weird girls. Nerdy girls yes, occultists just twice, the cosplayer on a whim, but not the weird ones.

Shido was grateful for the semi she gave him. It meant he and his sex life was not beyond help. He had until next weekend to get hard or risk humiliation. Women didn’t like excuses. The “I don’t have a condom” excuse only worked for so long. If he used it again, Toriyama would know something was amiss. She might suspect he used his condom on another woman, or conclude he had impotence- the worst of the two assumptions. He already got demoted before in the work life, he was not letting it happen in his social and sex life. Absolutely not! It was beyond embarrassing.

Yet another night spent on reviving his dick to no success. He had his favorite uncensored porno magazines he got from America and Europe. None of that pixelated garbage Japanese men were subjugated into buying. Shido had the real stuff, and if that didn’t work, fantasizing sexy scenarios worked too.

One of his favorite ones involved a harem. Two women knelt before him, sucking and licking his cock with enthusiasm. He fingered a woman standing on his right and watched three naked women covered in oil wrestle one another. The winner had the privilege of getting fucked first. Shido would bend her over and thrust inside her wet hole while the other women looked on in envy, touching themselves and one another. Fondling their breasts, rubbing their clits, making out until Shido gave them the attention they craved. He fucked each woman, filled them up with his seed, and repeated until he tired of them. There must have been three loads in each harem bitch; they begged for more. As their master, Shido easily complied.

Shido added more lotion to his limp penis. Old reliable didn’t cut it this time. The lovely ladies of his magazines were always a treat to admire and imagine sticking his dick into, but tonight -like all other nights since he had to raise Goro by himself- they did nothing for him. Fuming, he threw the American magazine at the wall and immediately regretted it when he heard his son whimper from his bedroom.

He waited for a few seconds to hear if the fussing would proceed into cries but relaxed when nothing else came about. Shido had to keep his temper in check or else risk upsetting his son for his outbursts. As much as he wanted to jack off, he wanted to deal with a moody baby even less. A sleeping baby was a happy baby.

Toriyama was the hottest of the thirsty mothers, so perhaps she would make better fap bait. Shido cozied up into the couch, thinking about the woman he propositioned the day before. Though she wore a large sweater, Toriyama had a nice nape and legs. In his fantasy they were in a park restroom and had sex near the entrance where anyone could see and hear them bang. No clue if she had the perfect rack or not, he imagined she had large breasts bouncing up and down, riding Shido’s thick cock until she was satisfied. When she came, Shido would change his position to grab her by tits and fuck her from behind. He’d cum afterwards and empty himself into her pussy several times while Toriyama moaned like a whore against the sink.

Still soft.

Still frustratingly soft.

The memory of a lacy pink bra crossed his mind. His dick twitched. Progress finally made.

He looked at the clock and jumped when it said 4AM. Did he spend that much time jerking off to no conclusion? He almost wanted to laugh at the situation, but he didn’t find it funny or ironic. It was awful. He masturbated since twelve, sexually active at fifteen and never skipped a beat since Toshiko’s death. He wanted release. If there was a god, he was a cruel, malevolent one out to curse him for something he didn’t do. Goro wasn’t born out of wedlock and he hadn’t impregnated anyone else. Was this punishment for the time he had sex with a rival’s dance partner back in his second year of high school? Shido felt he hadn’t been punished for that one yet.

Whatever it was could wait in the morning. Shido’s day was guaranteed to be terrible with the number of hours he'd sleep that night. Shoulders hunched, sunken heart, Shido washed up and crawled into bed with his son, who slept without a peep.

It amazed him how such a tiny, precious person could result from such a wanton and carnal act. He would never tell Goro the circumstances of his marriage to Toshiko or his conception; only that he was loved and wanted. All that mattered -what truly mattered- was Shido forfeiting his selfish playboy ego, and accepting deep in his heart the son he almost discarded. He’d be more than happy to have his flings, but if push came to shove, if Goro needed him, he’d gladly drop his act to protect his boy. Even if she were the hottest woman.

Shido pulled his son close, snuggling against his warm body, his little Pillow. Always happy to see his father, always making him smile with joy and not out of obligation. Kissing Goro’s button nose, Shido’s consciousness drifted. He remembered the words of his mother, and how much she despised Toshiko for being a “lesser, ignorant woman.” She demanded Shido to take Goro the moment he was born and abandon her.

“I would have left your mother if I could still keep you.”

 

 

Work, predictably, was hell due to his uncharged internal battery. He really needed to get healthier sleeping habits. When he finally orgasmed, then he’d do it. It was a promise to himself he made after his seventh cup of coffee. Sojiro gave him a funny look, but continued to make coffee throughout the day.

“Have you seen Wakaba?” he asked.

“No,” said Shido. The fumes he ran on didn’t allow him to want to play games with the old timer. The less said the better. Besides, didn’t they already speak with one another outside of work?

“I guess she’s doing an outside assignment.”

Shido shrugged.

“You’ll be doing those by the way.”

He could feel a vein on his head throb. “Is there anything specific you want from me?”

“No, just wondering.”

 _Then go wonder up your ass and get out of my face!_ he thought, nearly a tip of the tongue away from blurting the sentence out. Any other day of the week, Sakura’s questions wouldn’t have bothered him. However, Shido had been so pent up and furious for his inability to perform, he was ready to explode. He may as well go to a soapland in Kabukicho's red light district and get a tittyfuck until he achieved his goal. Only then he’d be less ill-tempered.

 

 

Shido sighed as he stared at Wakaba’s apartment door. He hoped she made something good to eat and bathed Goro again, too tired to do or feel anything. Knocking on the door, he received the same “It’s open!” muffled holler from Friday. Her plan to make him say “I’m home” was well-thought, and she was lucky he was in a passive mood to go along with her game. He had another game planned anyway. And it was in his briefcase waiting to be let out.

“I’m home,” he yawned. Dinner smelled incredible as usual.

“Welcome home!” she yelled from her study.

Removing his shoes in a hurry, Shido took the opportunity to open his briefcase and place the red fire truck underneath Wakaba’s couch. Like hell was he going to let that abominable toy stay in his house! The siren’s rude awakening during his Sunday nap removed years from his life, and he preferred to live long enough to see his son graduate from university.

He plopped himself onto the couch. It was comfortable and perfect to go into a coma. He looked over at the empty playpen and wondered where she had his son. His eyes grew heavy. A shift in weight beside him woke him from his stupor.

“How was your day?” she asked. “You look like… shit.”

“I only slept for three hours. Logically, I would look like shit.”

Wakaba sighed. “You really need to sleep better, Masa-Masa. You can’t continue like this.”

“I don’t have a choice.”

“Oh, don’t start with that! If you need to take sleeping aids, then do it. I have a colleague in the pharmacy department at work who can give you something if you need it.”

“You don’t understand,” he answered, hands on his face.

“What don’t I understand, Masa-Masa?”

Shido removed his hands, and glared at her, but failed immensely due to his exhaustion. It was a child’s pout. “Don’t call me that,” he whined.

“Why not?” The urge to call him cute increased, yet Wakaba remained tight-lipped. Shido struck her as the proud ladies’ man. For him to make such a face must have been those rare instances few people got to experience. And she got to be one of those fortunate individuals who witnessed it. If she called him cute, he would become upset and leave. She could not allow that. Not when she made enough food for his gluttonous self. “And you’re not telling me what I don’t understand. I’m not letting you go home until you tell me.”

“Where’s Goro?”

“In my room sleeping. Now tell me.”

“How was your day?”

“Oh, it was interesting. I took some notes about Goro’s progress with his object permanence and- hey wait that’s cheating!” She bit her bottom lip. Shido played dirty and he played it well.

“Please don’t conduct Jean Piaget’s experiments on my son like that.” Shido’s pout transformed into a fond smile.

“And why not?” she asked, leaning closer, hand on his stiff shoulder. His knowledge impressed her. Rudimentary in the world of cognitive psychology, but still remarkable considering his usual line of work.

“Because I’m the only one who gets to test object permanence on him.”

“Fu, fu, fu…” Giving him a sly side-look and covering her mouth with her hand. “Is Masa-Masa jealous someone else is taking Goro’s attention?”

“Of course not,” he said with an air of confidence. “Goro loves me the most.”

“Does not.”

“Does too.”

“Does not.”

“What’s for dinner?”

“It’s pasta carbona- no, you’re doing it again!” She flicked the cowlick at the top of Shido’s head. Every time she saw him, it was always there standing, even when Shido brushed or matted it down. The cowlick stood up with pride as not a hair product in the world prevented it from melding with the rest. Suiting for a charismatic man to have a showy piece of hair.

Shido yawned, easing back into the couch with his eyes closed. He mumbled, “No matter what you do, you can’t tame that stupid hair. My mother tried for years and failed.”

“I think it’s cu- fine. It’s a totally fine feature to have,” she laughed nervously. Wakaba noted Shido’s wakefulness waned with her silence. “Masa-Masa?”

“Hm?” His eyes still closed.

“Are you hungry?”

“Hmm… not really.”

“Masa-Masa?” Wakaba’s hand wandered down his arm and felt his muscles, intentionally developed to be bulky, defined, and full of raw strength. She pinched the forearm, amazed by its firmness, and then drifted her fingers to his large hand. His fingers were thicker than the men she encountered at her job, not that she paid close attention to that sort of thing. It was only when Shido came along did she notice those sorts of fine details on a man. Wakaba’s loins tingled at the thought of them inside her, exploring her intimate parts. Her face lit on fire.

“Yes?” he groaned at the brink of sleep.

Her hand rose to his chest, massaging his right pectoral, fingers ghosted near his nipple. “You’re so… pent up.”

Eyes flew open, wide awake. A sensation of splashed water mixed with an electric bolt, but far more exciting. Her breathy voice and the choice of word went straight to his crotch. Pants grew tighter. It wasn’t a partial, it went full salute, and it was more than happy to see Wakaba. How was it he barely now realized she wore skimpy pajama shorts, or that her nipples poked through her thin shirt? She didn't wear a bra and it made Shido harder.

“I am,” he replied, careful to not touch in case she was the fidgety sort of girl. Though he doubted it would be the case considering how bold Wakaba behaved. He wanted this to lead into something good. Shido relaxed against the couch, leaned into her body, and spread out his legs to give her more access.

Wakaba’s ears burned. Her hands wavered for a second before traveling down his chest, undoing a button, waiting for a response. With an affirmative hum, Wakaba continued to unbutton the rest. This was the most daring act she had ever done with a man, yet she couldn’t find it in herself to stop. From his smell to his suave looks to the way he spoke about psychology with a slight glee in his tone. Since their first encounter, Shido was doing _things_ to her.

His bare chest and abs did things to her.

Her hand skimmed past the waistband to touch the bulge on his thigh. Using her thumb and index finger, she traced them along the cock, fascinated by its size and hardness.

 _It’s thick. I don’t think I can do this._  

Shido moaned at her playful, scientific exploration. It had to have been something new for her by the methodical and curious way she touched him. He couldn’t recall the last time anyone touched him so tenderly before. “Do you want me to pull it out or did you?”

Her heart jumped to her throat. “I-I got it.” She pulled her hands away when Shido lifted his hips to undo his belt but left the zipper alone. That was Wakaba’s job. Using a trembling hand, Wakaba fumbled with the zipper. The more she struggled, the more arduous the task seemed. Her dining room became hotter while her ears developed a sharp, painful pulse. Tears blurred her vision. This didn’t have to be difficult and yet it was.

Almost giving up, her body stiffened when she felt the sudden touch of a heated, large hand on her jaw and neck. The touch was gentle and patient. A thumb stroked her cheek.

He whispered, "Take your time.”

Shivers ran down her arms and neck. His touch brought her back to reality. The softness felt surreal. She may have been a little too into her world, but Wakaba could tell from the beginning Shido was an aggressive, virile man oozing with confidence yet pragmatic in his work and choices. The way he showered adoration to his son was a sharp contrast to his brusque personality. Again, cute, but she would never tell him that.

Nervousness abated, Wakaba managed to open the zipper, releasing Shido’s erection from its uncomfortable confines. He sighed in pleasure, removing his hand from her neck, rubbing it down to her breasts and gave them a little squeeze.

Her nipples hardened at his touch. Not wanting to let him take over, Wakaba reached for the trousers’ opening and massaged his groin, mesmerized how it throbbed beneath her hand. She pulled it out, proud of herself for correctly measuring the appendage then slightly scared of her accurate assessment. Shido had a big, girthy cock. Wakaba swallowed. Her panties were soaking.

Shido moaned. “That’s good.”

“You’ve got, ah, quite a lot of tension around your muscles. This muscle right here…” She stroked his dick with a light finger. “…is really hard.”

Instead of losing his boner like he usually would with unsexy remarks, Shido snorted, unable to control his unflattering reaction and howled in laughter. He covered his eyes to better process what he heard. Coming from any other woman would have shriveled his dick and put him in a foul mood for a ruined evening. But with Wakaba, the awkward dirty talk worked, and was simply Wakaba.

This had been an unexpected turn of events. Men were not supposed to laugh during sex, right? Was her line that awful? But his cock was still standing tall, so it had to mean he wasn’t entirely turned off. “Uh… Did I… um…”

Shido rubbed his eyes, shaking his head. “No, you didn’t ruin the mood. So, don’t worry. You can…” He moved his hips to rub his cock up against her hand. “…keep going.”

“Right.” She moaned softly as she stroked his dick. It was so hot, so unbelievably hot. If she weren’t so apprehensive from her previous sexual experience, she’d be hopping on his lap, humping his leg practically begging him to pound into her, consequences be damned.

She pumped his cock cautiously loving the short verbal cues he gave her. The sounds he made were encouraging, deep throaty moans that traveled to her aching clit. Wakaba let out a surprise whimper as Shido’s hand glided down her stomach and into her groin. He purposely avoided touching _that_ spot and it annoyed her to no end.

“Touch me!” she blurted out, unable to hold the thoughts inside.

“Oh fuck, I won’t last long. I’m gonna cum.” His toes curling, hips thrusting for sweet release. He bellowed out as he came onto her thighs and hand. Shido had been holding all that tension in for months. It finally came out.

Wakaba looked at her hand. The thick sticky cum coating her palm and fingers. “Wow, you really were pent up. You came a lot.” She wiped her hand with her shirt. “You gotta let that out every once in a while. That’s not healthy for a person.”

Shido didn’t say a word, only breathed hard as his hand continued to explore her nether area. He slipped his hand past her underwear; the wetness was palpable even before reaching her slick folds.

Wakaba cried out when his finger brushed against her sensitive clit. “Masa-Masa…” She wanted him to finger her so bad. She knew how to please herself, but it felt distinctly different, so much better when someone else did it.

The strength of his fingers lessened.

“Wait, what’s goin- Masa?”

A soft snore.

“No way! Masa-Masa wake up!”

Shido was knocked out and would not wake up until the morning. His body relaxed completely, physically, mentally, emotionally, everything. Never one to deny a woman her pleasure, however this time _la petit mort_ had his way him just as he was getting to the fun part with her.

“Well I’m not letting this go either!” She rubbed herself against his hand and fingers. It was immoral to use an unconscious person’s body, but he passed out on her with the promise of an orgasm. She was going to get that one way or another.

Holding his hand with hers, she guided the rough fingers against her nub. If she could only have them inside her. No, not his fingers. His cock. His massive, throbbing, thick cock. Wakaba craved it. She wanted it inside her, filling her all the way up. Touching her in places she couldn’t reach. It had been such a long time since she felt a man’s touch; she ground harder up against herself. She cried from the pleasure building up inside. God if he could only wake up and have his way with her.

Shido would be so hard, so stiff. No doubt he wouldn’t pin her down with that hidden strength against the sofa and fuck her raw. He wouldn’t stop ramming in and out no matter how much she denied and cried out. She wouldn’t want him to stop either; she wouldn’t let him stop. If he tried to pull away, Wakaba would shove him down and ride his dick. She'd never done that before, but in her fantasy she would, and she’d loved it. Women at the office often spoke how it was the most pleasurable position. Just once Wakaba would like to try it with someone who knew what they were doing.

He would whisper, “I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum inside you.”

She was so close.

And Wakaba would refuse and attempt to get off, but Shido would seize her hips with his strong hands and slam inside, emptying himself inside her without a care as she was his cumdump, and she accepted that role.

Her muscles spasmed, eyes clenched shut, her body taut as she came. The overwhelming sensation as her clit became too sensitive and pushed his hand away. Her breaths heavy.

“It’s your fault for dying during the good part,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him.

She washed and cleaned up, opened a window while spritzing the area with a freshener. Seeing the impossibility of waking Shido up, Wakaba, using all the strength she could to maneuver dead weight, removed his shirt and pants for a wash and tumble. A spare blanket laid over him for warmth with a quick wipe of his hand.

Once she had her dinner and finished with his clothes, Wakaba got ready for bed. As tempting as it was to sleep next to him, sleeping on a bed with the cutest baby in the world was the superior option. Any day of the week, on any planet or any galaxy the top tier choice would be to snuggle with Goro.

With a yawn, she laid next to the baby she had taken care of for the past couple days. Tomorrow would be the final day. Goro’s diarrhea had gone away and the end of Tuesday marked the twenty-four-hour period the daycare required before sending him back. And it meant Wakaba had to return to the lab and work. Of course, she did work from home, however going to a physical location dedicated to the job made it all more real, official.

She smiled wistfully, smoothing Goro’s back. “I hope this isn’t the end of us, Goro-chan. But if it is, please be a good boy to your father.”

 

 

“Where am I!?” Shido jumped from the couch and tripped over the blanket, creating a loud thud from the floor. 

Wakaba shrieked at the unexpected yelling. It was seven in the morning, and the morning lark had already been up making breakfast. Rushing to the living room, Wakaba found Shido entangled in the blanket on the floor. If she got too close, who knew how Shido would react.

“Masa-Masa,” she said at a safe distance. “You’re in my place and it’s 7AM. You have plenty of time to get ready.”

Balling up the blanket, Shido grunted before throwing the blanket back on the couch. It was humiliating to be caught in such a whimsical situation. His state of undress made it worse. When did he have his clothes removed?

“Plenty? With the abysmal Sumaru traffic? Where are my clothes!?”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she answered, pointing at a pressed oxford and slacks. “I cleaned them for you last night since you pretty much were knocked out into the next century.”

Shido shook his head. _I can’t believe I did that! I haven’t even showered last night!_ He pointed at Wakaba with a stern finger. “This is your fault!”

“ _My_ fault?” she said, taken aback. “You’re the one who fell asleep on my couch!”

“That is not my fault.”

“Oh?” Her arm crossed. “Pray tell, who’s fault is it?”

“My im-” No he was not going to tell her about his dick troubles. Shido managed to avoid it the night before and planned to do the same today. “Never mind.” He sighed, cheeks feeling hot and flushed. “Can I use your bathroom to wash up?”

Wakaba chuckled wondering how she got herself into this situation but accepted it. Shido was prideful and acted worse than his own son who at least had the excuse of being a baby with a developing cognition. She could forgive him for it for now. “Of course, though my deodorant smells girly.”

Shido shrugged before entering the bathroom. “As long as it works.”

The rest of the morning happened rather fast. Shido hurried himself to get dressed, combing his hair with one of Wakaba’s brushes, then shoveled down the toast and eggs she made and washed it down with roasted rice tea. He kissed his groggy prince goodbye, rubbing his face against his tummy. All he wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep with his son until Goro played acupuncture with his face.

Duty called.

He had to go back to work.

Wakaba handed him the same feminine tumbler as before. Shido accepted it without a second thought, put on his shoes, and sped off.

“Have a good day, Masa-Masa!” she called out.

“I wish she’d stop calling me that,” Shido grumbled to himself. As he started his car, his nose caught a peculiar smell. The scent was familiar albeit unique. He sniffed around the car: it wasn’t his vehicle. He smelled his clothes, but they smelled of fresh laundry. He smelled his hands- Oh. It was his right hand. And it smelled damn good.

Despite its dilution through hand washing, his fingers lingered with the intoxicating aroma of a woman’s most intimate parts. Inhaling again, Shido remembered how the scent got there in the first place. Both the memory and the smell of Wakaba’s pussy made him rock hard again.

Changing the car’s gears, Shido licked his lips with a lecherous grin. “I _have to_ eat her out.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With his groove back, Shido makes plans to go back to the park but not before having to deal with the elephant in the room. Sort of.  
> Wakaba thinks about the events from the night prior and comes to her own conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the comments! I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter.  
> There will be more of that nature to come in the future.  
> Thanks again! <3

“I am the worst person in the world. I did that. I actually did that.” Wakaba paced around her home office. Work was the last thing on her mind. “I humped his hand without even thinking! Oh God please forgive me for my stupidity, oh God. You were supposed to be ‘Oh I’m _scared_ of penises!’ but you kept thinking about it inside you. You wanted it and you actually touched it- Oh God I touched it! Aah why did I do that!?”

Biting her lip, Wakaba peeked at the living room. Goro played with blocks inside the playpen. He yawned, his pacifier falling out but didn’t care. At least he wasn’t having an inner crisis. She grabbed a sofa cushion, covered her face, and screamed. How could she ever face him?

“Goro-chan, tell me I’m the worst person ever.” She crawled into the playpen and kneeled in front of the baby. “How do I face him? You know all his secrets.”

Goro stared at his mama and continued to play.

“No, you’re supposed to tell me I’m the worst person ever.” He crawled away, uninterested. “Don’t you turn your back on me, young man!”

Sighing, Wakaba hugged her knees while watching Goro.

It was a fling.

A one-time event.

They were mature adults with needs. She had hers, and Shido had his. And last night they fulfilled them, for better or worse. It wasn’t the old days when you expected a man to marry a woman because they had sex. Love hotels littered the streets. Magazines talked about how to not only pleasure a man, but oneself as a woman. She herself owned a dildo!

“Don’t expect anything out from this. You only like his looks. You may think he seems neat, but that’s it. Masa-Masa is a widower with a baby. It’s no big deal.”

But he made her feel incredible despite him passing out at the last minute, and he didn’t even do anything complicated. Simple, meaningful touches. Not rough, forceful or demanding. She heard about it from the women she worked with in the past in random conversations about their spouses or lovers, and of men being able to please them or not. Some complained about their man being unable to understand their bodies, while others gushed at how loud theirs made them scream. Wakaba wished she had experience with the latter. Before her encounter with Shido, she secretly thought those ladies were liars.

“But they aren’t… they’re not liars.”

His words…

He didn't say much, but what Shido had said affected her more than whatever else he had physically done. Three little words. Three words resonated something inside when he uttered them with a tenderness she had never experienced with another man. A steady hand on her trembling face guiding her to look at him. His tired eyes gazed at hers with understanding and reassurance. “No, I will not hurt you,” they said, and Wakaba believed them. And it actually happened. The promise was not empty. There was no pain or anxiety but pleasure.

_“Take your time.”_

They meant more to her than the sexual act itself.

Wakaba wiped her eyes and laughed. It seemed she had been crying a lot these days, but it felt good, cathartic. Sometimes all one needed was a cry to make sense of the world. The fog in her mind cleared. And she was right: it was not a big deal that they did this. She deserved to feel pleasure even if nothing else came about with the man she had fun with.

“Although it would have been better if he stayed awake!”

Goro crawled back to Wakaba with a rattle. He playfully bopped it on her foot. “Mama!”

Wakaba grabbed Goro, holding him close. She laid on the playpen floor to snuggle with the baby. He was such a good child. Maybe there would be more opportunities to take care of him in the future. If Shido needed help, she would be more than happy to assist, not necessarily for him but for Goro. A growing boy needed all the love and attention he could get.

“Oh right, I have to ask your daddy about the hanami! Let’s have a picnic together, Goro!”

“Niiii!”

“We’ll have so much fun!” She kissed his cheek. The shadow of an unfamiliar object underneath her couch caught her attention. What in the world could it be? Wakaba lifted the couch bottom flap to reveal the worst thing possible painted in red.

“That… bastard.”

 

 

“You look like you’re on top of the world, Shido,” said a coworker.

Shido smirked. Had it been that obvious? He slept for more than eight hours and got his vitality back. There was no way it wasn’t going to show in his demeanor.

Sojiro looked at Shido from afar. No doubt he got laid the night before. That was the swagger and the grin of a man who got some. Considering his foul mood from yesterday, in the eyes of Sojiro, Shido became a new man. He wasn’t too sure if he liked this version of Shido or not, but that smug atmosphere pointed closer towards the negative.

“Not too disappointed you’ll be with us for a little longer?” Sojiro asked as he approached Shido’s desk.

“As long as I get the title and pay, I can be here until you get sick of me.”

“Have you seen Shinjo again?”

“I don’t expect to since I won’t get to do anything research related until next week.” Shido shook his head. “It always feels like the government side of things takes forever to process.”

“Gotta love working for the bureaucrats.”

“Nothing like taking two months to repair a copy machine. Red tape isn’t as sexy as it sounds.”

“Hoo boy, tell me about it. I wasn’t physically allowed to enter a building as a civil servant until a particular paper got authorized. It was a pain in the ass.”

“You too, huh? I had something like that happen a few years back. It was in Mikage-cho.”

“Was there something going on there?” Sojiro asked, idly stroking his beard.

“You don’t remember? It was-”

**He won’t remember that.**

Shido’s eyes darted around the room. His breathing remained the same, and Sojiro did not appear to be distressed. “Nevermind.”

“Classified?” Sojiro nodded. “I know that all too well. Say, did you ever get your watch fixed?”

“No, but I’ve been meaning to.”

“Well if you’re feeling sentimental about it, someone from accounting told me about a shop in the Rengedai ward. If you go to a mall called the Lotus Plaza, she told me it was called…” Sojiro snapped his fingers. “Time… Time something- Time Pagoda?”

**Time Castle.**

“Time Castle?”

“Yeah, that’s it,” said Sojiro. “Apparently they do repairs.”

“I suppose I can pay them a visit.”

The wristwatch had been a gift from his parents after graduating high school. His younger brother joked how at first they were going to give him a motorcycle, but decided on a flimsy traditional watch instead.

“It’s what your dumb ass deserved,” Hiroki told him after the graduation ceremony.

“It’s _your_ stupid ass that got me this bruise on my face. You started it: I finished it.”

“But mom’s makeup looks great on you, Yosh!”

Poking at Hiroki’s ribs, Shido replied, “Say that again.”

His brother hissed but shoved his brother with a laugh. “Ow, ow, ow! Okay you win!” He pulled out a wrapped gift from his school bag. “I got something for you too, so don’t say I never do nice things for you.”

Shido stared at the gift in his brother’s hand, flabbergasted. It was a thick rectangle shape wrapped in old Christmas paper adorned with Christmas trees and Santa Clauses. The dated wrapping aside, it had been wrapped poorly as well with uneven lines and an excess amount of tape everywhere. Still, Hiroki managed to get it done without asking for their mother’s help.

“Hey, you gonna take it or not? It’s kinda heavy.”

He smiled as he took the gift from his brother’s hand. It _was_ heavy. Did his brother give him a book? “Can I open it here?”

“Yeah, go for it.”

Shido tore the gift apart, rolling his eyes at the goofy Christmas paper. Hiroki couldn’t even manage to buy some cheap wrapping from the Daiso. The lazy git. Unraveling the gift, it was predictably a book, but to Shido’s surprise the cover was blank. He flipped the book to the other side to reveal an old western book.

“ _Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious_ ,” he read out in English. “Carl Jung.”

Opening the book, the first page had a message written.

To my big bro, Masayoshi.  
Good luck with university!  
Hiroki.

 

All these years.

All these years and Hiroki did listen to him. His anxieties, hopes, and dreams. His little brother took it all to heart and gave him something he would never in a million years had ever thought possible. This gift was better than a fancy wristwatch or a motorcycle. A painful lump formed at the back his throat as he flipped through the book. That stupid asshole.

“Whoa! Are you crying?”

“I’m not.” Shido snapped his head away from Hiroki’s prying eyes. The urge to not wipe his eyes becoming harder the more Hiroki attempted to encircle to see his reaction. “Fuck off!”

“Holy shit you’re crying! Mom! MOM! Masayoshi’s crying!”

“Piece of shit!” Shido grabbed his brother by the waist, gabbing at his injuries from the after-school fight they had gotten into a week prior. This was the last time he was going to save his dumb brother from a fight.

“That’s enough you two!” their mother yelled in English. “All you do is embarrass me!”

 

 

Returning to Wakaba’s home, Shido knocked and waited for her to open the door. He didn’t want to stay over. Not one to feel awkward after a sexual encounter, he had a feeling Wakaba would be the opposite and make it weird. Either she’d behave suspiciously oblivious or be shy and freak out. She had to realize this was just a one-time deal, though he was dead serious in wanting to do oral to her. Eternally grateful for revitalizing his manhood, Shido wanted to leave all that in the past. Goro was his number one focus. If there was anything with women it would be a quick casual romp and be done with it. Shido’s sexual desires didn’t entail a romantic relationship. Besides, there was a hot mom waiting for him that weekend. An excellent way to celebrate his comeback.

_I hate clingers._

Wakaba had not answered the door. Shido knocked again, louder. No sign of her “It’s open!” yet. Door pounding followed. Nothing again. This time he turned the doorknob. Locked. Perhaps they were running an errand?

 **Masayoshi…  
** **How terrible it must be to witness a murder scene again.**

Heart sinking, panic set in. Maggots and bulbous, rotting flesh flooded his mind. Lacerations of an unknown source. Blood and excrement mixing and coagulating on the floor. What if someone entered her home and attacked them? What if they took Goro? He was a beautiful baby, which tended to fetch a high price in the black market to either organ harvesters or rich baby-crazy women. Placing trust on such a frivolous woman was a mistake. Goro did not deserve a terrible fate.

“WAKABA!” he screamed, fist beating repeatedly.

He was making a scene and didn’t care who watched. No one messed with Masayoshi Shido or his son. If he had to tear down the door, he would. Goro couldn’t be gone. He had to be in there! Kicking at the door handle, a woman’s scream echoed towards the door followed by a baby’s cry.

“Youji, stop!”

 _Youji?_ “OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!”

“I’ll call the cops if you come in!”

“Open the door!”

“I have a knife!”

“This is Shido!”

The sound of a blunt, metal object hitting the floor. “W-wha?” Coughing. “Masa-Masa?” The voice came closer, relieved. Soothing words were said to another person inside. It had to be Goro.

“It’s me,” he said calming down. What just happened there? “Just open the door.”

“Count to ten before opening the door.”

“Why?”

“…you caught me during a bath.”

“Alright.”

With a loud click, Shido heard feet scurry along the home. He counted to ten. That was quite an awkward situation he had put them in. Ironic considering what he had told himself right before going into a full panic. There he was creating dangerous scenarios and wild old maid assumptions about Wakaba when it had been a big misunderstanding. Worse, Goro had been frightened, and Wakaba too. His calm composed demeanor broke at an instant the moment his fears took over. This was not in character for him. Not even when he used to get in fights in his early school days did he ever react in this manner. Angry, yes, but not to the point where he yelled like a madman. To go so far as to assume his son lay bruised and bloodied somewhere in that house when Wakaba had given him absolutely no reason to doubt her as a caretaker. For all Shido knew, it could have been Wakaba who had been assaulted and not his son. How monstrous of him.

_I think this Youji guy got me. Still… I shouldn’t have behaved that way. What happened to me?_

“Ten. I’m going in whether you’re dressed or not.” The first thing Shido noticed had been the chef’s knife on the floor. _She really wasn’t kidding._ He sat on the couch, massaging his temples. The day started off so well too. For it to come to this conclusion felt wrong. Wakaba came out of her room with Goro clutched against her chest a few minutes afterwards, her face solemn, eyes cast down.

His heart sank at the pit of his stomach.

“I’m sorry I didn’t answer sooner,” she finally said.

“You were in the bath.” He eyed Goro, face buried into Wakaba’s neck. Dear god he witnessed that…

“You’re here a lot sooner than before.”

“Yeah… I am.” He bit his lip. “I’m sorry you saw that. I thought something horrible happened to you and Goro.”

Wakaba shook her head. “No, I understand. I honestly thought you were someone else.”

“Who is that man?” And why did she use a first name?

“It’s so easy to ask me questions and get answers, but when I asked yesterday about what’s wrong and why I can’t understand, suddenly it’s taboo,” she said with a somewhat playful wry smile.

Oh, she got him good. And she remembered the events of yesterday without resorting to a blush either. Full of surprises, Wakaba was a woman of mystery. Just when he thought he had her figured out, she came up with a far-out response or reaction. Maybe that’s why her department called her brilliant. She thought out of the box and said what she thought despite it not being socially appropriate, and in her case, it was probably a mix of innocence and having little experience in certain matters. But she wasn’t stupid. She was so far from it.

Shido returned the half-smile. “Touché.”

Wakaba grimaced, scratching the inside of her ear. Her face returned to neutral. "If it’s alright with you...” She sighed and kissed Goro’s forehead. “Do you mind leaving soon?”

He nodded, standing from the sofa and took Goro from her arms. His son fussed at being forced to move but settled once he was in Shido’s arms. Goro nibbled on his father’s shoulder. Shido grabbed Goro’s diaper bag and headed out the door, dejected.

She hugged herself, missing the child’s soothing body temperature. “Wait.”

“You told me to leave,” he said looking back at Wakaba. She appeared small and frail.

“I didn’t say now.”

“Mama! Daabuu ooo da da da!” Goro pointed at Wakaba with a pout too cute to be menacing. He babbled some more to add emphasis to how he felt. After he finished his tirade, a smile returned to his face.

The room felt less oppressive at Goro’s incoherent jabbering –light, in fact. Wakaba laughed with a mirth Shido didn’t know he missed until now. It was odd to see her in low spirits. Like the dawn, the aura surrounding Wakaba brightened, her heart back to normal.

“That’s right, Goro,” replied Shido. “She’s being a…What’s she acting like?”

“Naaaaaaoooo.”

“A cat,” Shido said plainly. It was the best he could come up with at a short notice. He lacked the sort of creativity required for improvisation. That sort of thing was right up his brother’s alley, but him? Not a chance. It sounded as stupid to him as it probably did to Wakaba _and_ Goro.

Wakaba chuckled. “I’m a _what_ , Masa-Masa?”

Not wanting to repeat himself, Shido used a smirk to divert a potential teasing. He loathed being teased. “You heard me.”

She rolled her eyes with a knowing smile. “Okay, I heard you.” He thought he was being so slick with that self-assured smile. Next time would be a better time to tease him. Shido didn’t know what was coming for him. No escape!

“I have leftover carbonara.”

After an early supper, Shido said his goodbyes and left Wakaba’s home with the diaper bag in tow. Neither of them realizing the rest of Goro’s toys were left behind.

 

 

Wednesday started like the other days, except this time Shido managed to get some decent sleep. He may have promised himself to get better rest after achieving an erection and orgasm, but he still liked to stay up a little later. No harm in it. Plus, Shido had plenty of catching up to now that his libido could finally be satisfied. Teenage nights relived once again.

Wakaba hadn't told him anything new during dinner. Their conversation was light, mainly focused on Goro and his return to the daycare. He realized Wakaba had done this without any sort of compensation. Medical bills and the specialty daycare made it difficult for Shido to accrue more money, but he figured there was something else he could do for her troubles. The last thing he wanted was to owe someone: being in debt to a person ranked lower on his list than being teased.

He entered the lab and spotted Wakaba hunched over a computer, reading reports, drowning herself in coffee, and typing away. For the most part, her long break didn’t stop her from being productive.

Standing next to her, Shido asked, “You hungry?”

Blinking, her concentration broke. “Hmm?”

“Are you hungry?” he asked again, patient.

She adjusted her glasses. “But it’s so early, Masa-Masa.”

Shido frowned. “Can you not call me that? And it’s almost three.”

Wakaba bolted out of her chair. “Seriously!?” She looked at her computer screen, distressed. “No way! I was supposed to meet Sojiro for lunch at noon!”

 _That’s his problem,_ he thought. Though Shido swore he had seen Sojiro heading for the lab around that time. Perhaps he did try to visually and verbally remind Wakaba about their arrangement, but her being her, got caught up with work and ignored him. It wasn’t too far-fetched either as she had done the same thing the first time they met. He’d feel bad for Sojiro but didn’t. Too bad, so sad.

“I did it again,” she sighed, slipping back into her chair, hands covering her face in shame. Once she started, nothing stopped her. Sleep and her bladder were her only enemies. Her stomach was a powerful adversary, yet not strong enough to dissuade her from her quest for knowledge. However, Shido’s promise for food sounded lovely. It would be rude for her to deny the request, though would have to apologize to Sojiro for ignoring him. Again.

“Forget about Sakura. Do you want to go out to eat?”

“G-go out?” she squeaked. “But the closest thing is Clair de Lune, and I don’t have a car.”

“But I do.”

“We only have an hour, you know. We’re well past the usual lunch break.”

“We are legally entitled for an hour break. If we don’t eat, then our respective company must pay us for our time working. There’s a place nearby. I calculated it. It only takes me five minutes on car. It’s an izakaya so it’ll be fast.”

“Hmm…Well you do make for a compelling argument.” She got up from her chair, removed her lab coat, and grabbed her purse. “I’m convinced. Let’s go.”

Shido arched an eyebrow, sighed and walked her to his vehicle. _That was a lot easier than I thought._

 

 

The ramen izakaya was small, only seating up to five people at once. Shido and Wakaba sat and ordered their meals which were served quickly. Breaking their disposable chopsticks, the two put their hands together and replied in unison, “Thank you for this meal.”

The pork ramen was delicious. Shido slurped his meal with gusto, savoring the rich broth accompanied by its trimmings and a well-seasoned soy egg. He was about to ask the cook for more noodles for the rest of his broth when he noticed Wakaba hadn’t touched her meal. She sat looking at her bowl, swirling the soup around with her chopsticks, occasionally pulling a few noodles before placing them back into the broth.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m waiting for my noodles to get puffy.”

“…what?”

“I like my noodles to get a bit thick before I eat them, but they take forever.”

“We only have forty minutes before our break is up. Eat your ramen.”

She frowned. “I’m not going to eat thin noodles.”

He knew better than to ask, but curiosity and a twinge of annoyance made him ask anyway. “Then why did you order them in the first place?”

“Because that’s how you order ramen.”

“No, it’s not.” Was she being serious or facetious? “You can ask for thicker noodles.”

“I don’t want them to get like udon.”

“They don’t sell udon noodles in a ramen stand, Wakaba.”

“I’m just saying! Look, it’s fine. They’ll puff up soon enough.”

He groaned. No, she was not being facetious. She was being herself right now and it irritated him. “No. They. Won’t.”

“Yes. They. Will.”

“You have the thinnest noodles ordered!” Shido grabbed Wakaba’s bowl and transferred the noodles from her bowl into his. “Hey master!”

“Yeah?” asked the ramen cook.

“Can I have some extra noodles?” He gave the bowl to the cook before Wakaba could grab it. “Give me the thick and wavy ones.”

“You got it.”

“Masa-Masa!” Her face flushed. When Shido returned her bowl, she stood quiet staring at the bowl with fresh thick noodles. They were at least twice the size of the thin ones she had ordered and considerably smaller than an udon noodle. Taking her chopsticks, she gave them a taste. “They’re…really good.”

“And you didn’t have to wait for them to get that size either,” he said, eating the rest of Wakaba’s noodles.

Wakaba wiggled in her seat, bobbing her head from side to side. “I like what I like.”

It had to be a crime to be so insufferable, so smug, so full of oneself. The way she sat up in an elegant posture to eat her street ramen, how she delicately used her spoon to catch the droplets from her noodles then had the audacity to pat the sides of her mouth with a napkin as if she dirtied herself while eating. Not with the arrogant way she ate. The absolute gall of her covering her mouth with her hand as she slurped. Who did that? Who goes to eat ramen only to act like they were born with a silver spoon in their mouth? Wakaba did of course. And predictably, she went ahead and tucked a lock of her long hair behind her ear to show off her gold earring. As if earrings were such a big deal anymore!

“…just so cute…” he murmured.

Wakaba slurped her noodles. “Did you say something?”

“Only that the food is good.”

“I agree!”

The nerve. The presumptuousness of her thanking the cook for the meal. She reached for her designer bag in the attempt to pay, but Shido knew her game. He quickly paid for the meal, telling her it was the least he could do for taking care of his son. Then she smiled. She gave him the sweetest smile and thanked him! How insincere!

Shido stayed quiet throughout the trip hearing Wakaba chatter about how she liked the food and would start trying different noodles from now on, and how grateful she was for his offering, and wanted to do something similar again. On and on about things Shido didn’t care about, but he listened anyway because he was the sort of person to do that. Same with opening the car door for her. The faster he got out, the faster he could get her out of his car and not let her saturate it with the smell the French perfume which clung onto her skin, mixing harmoniously with her natural scent.

Not that he knew the perfume or designer.

It was an educated guess.

 

 

Thursday and Friday were busy days and went about per routine. By Monday, Shido would officially join the cognitive research team on the government’s side. Most of the scientists working belonged to the Nanjo Group. Shido would hold a big responsibility to guide and report back to his government superiors, though apparently it also included Sudou’s people who were, for all intents and purposes, government workers too.

No sign of Wakaba during those days either. They both had been too cooped up in their respective places, and Shido left way earlier to pick up his son to see her leave. Sojiro returned to his desk after lunch on Friday a little too excited. A female coworker noticed his good mood and asked.

“Oh nothing. I just had lunch with a friend is all.”

_With Wakaba no doubt._

She smiled. “It’s nice to have lunch with friends. It makes the day seem better, but lunch goes by so quick when you do though!”

“If only our breaks were longer,” Sojiro replied.

“I wish!” she said. “Oh, I hear the weather is going to be nice this weekend. But the sakura haven’t blossomed yet. I’m so disappointed! My boyfriend is coming from Sapporo this weekend and we can’t enjoy the flowers together! What gives? It’s April next week.”

“You never know with those trees. Sometimes they’ll bloom at the blink of an eye.”

“They’d better!” she huffed. “There’s nothing more romantic than walking with your lover under the cherry blossoms. I wish I lived in Kyushuu right now. They blossom sooner than the mainland.”

 _Right, the other women had mentioned the hanabi._ Shido stroked his chin. Goro had never seen the cherry blossoms before; this would be his first time. As tempting as it had been to join the mothers or just Toriyama, he preferred if he partook the event alone with is son. He had fond memories of the hanami as a child. Mother loved to collect the petals and infuse them into scented oils, soaps, or candles. She took him and his brother to flower gatherings during the weekends or their father would sneak them away to go fishing when she was too lazy to get up. Either way Shido enjoyed the season. Sometimes school ended when the flowers began to bloom, making their transition to the next year picturesque. Those were the most memorable end-of-the-school year celebrations. Finding a good spot in a jam-packed park to reserve a spot, joshing with friends, buying tons of junk food and remembering the good times spent that year. Those were happier, carefree times.

He would love to introduce Goro into that tradition. His son would love it.

As far as the mothers went, Shido figured he’d use Goro or his family as an excuse to not join them in the hanami. Perhaps have some fun with one or all of them and be done with it. Because at the end of the day, they were married women. The last thing he wanted was to give them false hope and try to elope with him – with or without their children – thinking he was in love. Such nonsense.

 

 

Saturday was no different from the other Saturdays from before. Goro poked the ever-living hell out of his face then opted to straddle his head and hop until papa woke up. Shido woke up, ate breakfast with his son, but passed out on the couch after jerking off in preparation to go to the park. For a brief period, he wanted to say fuck all to the women at the park and sleep the rest of the day without a care. A lazy day. Wishing for one was not bad. It wasn’t too much to ask. In fact, the wish was probably the tamest thing he asked for.

He almost ditched the park altogether as he fell deeper into sleep. Time rolled without notice.

**WEEEEOOOOOOO! WEEEEOOOOOOO!**

Shido yelled into the pillow. “God-fucking-dammit Wakaba!”

 

 

Shido raved as he dressed his son in Seibu Lions baseball team baby clothing. He complained as he drove to Sumaru City. He seethed at the Central Avenue parking lot and ranted to himself as he strolled with Goro at the shopping center. The firetruck was left at her house for a reason! How did she find it? How did Goro find it?

As his father fumed, Goro stared at the colorful signs and announcers beside the shops. A cute tanned woman with dyed blonde hair standing in front of a tanning salon smiled and waved at him. Goro waved back. Everything was so new and thrilling for him! The smells, the people, the shops. A big green frog mascot danced in front of a pharmacy to the rhythm of its catchy theme song. His little brain absorbed as much as he could. Then the stroller stopped. Goro looked up to see his papa staring at a bright blue door.

“Taa?” he asked, pointing at the door.

Shido came closer to the mysterious shop. There were no windows, no advertisements, no shopkeepers, only a sign written in English.

“The Velvet Room?” he read, unsure why the name felt peculiar to him. “Is this some kind of a club?”

His hand hovered over the handle. No. If this were a club then it would be locked. Surely it would become vibrant around the later hours in the evening. Though why didn’t it have any steel covers or a protective mesh gate surrounding it? Sort of counter-intuitive if the shop or nightclub wanted to keep people out before the hours of operation.

“Maybe it’s not finished yet.” Shido smiled at Goro and continued their way to the gym. Thoughts about the strange door remained at the back of his mind. He regretted not opening it to see what was inside. Probably nothing, though he wouldn’t know for sure unless he tried, right? Embarrassing as it was to admit such childish curiosity, Shido really wanted to see what this Velvet Room was all about.

His mind changed gears once entering GOLD fitness club.

He asked one of the attendants for a small tour and brochure. The attendant showed him the many places and amenities, including a boxing gym. A woman with bright red hair practiced with an older male – likely a coach – in the ring. She used her speed and an immense strength to overpower her opponent. Shido whistled, impressed.

The best part of the facility was the daycare for the children. The service closed until late, giving Shido an ample amount of time to spend it at the gym after work while Goro was under adult supervision. Goro’s current daycare being in Tokyo would be an issue, yet Shido knew all he had to do was find another place in Sumaru City. A closer daycare meant for him to stay at work longer and not have to deal with the insane traffic. Shido would go to the gym afterwards, let out some steam, then take it easy with Goro the rest of the evening with dinner and a bath.

_Yes, that would be the best course of action. I should have thought of this sooner. Well it’s fine. I’ll start hunting for a new daycare for Pillow then._

Shido returned to the shopping center to get to his car and drive to the park. Before he did, however, he had to find the Velvet Room shop again. Just to see. That was all. However, when he returned to its original spot, it was gone. The door disappeared; only a brick wall remained.

“How strange…” Shido rubbed his chin. “I swear there was a room there. You saw it right, Goro?” So certain he saw the blue door, he touched the wall for good measure.

Nothing.

 _I know I didn’t get eight hours of sleep, but I didn’t get_ that _little either._

He left Central Avenue in doubt. What did this say about him, he wondered. To imagine a fantastical blue door emitting a brilliant blue light; how odd of him. He spoke good English – better than most people – yet to come up with a mystifying name like “The Velvet Room” was far beyond him. Goro had also pointed toward the door when he saw it. Whatever it was, Shido didn’t know what to think about it. If only he had tried to open the door when he had the chance.

Buckling his seat belt, Shido sighed, then smirked when he remembered the reason why he came to Sumaru in the first place. The gym had been a perk, yes, but that wasn’t why he bothered to put on pants and leave his home. He left to get some guaranteed ass. After his revival, he dedicated time to himself, to feel good and release the stress he felt since Toshiko’s diagnosis. Soon he would have another way to relieve that stress aside from using his hand. One more great thing happening in his life. And many more to come, he hoped.

Goro whined when Shido placed him in the stroller. He wanted to be held by his dear papa and see his surroundings at a higher perspective.

“You are such a spoiled boy,” Shido tutted as he carried his fussy son. He received a big kiss on the cheek from Goro and returned the kiss. Spoiled, yet a loving child. For the most part, Goro was easy enough to please when Shido managed to read through his muddled babbles. “Papa loves you either way.”

Shido read the park map and headed to the playground, mind set on his goal. Nothing would stop him. He had his condoms and a functional groin. It’s what he had been looking forward to the entire week.

They watched the koi swim from under the bridge, water rippling from their movements. Shido fed the koi an old half-eaten cracker Goro didn’t want. The baby cooed at the large colorful fish swimming and bobbing their heads above the water for food. His father spoke to him in a hushed gentle tone how much he loved Goro’s reactions to the fishes and kissed his plump cheek before heading towards the park.

A beautiful garden caught Goro’s attention. They had not seen this part of the park before and it excited him!

Shido’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t remember this place? I think I took the wrong turn. Let’s go Goro.”

Goro wriggled in his arms and yelled. The further they moved, the louder he became. The yells turned into screams, screams into cries. Shido stopped, noting Goro’s was reaching out to something behind where Shido could not see. Retreading his steps, Goro’s squirming and crying decreased and were replaced with happy gurgles and delighted bouncing. What in the world made Goro change his mood so sudden?

“Aaa!” Goro giggled. “Papa!”

Facing the direction of Goro’s line of vision, Shido finally saw the source of Goro’s erratic behavior.

Widening eyes, hitched breath, his heart skipped a beat.

“No way…” he whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shido finds something he had not expected at Aoba Park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No joke, this was the hardest chapter to write to date.  
> All in good time though.

In the distance, she stood there in a long sky-blue dress, her dainty hands clasped in front. Bright eyes full of curiosity and wonder, she admired the flowers, bending over ever so slightly to caress the delicate petals and whisper sweet words. Leaning closer, the flower’s stamen tickled her nose, staining it with its yellow pollen. She giggled as she wiped her nose and continued to speak to the flower. Her dark tresses tied into the sloppy ponytail billowed out in elegant ribbons dancing to the flow of the wind.

A lovely melody mixed with the hued oils onto a green canvas. Gentle brush strokes of grass kissed her ankles. Flowers lazily dabbed across the floral beds and bushes. Contrasting against the brilliant blue sky, the peony pink staining her cheeks added life to the ethereal painting before him.

As if under a spell, Shido couldn’t look away. The world stopped. His heartbeat drowned all noise. The focal point playfully tiptoed to another colorful flower, her gentle fingers stroking the leaves. Shido’s eyes followed her every step. His entire attention was drawn to the moving painting. A piece of art. A treasure.

Wakaba was exquisite.

“Whoa…” he said breathlessly.

“Mama!”

Her concentration broke easily at the sound of the baby’s voice. Looking into the direction of the cry, she smiled when she saw who it came from.

And the spell broke.

Wakaba approached Shido and Goro, dress rippling in the wind, hair coming loose from the force. She reached into her purse, grabbed a band, and tied her hair back into a steadier albeit still loose ponytail.

She held the baby’s eager hands. “Goro-chan, you’re here!” Goro bounced in his father’s arms and reached out for Wakaba, who effortlessly took him from Shido’s arms and into hers. Her cheek nuzzled the baby’s face, showering his joyous face with kisses. “Did you miss me?”

Shido blinked. His heart beat as wildly as before; he needed to come back down to reality or perhaps he needed a doctor. This reaction was abnormal. “Why are you here?”

“I could ask you the same thing. Doesn’t Tokyo have parks?”

“I had business here and decided to take him to Aoba Park. What about you? Doesn’t Mikage-cho have parks?”

“I’m here on a field trip.”

“Come again?”

“A field trip.”

“I know what a field trip is, Wakaba,” he huffed. “Why would you even call a visit to the park a ‘field trip?’”

“Well…” She adjusted Goro in her arms. “It’s more like I’m here to investigate something for work.”

Who in their right mind used their day off to do more errands for work? The idea was ludicrous. It ruined the concept of an off day. If you were going to work during leisure, you may as well got paid for it. Not on the clock? No work. Simple as that.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why…” Why are you being so coy and impossible, he wanted to ask but couldn’t find it in himself to do it. Wakaba appeared so delicate and gentle holding his son; they almost belonged together. “I just don’t understand why anyone would waste their off time like this. There’s more to life than work.”

Wakaba’s face grew hot. “Ah… I see.” It wasn’t as if she had anything else to do with her time. Wakaba didn’t have friends she could get with during the weekend, and those who she considered to be friends she didn’t want to bother. They had other things to do and would be bored with the things she liked. “Well… it’s something I’m very passionate about.”

And it was the truth. Wakaba loved what she did.

“Your research?”

“Yes,” she said, eyes darting low. Her long lashes fluttered as she gazed back at Shido. “I want to know everything there is to know about my field. I want to use it to help people. That’s why I’m here doing my investigation.”

Another loud thump hit his chest. “What are you investigating in Aoba Park?”

“I’ve been hearing rumors about this park lately.”

“What does rumors have anything to do with what you’re researching? They’re completely unrelated.”

“If you put it in lay terms, yes it seems weird. However!” she said pointing her finger up. “Rumors can affect one’s cognition. If you truly believe it, it could happen.”

“Are you talking about a self-fulfilling prophecy?”

“Yes and no. And what I’m investigating now is rumors at a grand scale, therefore cognition. People love to gossip, right? And lately there’s been so much of it in Sumaru City that it makes your head spin. I’m out to see if the rumors are true.”

Shido rubbed his chin. “It’s quite a leap in logic. Not that I can’t follow, but it still seems strange.”

“Leave the thinking to me, Masa-Masa.” She laughed with a cheeky wink. “You can be my faithful assistant.”

“I am not going to be anyone’s assistant. I work as my own boss.”

“You can be your own boss, but you’ll still have another boss.”

Shido caught his lips twitching into a grin. “And who is that other boss?” He was walking into an answer he already knew, but he went ahead and did it anyway. Wakaba looked so smug and… gorgeous. He had to hear it come out from her mouth.

“Me, of course.”

“Me!” Goro repeated.

“You’ll be the Robin to my Batman.”

“Don’t insult me.” The grin never left his face. Why was he smiling so much? She had just called him Robin!

“Robin is cool, Masa-Masa!”

“Change it then. I am not an assistant.” Of all the things two grown adults could be arguing about, they chose to argue which western comic book character they were. Not even so much as something Japanese like Lupin III or Mobile Suit Gundam. A paragon of maturity. The future of Japan.

“Hmm, let me think.”

“It better be good.”

“Well if you’re so upset over it...” She tapped her chin. “...Then I’ll need some time to think about it.”

“I am not upset. Merely offended.” Wiping his mouth to remove the goofy smile that had been plastered on his face the entire time. The muscles hurt from all the smiling.

“Whatever you say, Masa-Masa.”

Expecting a “Don’t call me that,” Wakaba braced herself for another comeback to his complaint. A “Robin then?” or a “Masa-Robin” would have been her choices. She was ready for it. Wakaba had promised herself to tease the hell out of Shido for his cat comment, and the perfect time for the revenge was now. To see his reaction would the sugared cherry on top of the delicious whipped buttercream icing on the richest, most moist chocolate cake. Ready to be devoured and plucked from its stem with a satisfying pop. The succulent fruit stained her lips red as its juice dribbled from her mouth. Wakaba could almost taste it.

Nothing happened.

Nary a sound of discontent or a grunt of disapproval. Instead she was met with his piercing amber eyes glazing over as if in a trance. Fire red ears contrasted against his black hair, cheeks tinted in pink. Shido swallowed hard. Wakaba swallowed hard, feeling her face burn and heart racing. She hoped the ground would engulf her yet didn’t. There was no escaping his intense gaze, and Wakaba was fine with it. Mouth opening, no voice came out.

Or so she thought.

“I wanted that cherry…”

“Cherry?” he asked in a husky voice.

The ground needed to eat her whole, right now. Right this second. If it didn’t, she would die from embarrassment, which was scientifically possible. She ran the numbers, and this was the exact situation to cause such a death. The math was not wrong. She was not wrong. Wakaba was dying. Goro as her witness, Shido would go to jail for it.

“You’re not going to get an answer out of me like that, Masa-Masa!” She turned her back to Shido, nestling over Goro to hide her red face. “I’m busy with my field trip anyway, so I’ll be heading along right now.” She sped off as far as she could from Shido.

“HEY!” Shido snapped out of his reverie. “You can’t keep Goro!”

Wakaba paused only to find a happy baby sucking on his thumb in her arms. “O-oh so that's what weighed me down.”

Goro stared at his peeved father and then to his flustered mama. They looked so silly!

Another awkward moment. Shido coached himself to not zone out and not stare at Wakaba like he did earlier. A light switched turned off his brain. No thoughts, sounds or anything around him, not even Goro. His entire focus -whatever focus may have been - was on Wakaba, and yet he didn’t think of her. Not in what she said, but simply the concept of her.

_That doesn’t even make sense! What the hell am I even thinking?_

Shido yelled at himself to say something, anything. Wakaba couldn't weasel her way out of accidentally stealing his child. Not that anyone could. It was kidnapping after all. Her face became redder by the minute. Cute, but the air remained awkward.

“What exactly are you investigating?” Shido asked.

“Um.” Her voice squeaked. The color from her face slowly returned to normal. “I think it’s going to sound weird, but it makes sense in my head.”

“Just say it,” he sighed. After that cherry comment, nothing else Wakaba could say could possibly bother him. 

“There’s a rumor going on right now. It’s rather new but fascinating. Apparently, the flowers of Aoba Park can talk.”

He stood corrected.

“Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t make up the rumor: it just is!”

“Is that what you were doing? Talking to the flowers?”

“You know-” She puffed out her cheek with a frown. “-when you put it like that you make it seem like I’m crazy. I’m just testing out cognition is all.”

“I’m only saying it like it is: you were talking to flowers.”

“No!”

“You were.”

“Testing cognition!”

“Talking to flowers.”

“No!”

“No!” yelled out Goro.

“Unbelievable,” Shido groaned, slapping his hand onto his forehead. “My own son is partaking in this inane conversation. And he’s not even on my side.”

Wakaba shimmied her shoulders and rewarded Goro with a hug and kiss. “Goro knows I’m right. It’s cognition.”

“Fine. Whatever.” May as well go with the flow, even if the flow was drifting into space. “What did the flowers tell you?”

“Nothing.” Shido gave her a knowing, annoyed look, which Wakaba chose to ignore. She wasn’t done with her investigation, and Aoba Park was huge. It would take her several visits to finish her work. “But I’m not done. I just started.”

“Alright, I’ll humor you a bit more.” Shido crossed his arms. “Tell me about the link between rumors and human cognition. I want to know how that brain of yours works.”

“Human minds are powerful. We are capable of storing, deleting, and falsifying memories. A person alone can convince themselves of an event in their life, yet it never happened. Now imagine it in a larger scale. A school, a town, a city, the world? Remember growing up with those silly school ghost stories about haunted stairwells or bathroom stalls? Sometimes you got chills when you approached the stairwell and it looked creepy. It was scary because people passed the story. We gave it a life.”

“It’s still a bit hard to process. Are you alluding to a collective unconsciousness or memes?”

“Ah, somewhat? It’s hard to say without diving super deep. All in all, things are the way they are because many humans perceive it to be. If a person says ‘Dogs can dance polka’ and no one else believes it, it’s only in the cognition of one person. But if many people begin to believe it, then it is so in the consciousness of the population.”

“But what you’re saying is that it’s actually going to happen because people say it will. It’s one thing to be in the mind of people, but another thing to happen in reality. That sort of thing does not exist. I have never in my life ran into any ghosts when I lost a punishment game. Self-fulfilling prophecies only happen because the individual wills it. They allow their external stimuli to manipulate them.”

“It’s absurd, I know. But what the Nanjo Group is doing is heading towards that reality.”

“How?”

Wakaba shook her head. “I can’t tell you how.”

“Then it simply does not exist.”

“It’s classified information, Masa-Masa.” Re-balancing Goro in her arms, Wakaba chewed on her bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed. Another innocent person to be burdened into her world. The longer he remained ignorant of the machinations behind her research and the testings, the better. Becoming a keeper of the SEBEC incident was her punishment for allowing her former boss to do as he pleased. She should have listened to Setsuko Sonomura. “I’d like to tell you, but I can’t.”

Shido exhaled, relaxing himself. It was the highest leap of logic he had ever heard. The idea of the cognition of the masses affecting the reality wasn’t strange, as cases of mass hysteria have been recorded throughout history, but the concept of rumors as cognition with stupid ideas like talking flowers becoming real was like asking him to breathe underwater and not die. The unfathomable depth of the human mind reached far beyond the individual consciousness -true- however it simply did not have the power to make pigs fly, despite the population willing it as so.

“It’s fine. You don’t have to explain.”

“I’m sorry. I’d really like to tell you since you seem genuinely interested in this sort of thing.”

“I come from a world full of red tape and bureaucracy. Believe me when I say that I understand.” Shido shrugged. He knew that world all too well and it seemed Wakaba was also caught up in the same business. Hopefully it didn’t restrict her enough to not divulge information about the mysterious entity haunting the lab. _I guess her tongue’s not as loose as I hoped. But we’ll see about that. Everyone has their vice. I just need to figure hers out._

The two walked along the park talking about cognitive psychology. Wakaba spoke enthusiastically about her research, though stumbled around when a classified topic came about. Shido would nod and give his opinion or understanding of the specific subject. If he misunderstood, Wakaba explained to him in plain words and updated him on the latest findings as the world of psychology and general science evolved at an exponential rate.

“Nope, that’s wrong~” she teased, poking Shido’s arm and handing Goro back. The baby had been switched back and forth between Shido and Wakaba during their stroll. He refused to be placed on the stroller, and demanded he be carried by the adults. “Didn’t you study this in school?”

“I haven’t worked or studied this in over a decade, so forgive me if _I’m_ not quite at _your expert_ level,” he scoffed, the impish bite in his tone being nothing but a nibble.

Passing through the small crowds, bystanders couldn’t help but to notice the two as they crossed their paths. A tall handsome man holding an adorable bright-eyed baby walking along with an elegant, beautiful woman pushing the stroller, chatting and engaging one another. Their smiles never leaving their faces, eyes meeting for brief moments only for their grins to brighten then shy away from the emotional intensity. Soft kisses were planted by the man to the curious child; he pointed at everyone and everything that caught his attention. The woman laughed and explained everything to the boy as she held his other tiny hand. The child wriggled in his father’s arms and insisted to be carried by the presumed mother. They swapped the baby and stroller in a fluid motion as if they had done this many times before.

From the food stands, he bought her yakitori, dango, and iced tea, which she happily ate. When she offered him some dango, he shook his head - not in the mood for anything sweet. She called to his attention by using a cute nickname that made teenage female bystanders giggle. He turned his head to respond and met a mouthful of dango. Children snickered at the sight, and so did the woman much to the displeasure of the man. Narrowing his eyes, he ate the treat and handed the baby to her after she finished eating. They headed towards the toddler’s playground.

  
  


“So, you said something about punishment games…” She pushed her glasses up and arched her eyebrows up and down suggestively.

Shido grabbed Goro and distanced himself a few inches away. “What’s with that look?”

“What kind of punishments did you get into?”

“Schoolboy sort of punishments.”

“Liiike?”

“What do you mean like? The typical stuff like getting beaten by a kendo stick or walking in the girl’s restroom or suddenly standing in class during a lesson and not sitting no matter how much your teacher yells at you. I mean, sometimes we did other things like going into cemeteries or looking at supposed haunted places in school or jumping into the pool with your uniform on but that was it. That’s the typical things kids did as punishments.”

“Oh, is that it- wait! You went into the girl’s bathroom!?”

“I did.”

“That’s bad!”

“I had no choice.”

“Yes you did! You could have just said no and walked away!”

“What? No. Why would I?”

“Because it’s bad!”

“It’s not like I went into the girl’s locker room. I wasn’t seen anyway.”

She stamped her foot, hands on her hips. “That’s not the point!”

“Is it?”

“No, er, yes that is not the point!”

What was the point she was trying to make anyway? That Shido was so bold as to dare enter the women’s restrooms at school? Or his general callousness and his disregard for choice? Everyone had a choice. It’s not as if he were completely helpless and unable to say no. Teenagers and peer pressure went hand-in-hand, she would know, but Shido never struck her as the type to fall into it. Maybe it was a man thing? Either way, she was disappointed. Or rather she wanted to be disappointed, but her heart didn’t let her fall into those feelings, yet something else wanted her to be. Wakaba grazed inside her ear.

“I really don’t know what you’re getting at, Wakaba. It was just guys doing stupid things. It was either go into the girl’s restroom or get beaten with a kendo stick, and I wasn’t in the mood to sit on a bruise for an entire week. I already had a sprained ankle when I did that.”

 _He was already hurt?_ “What happened to your ankle?”

Shido looked away. If Wakaba continued to stare, he’d flush red with embarrassment. “I’m not going to tell you that.”

“You denying me something as simple as a sprained ankle story only makes me want to know more.”

“If you can have your secrets, then so can I.”

“That’s two secrets to my one.” Sneaky as always, but she could be just as bad. “Hey Masa-Masa…”

“I’m not going to humor you right now.”

“Masa-Masa… come on…” Eyelashes fluttering, Wakaba leaned into Shido’s shoulder. “You can tell me anything.”

Shido ignored her, snapping his head in the opposite direction whenever Wakaba tried to lock eyes with him. Her body swayed back and forth, arms behind her back, and wore the most dazzling smile. The dress twirled with her whimsical movements. Mirthful eyes sparkled as she teased him, full of life and something else. A hidden emotion Shido was unable to discern. It was like watching a well-choreographed movie where the actress wiggled and spun around in a field, encouraging the protagonist to follow her to an unknown fantastical location full of promises and unending love. The various shots and angles accentuated the location and the love interest. It felt like an illusion caused by his imagination. Yet Wakaba’s smile, twirls, touch, everything- it was real.

Wakaba reached for Goro’s hand and kissed it. “Goro, sweetie, tell me what your papa is hiding~”

“You leave him out of this.” He gently pulled Goro away from Wakaba’s reach and stretched Goro’s arm away, kissing the same place Wakaba had, smirking. “He won’t say a word against his father.”

“Oh, is that s-so? I think I can coax it out of him.” She cursed herself for wavering, heart beating wildly. The man was too bold for his own good. “Goro, tell mama papa’s secrets.”

Bored of their antics, Goro watched the toddlers play and frolic in the playground. “Mama.” He pointed at the slide.

“You see?” Shido brought his son to the slide and supported him at the top. Careful not to let him slide on his own, he guided him down and cheered when Goro made it to the bottom.

Goro giggled and waved his arms from the ride. More sliding!

“His allegiance is to me.”

“Bribery will get you nowhere,” she retorted. “It is evident your son is about to tell me his dissertation on his papa’s secrets! You’re obstructing justice and that is very illegal, Masa-Masa.”

  


The mothers witnessed the entire event. Their gazes fixated on the two adults playing with the joyful baby. Sipping on their disposable coffee cups from an expensive cafe, they seethed - blood as hot as the coffee they imbibed. Who in the world was that woman and why was Shido-san completely ignoring _them_?

“He never even looked at us!” hissed Murata.

Nagai sipped loudly, leering at an oblivious Wakaba. “We even waved and called out to him. And he still ignored us. Are you _sure_ he’s not married, Ichikawa?”

“He said he was a widower!” shrilled Ichikawa. “R-right, ladies? He said that!”

Takeuchi patted her daughter’s head then let her roam into the sandbox. “I don’t remember that specifically. I think he was a divorced man.”

“Does that look divorced to you!?” Toriyama sneered, biting onto the lid. “Just look at that woman giving him those goo-goo eyes. She thinks she’s being so cute acting like a teenage girl but if you ask me she looks ridiculous! A woman her age needs to act her age.”

“He was giving her the same look…” Nagai murmured into her cup. Shido-san was lost in his world. Nothing distracted him as he strolled and chatted along with the unknown woman, body relaxed, eyes gleaming in earnest. The woman did seem immature -not to kid herself- but her beauty compensated for it. A gruff philanderer like Shido wouldn't hold an avid interest in a vapid bimbo not involving a cheap love hotel. The baby also appeared to be enthralled by the woman. Shido-san didn’t so much as stop her from touching his son, an act he made quite clear to the mothers to never do last week.

“She’s helping the baby walk!” Ichikawa crushed her cup, ready to pounce. “And he’s just watching!”

Murata crossed her legs for the umpteenth time since Shido-san and his son appeared with the woman. “She’s such a disgrace. What sort of woman lets her man go alone to the park with their child and pick up other women? Does she want him to cheat on her? I’m sure she does since she seems like the trashy sort of person to allow that. Women these days make me sick.”

“No, no,” said Takeuchi. “She’s those swinger people I hear about. Going to orgies and having many affairs with married people. It won’t surprise me if she were targeting Shido-san. She’s probably had many diseases, and maybe a few abortions. A loose woman.”

“Mama!” Goro’s voice echoed through the playground. His awkward legs waddled toward his mama with open arms. Reaching his goal, he placed a large kiss on her cheek and nuzzled her chest. His father only watched at a distance, his hand over his mouth, chest rising and falling with a deep sigh.

“We’ve been had ladies!” Toriyama said through gritted teeth. The utter gall! “They’re married and he’s in love with her! He was never interested in cheating!”

“All the handsome ones are always taken!” Ichikawa fumed. “It’s always the same!”

  


Goro whimpered, rubbing his eyes and patting the ground. His mood did not improve when Wakaba carried him and offered the swing.

“I’d better put him in the stroller,” said Shido. “He’s getting tired.”

“How can you tell?” she asked, rocking a fussy Goro.

“Their cries sound different.” He took Goro from her arms and secured him into the stroller. Goro continued to whine until he was given a pacifier from his father. He sucked on it with fervor.

“They do?” She stroked her chin and pulled out a pen and a notebook with a rabbit from her bag. Flipping a few pages, Wakaba wrote down a few sentences. “And you can tell?”

Shido scratched his head. Why a notebook? “Yes? You get used to it? A cry for hunger sounds different from a cry of tiredness. I can even tell when he’s crying out of boredom.”

“Babies cry from boredom!? What? That’s ridiculous! What is there to be bored about?”

“I have no idea.” He shrugged. It took him some to figure that one out. Goro cried while he was reading a book. Shido checked his diaper, tried to feed him, searched for any sources of pain -anything to help fix the crying. When nothing worked, he rocked Goro to help him sleep. Instead the baby remained awake and played with his hands. Feeling the worst times passed, Shido put Goro in the playpen and returned to his reading. Goro stood up and wailed. He reached out for his father, sobbing, turning bright red, yet no actual tears formed in his eyes. Only shrieks from hell. Toys did nothing to abate his tantrum. Shido learned a valuable lesson about children and attention. “Just know that they do that, and it’s annoying as hell because all they want is _you_ and _only_ you.”

“Aww…!”

“You say this, but it’s not very cute when it happens to you.”

“Still! It’s so cute that Goro-chan wants his daddy’s attention. How did you calm him down?”

“I used my foot to keep the book down and turned the page with my free hand. Goro specifically wanted to play with my right hand while he sat on my lap for some reason.”

Shido discreetly glanced at the benches. The mothers were there. Funny, he had not noticed them at all today. Not to give them any indication he finally took note of them, Shido feigned having to look into the diaper bag. He fiddled with the items as he eyed the women through his peripheral vision. Oddly enough the women he looked forward to banging didn’t seem as attractive to him as they were a week ago. Was it his side vision distorting them or were they always this bland and ordinary? Toriyama in particular went from an eight to a five. Wakaba bent over to touch Goro’s head. The women disappeared from his vision, never to cross his consciousness again. His mind was engrossed with the sight of Wakaba’s sweet smile, soft pink lips whispering pleasant words to his sleepy son.

They exited the playground completely unaware of the seething mothers and the admiring strangers. They spent enough time at Aoba Park. It was time to go home and relax.

“Oh!” Wakaba paused as Shido walked ahead. “I just remembered!”

“Hmm?” She was probably going to say something outrageous, though he had no idea what the outrageous thing could possibly be. The subjects coming to mind were cognition, food, flowers, and -for some reason- fortune telling. Whatever it was, Shido could handle it. Or at least he thought he would. Again, there was no telling what went inside Wakaba’s head.

“The hanami! The flowers haven’t bloomed yet but I was wondering if I could borrow Goro for a picnic?”

“Do you listen to the words coming from your mouth? Why would you want to ‘borrow’ Goro?”

Wakaba laughed nervously. “Yeah that does sound dubious, doesn’t it?”

“You think?”

“Sorry, Masa-Masa.” She bowed. “I didn’t mean to exclude you. You’re invited too.”

“That’s not-” She was doing this on purpose. There was no other way to explain her response. How did she come to that conclusion? Since when did the parent of a baby become excluded for an event involving their own child? It was the equivalent of Shido not being allowed to go to Goro’s birthday party. Preposterous! “That is not what I meant!”

“You’re so touchy, Masa-Masa.” She covered her mouth, giggling. “I didn’t think you’d be so upset at not getting invited.”

Again with the invitation! She needed to stop before he died from frustration. This was the sort of outrageous thing he tried to prepare for, yet no amount of mental preparation shielded him from her wayward thoughts. Shido gnawed inside his lip. The curve of his mouth creeping into a smile. It wasn’t funny. It was NOT funny. It would never be funny. Absolutely not funny. He wiped his mouth, but the twitching lingered until he finally gave in and laughed.

Wakaba’s eyes shifted, catching the gazes from a few onlookers. She did it again and completely unsure if it was good or bad. Laughter was healthy. So this must have been a healthy thing for Shido, correct? “Um, Masa-Masa…”

He held out a hand, taking a deep breath to gather his bearings. This woman would be the death of him and he found himself not caring. For as long as since Goro’s birth, his world shone bright -she shone bright despite her awkward pacing and confusion.

“I accept your invitation.”

Chest tightening, Wakaba focused on Shido’s light eyes. “You do?”

“Yes. Goro too.” He smiled.

Wakaba returned the sentiment with a bow and a smile. “Ah, well, thank you! I’ll let you know when we can go for the picnic.”

“Sounds good.”

“Ah, I need to g-get going!” Wakaba walked backwards towards the park gate, elated by the turn of events. She had not meant meet them at the park, but she did. There had been no plans to have a small snack and chat, yet they did. Wakaba did her best not to say something foolish, and she managed to muck it up but he laughed, and not to mock her either. A genuine heartfelt laugh! And he said yes to the hanami picnic! So many years of lonesome picnics, and the pattern would finally be broken. The year 1999 was going to be her year, and nothing would stop it. Not even the ominous Y2K bug everyone freaked out about. Some tea, delicious snacks, and maybe a bit of sake underneath the gorgeous sakura trees, admiring their fleeting beauty as the petals fell would be…

“So magical…” she whispered to herself, unable to unlock her eyes with Shido’s. “Um, I have some more things to do, studies and all.”

“Right…” he sighed fondly. “Do you need a ride? I have my car.”

“Nononono! I’m alright taking the train.”

“You sure? Mikage-cho is on my way.”

Waving her hand back and forth, Wakaba declined, taking another step back. Their distance grew further. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not a problem, Wakaba.”

“Sorry! I can’t hear you!” she lied. “See you at work, sidekick!” Wakaba waved goodbye before leaving the park.

Shido shook his head. He was not a sidekick. Only a cheater like her made cheap-shots to have the final say. She wasn’t witty or as smart as she thought she was.

“Come Monday, I’ll tell her that.”

Exiting the park with his son, Shido returned to his vehicle. A violet whispered to a pink camellia. “She should have taken his offer!”

The camellia agreed. “Humans deny their emotions all the time! It’s a wonder how they get things done.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wakaba examines her feelings and has a humorous encounter with Shido at work.  
> Shido gets his watch repaired at the Time Castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay.  
> I hope you enjoy!

Sojiro flicked the water from his hands and dried them with a towel. The office coffee finished brewing and soon Wakaba would walk through the door in search of a fresh pot. But only if Sojiro made it; everyone else did a poor job with making the morning brew and Wakaba avoided theirs like the plague. His chest swelled in pride knowing how the capricious scientist was only interested in his coffee. She often told him he should open a cafe, but every time he would decline and stumble his words. That girl really knew how to make a man blush.

“Good morning Sojiro!” Wakaba chirped, carrying a large reusable grocery bag. “So, I spent the entire Sunday analyzing your curry recipes.”

Sojiro blinked incredulously. “The entire Sunday, Wakaba?”

“That’s right.” She pulled out a plastic bag with various stacked containers. “I need you to try these.”

“Wait, is this what I think this is?”

She nodded. “Yup. These are four variations of your curry recipe. Your recipe is good, but I know it can be better. I tried to perfect it, though I’m not quite there. I’m getting close though! So please look forward to it!”

Sojiro opened the bag. His eyes widened at the amount of food inside the containers. No wonder she said the entire Sunday. This food was enough to feed a family for weeks! How did she ever have the time to gather all the necessary ingredients and cook them all in a single day? He knew about Wakaba’s seriousness regarding the recipe improvement, but it never ceased to astound him how far she took these personal projects. Wakaba was Wakaba through and through.

“I’ll give them a try, thanks.” He scratched his head. They’d go into his freezer after he sampled a spoonful of them tonight. Judging by the heftiness of the bag, Wakaba had more containers inside. Just how much food did she make and why? “Hoo boy, you sure keep yourself busy.”

Wakaba poured herself a cup of coffee, adding creamer and several packets of sugar. She stirred her drink, pensive. Opening her mouth and unable to find the words to say, she thought better of it and sipped her drink instead.

Delicious.

“Of course,” she replied with a smile, tapping her temple with her index finger. “You gotta keep the noggin’ joggin’. Did you have a good weekend?”

“I did. And looking at your bag, it seems like you did too. Are you giving leftovers to your coworkers?”

“Yup. By the way, has Masa-Masa arrived?”

Sojiro quirked an eyebrow. “Masa-Masa?”

“Shido.”

“Wait wha- as in Masayoshi Shido?”

“I don’t think there’s another Shido working in this facility, Sojiro.” Gathering her things, Wakaba added more coffee to her cup before downing the rest. “I just need to know if he’s here or not.”

If he was here, great. If he wasn’t here, that was also great. Probably even better than great. Best even. Shido’s absence made it easier. The leftover food could go to her coworkers. Her lab partners were a hungry lot anyway. Simple. Clean. No need to complicate things. It was Shido’s loss if he didn’t make it into work on time. The delicious curry she worked on all Sunday would not go to waste. Nope, nope. Saturday’s productivity disappointed her but certainly not Sunday! Sunday made Saturday look like a chump.

Saturday…

Who was she kidding?

It tormented her no matter what she did. No amount of carrots or spices could drown the ache in her heart. Her eyes stung from cutting onions, protective tears running down her face, but that abated. It was temporary. But not the needle prick in her throat. She regretted not taking the car ride home.

Saturday was incredible. The pain in her chest wasn’t out of heartbreak, rather of excitement, of new possibilities. It wouldn’t stop and let her rest. She had to move around, keep her mind busy, take advantage of the adrenaline rush by being productive. Staying in bed all day and drowning in her thoughts were not going to help her in the long run. If anything, it tempted her to go to Tokyo and visit him. Create something, research something, just do anything to keep the mushy thoughts out! The sting in her throat lingered because of anticipation and hope. That or from sampling the curries she made.

For so long Wakaba hadn’t felt like this over a person, and he didn’t seem as pushy as her previous relationships though he had a baby with him, so Shido may have been restraining himself. Logical conclusion. What if he was a brute behind closed doors?

_I saw him break down though. He didn’t get violent, just angry at his misfortune. Anyone would do that._

The cherry blossoms were due to bloom any day now. Spirits high, Wakaba thought about the days she had off and the perfect time to invite the family to a picnic. Why with all the good feelings she had, why not have a second picnic? Or a third? Maybe she’d invite Sojiro to one. Many happy memories awaited her. Wakaba needed to seize the moment! It was within her grasp.

_Don’t let go!_

But most importantly: act cool. No need to rush the budding feelings. The better she understood them and herself the better. If Wakaba could avoid another heartbreak, then she would do anything in her power to do so.

“He should be?” Sojiro shook his head. “I saw him earlier with the human resources rep. But Wakaba why Mas-”

Zipping through the door came Shido, eyes fixated on the coffee. Despite the dark circles under his eyes, he appeared sharp and alert. He nodded at Sojiro as he poured coffee into his cup and mumbled a ‘Good morning’ to Wakaba without looking at her. As he sipped his hot beverage, he fiddled with his cowlick, pressing it down with no luck and stroked his hair to cover his reddening ears.

“They keeping you busy there?” asked Sojiro.

“It makes no sense why they made me go to a second HR orientation. I took the exact same course when I transferred here.”

“Wait until you go into the actual government orientation bit.”

Shido scowled. “I’d rather not. It’s the same here as it is everywhere else.”

 _Come on, Wakaba! Say something, anything please!_ The words were stuck in her throat. She willed her heart to relax, and hoped her silence remained unnoticed. Shido made it look so easy too! But he didn’t fool her either: Shido’s eyes focused too much on Sojiro and the surroundings that weren’t Wakaba.

“I just remembered!” she chimed in, putting the bag on the counter. “Masa-Masa, I have something for you.”

“Yes?” Shido answered softly, his eyes finally meeting hers. They lingered for a few seconds before gazing down to her bag.

Sojiro crossed his arms.

“I made a lot of curry this weekend, and since you’re bad at cooking, I thought maybe you’d like some to take home?”

Shido’s docile expression melted into an annoyed glare. A sore spot had been hit, and he was not going to let this one go. Any tender feelings from Saturday were blown into the wind and shredded into nothing. “You know what they say about assumptions, Wakaba?”

“Shido…” Sojiro warned.

“What do they say?”

“You make an ass out of yourself.”

Snorting, Wakaba chuckled at his retort. “Wanna put your money where your mouth is?” Oh God she was going there and at work and in front of Sojiro too! She prayed Shido would call her bluff.

Reaching for his pocket, Shido removed his small agenda to peruse, then placed it back in a smooth, confident motion. He sauntered over to Wakaba, ignoring the loud knuckle cracking coming from Sojiro’s direction. If he wanted to make a move, then now was the right time. “So, where’s my share?”

Wakaba turned around to pour more coffee; she bit her lip. His cocksure grin made her think of illicit things. “Scared?”

If Sojiro were not there, Wakaba was convinced Shido would do something bold and daring. She added more sugar to her drink.

“I’m trembling,” he said sardonically. “Do you want more coffee for that sugar?”

The energy around them confused and somewhat angered Sojiro. Taking a deep breath, he decided to put an end to it. “Yeah, Wakaba has a big sweet tooth.”

“Hey!” She faced Sojiro. While she loved sweets, it wasn’t as if it were the only thing she ate. Shido saw her eat more than just dango, so he knew the truth! “I like what I like. Take it or leave it.” Confidence renewed, she inwardly thanked Sojiro for the distraction and faced Shido after taking out a plastic bag with the food. She held out the bag in front of him. “They’re four types of curry. Please sample and let me know how they taste.”

“Can’t be better than mine,” he countered with a pompous smirk.

“Oh, for the love of-” Sojiro smacked his forehead, annoyed. “Don’t you have an orientation you need to be at, Shido?”

“I’m entitled to a short coffee break, Sakura,” he sneered. Shido took the food from Wakaba’s hands. “Thank you, I’ll accept this for now. Though don’t think you’re off the hook with that comment. I _will_ make you eat your words.”

“We’ll see, Masa-Masa. Will I see you later today?”

“I don’t know.” There was no telling how long the orientation process would last. They promised by tomorrow he’d be orientated in the actual lab. Hopefully there would be no more delays. “I should be in your lab tomorrow.”

Wakaba’s mood perked, slightly bouncing on the ball of her feet. “Exciting stuff awaits.”

After the door closed from Shido’s exit, Sojiro’s own mood shifted as well. “What was that?”

“Hm? What was what?” Wakaba asked, almost swooning as she turned to the older man.

“That? The Masa-Masa? The sass? All of that? Is there something going on between you two?”

“No?” Why would Sojiro ask her these things? She gave him food, didn’t she? “Also, your name is too short. Don’t you think Masa-Masa sounds cuter than So-So or Jiro-Jiro? Oh! Do you want me to call you Ji-Ji?”

“Wh-what!? No! Don’t call me Ji-Ji! I sound like an old man or something! I’m just wondering why you’re so familiar with him out a sudden.”

Out of a sudden? Them? She knew Masa-Masa for two months now and even took care of his son for a few days. It was perfectly natural for her to give him a nickname. And it was quite hypocritical of Sojiro to be asking her all that considering how close the two became when he was transferred for this job. If anything, her sense of familiarity with Shido and Sojiro felt normal.

“It’s not sudden to me,” she answered. “I think you’re being paranoid, Sojiro.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, Wakaba. I didn’t mean to sound harsh.”

“No worries,” she smiled. “Let me know how the curry went okay? I labelled them too.”

Sojiro chuckled. “Of course.”

Monday ended at 11:30PM. It would have ended later, but a security guard caught Wakaba in the lab after hours. Common courtesy dictated to remain at work until the boss left. Wakaba constantly broke the rule by sneaking back in to finish her work. Unhealthy, yes, though she knew there was no other way to get closer to the truth. And on that night, Wakaba’s concentration fell short multiple times, her mind wandering off, daydreaming about the world and its infinite possibilities, namely the possibility of becoming a bride.

Maybe?

No.

Too soon to even entertain such thoughts... A silly idea brought up from a crush. Those kind of feelings never amounted to anything substantial. The sort of fantasies a teenage girl dreamt about during class and wrote her married name all over a notebook in secret as a ritual mandated by her innocent love. To practice making bento for the one who held the keys to her heart. Seeking his gaze in the hallway only to avert her eyes before he could take notice of her gawking.

Although, it didn’t hurt to dream either! As long as your thoughts came back down to Earth and faced the reality. Anything else was wishful thinking. A delusion.

Oh, but to be a bride...

Her parents wanted her to become one. More so, they demanded her to marry. After reaching past twenty-five, they had given up and deemed her impossible to marry. Well, not exactly true. After so many mishaps from her arranged dates, her parents accepted the fact Wakaba was undesirable by anyone. Too caught up with her education and passion for psychology, Wakaba did not feel the need for matrimony. She had everything she could ever want: a well-paying job and all the resources needed to go further into the human mind.

Waiting for the train back to Mikage-cho, Wakaba gazed into the night sky. The only stars present were the largest in the galaxy, light pollution obscuring the rest. They were only visible in small towns or near the mountains. She missed the starry sky. She missed the milky way gleaming across the cosmos. A universe so magnificent, so endless, and yet so sparse in life between the planets and solar systems. Wakaba was but a tiny, insignificant speck of dust in the vast universe. But God was with her and all the wonderful people in her life made it all the difference. Her family would never come to appreciate the work she did, though she prayed for the day they’d come to understand her.

_What I have done was unforgivable and selfish. I may never receive your grace but… Can I have this? …with Goro? ...and him?_

Stepping into the train, Wakaba thought about what the next day would bring. Starting tomorrow, Shido would work with her in the cognitive research lab. Slowly but surely, he’d discover what secrets lie beneath the facility. If he were smart, he’d get transferred before becoming exposed to that… _creature_. May Shido never have to suffer under that oppressive presence as nearly everyone in the entire facility had. No one deserved to work under those conditions.

Deep inside her soul she knew it was only a matter of time before it made itself known, before all her sins were revealed to him. Would he still want to be beside her? She laughed bitterly. Of course, this assumed Shido wanted her to begin with. Just as long as he allowed her to see Goro, she’d be happy.

 

 

The follow morning Shido sat inside the research lab, preparing his work station while the other scientists gathered around their own areas. He would shadow over another scientist as, according to the rumor mill among the researchers and government workers, Wakaba was terrible at precepting. Half the time she ignored the orientees and worked on her own assignments without giving any guidance to the newcomer, the other half she spent it on talking aimlessly about the science then huddled up into a corner and began working on it. As much as Shido would have liked to be closer to Wakaba, he preferred a proper teaching. This was work after all. In the end, whatever skill and experience he acquired would transfer into his next line of work. Staring at Wakaba’s ass all day was a bonus, not a skill.

A cup of coffee was placed in front of his station with creamer, sugar, and a stirring straw on the side. He didn’t have to look up to know the person’s identity.

He turned on his computer. “Morning, Wakaba.”

“Welcome to the cognitive research lab, sideki-”

Shido held up his hand. “No. It’s too early for this right now.”

“Then maybe after lunch?” She stirred her coffee, eyeing the sugar she placed on Shido’s desk.

“Maybe never?” He took the cup, creamer, and straw and slid the sugar packets towards Wakaba, which she accepted happily and tore open a packet.

“I’ll figure out a name for you just yet.”

“You do that.” Shido shook his head while the computer loaded. As advanced as technology had become, it still suffered by its snail-paced speed. While he waited for the computer, he pulled out several torn pages from a phone book from his briefcase and read through them. Circles, scratches, and notes were drawn along the papers for reference. If he wanted to join that gym, he would have to get a new daycare for his son. It made sense to get one closer to work anyway.

Placing her cup near Shido’s, Wakaba leaned over his shoulder to read. “Are you looking for a new center for Goro?”

“Hn.”

“Any luck?”

“It’s not easy finding a place with early entry and late hours, and when you find them they’re almost always full. I’m on a waiting list for two. One in Rengedai near some high school and another in Konan.”

“Konan ward’s not too far from here actually. Maybe they’ll give you the call back.”

Shido sighed. “I hope so. It’ll help me a ton.”

Idly, Wakaba picked out a paper from his hand, flipping the page before reading. No tact as usual, but Shido was not going to argue with her about that, not when he had other more pressing matters like daycare and work. One would assume after thoughtlessly plucking the sheet of paper without the person’s permission that the culprit leave or –at the very least –move. But to make that sort of conjecture for Wakaba was a folly. She remained huddled over his shoulder, cool, calm. Not gasping for air or a slight redness in her skin. A frigid expression focused on the information before her while her warm hand pressed into his shoulder, squeezing the muscle with a light grasp. He wondered if she’d react if he touched her hand.

Side-eying, Shido asked, “Can I help you with something?”

Noticing her proximity, Wakaba seized her coffee cup and pulled away. “Just looking! By all that ink, you’ve really done a lot already.”

“And more to go.” Shido longed for the days when he lifted weights and beat punching bags. He ran the numbers during the weekend. If the Sumaru daycare facility ran the same price and times as the Tokyo one, and working an extra hour before speeding off to pick up Goro, then he’d have enough money for the gym subscription and for saving. He prayed any of the daycare centers would call him back sooner rather than later. While it was nice to have Goro in his current one, it only made more sense for him work wise to have his son’s daycare in Sumaru. That and the need for reprieve. As much as he had loyalty to work and his son, Shido needed mental stimulation outside of his workplace and his own home. He got his dick back, now all he needed was this one little thing to get his life back on track.

“I wish you the best of luck,” she said, lifting her cup to toast. “To daycare?”

Shido repeated the action, swiveling his chair to face Wakaba. Despite wearing her work attire, there was something charming about seeing her in the usual clothing. Not to say he didn’t enjoy her in the dress last Saturday. On the contrary! Everything about her in the dress accentuated Wakaba’s assets, physical and personal. No. That wasn’t right. Anyone else wearing the dress wouldn’t do it any justice. It had to be Wakaba wearing it to look good. Regardless, seeing the usual black blouse, slacks, and lab coat felt nice. “To... the little things.”

Cups bumping, a soft smile, lips to the rim, the two swigged their coffee.

Shido gagged.

Wakaba spat out the drink, splattering it on Shido’s shirt.

“What the hell!?”

“Gross!” Wakaba grimaced and looked at the cup in revulsion. “How can you drink this!?”

“Me!?” His shirt was ruined but could be easily hidden with a borrowed lab coat. Worse things had stained his shirts, baby vomit being among them, and blood being another. Yet her spit-take wasn’t important. Annoying as the reaction had been, he’d be more surprised if she _didn’t_ splash him with coffee. Again, still annoying. He would have to get her back on that one somehow. Shido liked the shirt too. Either way there were more pressing matters at hand; namely, how in the world this woman could stomach such an exorbitant much sugar.

Wakaba blinked, double-taked and slapped her hand over her mouth. The drink! She spilled, or rather sprayed it all over Shido! Was she ever in for it now. “I am so sorry for ruining your shirt! Let me get something to clean that up!” She grabbed a few paper towels and lightly soaked some to clean off the stains with shaking hands.

Shido waved his hand with a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose with the other. At least she noticed the foolishness of her actions. Wakaba was quirky though it relieved Shido to know she wasn’t entirely blind to her behavior. She was perceptive enough, thank god. “No need.” He took the towels to clean himself. “Just give me a lab coat to cover this up.”

“I’m so so so sorry Masa-Masa!” She bowed, chest tight. “I-it took me by surprise and I swear-!”

“It’s fine. Aggravating, but fine.” Wiping the rest of the droplets from his shirt and face, Shido stood up and patted her shoulder. “I’m more concerned about your inevitable diabetes. Do something to fix it before your foot goes gangrene.”

“You can’t take sugar away from me,” she pouted.

“Reduce it is all I’m saying.” Shido took his cup from Wakaba’s hand, noting the pink lipstick on the rim. Placing his lips over the stain, he drank his now lukewarm coffee. Better that than ingesting an entire cake. The bitterness eased in with the creamer soothing his mind. “Much better.”

“I’ll consider it.” Taking her own cup, Wakaba sipped her drink, though unlike with the other cup, there was no telling where Shido’s lips touched. Nonetheless, the butterflies in her stomach fluttered about. “No, this is much better.”

About to respond, Shido flinched when Wakaba’s head snapped to the side and dug into her ear. “Are you okay?”

Winching, Wakaba pulled at her ear with a trembling hand, forcing herself to put the arm at her side. “It’s fine. Just a ringing in my ear. I think I have tinnitus.”

“You should really get that checked by a doctor. You don’t want to end up like me who had that ringing during high school.”

“Yeah.” She scratched behind her head, a hesitant smile on her face. “I really should. I just hate going to see the doctor is all. Such a pain.” Her eyes wandered around the room, searching anywhere but Shido’s direction. Arms clutching onto themselves. “Ah, um, let me get you a lab coat.”

The jubilant and carefree woman had shriveled into a meek and reluctant waif. This wasn’t the first time Shido had noticed this sort of behavior. Wakaba had been fine a few minutes ago, and now she reduced herself to _that_. He intentionally mentioned a stint in his past to bait her, yet she ignored it and chose to run off to avoid an awkward situation. It was just tinnitus. No need to make a big deal over it.

_Is this the real Wakaba?_

Wakaba returned with a lab coat. “This should fit. I’m sorry about the coffee.”

Shido shook his head, trying on the lab coat. “I already told you it’s fine. Don’t worry too much about it. Goro’s done a lot worse to my clothes.”

The dark rain cloud looming over Wakaba blew away and left room for the sun to return. Her eyes glowed with fondness while her thin mouth inched into an eager smile. “That silly boy…” she sighed happily. “He’s just showing you affection!”

“Let him vomit on you if that’s what you think affection is.” Then again this was the woman who spat coffee all over him a few minutes prior. May as well have been her mating call.

“No thanks! I had enough baby bodily fluids to deal with for a lifetime!”

“And then some.” The coat fit him perfectly, covering the brown spots on his shirt. No one should be able to notice lest he removed the coat, or they went out of their own way to open up his shirt. He turned and bent over to smooth out the fabric, catching Wakaba’s head move to the side. Twisting back, Wakaba’s shoulders had drooped as her eyes squinted with a pout. Thankfully not depressed as she has been, rather displaying disappointment.

What in the world could Wakaba be disappointed about?

 

 

Near the end of the day Shido gathered his things together. His preceptor warned him about the briefcase. While bags and cases were allowed, the company always searched their belongings after leaving work to prevent any leaks as their jobs had more clearance to the classified information. Shido had experienced a similar thing back with the SEBEC scandal, so it didn’t bother him to have it checked. The worst thing they’d find is a rattle or a teething ring.

Of course, part of the search also involved returning lab coats to the facility for decontamination and to prevent hiding. Any day of the week this would be no problem, however Shido had a stained shirt. The company would not allow him to walk out with the coat because it embarrassed him. Shido cursed himself for not bringing his blazer to work.

In the restroom he removed the shirt to look at its reversed side. The stains remained as visible as the front side. The next time he had the chance to toast with Wakaba, he’d be sure to be away from her face and splatter zone. She was dangerous no matter the situation.

“Fuck it,” he told himself. The sleeveless undershirt would do. He already clocked out and the only thing in between the exit and the restroom was a hallway.

Folding the oxford and packing it into his briefcase, Shido walked out in his undershirt. Face forward, the grip on his briefcase tight and unyielding as he walked in long strides to his destination. Various whispers echoed as he sped through the hall. Some of envy, others of shock, a few dripping in lust. Head held high and giving his most self-assured grin, Shido opened his briefcase to the security guard who balked at the sight of his naked arms.

The guard stared away. “A-All clear. Have, have a nice day!”

The daycare was no different. The mothers and assistants gaping incredulously at Shido walking up to the front desk to ask for his son. No hesitation or doubt. Not a fleck  of submissiveness in his demeanor as he smiled at the staff and held his son in his arms. Goro looked smaller in Shido’s strong arms, but only in size. The baby laughed and greeted his father in delight, grasping his father’s face with both hands and planting a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Shido returned the kiss and carried his son to the car.

Shido felt the longing stares from the ladies at the daycare. As embarrassing as it was to be seen without his proper shirt at work, it felt even more incredible to draw a crowd of women and the ire of envious men no matter where he went, especially at the daycare.

He was goddamn sexy, and he knew it.

 

 

Wakaba reapplied her lipstick in the women’s restroom. It was after 8PM, yet she longed to continue her work. So much to do and yet so little time! Breakthroughs were only made possible thanks to being glued to her desk. After the short break it was time to hit the books and reexamine the results from an old experiment from her SEBEC days. After much deliberation and negotiations, the government finally allowed the Nanjo Group to retrieve the data from three years ago. Though it wouldn’t be until Shido was off orientation as the government didn’t want the scientists to poke and prod without supervision.

Her shoulders slumped. That won’t be for another three days, if not more! All the information she hadn’t been privy to in the past was almost at her fingertips. Although… with that knowledge came responsibility. She had to remember the past and learn to not repeat it. Only a read, she told herself. Reading didn’t cause harm. All she wanted were the results to study. No harm in that.

Three ladies walked into the restroom, chatting among themselves as they pulled their brushes and makeup from their purses.

“And then it was like something out from a commercial, ya know?”

“Right?”

“I didn’t get to see it!” said the third friend. “I heard it from Hirata. Give me the deets!”

“Well,” replied the first woman, “I almost didn’t get to see it but I noticed some people were giving weird looks around, so I turn and see him! He was just… I never expected to ever see something like that at work?”

“I agree!” said the second, brushing her hair. “Probably in a drinking party since men tend to get so loose when they get tipsy, but not at a distinguished science lab. I felt like a girl in a movie. He’s got the looks, but he also has the body to back him up.”

The third woman giggled. “That Shido-san really is handsome.”

 _Shido?_ Wakaba looked at the women through the mirror. What had happened with Shido for the women to be swooning over? Yes, he was a handsome man. Very handsome actually, but one could tell by the face. What was this about his body? She reached for her brush, pretending to fix her hair and eavesdrop in on the conversation.

“Is he as buff as Hirata said?” asked third.

“Is he buff, she asks.” Second side-eyed at first with a knowing look. “No one copped a feel or anything, but those arms were firm. No jiggles or anything scraggly about him.”

“Absolutely! His chest looked good too. I bet he has great abs!”

“I wish I was there to see!” Third sulked. “I would have touched.”

Wakaba’s lips twitched into a small satisfied smile. _I got to touch, and it was great._ Blinking, she wondered how or why Shido was without a shirt at work. Did something happen or– Right, she spilled coffee all over him. The stains were anything but subtle. Though going so far as to walking around without a shirt on confused her.

Still.

There was a sense of superiority Wakaba had over these women knowing she got further with Shido than they had. Not that she expected them to date or anything. She had drilled and scolded herself for hoping more would come about. It had been far too long since she had dated much less a boyfriend. Flirting? What was that? Well, she knew what it was, of course. But the act in of itself felt foreign and fake and she wasn’t too sure if she was doing it right. It’s not something they teach you in school, and the advice from magazines appeared insincere. Wakaba did what she thought was right. And it got Shido to laugh. That was a win for her.

First applied her lipstick and pressed her lips to even out the color. “That man has balls. Gave us all a much-needed treat. When was the last time we got to see any real eye candy here at work?”

“I dunno about you girls, but I’d suck his dick,” third said with a smirk.

“I would too,” agreed second. “I hope he gives it back. Nothing hotter than a guy worshiping between your knees. My boyfriend can’t get enough of it.”

“Lucky!” the others sighed.

A bright pink face reflected at her. Wakaba had to leave before she turned into a tomato. While it gratified her to know she had an intimate, yet fleeting moment with Shido, she absolutely did not want to hear beyond that! Performing oral sex? Scandalous! What if the man went too far? Wakaba didn’t want to choke or feel trapped. And the idea of female oral… did such a thing truly exist? The magazines she peered into didn’t mention it or if it had, the language used was too cryptic or poetic for her to grasp the double entendre. Impossible! It was impossible!

Cramming her items into her bag, Wakaba scurried from the ladies’ room and back to the lab. Work, work, work. Work had to be done! Work was important! Work, not sex! Rumors about flowers had more precedence than rumors about a naked Shido.

The memory of Shido leaving the bathroom flashed before her eyes. She huddled close to the computer, hitting the keys, letting the taka-taka-taka sounds drown her thoughts. Grabbing a book from her personal stash, Wakaba read the information aloud to concentrate. Initially the words meant nothing, merely characters on paper. As she continued to read and get behind the meaning, Wakaba’s mind forgot the dirty thoughts and focused on the subject matter. The words softened into whispers. Whispers into murmurs, eventually tapering into silence. The book hypnotized and lulled Wakaba into its world. Everything around her forgotten.

“Are you reading a book about babies?” a man asked.

Wakaba heeded the person no attention until a gentle hand rested on her shoulder. It was Sojiro.

“Hmm? Hello Sojiro.”

Sojiro pulled his hand away chuckling. “Hello yourself. It’s almost midnight.”

The words hit her hard. Three hours were spent on reading a book unrelated to her job and no one stopped her. Granted, the scientists had left early for the day due to the information release being delayed, though it was beside the point. Not one person dared to ask her about the book except Sojiro, who was not a part of her division.

“I guess I couldn’t put that book down.”

“About babies?”

Wakaba looked at the book cover. The information she read came back to mind. Yes, the book had been the one she bought two weeks prior when she picked up Goro from the daycare. By sheer luck she picked it from her backpack and used it to distract her. It was an informative and good read. Lots of good information about a child’s physical and cognitive development and the important landmarks a child should be achieving at which stage. Babies were fascinating in that regard. Getting urinated on, not so much. However, it did compensate with their cuteness. If human babies weren’t so cute, humanity would have gone extinct a long time ago. At least, that was what Wakaba felt. She had no time or interest in having her own. Too much of a bother.

Goro, though, was different. He was _special_. A sweet, intuitive child who loved to play games, kiss, and cuddle. He had his moments when he appeared to cry for nothing, but other than those few unpleasant points, Wakaba couldn’t complain.

_I wouldn’t mind Goro at all._

“Yes,” she replied with a nod. “I’ve thought about the origins of human cognition, but never the true beginnings. There’s a point when we finally realize we are people and think –really think about ourselves, others, and the outside world. I thought maybe this is what my research is lacking. Maybe the answer lies with children.”

Humming, Sojiro stroked his chin. “Well whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll figure it out. For a minute there I thought you were thinking about having them.”

Wakaba shook her head. Perish the thought! “Noooo thank you! I never wanted them.”

“Haha, just checking.” He smiled though with hesitation, scratching behind his neck, shifting his stance back and forth. “It be weird if you did!”

“Right?!”

Although…

Never is too strong a word.

_You never know, right?_

 

 

Shido had seen many things in his line of work. Happiness, tragedies, awful implications, and even some downright horrifying events. There were moments when an unsigned paper prevented him to intervene or, like Sojiro, enter a building. Normal in his line of work. Anything they threw at Shido, he caught and asked for more. Challenges were meant to triumph over and bask in the glory of its conquering. They made Shido learn and flex his abilities to their maximum capacity and made his resume impressive. In the long run, challenges –no matter how simple or difficult– built a strong foundation in a person. Character, as his father had stated before.

This request had been anything but a challenge.

It was a joke.

A prank.

A trick.

Did management catch wind of yesterday’s antics? Hardly a reason to call him into office and request to get his watch repaired. Of all the inane and arbitrary things he had to do for work! Was it a punishment? Despite him wearing the darkest of sunglasses, Shinjo appeared serious over the task he gave him. He mentioned something about it looking unsightly for an employee he recommended to come into work without _a wristwatch_.

The human resources representative told him there would be no specific uniform, only to continue to wear the same attire as before. If he needed a lab coat, they would be issued though it was only necessary for the researchers to do so when conducting experiments. Aside from that, Shido wore his usual work clothes, wearing his wristwatch out of a decades-long habit. Grateful Shinjo didn’t mention the undershirt incident, it didn’t change how it vexed him to leave the laboratory just to get his watch repaired. He almost wished he got reprimanded over the shirt! At least it would make sense! Maybe even hear a twinge of envy in his boss’ voice for good measure. It would be worth that sort of lecture.

Heading to Rengedai’s Lotus Plaza, thoughts about the firetruck came to mind. He had to get rid of it again. Not throw it away, merely keep it as far away from his home as possible. If he destroyed or threw it out, his mother would find a way to find that out and give him an earful lasting until the end of time. Awful gift. His little Pillow loved and sought after the toy during playtime. Even when hiding it, Goro had a knack for locating the truck.

“So much for object permanence,” he sighed, parking the car.

Despite being a weekday, the mall was busy with people entering and leaving shops or browsing outside. Like Central Avenue, the mall had all sorts of delicious smells wafting in the atmosphere. Only eating a single slice of toast, egg, and coffee, Shido’s stomach growled. A sushi restaurant named “Gatten Sushi” looked appetizing, but Shido thought against it. Perhaps after he left his assignment finished, he’d pay the place a visit.

The scent of flowers and musky wood caught his attention. Subtle underneath the heavy greasy smells of the various restaurants, yet present. Shido followed the scent, growing stronger as he walked closer to its origin. His nose found a shop named “Kaori.”

Entering, his eyes fell on a shelf with products labeled “Natsu.” Shido smiled wide approaching the self. Stocked with candles, essential oils, and soaps, the Natsu brand had a variety of products and scents. He reached for a candle, holding it carefully in hands, smelling it and sighed at its fresh, clean scent.

“Neroli,” he whispered. Childhood memories rushed through.

“Welcome to my shop. My name is Kaori. Is there anything I may assist you with?”

Shido turned to see the woman greeting him. She was a lovely woman in a ponytail sweeping into her side. Her appearance old fashioned and kind. He couldn’t help but relax hearing her serene voice. Fitting for someone running a perfume shop.

“No, sorry, I was just looking at these products.”

Kaori bowed. “No need to apologize sir. My store carries in-house products; however, I did branch into this brand. The Natsu products are splendid.”

“You don’t see this brand often. I just wanted to see.” He placed the candle back the scent lingering on his fingers.

“No worries. Feel free to smell any product that may interest you.” She smiled. “And there is no obligation. If you need more time to decide, please consider it.”

“Thank you. I may return for something next time.”

 

 

The Time Palace was an antique store with relics spanning throughout the decades, maybe even the centuries. Various clocks lined the walls while the display cases carried the more valuable objects. A few patrons were in the shop, browsing the rare products and admiring the antique’s age and ingenuity. The store smelled of an inoffensively sweet incense, enticing any onlookers to enter the store to give a glance.

“Can I help you?” asked the presumed shop owner. A foreigner, he was a tall, pale young adult with long silver-white hair and a clock-face-etched monocle on his left eye. He wore a crimson shawl over a matching suit dating from the Victorian era. An odd choice for a uniform yet fitting considering the shop’s theme and merchandise.

“I am the Time Count, owner of this store. You have business with me?” His voice slippery, fluid, and tainted with an arrogance– No. Not an arrogance or indifference, rather a sneer. As if he mocked your very existence and thought it was worth a cheap laugh.

The hair on Shido’s body stood on its ends. Rage. Fear. Unease. His soul shivered. Words like “douchebag” wouldn’t come close to how much contempt Shido had for the man.

“I heard from a reliable source you fix watches.”

The count chuckled and held out his hand. “That I do. Do you have it?”

Shido reached into his pocket for his graduation wristwatch. The Time Count did not move from his spot, hand in the air expecting the product to be brought directly into him.

 _Fucking rude!_ He glared at the foppish man before him with furrowed brows and walked up the steps where the count waited. Pausing, Shido looked at the watch then he count’s hand before handing it over.

The Time Count held it between his thumb and index finger, putting it against his ear to listen to the watch. “This is quite an antique. A remnant of better days when nothing mattered. Humans cling too much to the past.”

What kind of comment was that? With a mouth like that it was a wonder how the Time Count received any customers. The people there must be addicted to humiliation. “It was a gift from my family.” _Jackass_.

“I’m aware. I am merely stating the facts,” he answered with a sly grin. “My business wouldn't be here if my statement weren’t true. The past holds precious memories, even forgotten ones.”

“Are you going to fix my watch or not? I can take my business elsewhere.”

“Are you in a hurry? Even if you take this watch elsewhere, time will go on until you’ve essentially wasted an entire day on nothing.” The Time Count cackled. “Do you even know the city well enough to find a shop like this? Better yet, don’t you have work?”

Shido exhaled hard with clenched fists. “Just fix it.”

“I knew you’d see it my way.” Heading behind a counter, the count removed tools from a drawer. His monocle was replaced with a jeweler’s loupe, switching a knob before getting the correct calibration to work on the delicate innards of the wristwatch.

Shido examined the rest of the shop as the shopkeeper tinkered with his wristwatch. Nothing special except for the large, globe-like clock at the far end of the shop. The owner wasn’t wrong about people obsessing about the past: the present was now, and the future stretched out too far for thought. Something about the enormous globe-clock reminded him of a time when nearing invincibility. When Toshiko revealed to him her pregnancy, he wanted nothing more than to deny her and the child. He had no feelings for her or anything for that matter. Why should he take responsibility over someone like that? For all he knew, the baby wasn’t even his! So close was he to rebuke her and cast her away from his life forever. But something happened.

Deep down inside of him, his heart told him not to.

What stopped him entirely, Shido did not remember. It hadn’t been a sudden change either. Not a change of heart or mind, but rather his consciousness was cleansed from the brooding dark thoughts full of malice, vanity, and avarice festering from the years prior. Cultivating until it rotted and spread itself like an infection. His life in those couple years was a murky blur, forgotten memories recalled in random snippets only to disappear before his mind fully grasped them. Ever since resolving the SEBEC case he…

“It is done.” The Time Count walked up to Shido, the wristwatch secured in his hand. “Just when you thought you held control and choice, you thought wrong. You cannot lead yourself astray. It is impossible.”

Snatching the watch from his hand, Shido frowned, examining the watch for any imperfections. The Time Count had done an impeccable job repairing the crystal face. The hands moved in perfect rhythm as the seconds and minutes past. He even bothered to set the watch to the correct time. He still was an asshole though. “How much do I owe you?”

“An old, expensive watch like that requires special knowledge and skill to repair. However, I’m feeling generous: 3000 yen.”

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch. Just recommend me to those who need the time. It is, after all, the very thing humans wish to control yet can never tame.”

After the sour encounter with the Time Count, Shido headed to Gatten Sushi for a boxed to-go order later for lunch. He paid and thanked the chef Kankichi Mishina for his work and walked to the mall’s exit. A mixed sushi box for himself and one for Wakaba. If she didn’t want it, then he’d eat it all the same. More than anything, Shido wanted to see her reaction to fresh sushi for lunch in their sterile and boring science lab. The food sold at the cafeteria wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t sushi either.

Shido smiled. “Just as long as she doesn’t spit wasabi on me.”

A familiar blue light seized his attention. Near the exit, standing alone with no windows, no advertising, only a brick wall was another Velvet Room. Shido shook his head, rubbing his eyes to be sure it was there. He looked around to be sure the other pedestrians noticed the room, then turned back to the door. It remained in place.

Shido reached for the handle. He had to know what was behind the room. Last time it had disappeared, and he regretted not investigating it beyond reading the sign. Twisting the handle, the latch failed to click.

Locked.

“Closed then?” Made sense if the Velvet Room was a night club. “But what happened with the other one in the Yumezaki ward?” He turned the handle again to be sure. Again, locked.

With a shrug, Shido stepped away, curiosity unsatiated.

_Strange though…_

An unusual melody echoed into his heart. From a piano? But there were none in the mall, and its background music had been the latest bubbly pop music from an idol group. This music differed; it had celestial qualities to it. He returned his gaze to the mysterious blue door, music fading from his ears as he walked away, yet the aria remained in his soul.

“Early practice for the club musicians then. Sumaru is such a weird city.”

 

 

When Shido arrived at the lab and reported his return, he presented his watch and the receipt as proof he completed his bizarre and irrelevant task.

Shinjo looked at the watch, turning it back and forth, touching its face and straps. He listened for the ticks and tocks, nodding with each sharp sound. “Good.”

“Is this it?”

“Yes…” Shinjo returned the watch to Shido. “I personally apologize for the request but… it’s something that was needed to be done soon.” Expression and tone neutral. Shido swore he heard a slight unwillingness in the secretary’s voice.

 

 

_“You’re a monster!”_

_“You killed her!”_

_“You are a rotten child!”_

_Various adults surrounded Shido. There was no exit, only a growing ceiling and a black pit under his feet, though he did not fall. He remained in the middle, encircled by the adults launching threats and insults._

_The room spun._

_His heartbeat grew louder._

_The blurred faces continued to taunt._

_“You should have never been born!”_

_“Murderer!”_

_“I didn’t do it!” Shido screamed. The voice that came out was of a little girl’s._

_A whirlwind of long orange dyed hair._

_He yelled out again in the girl’s voice. “Mom!”_

_His mother was dead, but he still called out to her. “Mom!”_

_Shed tears fell on deaf ears, flooding the abyss beneath him until he drowned with the malicious whispers and bright yellow eyes staring at him below._

 

 

 

Shido woke with a shout. Sweat dripped down his body; the bed sheets were thoroughly soaked. Goro’s eyes flew open from his father’s movements and noise. The baby yawned, staring up at his papa.

“I’m so sorry, Pillow,” he whispered, catching his breath before wiping the sweat off with a nearby shirt. He placed Goro the playpen while he changed the sheets, washed and freshened up deciding to sleep in his underwear in case his body grew hot again.

Sitting Goro on his lap, he wondered if he should call his mother. It was four in the morning, and no doubt his parents were soundly sleeping at home. Calling them now would spook them from the noise and the hour.

The details of the dream faded as the minutes passed. Goro fell asleep in his father’s arms while Shido chewed on the sides of his fingernails. The only thing he could remember were the accusations and the intense dread and guilt over his mother’s death. Alone and confused about the nightmare, Shido closed his eyes and prayed the bad dream didn’t continue where it left off.

“It’s just a dream. Get a hold of yourself, Masayoshi.”

He slept on the couch with his son.

The dream never returned.

Finishing Goro’s diaper change before heading out to the daycare, Shido’s hand hovered over the phone. The intent was there but it embarrassed him to make a phone call over a dream. If his mother found out, she’d laugh and joke about it. Probably telling his brother in the process to add more salt to the wound.

“Wait, no. Mom wouldn’t do that. She never joked about my worries… Why is this suddenly crossing my mind?”

He rubbed his ear at the sound of a sharp ring. Tinnitus again? It didn’t feel like it. But the stinging pitch annoyed him worse than his tinnitus had in high school. His finger dialed the first number. Then the second, and then the third, fourth and so on.

The line rang. “She’s probably still asleep. It’s too early for her.” Third ring. “She’s not going to answer it. I’ll just hang up.”

 _“Hello?”_ yawned a woman’s voice.

So much for not answering the phone.

“Mom?” He called her by the English term from habit.

 _“Masayoshi!?”_ Her voice fully awake. _“Is everything alright? Is Goro okay!? I’ll get the next train to Tokyo right no_ – _”_

“No, Mom we’re fine. Goro’s fine.”

 _“Why are you calling me like this then? And this early even?”_ Her voice softened. _“Masayoshi, please: is everything alright?”_

“I thought about you is all. I wanted to make sure you were fine.”

_“I’m fine. You know I am.”_

Shido sighed in relief and pinched his hand for good measure. It was just a dream.

“Good. Just checking. Also…” May as well tell her since his emotions got the better of him.

_“Yes?”_

“I never got to tell you this but… Thank you for coming to Toshiko’s funeral.”

_“I did it for you and my precious grandchild, not Toshiko.”_

“I’m well aware it wasn’t for her.”

 _“Just so we’re clear on it."_ Stubborn as always. _“And so we’re clear on a different matter: I would like to hear more from you.”_

“Mom-”

 _“Don’t interrupt me, young man.”_ Her Japanese faltered. Whenever she became stern or emotional, she defaulted into English mixed with a couple of Japanese words. _“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I do. I am your mother and I have the right to be worried about you.”_

“Right…" He didn't want to hear this now or ever. For the sake of a pleased mother, Shido would bear with the lecture, albeit for a limited time. "I don’t mean to be rude, but I do need to head out in a couple of minutes to drop Goro off at his daycare.”

 _“I understand; I’ll make it quick.”_   The sound of a deep exhalation. _“Masayoshi. That time from a while back? I have already forgiven you for your actions. And you calling me brings me a joy you may never come to comprehend until you experience it with Goro. However… All I ask of you is to please, if not for you but for my sake, please…”_

A drop of sweat rolled down his temple. “Yes?”

_“Please reconcile with your brother.”_


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shido comes back home from the gym and finds someone unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wadaiko is the specific term for the Japanese drums. Taiko means "drums" in general.

With child care as an option, Shido knew he would love GOLD. During Saturday he decided to subscribe to the gym, the need to exercise becoming more unbearable with the passing days. No news over Goro’s status in any of the daycares, though Shido figured going during the weekends sufficed for the time being.

He warmed up with some running then eased himself into the weights. The aching muscles were welcomed. The more he maintained his routine, the quicker his body adjusted to the stress and begged for more weights. He used to bench press 200 pounds yet at the moment it decreased to 150. Embarrassing, though a comeback was not beyond reality. His body still looked good, but Shido knew it could be and had been better.

It all boiled down to control. Shido didn’t get the promotion in Tokyo due to obligations surrounding Toshiko’s illness and death, however getting this back was a step. There were plenty of ways to climb onto the ladder to success. The current promotion was proof of that. Hell, being able to touch himself and have blissful release amazed him.

And of course, there was his son.

Since his birth, Goro became his pillar, the reason for being. Never in his life did he ever believe a child could bring that sort of pride or joy. His mother spoke about it many times, though he chose to ignore her words as it seemed forced, rather he felt it was forced when he was a teenager and young adult. Hiroki thought the same until him and his wife Yomiko had their first child, Megumi. His brother bragged incessantly how wonderful his little girl giggled and did something special. Shido didn’t get it yet humored Hiroki. He would do the same later when Hinata was born three years following. Another moment of cluelessness with Shido.

But now he knew. Anyone who spoke about their children to Shido, he countered back with Goro’s feats, unable to stop himself from embellishing the stories. They did the same anyway! To Shido, Goro was perfect. Goro could never do any wrong - he was his son after all. Goro already accomplished taking his first steps, recognized objects, knew poking his eyes would wake him up, and identified him correctly as papa. Calling Wakaba mama aside, Goro’s intelligence and ability to absorb information impressed him. How could there be any wonder why his parents and Hiroki spoke so highly of their children?

Hiroki…

Shido punched the heavy sandbag in the boxing area of the gym.

His mother asked him to make amends.

He knew he had to, and understood what had to be done. And yet… Shido couldn’t find the gumption to approach his brother regarding the matter. The last time he saw Hiroki had been at Toshiko’s funeral. They spoke no words. No eye contact. No touching. Yomiko greeted Shido with his nieces and paid their respects. He could tell she wanted to speak with him in private with the side glances she gave him, but her daughters kept her preoccupied despite their good behavior. Hiroki’s vision had been fixated on the altar, silently praying for Toshiko’s soul. Their father whispered something into Hiroki’s ear, eyeing Shido, yet Hiroki’s gaze did not falter. The only time his brother looked his way had been when Goro cried and Shido comforted his distressed son. Four months old, tiny and vulnerable. He had to protect his baby. So preoccupied in his world to console Goro, Shido almost didn’t catch Hiroki’s eyes before they snapped back to his own girls.

Once the time was right, he promised to visit his brother and speak to him and apologize for the awful things said. Shido couldn’t take back the words. Words he had not remembered, and of the ones he did, they felt so foreign coming from his mouth. Not that he hadn’t ever said harsh things before, but not to Hiroki. Not to the point where he had gone. Teasing and pranking, yes but not… not _that_.

How familiar the situation.

_It’s like with… where did this happened before? …With Wakaba!_

Covered in sweat, Shido continued to punch the bag, dodging and using his legs and knees to attack. The hurt burned good. He needed it. It helped him think about his life and where he stood. That Time Count bastard said he didn’t have a choice. Bullshit! He had plenty of choice! It was his life, and no one told Masayoshi Shido what he could or not do. He was not some puppet being manipulated by invisible strings. Humans had choices. Good or bad or even neutral. The chaos of the human heart gave them the ability to choose. “Free will” as the Christians called it.

Punching with all his strength, the bag flew several feet before swinging back to Shido, who blocked it with his forearm. That one was for the Time Count and his repulsive self. The tool.

A warm smile formed as he steadied the bag. “Wakaba…”

He told her he had no choice when he played those games with the guys at school. He chose to participate in bets fully aware loss meant punishment. For all the kendo spankings, haunted school property explorations, and other silly tasks the loser had to perform, Shido regretted nothing. Boyish games with no consequences, only to make the punished strive to win the next time.

“Hey there,” a woman’s voice called near the boxing ring.

Sporting dyed red hair in the strangest bun Shido had ever seen, the woman had to be in her early 20s. She waved at him, leaning on the ropes with interest. Not one of infatuation, merely curiosity.

“Hello,” he responded. Being lost in his thoughts made it easy for oneself to forget where they were. Shido certainly had.

“Your stance is too square.” She pulled under the ropes and left the platform. “You’re going to fall backwards if you’re not careful.”

“I know,” he sighed. “It’s been a while since I’ve done this.”

“Yeah? Where’d you learn?”

“At another gym.” Truthfully, he learned to fight back in middle school. Boxing came later in life after college. But she didn’t need to know that.

“Didn’t they teach you to use wrappings?” The woman frowned. “You’re going to bleed without them.”

Red hands pulsated, skin at the knuckles cracking with the threat of imminent bleeding. A little too late. “They did.” Shido shrugged. “I didn’t expect to be here today. But I won’t forget next time. I’m just getting reacquainted.”

She nodded her head, getting a feel for what he said. “I get ya. You know if you want, I can help you get back into the groove. Maybe even spar? I could use a sparring partner.” She punched the sandbag a few times. “Whaddya say?”

Tapping his chin, Shido thought about the proposal. He never practiced with a female before, not that he thought any less because of it. Only he never knew how to box with a female opponent. Considering how rusty he had been, and how seemingly better she was, accepting her offer wouldn’t be so bad.

“I like the idea but…”

“But?”

“I can only come during the weekend since my childcare arrangements are rather tight at the moment.”

The woman jumped back. “You have a kid? Hmm… Well, that’s no problem. We can meet whenever you can. I’m not here every day either.”

“I think we can make an arrangement.”

“My name’s Ulala Serizawa. Pleased to meet you.”

“Masayoshi Shido. Likewise.”

 

 

Shido climbed the stairs to his apartment. The adrenaline high from exercise ebbing into a tired flow. He was tired and ached all over, but he felt amazing despite everything. After eating some leftover curry, Shido planned to shower with Goro and take a short nap with him. They deserved it after their long day.

Touching the doorknob, Shido paused.

It was unlocked.

He looked at Goro, biting his lip, then returning his gaze to the door. Did he forget to lock it? Definitely a possibility as he had been excited to go to the gym. Still, he couldn’t help but worry if this were a break-in. There was nothing valuable except his wristwatch but the idea of a thief infiltrating his home frightened him.

There was only one way to find out.

Carefully opening the door, the two were greeted by a “Welcome home!” and the sound of vegetables being chopped.

“God _FUCKING_ hell, Wakaba!”

“Wow, you said ‘fucking’ so fluently. Do you speak English?” Wakaba chirped from within his home.

Stomping with his shoes outside the genkan and into the dining area, Shido placed Goro inside the playpen then marched right back into the kitchen. The less Goro heard the better albeit the distance were only a few feet away. There were no words for how he felt. Infuriated? Not strong enough. The closest thing Shido thought was a volcano at the brink of an eruption. The devastation of Mount Fuji becoming reactive could not compare to his rage.

“Just what-” He had to contain his anger. Never allowed to boil out of control and regret words said. Those can never be taken back. But this _woman_ made it nearly impossible keep his tongue from slipping and giving the most brutal verbal lashing Wakaba had ever experienced. “-are you doing in my _fucking_ house!?”

“You gave me the key remember?”

“When?!”

“Whoa, calm down a little.” She held up her hands, eyes shifting all over the area, unable to look into Shido’s livid face. “Back when you told me to pick up Goro. I made a copy in case of an emergency. What if Goro and I got locked out in the cold? I don’t have a car, you know.”

 _Is she for real?_ “That does NOT mean you have the right to enter my fucking house without my fucking permission. This is fucking insane even for you.”

“You keep saying that word so well. You need to teach me Engli-”

“Focus on the conversation,” he snapped, hand kneading the counter corner. Anything to distract his anger and not pound his fist into the counter, spooking Wakaba and his son. Tempting as it was, he had to hold back.

“I’m sorry I went inside your house. I did try to call you though! I called your house phone, your pager… I sent you a fax, but then I realized it was your work fax. I just…” Hands wringing, slightly trembling from the realization of her miscalculated assumption. “I just wanted to surprise you i-in a good way.”

She gave him a surprise alright.

Breathing deeply, Shido wiped his face, pinching his chin. He forgot his pager at home. Normally he would have taken it, the idea slipped his mind as he resupplied his son’s diaper bag before heading to the gym. Cell phones were on his wish list; however, they were expensive and too bulky to carry in his pocket. Technology needed to hurry and create something less clunky.

“And, um, well, I know this sounds odd, but you never told me about the curry I gave you? We haven’t really spoken since Wednesday, so I figured we could talk about it?”

A regrettable action crossed his mind. And he was going to do it. The horrible act played along in his thoughts. It came to this and he hated it. But he had to do it. No matter what happened afterwards, it was Wakaba’s fault. No amount of lectures could ever change the satisfaction to break down in the way he was about to. Pure bliss awaited.

“Fuck it,” he said, reaching over the refrigerator, patting the unseen top until he found what he needed: a box of cigarettes and a lighter.

Pointing to Wakaba, Shido said. “Watch my son. I’ll be on the balcony if you need me.”

And off he went. He lit up his stick, inhaling deeply and sighed in relief. He needed that smoke. That box was two years old. He was damn proud of himself for not touching it after so long. Toshiko’s pregnancy triggered his desire to quit. Wasn’t easy, yet somehow, he managed. Shido liked to think it was Goro who helped him.

This would be the last time he smoked. What transpired was too much for him to handle. Making a copy? Who in the world did that? Only a thief would copy a borrowed key. The logic Wakaba used had so many holes Shido had no idea where to begin. A woman of science used reason for their logic and acts. Wakaba was a woman of science, but her rationale went far beyond most people’s comprehension, even his own.

“At least I can parry some of her nonsense but I’m not sure if that’s something to be proud of.” He leaned against the railing, watching the world below him. Dogs were walked by their owners along the street. Children strayed close to their mothers, giggling and singing nursery rhymes as they strolled along. A young and older man were fixing a flat tire. Life went on as always. Shido decided to spend these few minutes on smoking.

Metaphorically speaking, it didn’t give him a bad taste in his mouth, instead it cleared his mind.

 _I’m not even mad at her._ “I was just shocked.”

Anyone would, he reasoned. And as much as he wanted to be upset and shun Wakaba away, he couldn’t. She was harmless, only doing things that followed her logic. No one was hurt or scorned. A bout of confusion here and there, though it was manageable. Unlike him, Wakaba was a good person with the purest intentions.

Shido was not a good person.

Shido’s past wasn’t clean. Far from it. He never cheated in academics - he could at least brag about that! Aside from the fights he got into, there were far worse things he did. Ever since he blackmailed two teachers for having an illicit affair on school grounds during middle school, Shido wanted more power. Back in his first year of high school, his parents punished him for getting into fights in the most embarrassing way possible. He got over it when he realized how he liked the punishment - the women he had sex with notwithstanding - and thought of better ways to get back at the assholes who tried to start shit with him. Why participate in fights yourself when other people could do it for you instead?

This, among other things, was the reason Shido couldn’t say he had a clean spirit, not with a straight face at least. Regardless, he would continue his life as he saw fit. As long as no one died, it would be fine right? Goro’s education and well-being were his number one priority, though having the money to give him the best of the best would be great too. He lamented his lack of creativity for business like his mother, who used her passion projects to sell products and make more money to give her children a better life. And his father who toiled away to slowly, but surely, climb the ranks as head pharmacist in a prestigious hospital even after being laid off in between.

Shido would do the same for Goro and himself and…

The sky-blue dress flickered in his mind for a split second.

Shaking his head, his heart raced at the thought of her.

“It’s because she got into my house,” he grumbled. “I can’t believe her. I can’t believe me for not calling the police.”

If it had been anyone else, Shido would have called the police and sued them for emotional distress. Had the person reacted violently, namely towards his son, Shido would not hesitate to beat the person into a bloody pulp. Absolutely no one messed with his son. Goro’s life was far too precious to be taken away abruptly by filth.

Besides if he wanted, Shido had his connections to make a person disappear.

 

 

Foolish. The most foolish thing she had ever done in all her life. Worse than the time she decided to go on a date with a man instead of getting a copy of Legend of Salsa: A Chip to the Present. The date was boring, and the guy wouldn’t shut up about all the things he did and how good his grades were, or how he was going to take her places. Not wanting to owe him anything, she paid for his dinner in secret, slipping out by claiming she needed to go to the restroom. By the time she arrived at the store, the game had sold out. She spent the entire evening looking for a shop with a copy to no avail. It would be an entire month before she got her hands on the game. She regretted giving that guy a chance, especially the day of a game’s release. Foolish.

“He didn’t even take off his shoes.”

That’s how mad Shido had been when he confronted her.

“Mama!” Goro stood up holding himself with the playpen’s fence. He reached out to Wakaba. “Mama!”

Wakaba carried him and sat on the couch while Goro buried his face into her neck. “There, there, sweetie.” A sigh. “I did it again, didn’t I? I don’t know what came over me. I… I’ve never felt this way about a crush before.”

Could it even be called a crush at this point? No, it couldn’t be anything more than just that. Shido was her infatuation. She liked his looks and appreciated his knowledge for psychology. For God’s sakes, they only knew each other for a little over two months! That’s not how it worked! People are supposed to know one another for a while before they start dating or even develop feelings.

“It’s only lust. That’s it. Logically speaking, the spark people claim to feel upon meeting their partner is fueled by physical attraction. And based on my own anecdotal evidence, I’ve had that feeling before. It didn’t take long before it disappeared.”

But why was this taking so long to disappear? Ever the sharp eye, when she got to speak with her crushes, Wakaba was so quick to find their flaws, be it their personality or their habits. The feelings were shot down from the high heavens and her mind and heart were at peace. And she tried so hard to see that with Shido. She really did!

The current outrage should have been enough for her to be turned off by Shido’s response. Anyone seeing a person at their most primal form would be disenchanted. But who was she kidding? Shido’s reaction to a stranger in his house without his permission was perfectly natural; this she understood and because of it, she found no fault with him.

“This was egregious though…” She pulled Goro away to look into his big eyes. Such a beautiful, calm baby. Soothing to the soul, putting her mind at ease. “Dare I say it, Goro-chan? I think I did this out of emotion instead of real logic? How utterly careless of me!”

Goro smiled, babbling words only he understood. His mama was such a worrywart! He kissed her cheek and giggled when his mama smiled back.

“That’s what makes us human right, Goro?” She laughed. Of course it made sense for her to falter. People were not perfect, and neither was she, although she personally strived to be even a nanometer close to it. And to be fair, her reasoning for coming to their home made sense in her head. She hoped Shido followed her line of thinking with that one.

She ventured into the kitchen with Goro, opening the refrigerator. A single container labeled #3 had been leftover with only a scant amount left. The other three were placed neatly near the sink, dried and cleaned.

“Your papa eats a lot, Goro. I wonder if you’ll be as hungry as him when you grow up.”

Goro poked Wakaba’s cheek. “Baaaa…”

She held Goro up, wiggling his little body in a dance. Goro cackled in delight. It was so easy to love that child! “A growing boy needs all the yummy food he can get! I’m going to cook you so much delicious nummies!”

Kicking his feet gleefully, Goro called out to Wakaba. “Mama!”

The two embraced. It felt great to hug a baby. She told Sojiro she had no interest in having children. While true, these moments with Goro made her think otherwise. Though childbirth didn’t seem appealing to her at all. Babies should be wished for and poof into existence whenever a woman wanted one. Much less messy that way.

“Such a good boy!” Wakaba breathed deeply into his head. Goro smelled of baby shampoo and an unfamiliar scent. Was this the baby smell she often heard of?

Goro cooed, munching on her shirt for reprieve from the painful itch in his mouth. Wakaba searched for a chew toy.

Peering out the sliding balcony door, she watched as Shido inhaled the cigarette and released the heavy smoke into the atmosphere. Funny enough Wakaba did peg Shido as a smoker, as most people in Japan did smoke, though his home smelled suspiciously clean despite belonging to a smoker. On the day she cleaned his home, Wakaba didn’t catch a whiff of tobacco in his clothing. Not that she went about sniffing Shido’s clothes. She wanted to be sure they needed to go into the dirty laundry bin. In no way did her body shiver at the scent of his shirt saturated in his natural musk.

Grabbing a teething ring, Wakaba sat Goro in the playpen. “I’m going to go check on papa, sweetie.”

 

 

The balcony door slid behind Shido.

Wakaba leaned next to him against the railing. It was time to put out his cigarette.

“I didn’t think you’d smoke outside.”

“I quit years ago.” He mashed the stick into the cigarette box, the embers slightly singeing the cardboard. The tobacco tasted weak and old. A good excuse to throw them away. “Not healthy for a baby.”

“Yeah…” Her eyes darted below into the streets. “Masa-Masa, about the key. I’ll give it back-”

“Keep it.” His voice calm, a smile forming. “You never know, right?”

The words were stuck in her throat. She hadn’t anticipated the response. “Rea-Really?”

“Really.” No one else had the keys to his home. If anything did happen, it would be beneficial for someone to carry a spare. Shido didn’t trust hiding it under a floor mat or a fake rock. Everyone had those these days. It was begging for a burglar to come in and ransack a home for everything its worth.

As far as Wakaba making a copy and going into his house without permission, he would let it pass just this once. Although this incident wasn’t going unpunished. Wakaba had some unknown method of riling him up in the worst ways. Calm, cool, collected were the usual traits people used to describe him - at a glance. He prided himself for letting bygones be bygones. Though, to be the frankest he had to be with himself, Shido knew he was petty enough to avenge minor trespasses if it irked him enough. Wakaba was his next target. One way or another, he promised to get back at her shenanigans and make her face burn.

_She looks cute when her face is like that anyway._

“I’ll do my best to reach you if I want to come over,” she said with a smile. Wakaba looked at the spare key in her hand and held it against her chest.

She had no idea how sexy she sounded. The urge to bang his head against a wall increased every time she said or did those things.

“I’ll remember to take my pager.”

“Why don’t you get a cellphone, Masa-Masa?”  
  
“As much as I’d like one, they’re expensive and they’re basically a talking brick. Maybe if the price lowered, I’d consider it.”

“The latest model from Wokia is coming out soon.”

“And it’s still a brick. They also need to make mobiles smaller. I can’t put that in my pocket.”

Wakaba turned her head aside. “Why not?”

“They’re uncomfortable when you sit or walk, and they, erm, look suspicious. You get me?”

“They look suspicious…” she repeated it to herself. Stroking her chin, Wakaba furrowed her eyebrows, shifting her eyes everywhere to figure out what Shido had meant.

“A long hard block in a man’s pocket.”

“Uhh…” Still not quite getting it.

Shido waved his hand. “Forget it. I’ll wait for a better phone.”

“Hmm…”

“Let it go, Wakaba.”

“But why would a cellphone in a pocket look suspicious?”

He rolled his eyes. “Use your imagination, Isshiki.”

“That’s Wakaba!”

 _Hook._ Conversation in the threshold of being changed. “For someone who is allegedly a genius, you sure can’t catch subtle hints of conversational points. And I gave you a great one a few days ago. You didn’t even catch my tinnitus comment.”

Wakaba tugged at his arm. “I did too, Masa-Masa!”

 _Line._  “Oh?” Depending on her level of response he would need to continue to tease her even further. This was not enough to compensate for breaking into his home. “What was it?” He flashed a devilish grin.

“High school, right? Did I guess it right?” She continued to shake and pull at him. “Masa-Masa tell me!”

“Maybe.” _Sinker._ “I’m going inside.” He was due for a refreshing shower after the hard work he put in earlier. And a heavy lunch. A nap after a delicious meal would do him wonders. Removing his shoes, Shido entered his home. Satisfied, he left Wakaba pouting outside.

“And just where do you think you’re going!” She followed after.

“Papa!” Goro bounced, cooing when his father rewarded him with a head pat.

“Shower.”

Wakaba hurried past Shido, standing in front of the bathroom door, effectively blocking his path. “No.”

Of all the hair-brained ideas Wakaba had, she chose to do something as childish as obstructing a door. Shido didn’t know if he should have laughed or pull his hair out at the inanity of her plan for attention. He crossed his arms, shaking his head like a disappointed father. “You want me to stay dirty?”

Wakaba crossed her arms in return. “No.”

“Then let me in.”

“No.”

“No!” yelled Goro from his pen.

“Move.”

“No.”

“Is that all you can say?”

“No.”

“You’re a broken record,” Shido exhaled.

“No.”

The plan for revenge crumbled beneath his feet. Wakaba was winning this “game” and Shido fumed knowing he had been bested. No one bested him. If he had to cheat, then he’d cheat. If it meant victory, Shido was not above cheap shots.

“You don’t want me to carry you.”

“No.” She paused, hand to her mouth. “I mean-Wah!”

“If you say so,” challenged Shido scooping her effortlessly into his arms. Her bright red face was priceless.

“Masa-Masa!” she pleaded. Her hands covered her face. “Put me down! Put me down!”

He smirked. “Oh I’ll put you down.”

Wakaba frantically shook her head. She wouldn’t watch! “Nonono! Don’t drop me!”

“I’m not dropping you." Shido searched his small home and eyed the kitchen. The kitchen counter was the closest, most stable place to put her. Off she went into the kitchen. Wakaba made for a nice counter decoration.

Shido grinned as he entered the bathroom.

 

 

Wakaba laid on the kitchen counter, embarrassed. There was no way she’d be able to face him now. What started off as a simple tease escalated into being carried like a…

“B-bride?” she gulped. The muscles were not for show after all. Shido carried her without any signs of struggle or distress. Like a feather or a ragdoll even! Wakaba bit off more than she could chew by teasing him.

Her cell laid near the stove where she had been chopping vegetables she bought for the home. Shido claimed his curry reigned superior, yet he never backed up his assertions. For this slight, Shido should be making the late lunch, not her! Prove her wrong, she dared. Wakaba crawled on the counter to reach her phone, too lazy to walk on the floor. Her eyes met with Goro’s who had been staring from afar with interest. Yes, it was strange to see a fully-grown adult on all fours on top of the kitchen counter. Wakaba acknowledged it herself.

In the name of science, she slipped the phone inside her pants. No pockets, no problem. It didn’t take long before she realized what Shido meant. Tightness of the phone aside, the silhouette appeared suspiciously like…

“An erection!” Wakaba squeaked. “But this is misleading! Masa-Masa was bigger than this.”

“Bigger than what?” asked Shido in a towel, not at all surprised Wakaba was crawling on top of his counters.

“Nothing!” Wakaba jumped from the counter. Her mobile slid down her pants and onto the floor, face on fire. The mass of the Wokia phone left a visible dent on the linoleum floor. 

“...Okay.” Shido sighed, going into his room. Wakaba returned the sigh, eternally grateful Shido remembered to wear a towel this time around, though she wouldn’t have minded if he didn't.

 

 

“Not going to ask,” Shido commented when he finally emerged from his room wearing a comfortable shirt and pants. There was no point anyway and he was tired enough of Wakaba’s whacky antics for the year. “I tried your curry.”

Wakaba scratched her temple. “Heh heh, what did you think?”

“Not bad.” Number 1 was on the sweet side, but still enjoyable. Number two had a hint of chocolate which accented the spices well. Number three was his least favorite but it was due to the spice level being so mild. And number four had been his favorite, but he would not admit that piece of information so freely. It had a fine balance between spice, sweet, and savory which complimented well with rice and the chicken she added.

“And yours is still better?”

“Yes.”

Hands on her hips, Wakaba leaned in a taunting fashion. “Prove it.”

“Step aside.” He glided past Wakaba, looking at the vegetables she chopped. “Was this your plan all along?”

“I think the owner of the house should be the one to treat their guest.”

 _She’s not as witty as she thinks she is._ “You’re not a guest: you’re an intruder.”

Wakaba watched Shido gather his ingredients, taking out a notebook with a cute onigiri on the cover to record her observations. Shido shrugged figuring it was her way of processing things. He was the sort to memorize details, and she seemed to be the opposite. His mother had done similar things with her projects and recipes.

“And now we let it simmer.”

“Hmm…”

“What?” Shido filled a baby bottle with formula and shook it until thoroughly mixed. Carrying Goro to the table, he sat and offered his son the bottle. He chuckled when Goro snatched the bottle from his hands and drank it up. Too cute.

“Your measurements.” She flipped through her notebook. “They don’t make sense.”

“Not sure I understand.”

“They’re not precise. All you did was use a spoon and tossed it in.”

“Cooking isn’t hard science, Wakaba.”

“But it’s still a science! You need to be precise!”

“I think you mean baking.”

“Cooking as well! You need to go by the book or else it won’t be perfect.”

“No, you need precision for baking. Cooking is forgiving.”

“But how are you going to get consistent results if all you do is toss things together, Masa-Masa? Don’t be lazy!”

“Does it matter? You get almost the same.”

“Almost is not the same as, uh, the same!”

She was doing it again. Shido wanted more than anything for the food to be ready so he could prove her dead wrong. His free hand balled into a fist. Goro’s large eyes met with his. In his head, Shido pretended Goro was as disturbed by Wakaba’s insistence on exactness for cooking as he was. Neither of his parents were like this, and his father was a pharmacist! His job forced him to be accurate!

“It’s delicious regardless. You’ll be lapping it up as soon as it’s finished.”

“I beg to differ!”

Silver spoon up her ass was what she had. Not even sampling the food and already had a negative opinion on his curry. At this point Shido was convinced she was doing this on purpose. Being contrarian for no other reason than to provoke him.

“Go make a cake right now!” Shido blurted, pointing to the kitchen. Where in the world did that spontaneity come from?

“Huh?! W-why cake? How is this supposed to prove the point?”

Oh, ho ho, the point? Not her point? Not his point? But _a_ point? Rather impersonal for someone speaking so passionately about the precision in cooking. While he did believe Wakaba fell into the category of “to the book,” there was no way she closed her mind to the extent of trashing his food without trying. For crying out loud, this was the woman who investigated talking flowers on her day off!

“I don’t care about your opinion. Go bake a cake.”

He could be difficult and contrarian if he wanted to, too!

“But-”

“Go.” He emphasized further by repointing at the kitchen. “And don’t come back until you’re done.”

The sound of rustling pans and opened cabinets filled the home. Shido played with Goro while Wakaba struggled to find ingredients.

“Masa-Masaaaaaa…”

Shido pressed his nose against Goro’s. “Are you done yet?”

“No…”

“Then I don’t want to hear it.”

A click alerted him the rice cooker finished. He placed Goro into the high chair and checked on the curry and rice. Everything smelled and looked great. His mouth watered as he pulled out the plates and utensils.

Wakaba managed to scavenge a few key ingredients for a something. Flour, sugar, baking powder, and eggs. All she needed was a fat and she’d have a decent recipe for… something. Shido had to give her credit for the effort. By the way she continued searching the kitchen, he wondered if what held her back was the lack of a cookbook.

Probably was.

“Come on, let’s eat.”

She didn’t say anything, only sucked in her cheek, chewed on it, and followed Shido to the table. They said their grace and ate.

“Masa-Masa this is…” She shoveled another spoonful into her mouth, moving her head from side to side, getting a feel for the ingredients. “This is delicious!”

“I told you,” he said smugly. Mashing rice, curried potato, and carrot, Shido let it cool before giving it to Goro.

“I never doubted you!” She winked, eating more of the delectable meal.

“Now she says it,” gibed Shido to Goro, who bounced in his chair in response to the food he ate. _Goro is a boy with excellent taste._

She laughed. “Do you have a cookbook?”

“I think it’s in my bookshelf.”

“Cookbooks belong in a kitchen, Masa-Masa.”

“They belong in a bookshelf and sorted by category.”

“But it’s handier if they’re nearby when you cook.”

“We’re not having this argument again.”

They laughed until their stomachs hurt.

 

 

They talked about many things during their lunch. About Goro, about their job, and curry. Wakaba wanted to know more about the method to the madness that was Shido’s cooking. The measurements were chaotic, yet they blended together in harmony to create an incredible taste. Sojiro had told her he didn’t have exact measurements for his curry either but managed to write a list of everything he used, and described the amounts to her. She would find a scientific way to improve Sojiro’s recipe just yet! Shido’s doubt about cooking and precision encouraged her to crack the code and create the best curry ever!

A bright redness caught her eye. A slight dribble of blood oozed down Shido’s hand as he ate. “Masa-Masa are you bleeding?”

“Am I?” He looked at his hand and wiped the blood with a napkin. “Oh that.”

Oh that? What did that even mean? His knuckles were red and cracked when they were not like that before. “You need to take better care of yourself, Masa-Masa. It’s spring but it’s still kind of dry.”

“You’re the second person to tell me about this.” Goro slammed his hands on the tray, screeching. Shido put his hand on Goro’s arms. “Calm down, Pillow,” he murmured. “I went to the gym and boxed a little.”

Reaching over, Wakaba put her hand over his, stroking the injured knuckles with her thumb. Shido didn’t pull away. “Be careful next time, okay?”

“I will.”

 

 

The early afternoon became the late afternoon. The three napped on Shido’s couch, Wakaba’s body slumped into Shido while Goro passed out on his father’s chest. Shido was the first to wake up, gently guiding Wakaba to lay down and placed Goro next to her. It had been a while since he last had such a lazy Saturday. In a plastic bag, Shido packed some of his curry into the containers Wakaba had used for hers. He slipped in a special surprise for good measure. She invaded his home. The punishment should fit the crime, and though Shido never called the police, he figured it be the closest.

His hand burned from the opening wound. Ironically the one where Wakaba touched didn’t hurt as much as the other.

 

 

“So tell me about high school,” suggested Wakaba from the kitchen. Shido gave her a cookbook and decided to make pancakes from it. He didn’t say what sort of cake he wanted, just a cake of sorts. Pancakes were easy to make after all. “Do you still get the ringing?”

“Mainly when it’s absolute silence. Otherwise I don’t have any problems with it like I used to,” he answered from the dining area, a prisoner inside Goro’s playpen being showered by Goro’s affection and toys. Now that Goro had a taste for walking, albeit clumsily, he wanted to bring things to his papa. He dropped most of the items, opting for dragging and tossing things towards daddy. Toys aside, Shido was stuck. Goro demanded his father sit inside the playpen by whining and screaming. Not even a year old and the baby showed the signs of a grandmaster manipulator.

The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

“What happened?”

“I played drums.”

“Wadaiko?”

“No, drum kit. My brother had a band. I used to be the bassist, but the original drummer quit because he was moving to another part of town. So, I took over.”

“Neat!” Wakaba exclaimed, flipping a pancake. “Who was the leader?”

“Me.” He grinned.

“Don’t lie~”

“My brother was the guitarist and vocalist, and yes it was _his_ band, but musically speaking…” He lifted Goro over his head. “...the drummer is who leads the others. They’re the ones setting the tempo, starting the music, cueing when the song will end. If the drummer is bad, the entire band fails. A guitarist or bassist or even whatever other instrument player you have can falter and no one hears it. But if a drummer makes a mistake, it’s becomes painfully obvious to the listener.

“The drummer may seem insignificant, but they lead in the background and at the very core by setting the rhythm. The vocalist or guitarist is the pawn, bassist the right-hand man, and the drummer is the conductor.”

“That’s a pretty shady way to describe it.” Shido’s confident and commanding aura didn’t go unnoticed. “Were you good?”

“I got good.”

Bringing a plate with a stack of pancakes dripping with syrup, Wakaba sat beside the outside barrier of the pen. Cutting a few pieces, she forked a tiny piece and presented it to Goro. The baby sniffed it and opened his mouth, humming when the sweet cake hit his tongue. He hopped in his father’s lap, begging his mama for more. It was the first time he got to taste something so fluffy and delicious!

“Aww, Goro likes pancakes,” hummed Wakaba, offering another morsel to Goro. “Do you still play?”

“I used to practice once in a while. I sold my set before Goro’s mother moved in with me.”

Eating, Wakaba chewed her pancake slowly, narrowing her eyes. “Why?”

“Noise? Space? I have other interests that aren’t so disruptive.”

“Like what?” She presented another piece to Goro.

“Like ones that involve me shutting up because I’m the only one spilling their guts. Fascinating hobby.” Shido crouched, stealing Goro’s bite and ate the pancake.

Instead of jumping back or flailing or griping about Shido taking the pancake from his son, Wakaba stood completely still. Her pale face turned pink and swallowed hard. “What time is it?” she whispered.

“It’s almost seven,” Shido whispered back. His eyes never left hers, mesmerized by her dark orbs. “Do you want to spend the night?”

“I…”

“I can sleep on the couch,” remedied Shido. “It’s getting late.”

“Seven isn’t too late… The trains are still running.”

“Do you…” Hand hovered over her forked one. When the skin met, it was electricity running through his body. “...want me to drive you back?”

She quavered in shallow breaths, “I don’t want to bother you.”

“It’s not a bother.”

“I’m sorry, Masa-Masa.” Her ear ached. She bit her lip, hesitantly removing her hand away from Shido’s. “But that’s too much I’d be taking from you. I’ll be going now.”

“I understand…”

He escorted her to the door, giving her the bag with the food and other empty containers. Wakaba kissed Goro goodbye, thanking Shido for everything and apologized again for the intrusion. Shido thought nothing of it and told her she was forgiven for the umpteenth time.

It was difficult to not look back and see if Shido peered out the door to see her leave. If she did, Wakaba would probably find herself ensnared by Shido’s piercing eyes, charming her to return and share a bed with him - sexual or not. If he waited there by the door until her silhouette disappeared, Wakaba would never know though Goro’s cries for mama were loud and clear.

Arriving home felt like an eternity, heavy thoughts weighing down her heart. She opened the bag Shido packed for her and let out the loudest laugh.

The red firetruck.

He got her good.

“I deserved that.”

 

 

Monday morning, Shido had no issues getting to work. Still no call from the daycare, but he guessed it would be too soon to expect it. His fax had a paper by the feeder. First page was a confirmatory message sent automatically by the fax. The second was a drawing of what appeared to be a lion and a baby in a house, and a lady with the cheekiest, toothiest smile. The lady was holding a bag and waved, the speech bubble stated: Answer your phone Masa-Masa! I’m on my way! (´• ω •`) Let’s get cooking!

Shido folded the paper neatly into a small square. Pulling out his wallet, he tucked the message safely into the clear accordion where he kept his most beloved pictures of Goro.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys remember PAGERS!?  
> Different times, different times.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura blossoms blooming, rumors brewing.  
> A very interesting combination in Sumaru City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanami chapter Part 1!

“I heard work will be cancelled on Thursday.”

“I heard it’s a paid work day to Aoba Park to see the sakura.”

“I heard it’s to boost morale after Ogata died from a heart attack.”

“I heard Ogata was killed!”

“You too? I heard he was killed by a coworker!”

“That’s stupid! Ogata was totally killed by…”

Everywhere Shido went, the rumors followed. It didn’t matter if during lunch, at security, or taking a piss, someone mentioned the hanami rumors. Gossip was normal at the workplace. He experienced it his entire life and didn’t think it would be any different in Sumaru. Naturally, a person’s death at work sparked all sorts of hearsays, so the Ogata rumors were expected. However, unlike the other places, the science lab gossip and rumors spread with an intense fervor. The hanami one being the oddest of them all.

No one in their right mind earnestly believed work would be cancelled - it usually took a typhoon or a bomb threat to do that! But there they were, fully grown men and women crossing their fingers, whispering all sorts of nonsense in hopes of a billion-dollar conglomerate, the government, _and_ the foreign minister’s cabinet would cut out a work day just to go enjoy the flowers. To believe in such a rumor bordered on idiocy, naive too gentle of a word.

Shido yawned, reading the thick notebooks with information regarding the SEBEC scandal and its findings. Once reviewing and confirming information with another member of the government, Shido could then give the Nanjo scientists an edited version. Those with higher clearance could see more, but under his watchful eye and in a specific room. One notebook in particular had not only been forbidden to leave the room without special permissions, but to never be seen by any Nanjo officials. Government only.

Shido wondered why they kept the book in the science lab in the first place, but it wasn’t for him to question. He knew he should be grateful he was allowed to read any of the texts from the case. Hell, some of the reports written in those notebooks were from him! Less research and science, more regarding what him and his team found when they were called to explore the SEBEC building a week after the incident. Most of the people involved didn’t remember much, but Shido did. The experience was unlike no other. Beyond surreal. The interior becoming something out of an MC Escher painting. The halls with twists and turns and staircases leading into nothing, only to turn around and suddenly they were in another area. Trap doors often appeared when they hadn't been there before. People died going in to explore the ghastly remains of the Mikage-cho edifice - one of them being from his own team. Many were injured by the frail railings, or rooms where climbing the upside-down stairs defied gravity then a split second later, gravity resumed to normal and anyone exploring the bizarre stairs were hurt.

And while fantastical, areas where organic matter fused with inorganic churned the stomachs of those who encountered them. Fingers twitched in a pile of carpet with dirt and blood. Random whirls of hair found in various toilets. Large wings fused into dismembered parts. Human, reptilian or demonic? No one could tell. The rot and discoloration made it difficult to identify anything as belonging to a person. Kandori had been easy enough to recognize albeit in a more decomposed state. Nonetheless it didn’t change the heinous scenery. Whatever the DEVA machine did, the effects done to its ground zero were...

Eldritch.

Eldritch like the story of an ancient being lying dead in slumber beneath the ocean in the sunken city of R’lyeh. A city where the geometry had no shape or sense. Unfathomable, as the narrators in the stories an occultist he dated would say. In the mythos his ex-girlfriend poured all her energy into, in the grand scheme of the universe, humans were insignificant. Mindless beings of unimaginable shape and matter existed in space and in between the dimensions, creating madness to the paltry humans who had the misfortune of interacting with them. Their peon brains descending into lunacy because they could not possibly comprehend these eldritch abominations.

A load of shit was what it was.

Shido witnessed firsthand these aberrant structures and he neither went mad nor forgot what he saw. Unlike the incompetent masses, Shido comprehended such “unfathomable” creatures. Whether he believed in them or not was a different story. The disgusting state of the SEBEC building proved it. The _voice_ proved it.

The more he thought about it, the more nauseous he became and threw up later that day. Though he hadn’t been the only one. When Shido returned from the restroom, Ando, the scientist who oriented him, was huddled into a corner, rocking back and forth, rubbing his arms in a panicked state, while another researcher puked their guts out in a trash can.

“I hate this…” moaned the scientist, wiping his mouth with his kerchief.

“Get a hold of yourself!” Shido shook his former preceptor by the shoulders. “It’s gone, Ando! Breathe!”

Several minutes passed before Ando settled down and regained his bearings. Shido sighed. If having a prestigious job meant dealing with some supernatural being, was it even worth it? This was the second time Shido experienced another one of these attacks. He hoped it would be the last, though without knowing the origin of this creature, it seemed impossible to tell.

From his first week of orientation, Shido saw how the Nanjo scientists behaved. They were all eager, inquisitive and quiet, lost in their own world once they began their research. His preceptor had been excited to see the reports on the SEBEC experiments. To see him and the other scientist break down was like seeing two entirely different people. He briefly wondered if Wakaba had ever encountered the spirit. His fists clenched at the thought of _that thing_ laying its invisible hands on her.

A quick visit wouldn’t hurt.

 

 

Clipboard in hand, Wakaba wandered along the halls jotting down her observations. Fascinating, absolutely fascinating! More and more people began to speak about the rumor. At first, no one seemed to believe it, but as the days went by and the advent of the cherry blossoms excited the workers, people naturally spread the rumor further to the point of belief. Depending on what happened next would determine her next course of action in the cognitive research experimentation labs.

Based on the measurements from a device developed by herself and other fellow former SEBEC scientists, the atmosphere changed. Subtle, but gradual, ever-present. Nothing the meteorologists or any sort of geologist could determine or identify either. This was special. The device gave off the same readings as the affected areas in Mikage-cho back during the SEBEC incident. It made no sense why Sumaru City had these readings as their mini-DEVA machine barely left the blueprint phase. Only such a machine could cause this sort of calibration.

More questions and no answers. The best Wakaba could do was continue with her hypothesis and record her observations. Through analysis and the gathered brain power of her research team, the answer would be found. As crazy as it seemed, rumors were cognition, thus rumors were the solution to the mystery.

A hand waved over her clipboard.

“Hm?” She looked up to see Shido standing in front of her, shoulders stiff. How long had he been there?

“At least that got your attention.”

“Was there something you needed from me, Masa-Masa?”

“Actually… I just wanted to say hi.”

What an odd thing for him to do! That sort of thing was her M.O. not his! The gesture brought smile to her face. “Hello!” She wiggled about; it was so nice to see Shido.

Shido smiled wistfully, breathing out in relief. A gleam of sweat rolled down his temple. “Anyway, I’ll be heading back.”

“You look a little pale. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Unsure what to say, Wakaba watched Shido as he returned to the lab. This wasn’t his usual tiredness from lack of sleep or the banal of work. Almost as if a vampire sucked the life out of him.

“No, it can’t be,” she whispered, pacing around the hall. When she entered the lab, Shido was nowhere to be found.

“Back from your investigation?” asked Ando, face as pale as Shido’s.

“Ando-san, were you attacked again?”

Head down, Ando nodded.

No. She couldn’t be right. Why did it have to happen again and so soon? The last reported attack had been in March with Sojiro - he told her about it that day and its severity - now again in April. The one before March had been in mid-January. For the last two years she recorded the occurrences. It had no pattern, no preference, no consistent effect. Most of them happened months in between. Sometimes they were full on attacks like with Sojiro, others were the sensation of a malevolent force looming over their shoulders or passing by. By the look of things, the visitations were becoming more frequent. Wakaba prayed the proximity of the previous two incidents were a coincidence. “Who else?”

“Kimura.”

“Anyone else?”

“Just us two. Shido-san found us near the pathology lab.”

“You sure he wasn’t affected either?”

“I really wouldn’t know, Wakaba. That thing got me bad.”

Kimura was as shaken as Ando. Wakaba asked and wrote down the details into a personal notebook. It had nothing to do with her job, yet she felt she had a responsibility to discover what was going on. There had to be more with the company and government union than Persona and kegare research. Some of her colleagues proposed perhaps one of the artificial Persona users had somehow let go of kegare - sin, filth, essentially a shadow in Jungian terms - and it roamed wild, or the Persona went berserk and escaped.

Wakaba knew none of those were possible. A Persona could not thrive without the user, even when berserked. The Persona user was integral to the existence of a Persona. And kegare could be seen by the naked eye. Whatever the entity was, it had to have come from a different origin, but likely related to the shadow.

_I may be in over my head, but this monster needs to be stopped._

 

 

After days of intense gossiping and speculation, Thursday finally arrived. Eager workers clocked into their work area in hopes the rumors were indeed true. A few people claimed to have seen buses near the entrance of the building, though Shido didn’t see them when he walked from the parking garage.

If he thought the previous days were bad, they were nothing compared to now. The hanami rumor was all people spoke about when he went into the building, down the halls, at security, and into his designated work area. He went into the breakroom and poured himself a cup of fresh coffee, the only thing in the damn building that didn’t go nuts.

“You ready, Shido?” asked Sojiro, drinking from his own cup.

“Work’s work.”

“No, today is the workplace hanami outing.”

“Never in my life have I ever heard of such a thing, Sakura.”

“Of viewing cherry blossoms?

“Are you playing stupid?” Not like Sojiro was his boss anyway. “You and I both come from government. There are no company outings. At least not something so unofficial, and spontaneous like this. I’ve never gone to a hanami at work.”

“I don’t see why you’re making a big deal out of it.” Sojiro shrugged, scratching the back of his head. “Honestly just go with the flow. Something like this is basically a miracle.”

Shido frowned. Miracle his ass. Something didn’t sit right with him with the sudden informal office hanami. A small business or an independent shop? He’d believe it. But this? No. In his experience, the rare team building outings were planned months, sometimes years in advanced. They had venues and guest speakers scheduled and paid for. A hanami for hundreds of employees required time and flyers and emails from upper management. None of this happened.

“Did you bring anything?” asked Sojiro.

“I didn’t even believe in the rumors.” Of course he didn’t bring anything! What in the world was he going to bring besides his lunch on what he assumed would be a normal boring day? Not sure if it was the way Sojiro stood with his chest puffed up, radiating nothing but self-assured smugness or the way he grinned, but Shido’s blood boiled. If that man mentioned anything about a blanket or a picnic basket…

“That’s too bad. I brought a basket, food, and a blanket just in case. No harm in that.” He chuckled.

_Son of a bitch._

“Anyway, I’ll be heading out. I need to be there early to get the best spot, if you know what I mean.”

 _I wish I didn’t._ Without another word, merely a disgruntled stare, Shido poured the coffee into the sink and left the breakroom with a bad taste in his mouth. Sojiro’s coffee tasted vile. He hoped other people could taste through his bullshit too.

It seemed most people had the same idea as Sojiro. Many brought ice boxes, folding chairs, blankets, drinks, and other things for viewing the cherry blossoms. They loaded their supplies into the buses the office rented and gossiped with their coworkers, excited about this paid field trip and how the rumors were true.

Shido decided not to bring his lunch, still fuming at Sojiro. Today would have been the perfect day to call in and play with his son. Instead he was subjugated into the most impromptu office outing and watched Sojiro walk like he owned the place. Shido wasn’t stupid. He knew exactly why that son of a dirty whore sauntered like the king of the world. King of the senile more like it. From the bus window, Shido saw Sojiro going in and out of several buses until he found a bus that “suited” him the best.

It didn’t take a genius to know who was in the bus Sojiro chose.

And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Shido couldn’t help but grit his teeth and crack his knuckles at the sheer audacity of the old man.

Fuck him.

Fuck that asshole.

 

 

Shido left the bus without any urgency. Why bother to be in a hurry? He had no food, no supplies, and most importantly no blanket. If anything, he planned to mooch off from other people. Maybe go to a conbini nearby and buy some booze and be welcomed with open arms. And he did just that.

He couldn’t just be a pretty face. Shido had a reputation to maintain, after all.

Aoba Park, once filled with little buds of green with vibrant flowers now splashed in pink. The flowers fluttered onto the ground. Trees sung when the wind blew too hard, rewarding the people below with a shower of petals. It was a time to enjoy one of the tried and true symbols of Japan and appreciate its fleeting beauty. At the blink of an eye, the sakura ceased to bloom, transforming into a simple green tree for the summer until the autumn air painted the leaves with brilliant oranges, reds, and yellows. Winter stripped the trees from its foliage only to return in the spring with little sprigs and metamorphosed into the beautiful pink trees once more. The cycle repeated.

The sakura season reminded Shido of his brother and their many times spent under the trees. A deep pit sank into his stomach. It would have been the perfect time to call Hiroki and ask for forgiveness. If he could go back in time and take back what he said - complete recollection of the words said or not - Shido would have done it in a heartbeat. If there was something the Time Count had been right about, it was how people clung too hard to the past. Shido realized he did the same especially towards the good and the bad. More than reliving the good, Shido wished he could erase the bad.

“I miss that goofball,” he muttered as he wandered along the park; his coworkers rushed to find the perfect spots to lay their blankets. Depending on the people and the food, Shido would charm his way with the promise of alcohol. Illegal in these sorts of outings, yes, but he didn’t care. He had to drown out his irritations in some manner and alcohol never let him down.

Several groups established their spots near the trees. Shido greeted a few, not looking for anyone in particular and continued in search of a better group. The food was either pithy or unappetizing, or the crowd was unattractive. Shido had a history of mingling with rejects in his past - some of his best friends growing up were social outcasts. Yet at the moment, none of his coworkers were good enough for him to grace them with his presence, despite there being nothing wrong with them.

Shido knew he was being petty. His pickiness for selecting a group to hang with did not go over his head. Any group was fine especially with his knack for socializing; the need to continue his campaign to find a good spot was ridiculous. Every time he got close enough to accept the invitation and sit, his heart yelled at him, unsatisfied with his attempts to settle for less.

There was no less! It was good enough, he told himself as he passed the tenth group. His heart leapt when he saw Kimura rolling out a blanket with other familiar Nanjo scientists arriving to the spot.

“Shido-san!” Kimura smiled. “Would you like to join us?”

“I don’t want to be a bother. By any chance is Wakaba here? I needed to ask her something.”

“Wakaba’s over there.” He pointed at a blanket underneath a sakura tree. Lo and behold Sojiro was there talking to a standing Wakaba who tapped her chin in thought, possibly undecided to sit with him or not. The forming smile on her face caused Sojiro’s congenial smile turn into a pompous grin. Shido’s face became hot like fire, tongue clicked in distaste.

Wakaba’s eyes strayed, head turned abruptly when hers met with Shido’s, taken aback by his presence. Her surprise softened into fondness and lifted her hand to give Shido a shy wave.

No longer in an ill mood, though still perturbed at Sojiro - oh he saw that scrawny man’s frown and it felt so damn good - Shido waved back. Practically empty-handed, Shido’s confidence shattered as the sinking sensation in his stomach returned. It had been far too long since Shido felt this way, almost embarrassed to approach her. But he wanted it. He wanted to talk and sit with her. If he had to order a pizza as his way of bringing something to the picnic, then he would. Pizza deliveries weren’t only for homes.

The more he rationalized his options, the more his confidence returned. No way would Masayoshi Shido allow something minuscule to give him feelings of inadequacy. Masayoshi Shido excelled in everything he did and then some. If Sojiro thought he had him beaten, he had another thing coming. No food, no problem.

Shido and Wakaba lost themselves in one another for what seemed like hours. Neither moving nor speaking. The world became small and quiet, only the rustling of the trees and singing birds were heard. The distance between the two being the sole barrier to their union.

Sojiro’s hand hovered near Wakaba’s.

 _What a loser. He can’t even put up the courage to touch her._ And yet Shido’s feet where planted on the ground. But so were Wakaba’s. There was no way he’d let them sit together all by themselves underneath the romantic and picturesque cherry blossoms.

Wakaba’s breathed deeply turning back to Sojiro and flashed him a tight smile before settling on the blanket. She sat across from Sojiro getting a good view of Shido, eyes met again then shifted back to her friend.

The shochu bottles clinked inside the shopping bag.

Shido tapped Kimura’s shoulder. “I got some good shochu here.” He opened his bag to show Kimura the alcohol and twisted the bottle to reveal the brand. “As you can see, I don’t skimp out on quality. If you and your coworkers go and sit with Wakaba and I’ll give it to you.”

“A two-liter bottle too, you serious? Hey, um, can I keep it instead?”

“I don’t care what you do with it. Just get your group to sit with Wakaba and Sakura.”

“Seems fair.” Kimura nodded. “I wanted to talk to Wakaba about some stuff anyway.”

“It’s yours, my friend,” Shido asserted, patting Kimura’s back. Covering his grin with his other hand, it was hard to control the burst of pure satisfaction to see the group of scientists approach the pair and settle in. Wakaba’s bewilderment became smiles and excitement. She enthusiastically patted the blanket, making room for the others to join them on this most beautiful day to talk about scientific subjects until their faces blued. But the best part by far was Sojiro’s reaction to the intrusion. His mouth agape, stammering nonsense to no one but himself, watching helplessly as the space expanded in size and population. Conversations became harder to follow. The space between the two friends increased its distance as Wakaba scooted further into the other blanket to be among her peers. What was supposed to be a moment between only him and Wakaba had been shot down from the heavens and crashed into Earth with no survivors.

Sojiro bit his lip looking over to see Shido and his diabolical smirk.

Another group of people whisked Shido away. They were from his previous position and a few pretty ladies from other departments. His body tensed as one of the women pulled at his arm. He could not deny their invitation as he had no intention to sit in Sojiro’s spot. Slow, hesitant steps followed the woman to the group’s area. But his eyes never left that place. They fixated on Wakaba’s, whose line of vision remained towards Shido despite her changed position.

The picnic layouts were not far.

He chose a spot with a clear view of Wakaba. His neck stretched over whenever someone’s obnoxious head obstructed his view. No matter how interesting the conversation or how delicious the food, or how flirty the women were, as long as Shido could see Wakaba - a glance or an outright stare - everything would be fine. The ache in his heart lessened when he saw her long black tresses or her smile or her big ugly glasses. And although the pain diminished, his heart stirred, thumping wildly against his chest when Wakaba’s gaze met his.

Such a foreign feeling. Never had he experienced it in his school or his university years. Or at any point in his life for that matter. The girls swooned for him, throwing themselves at him in the halls or after school. The shyer ones stuffed notes into his locker whether to confess or to meet with him by themselves. In university the women were bolder, often asked him out during parties or study groups. With Toshiko it was through a group date and they hit it off quickly into the bed, ultimately leading to her pregnancy after a string of trysts, and multiple affairs with others. And he would've continued that lifestyle, simply tossed Toshiko away and let her deal with having the kid or an abortion by herself. At that point in his life, his relationship with his family had almost deteriorated to the point of estrangement. Shido had nothing left to lose, his ambition to rise among the ranks in government his sole reason for being. He needed no one but himself.

And yet he took a chance and married Toshiko.

He took a different route on the day he went to rebuke her, and by the time he got to her home - all anger and indignation sloughed from his soul, he grabbed Toshiko’s hand and reassured her everything would be fine. He would take care of her and the baby.

But his heart would never belong to her as he had no affection for Toshiko or any woman. They were just flings. Nothing more, nothing less. The fondness for Toshiko budded after Goro’s birth, and by then his son had conquered his hardened heart. It wholly belonged to him whether Goro knew it or not. If Goro were the only person in his life, Shido would be okay with it.

Although lately Shido hadn’t been too keen on the idea.

“Thanks for the shochu, Shido-san!” said a female accountant. “You got a good one!”

Even in hard times, his taste remained impeccable. “Hanami are always good with a bit of booze.”

“Looks like they had the same idea over there.” A lady secretary pointed to Wakaba’s area. “That Sakura…” she sighed shaking her head. “Is he for real?”

“Don’t be so mean!” chided the accountant. “I heard Sakura-san is close to dating Isshiki!”

Shido shifted in his spot and dug his nails into his palms. If he choked or said something it would come off as suspicious. Still, to hear such flagrant lies made him seethe.

_Don’t say things that aren’t true!_

Another woman, a government representative, chimed in. “Sakura? As in Sojiro Sakura? Girl please! That Isshiki lady might be a little touched in the head, but she’s not blind! Or desperate.”

“Okay fine, whatever. But he really likes her! Sakura-san is so sweet and shy with her. Sometimes he meets her for lunch and after work!”

Shido’s mind screamed. Right about now would be the perfect time to develop telekinesis to make her shut up. There was nothing sweet or shy about Sojiro. His personality was as greasy as the oil he used to slick back his hair. Always talking about Wakaba as if he had a chance when she clearly didn’t see him as anything but a friend. Back in February he once walked into Sojiro giving her a one-liner. The secondhand embarrassment struck him like lightning, enough to almost kill him. He left without bailing Wakaba out; whatever her reaction had been to have someone witness the awkward encounter, Shido would never know. She was on her own with that one.

“If he can even get her to join him,” the rep scoffed. “I’ve seen him leave that lab with his tail between his legs too many times to count. Nothing is ever going to stop that woman with her one-track mind.”

Shido huffed through his nose. He was fine with it and should remain the status quo so long as Wakaba ignored Sojiro’s insufferable self. Kindness was her vice.

A quick glance at the other area brought their eyes together again. Shido smiled despite himself and widened when Wakaba returned the smile. He needed to get up and speak with her. Staying any longer with the gossiping crowd would drive him into madness. Stop talking about Wakaba and Sojiro: there were better things to chitchat over. Talking about their ugly children or the latest comedy, or the current soap, or how awful their boss was would’ve been better than the tripe they spewed. Others joined in the conversation, adding their perspective on the manner.

“I think Sakura is out of her league.”

“Nah, I think Isshiki is just being stuck up.”

“They’re meant for each other!”

“You know who else is meant for each other? Those two in HR.”

“Yeah, those two are so cute together! I heard they’re…”

“Seriously? Well I heard…”

“Well it’s a rumor I heard, is all.”

“Do you believe everything people tell you?” Shido asked, sipping on his shochu. His words fell on deaf ears as theirs became mush inside his own. His one solace being Wakaba’s sweet side glances he lost himself into and the world around him. The shochu he bought should have been shared between themselves in a private area with no nosy coworkers around.

Was he not bold? Was he not a man of action? He wasted away listening to stupid rumors instead of going up to her area and sweep her off her feet and rub it all over Sojiro’s dumb old face. Heart pounding, resolve firm, Shido wanted to do just that!

He motioned his head to the side and rolled his eyes upwards to signal Wakaba. He stood from the picnic area without a bother to excuse himself. There was no need as no one paid attention. Shido didn’t need their recognition. Wakaba paid heed to his silent instruction and got up as well, held up an apologetic hand and bowed. Shido’s chest ready to burst at the reciprocation.

Was this what girls felt when they confessed to him? Was this how they felt looking at him from afar in the hallways, so close yet so far away? Desperate to be noticed, to be spoken to, to like and be liked in return? Finally gathering the courage to write a little note in cute stationary, carefully selected and in pristine condition - no wrinkle or fold or smudged ink - and delivered to his locker? To go as far as to pour your heart into a human being who may not have even known of your existence?

Was this what it felt like to be in love?

 

 

From the moment the bus stopped, Wakaba had a mission. Food and picnic supplies were brought in case the experiment worked. And it did! It worked out beautifully, and yet the mission she undertook was far from completed. Of course, what she wanted was unnecessary, simply an extra step she hoped to observe and achieve. Behind the agenda, another agenda.

Wakaba searched for her mission objective, determined. There were far too many buses and employees. Her objective could have been anywhere! At the koi pond, under the gazebo, near the gardens, the playgrounds, anywhere! And when Sojiro caught her attention and asked her to join him, Wakaba knew her secret assignment came to an end. Mission unaccomplished.

She tapped her chin, no specific thoughts in her head. Whatever else Sojiro said, she paid no attention. If she could, she’d tell him no and continue her operation. And then she’d find it and the picnic - and the day - would be saved! An unconscious smile formed at the indulgent alternate route. If only it had been her reality.

A familiar cowlick grabbed her attention, heart sent soaring.

It was him! Her objective! The secret mission!

Time slowed as she stared at Shido from a distance. Cherry blossoms fell on his head; pink snow layered as the sakura branches danced in the wind. To be able to reach over and brush out the petals and laugh as he did the same - a dream replaying in her mind over and over. Wakaba imagined how incredible it would be to be pulled away and taken to a secret area in the park. Just the two of them underneath the beauteous sakura trees.

Sojiro called out her name. Her world crashed. The spell broke. Imagination and dreams were not reality. The mission still failed. She joined Sojiro with a long sigh. At least Sojiro was both entertaining and a good cook.

Shido turned away and spoke to Kimura. Wakaba forced herself to pay attention and stare at Sojiro without it looking unnatural. But it was hard. She could feel the muscles in her eyes stretch into something uncanny and unpacked her basket to distract herself from being rude.

Sojiro tsked.

“Something the matter?”

“Hey there Wakaba!” said Kimura, holding up a bottle of shochu. “Mind if we join?”

Through her peripheral vision, a group of people snatched Shido away to their spot.

The Nanjo scientists from her lab surrounded the area, some adding their blankets and made themselves home before Sojiro gave them his approval. Wakaba smiled and helped them set their items around. She found herself sitting farther from her friend, but she didn’t mind. The spot she chose had a nice vantage point to see Shido whose eyes had been on her when she settled and took notice.

But Wakaba liked it. She liked being able to see Shido while she conversed with her fellow scientists and Sojiro. And by the way he stared back, he must have liked her enough to do the same. And when she said like, she didn’t mean like-like. She meant like as in favored. No. Not favored. There was no way Shido favored her over anyone else. They worked in the same facility and now they were official coworkers. Sure, there could have been the chance of Shido liking - no not that word - her better than others, but it was for work. They met outside under strange circumstances, and Shido rolled with the punches and dealt with her in his own way.

Incredible though, she thought as she sipped on the shochu. Not the shochu, which was delicious, though she had to be careful as her tolerance was low and laughable. Wakaba prided herself for her quick mind and equally rapid tongue. Sojiro had told her many times it hard to keep up with her and her thoughts, going millions of miles away while he was barely getting into a jog. He laughed about it, and Wakaba knew he was being sincere. Yet it wasn’t easy to wield an overactive mind full of wayward concepts and ideas. The stares many had given her throughout the years was evidence enough. Her scientist peers understood Wakaba to an extent but were lost when she went on a rambling tangent and ignored their questions to go research and experiment what she spat out.

A bad habit, yes, but Wakaba accepted it as the only way to journey into the mysteries of the mind and make progress from the habit. The end results mattered, no matter what it took.

And Shido - he looked at her again! Shido simply… didn’t care. His intelligence allowed him to understand her words and ask for clarification and state his opinion. He didn’t care if Wakaba disagreed, only that he formed his impression and stuck by it. Shido didn’t care if people labeled her as strange or that her odd behavior was tolerated and excused. If he had a problem with Wakaba, he told her and never let her win, only stepped away and re-challenged later. Sojiro shrugged often and said “Alright, if you say so.” Shido, on the other hand, said “You do that.” Almost like Sojiro’s words, though it implied something else entirely. He wasn’t there to humor her, and for some reason, Wakaba responded well to the attitude.

Perhaps all she wanted was a challenge. She didn’t want to be shrugged off or left entirely to her own devices. She wasn’t a child. She was an adult with feelings and needs.

“I heard you make great curry, Sojiro,” commented a scientist.

“Aww, well, I like to make it is all,” replied Sojiro, a small blush dusting his cheeks.

“It’s pretty amazing you have the time for that. You know Nakano the janitor? He’s good too! His specialty is tonkotsu ramen.”

“Hey, speaking of people at work, I heard Shinjo is going to pay us a visit one day.”

“You think it’s because of Shido?”

“I heard Shinjo seems really interested in Shido so probably.”

Wakaba’s ears would have spurred at the sound of Shido’s name had she not been preoccupied with ogling him from afar. She wiggled around to get a better look, not at all caring what the conversation was about. It was all mindless gossip and rumor. None of it interested her. The only rumor that concerned her was the work hanami one. The one she had intentionally spread to study the effects of cognition in Sumaru City, and the effect it had on the people influenced by the rumor. Everyone here seemed enthralled. Everyone except her and Shido, yet those were due to other reasons.

How silly of her to stay put and not go for her goal. When Wakaba had an idea or a need, she got up and went for it no matter the consequences or what others thought. They were not important. Her thirst for knowledge, unquenchable. And as of now? Speaking to Shido, vital. No doubt about it. If she stayed with the group, regret would plague her throughout the night. Precious sleep lost, concentration at its lowest point disturbing her thought process and research. Everything would suffer and disintegrate all because she didn’t gather the fortitude to speak to him during the most casual of work days! For science and for her conscience, she had to do it.

_Sound and factual logic, Wakaba! You should have been a consultant or something like that. No one can argue with you except..._

She downed the rest of her shochu. They called it liquid courage, right? All the better to help her heavy, paralyzed legs loosen up and walk. Wakaba figured the consequences wouldn’t be so bad if it helped her get to Shido. Just one word. Just a little to put her mind to rest from all the bubbling anxiety welling inside her stomach.

It’s not as if she were driving anyway.

Catching Shido’s signals, Wakaba excused herself with promises to return. She took long strides, matching Shido’s large steps. The moment they reunited, Shido grasped her shoulder, anxious.

“When?” His face serious, biting and licking his bottom lip.

“S-Saturday!”

“I’m working that day.”

“Oh, right, me too.” She laughed nervously.

Shido arched an eyebrow with a slight frown. “Then why did you suggest it?”

“Who cares!? Sunday!”

“Alright,” he nodded and stroked her shoulder with his thumb. “Where?”

Wakaba shivered at his touch. “Uh… not Aoba?”

“Maybe it’s easier at Mikage-cho?”

“I’ll meet you at the park near St. Hermelin’s!”

“Okay- no, wait. What time?”

“Right, right, uhh I don’t know?”

Workers left in droves to the park’s entrance. Shido peeked at his wristwatch, surprised. Wakaba did the same. They had been at the park and spent the entire time gawking at one another! What felt like minutes were actually hours, and yet it wasn’t enough. There should have been more time allowed for them.

A few people called for them to return to the buses.

“I’ll call you,” said Shido as they travelled back to the entrance.

Wakaba’s breath hitched. “Y-yes! Call me!”

The people around them grew in numbers and bumped into them. Shido pressed Wakaba close to his body and shoved a few rude ones who got too close to her away. In the ensuing chaos, someone tripped and knocked themselves into Shido, his hold on Wakaba came undone. They were separated in the crowd; he missed her hand through the horde of tired and excited individuals. Wakaba’s small body was swept by the mob, going with the flow to avoid any more accidents. She disappeared into a bus as Shido tried to make his way back.

When he arrived, the bus was full. Wakaba stared out the window and made a phone gesture.

“ _Call me!_ ” she mouthed and waved at him with a wry smile. It wasn’t fair at all. Despite her efforts, the rumor did not go in her favor. While it did come true, she didn’t spend it with Shido. A bittersweet victory.

Shido repeated the motion. “ _I will._ ”

Fate conspired to keep the two apart for the day.

But only a day.

Sunday loomed near. There was much to be done to prepare for their own hanami. Wakaba sent Shido’s beeper silly number codes while on the bus. She hoped he was as excited as her for Sunday! Impossible to relax, her heart thumped against her ears, face hot, hands shaking against the mobile.

Sunday would be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please look forward to the next chapter and all the other whacky ancient technology from the mysterious period known as the 1990s.  
> Goroawase is a Japanese wordplay using numbers, very old concept but also fun. It was popular among people with beepers.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At last: their own hanami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanami part II!  
> I'm sorry for taking a while to update. My work schedule was out of whack and just couldn't do this in a timely manner.  
> Thank you all for your support, comments, and kudos! ;w; They mean a lot! <3

Food? Check.

Drinks? Check.

Full diaper bag? Double check.

Pre-fed, washed, and newly diapered baby? Triple check.

Friday and Saturday were slow and torturous. Shido had been called to review the SEBEC binders with another official and spent the entire two days in the office, his thoughts anywhere but work. For Friday’s lunch, Shido sped off to the lab to invite Wakaba to eat, however Ando told him Wakaba was not available as she had been sent to the applied labs for observation. Shido didn’t have the clearance for that section of the facility and left, though undefeated. Unlike Sojiro, who gave up and let his bitch tears be witnessed by everyone, Shido left a small onigiri next to her computer.

After bathing with Goro, Shido received a message on his pager: 390303. _Goroawase_ , number wordplay, was popular among people with beepers. He wrote the number down and thought about the possible message.

“Goro say ‘san.’”

“Shaaa.”

“Nine is ku or kyu? San-kyu- Oh, it’s _thank you_ in English.” Cute, very cute.

“Taa tuuu!”

“That was good, Goro!” Shido clapped for his son.

Goro returned the clap, giggling.

“You’d be great at English. Say _hello_.”

“Aawo.”

Shido kissed Goro’s forehead. “You’re a natural. Now let’s see zero three zero three. Ze, o, re, maru, ma-?” He rolled his eyes, a smile threatened to slip. “Of course it’s Masa-Masa. That Wakaba.”

“Wa-wa-wan!”

“You keep barking. It’s Wa-ka-ba.”

“Wa-wa-wan!”

“I give up, _Pillow_.”

“Peewo!”

Goro was a genius. Anyone who couldn’t see it were obviously blinded by their own children’s mediocrity. If Goro’s grandmother saw him right now, she’d cry and take it upon herself to teach Goro English as she did with her own children. Shido had no doubt his son would pick it up. A strong foundation and excellent genes from his father’s side: the perfect combination for success. To think he wanted to abandon Goro! The idea rang preposterous in his head. At no circumstance would he relinquish his baby, his pride and joy.

Next day’s lunch had been the same result with Wakaba, except Shido placed fallen sakura blossoms and bottled oolong tea on her desk. He hoped Wakaba wouldn’t forget about the hanami; more so he didn’t want to think he misread Wakaba’s signals. She had to be into him. All the flirty comments and quiet moments couldn’t be for naught. Otherwise why give him a handjob or sneak into his house to make lunch? Shido hand-waved the babysitting as her being helpful without any ulterior motives. Many people helped for the sake of it, therefore nothing to ponder too hard over. But everything else screamed suspicious to him.

There he was in deep thought over something he probably confused for love. Was it love? The way his heart pounded against his ears and chest at the thought of Wakaba had meritable proof. Then when he got his wristwatch repaired, he bought sushi for himself and Wakaba. It felt natural for him to consider her when he ordered the meal. The shock and happiness painted on her face when he put the sushi on top of her keyboard - she wouldn’t stop typing no matter how much he said her name - priceless. Wakaba gushed over the gift and insisted she pay him for the meal next time. He reassured her the food compensated for the favor of watching over his son, though he knew all the paid food in the world would never be enough. Shido owed Wakaba his job and current standing.

Maybe rather than love, consideration?

He had no idea how this worked.

His pager sounded off. Wakaba sent him a message: 13071. _Don’t forget._

Another followed: 873. _Hanami._

Finally: 0303. _Masa-Masa._

Shido dialed her cell. “I didn’t forget about the hanami.”

 

 

Near St. Hermelin’s, Shido encountered the Araya Shrine, situated near the park Wakaba told him about from the previous night. Goro cooed and bounced in his stroller, his little finger pointed at the shrine.

“Do you want to see the shrine, Goro?” Shido smiled at Goro’s squeals. “Just for a minute. We have to see Wakaba.”

Boisterous and crowded, many excited visitors surrounded the shrine to view the cherry blossoms. The pink flowers overpowered the green trees, blending with the red _torii_ and the dark wooden shrine. A lovely sight to behold. It would have been wonderful to have stayed to watch the flowers. However, Shido had someplace else to be. Somewhere with greater promise yet uncertainty.

But he got ahead of himself; he scolded the giddy side of his brain. If the arrangement led into a relationship, uncertainty for the future still worried him. What if it only lasted for a few weeks? Maybe even a year? Nothing wrong with it of course, though Shido didn’t want to relinquish the thrill he got whenever he saw Wakaba. Would he fall out of his capricious feelings and focus only on work and his son once more, never to look back at her smile with warmth and affection?

The idea of loneliness never bothered Shido, yet the prospect of experiencing it scared him. He didn’t want to become those pathetic men who wallowed in their despair because women didn’t pay attention to him or because their girlfriend broke up with them. Toshiko’s death didn’t affect him in the slightest, his thoughts solely on Goro and his well-being. Shido had been used to his hectic schedule and empty house by then anyway. And yet… if Wakaba entered his life in a more intimate matter, would he be able to slide off the intense emotions he had for her as he did so easily with Toshiko? Would he shrug it off and sleep with another woman as he had in his previous affairs? Or was he to drown in his sorrows for the lost love, create a noose and end it all?

Three months and Shido knew Wakaba forever.

Like a sense of déjà vu without a clear picture, fractured memories and scenes. A profound anger. An agony gnawed in his soul from loss and betrayal. In the deep recesses of his mind, a voice whispered how he was better off alone and the only way to succeed in life - to become the grand leader to steer Japan in the right direction- was to abandon all and live on his own.

Shido shook his head.

No.

Wrong. The voice was wrong.

 **Masayoshi, you don’t need her.  
** **She’s a quick fuck and you know it.  
** **What you feel is insincere.  
** **You were never capable of love.  
** **What a contradiction!**

 _Stop._ His grip on the stroller tightened.

 **Take her on that date and have your way with her.  
** **It is all you are and it is all you’ll ever be: a selfish man weak to change on his own.  
** **This is why you must walk the path alone!**

The ringing in his ear intensified. Shido clutched his head in pain. It came back! The voice came back!

 **Be the leader you were always meant to be, Masayoshi.  
** **Japan will return to its former glory under your command.**

 _GO AWAY!_ Vision blurred, air became more difficult to inhale, breath slowed. _I don’t want this._

“Papa!”

“Goro?” With a sharp gasp, Shido’s line of sight caught a golden butterfly fluttering in the distance. The butterfly circled around a tree and travelled near Shido. His breathing returned to normal, his lungs welcomed the cool fresh air. Shido mustered his strength to remove Goro from the stroller and embraced him: his pillar of stability and fortitude. He sighed and kissed his son’s head. As long as he had Goro, nothing would deter him. The weight of the voice detached itself from his soul, his heart clean and free from its cruel touch.

The shimmering butterfly disappeared.

The atmosphere at the shrine remained pure, clean, and unmarred by any miasma. Goro didn’t seem upset or bothered by what happened, only smiled and hugged his father. Shido appreciated his affections, and doubted what he experienced. Was it an attack like at work or was this something else? The voice seemed familiar, an unwelcome guest who devoured and destroyed and never replaced. And it left. If the voice and the creature in Sumaru were indeed related, Shido would get to the bottom of it. Whatever happened in SEBEC now haunted the Nanjo Group and the science lab in Sumaru City.

Memories of painful words said and regretted dashed through Shido’s mind. For his son’s sake, the _monster_ had to go. Shido would not allow himself to fall prey to the voice again.

His beeper chimed.

55. _Here._

 

Wakaba set up the picnic area under a large sakura near the koi pond and gardens. Still no talking flowers, but it didn’t discourage her as it was Mikage-cho and not Sumaru. Either way the day was for her and Shido to enjoy. And Goro too. Tempted to work, Wakaba coached herself to suppress the urge to pull out her notebook and speak to the flowers. Difficult, though doable. She hoped Shido would arrive soon before rumor investigating lured her from the picnic spot.

She opened her lion notebook, the pressed sakura blossoms fell from the loosened pages. Wakaba gathered the flowers back and hugged the book. The notebook contained no words, only the small gift he placed on her keyboard - what could she possibly write there in the first place?! If she wrote down Shido’s name or any facts or intimate details of her feelings, she faced its inevitable discovery. If someone at work found it, she would be mocked for her childish obsession. If Sojiro read it, Wakaba wouldn’t be able to face him either. But worse! If Shido ever read it, Wakaba would die, which is why she refused to write anything there. All her notebooks had a use be it for her experiments, cooking, or observations, yet the lion notebook remained empty.

“And it’ll stay like that.” She nodded, hugging the book once more before returning it to her purse. Ah, but it gave her such a strength! An energy she didn’t know she lacked until she bought it and got to know Shido more. Better than a journal and far more discreet than a picture, Wakaba’s secret.

Wakaba spent the entire night mulling over the menu. Curry? Fish? Fried rice? Endless possibilities and less than twelve hours to prepare the meals. One type of food or two? Would side dishes go well with the meal? Shido ate large quantities and benefited from extra food. Leftovers reigned superior to “just enough” or less food. A way to a man’s heart was through his stomach - not as if Wakaba planned to woo Shido with her cooking.

“The use of food to lure men is archaic. No one can be that shallow.”

Spicy cardamom, sweet fennel and cinnamon with a touch of turmeric mixed in rich chicken broth flooded her palate and memories. Shido’s smile and cracked knuckles, the soft words whispered to his son. Ironic how food weakened her heart.

“I guess I’m that shallow,” she mused, chopping vegetables for the side dishes. The more she thought about the picnic, the more enthusiastic she became. Wakaba sang her favorite pop songs and hopped around while preparing the dishes, the butterflies in her stomach scattered in fervor. The pounding in her chest spread to her head. The knife dropped from the violent pain. Ibuprofen swallowed. Eyes closed. A silent mantra prayed until the headache dissipated. Once relieved, she continued her task. Sleep could wait.

Wakaba yawned. What a horrible idea to not sleep when she should have. Instead of taking the time to choose the best clothes, her tired mind picked out whatever looked okay from a glance. She wound up picking out a pink blouse and beige pants. Pink for the sakura mood, and the pants because they were the only clean pair she had at the moment. Comfortable and cute, yet not as well coordinated as she wanted.

Her mobile rang, thoughts of her wardrobe gone. “Hello?”

“ _I’m here at the park with Goro. Where are you?_ ”

“I’m near the koi pond. I’m wearing a pink shirt if that helps.”

“ _If I get lost, I’ll find another payphone._ ”

“You should get a cell, Masa-Masa.”

“ _That can wait. I’ll be heading there now. Stay put._ ”

Stay put? How ridiculous! Where else would she go? Wakaba giggled and pulled out her lion notebook. “I should get him a cell phone whether he likes it or not.” She tapped the pen against her chin. Shido’s birthday would be the perfect opportunity to gift him without raising suspicions. She’d have to be careful to figure out the date without Shido figuring out her plan. Astute, Shido’s attention to finer details left Wakaba no choice but to heed caution. Besides, she had to be the one to rile him up, not her.

“I can’t wait to see his face when I get him a phone.” Her pen glided over the pressed sakura in the lion notebook, tracing the flowers onto the paper. If the petals disintegrated or went missing, the traces were a permanent reminder of the gift. Smeared, smudged, or moistened, the ink would always remain.

“Are you working on your day off again?”

Squeaking, Wakaba stuffed the notebook into her purse. Better to let Shido believe she worked than outline blossoms in a book with a lion in the front page. The lion was a mistake. Nothing about it said subtle. “Y-you took too long!”

“Mama!” Dressed in a sailor suit, Goro reached out from the stroller.

“Why hello Goro!” Wakaba took out her disposable camera, snapped an image, unbuckled and carried Goro, a flurry of kisses showered all over his head and face. An entire week seemed like an eternity. “I missed you so much!”

Shido unpacked and settled in, eyes on Wakaba and Goro. Wakaba picked a good spot to enjoy the cherry blossoms. “You hungry?” He removed a baby bottle with water from the diaper bag.

Goro pulled away from Wakaba and waddled to his father. Wakaba pouted but changed into surprise when Goro returned to offer her the bottle. “Miibuu Mama.”

Wakaba looked at Shido, confused. “That’s your bottle, sweetie.”

“Mii!” Goro held the bottle close to her face.

“I don’t understand?”

Shido laughed. “He wants you to have some.”

“But I don’t want him to have my germs.”

“Just pretend. He doesn’t know any better.”

“I will not lie to Goro, Masa-Masa.”

“Then drink from it.”

“That’s gross! He’s going to get sick!”

Goro whined, his large head buried into Wakaba’s lap. Why wasn’t she having his water? “Mama!”

Shido pulled a sandwich from his basket. She made this harder than she needed to. Goro, a baby so easy to please but also easy to incite his wrath. A total brat. “If you don’t drink or pretend to drink from it, he’ll only get louder. Save yourself the grief.”

Goro’s eyes watered, fresh tears ready to be unleashed at his unwilling mama. Wakaba bit her lip, unsure if she should pretend or sincerely drink. Untwisting the cap, Wakaba thought she had it figured out until Shido tsked.

“He doesn’t like that.”

“That’s not true.” A dumb answer. Of course Shido knew: he raised Goro.

Shido arched an eyebrow.

“I’ll pretend then…” Wakaba took the bottle from Goro’s hand. Big eyes stared at her in anticipation. Lifting the bottle, Wakaba angled her head and opened her mouth to give the illusion of drinking. Goro’s delighted squeals encouraged her. “Mmm, thank you Goro-chan!”

Goro waddled to his father with the bottle and hugged him. He got to share his bottle with his mama!

“I can’t believe you made me lie to him.” She wound her camera’s dial after capturing the two hugging.

“Everyone has a choice, Wakaba.” Shido sat Goro across, flowers on his head swept away. More petals replaced the ones Shido removed.

Another snap.

Choice. What a way to throw it back at her, but that’s why she liked him so much. A forlorn smile formed as she sat next to Shido while taking out the food. She made a variety of side dishes, unsure which would be best - miso eggplant, potato bacon croquettes, sweet tamagoyaki, crispy lotus root, kabocha pumpkin, pickled cucumbers, spinach salad, and inari sushi. Every time she finished a dish, her brain went into full panic mode and made another dish. More food, more happiness. More food, less sleep. Shido’s smile was worth it.

“I, uh, hope you like what I brought.”

Shido surveyed the various containers, impressed and hungry. “Thank you for this meal." And used his chopsticks to sample the croquette. “This is good.”

“You like it?”

Munching on the salad, Shido nodded, unsure what else to grab before picking the kabocha and pickles. “Any meat?”

Meat! She missed the meat!

_I knew there was something missing! How could I forget the meat!_

“It’s fine.” He bit the sandwich he removed from his basket earlier, _katsu sando_ \- pork cutlet sandwiches. “I brought sandwiches.”

“They look good!” Wakaba got her own slice and prayed before eating it. The savory meat paired with the fresh cabbage and spicy mustard worked like magic in her mouth. A delicious and classic meal. “And it tastes good! Where did you buy it?”

Shido frowned. “I ought to leave you here alone and take Goro with me. I made it, of course!”

Wakaba bit her inner cheek. Laughter, an insatiable itch she had to scratch yet couldn’t. Obviously Shido made the sandwiches, but it didn’t hurt to tease him a little. “Don’t be such a spoiled sport, Masa-Masa.”

Wakaba leaned onto Shido’s side. His shoulders stiffened then relaxed when she didn’t pull away. He wasn’t mad.

Good.

The blossoms fell to the ground. Birds chirped, children played. Goro switched between sitting on his father or his mama’s lap and ate from a special baby-sized container with food Wakaba prepared. White rice, soft veggies and fish, all for him to eat! He hummed in satisfaction when the little airplanes crashed into his mouth. They were delicious! His mama snickered at his display. Goro bounced and chomped on his food some more.

“I like how he’s wearing a sailor suit and happily eats those spoon planes.”

“The irony does not fall on me.” Shido imitated plane sounds, swift arm zoomed the spoon around Goro, but intentionally missed the target. Goro’s head lolled to its movements, mouth wide open.

“Don’t bully your baby!”

“It’s not bullying.” His arm swerved away from Goro’s enthusiastic mouth.

Wakaba shook his arm. So cruel! “Feed him!”

“I am.” The spoon plane disappeared into the kaijuu sailor.

Goro laid his head on Wakaba’s lap, face burst into a fit of giggles when his mama’s eyes met his. She poked his nose too. Papa ate and ate, paused to drink tea then stuffed his face again. Mama and papa fought for the last croquette.

Sword fighting with chopsticks, the prize too good to give up.

“You made these for me.”

“I made the food for everyone.”

“I’m everyone.”

“Us, Masa-Masa!”

Us. What a loaded word. Separate yet together. Us implied becoming a single unit, one which functioned differently and as a whole. Us was a group of people with shared interests, goals, or lived or worked in the same area. One was not “us.” Two people were a group, an “us.” Wakaba hadn’t considered us in her future. Her ideal us involved a computer screen, her experiments, and herself. A child and a husband was not her us.

The us with Shido slipped through her lips, no doubts, no qualms. Natural.

Blood rushed to her face, Wakaba countered to temper her nervous reaction. “Sidekicks need to obey their superiors.”

Shido’s hold on the croquette remained strong. “I am no sidekick. I steer my own ship.”

“Give the croquette to me, Robin.”

“You’re insulting me again.”

“You ate most of them! I want some too!”

“You ate most of the cutlet sandwiches.”

“That’s not true at all. You had two whole sandwiches worth and I only had half, Robin.”

“You are not Batman. Cut that out.”

“You’re a just thief!” Wakaba’s eyes narrowed. “Catwoman.”

The croquette slipped from Shido’s utensils. “What did you call me?” He frowned at his defeat.

Wakaba licked her lips as she chewed on the yummy morsel. “Mmm…” The taste of victory. Delicious. “Catwoman.”

 

 

Shido stared at her mouth, no longer upset with the loss and concentrated on the movements of her pink lips and tongue. An innocent response twisted into an erotic action. She called him Catwoman, didn’t she? Didn’t Wakaba realize the history between the two characters? Two independent and strong people with their own sense of self and justice. One a vigilante on the side of his perceived good, the other a thief with a penchant for fine and expensive items. The thief stole the dark knight’s wounded heart, and the dark knight offered the thief the opportunity to change. For decades the two were put at odds or on a team, different writers, different stories. However, one simple truth remained constant: in some way, be it romantic or platonic, the two loved each other.

Funny, Wakaba behaved more like a cat than she did a hardboiled detective. Adorable of her to think her sidekick comment held any water after the Catwoman response. If she understood the hidden meaning behind it, Shido couldn’t tell. Her wiggles and happy hums made it easy to get over the silly dispute and admire what was in front of him. Although she took the last croquette, Shido won in the end.

Goro played among the flowers, pinching petals and blades of grass and presented them to Shido and Wakaba before crawling and walking to find more. His babbles and laughter echoed throughout the area, the little explorer learning about the wild world ahead of him. The grass was no longer green, but a mix of pink and white. Large koi bobbed at the sakura in the waters, Goro shrieked in joy, his father at his side holding his hand. A loud click heard from behind. Goro’s fun ended the moment he tried to lean in and grab a fish larger than his leg. He kicked and screeched in Shido’s arms. His cruel papa didn’t let allow fun!

“Aww, poor baby.” Wakaba opened her arms to a crying Goro. Red faced, torrents of tears rolling down, his arms reached out to his mama. Wakaba nuzzled Goro close and rocked his body. “He really wanted to see the fish, Masa-Masa.”

Shido sat with a grunt. “Yes, and with his bare hands. I’d rather have a wailing child over a dead one.”

Soothing kisses were plastered all over Goro’s head. “How dire.”

“You say dire, I say realistic.”

“He’s so sad now.”

“If you so much as let him get close to that pond, I’ll have my lawyer-”

“I would never endanger Goro, Masa-Masa. Those fish are huge.”

“It’s simply a reminder-”

“And I’m reminding you as well,” she said simply. Goro’s cries lessened with Wakaba’s gentle words. “There there, sweetie.”

Shido reached into his basket for sake. Alcohol always made hanami more enjoyable. A light buzz while among good company and watching the beautiful flowers? The perfect combination. Wakaba’s playful banter helped too, though a moment of silence between the two without food involved would elevate the day. Once Goro calmed himself and napped, they’d be able focus on one another instead of worrying about Goro and baby-eating koi.

No sake was found.

“Damn. I left the sake in the car. I’ll be right back.”

The dried tears were wiped from Goro’s face. All that crying over a giant fish! What a silly child, but Wakaba thought no less of him. Despite his occasional cries and the smelly diapers, Goro was an angel. He didn’t have to trust Wakaba since he reached the growth milestone of distrusting strangers, yet he did, and unconditionally too. It felt nice to have a baby reach out and demand one’s comfort. The simplest, most honest form of love and affection and Goro bestowed it to her.

“I am so honored you dignified me your trust, mister sailor.”

Goro sucked on his thumb and fiddled with her blouse. “Mama.”

“What am I going to do about you?” she sighed in feigned annoyance. The red fire truck was covertly slipped into the diaper bad. “Calling me mama like that…”

_Almost as if he wants me to be his mother._

But it was impossible. Goro did not have the mental capacity to differentiate actual mother to a woman who seemed at a constant in his life. Or did he? Is a mother the constant or someone he felt closest to? The nurse was the one who put that idea into his head. His cognition changed the moment she referred to Wakaba as “mama” and it stuck ever since then. Well, it was either mama or Goro barking. Shido would have glared at Wakaba for allegedly teaching his son something so pointless.

“If it’s you, then I’m okay with it.” Only in name, not officiated by legal family registry. Imagine if though - to become his legal mother, that would require… Heart fluttering, she leaned into Goro’s ear and whispered, “But I wouldn’t mind becoming your actual mama either.”

Goro looked up at Wakaba, legs kicking and arms flapping. His excited grunts sent a wave of joy to his mama.

“I know you’re just saying that because I whispered into your ear.” Logic reigned her thoughts and heart back a notch.

A sakura blossom landed on Goro’s button nose.

“You don’t know what I’m saying but I don’t care because you’re so cute! Aaaah I love you! I love you so much, Goro!”

How could anyone not love him? Kisses, hugs, squeezes, light nips, cuddles, and loud smooches were lavished to Goro, helpless against the onslaught of love. Too adorable, too precious, good enough to almost eat, Wakaba fell victim to the baby’s charms and giggles. It was hard to contain the welled up emotions. Not just for Goro but Shido and her current standing in life. Everything went by so fast yet so slow. If a remote control existed to slow or pause time, Wakaba would use it to its fullest extent.

“I have the sake,” Shido mumbled, eyes darted away from the two.

“Welcome back!”

He nodded, peeked at Goro, and smiled at his son’s glee. Wakaba sure knew how to make Goro happy, and it made him happy. “I have fruit sando in my basket if you want something sweet.”

“Ooh, that sounds delicious. What kind?”

“Strawberry and peach.” Shido noted Goro’s yawns and eye rubs. “Let’s put Goro to sleep first.”

Goro slept at the far end of the blanket, not a worry in the world. The cherry blossoms drifted onto the ground, wisps of petals flowing into the waters and wind. A soft cloak of flowers formed on the sleeping child, the occasional stroke removing the protective layer from Goro’s face. More blossoms replaced them, gentle kisses upon the infant’s face.

Sitting next to Shido, Wakaba sipped her sake as she ate the strawberry and peach fruit sandwiches, a great mix to view the flowers and Goro. The beautiful flowers poured their pink beauty over the baby. God’s blessing, she mused. There was no other reason to explain such a serene picturesque view. She took another photo of Goro sleeping under the floral rain.

_I’ve been taking photos all day. Looks like I only have three left._

Wakaba leaned into Shido except this time his body didn’t tense. The peace and quiet relaxed her to the point of sleep. But she didn’t want to sleep. Not yet. There were more pressing issues she wanted to deal with. Less issue, more of a goal. She told herself by the end of the hanami, she’d do something bold with Shido. Reclining onto his side and shoulder was a start, although not the sort of bold she had in mind.

Wakaba inched her hand closer to Shido’s. If she could meet pinkies then her goal would be accomplished. Far from scandalous but enough to make her heart soar. Hand holding may innocent to most people - and it truly was even to Wakaba - yet the idea of her hands clasped together with another man’s excited her. She never held hands with a man outside before, and this would be her first. In all her other experiences, Wakaba kept her hands close to her body, uninterested in receiving their touch. But with Shido? An entirely different story. She wanted this. She wanted this so bad she could almost feel his heat around her hand.

Centimeters away. So close yet so far. The most dangerous time. The moment of truth. Would she hold his hand or would she pull back in fear of rejection? Despite being perceptive enough to read through most people’s emotions, Wakaba failed at distinguishing romantic interest. Flirting? Liking? Signals? What was that? It hurt her to know she was a few moments away from rejection.

If Shido rejected her, how would she cope with the disappointment of her terrible wisdom? The disappointment of her inability to flirt properly? The disappointment of not being good enough? The disappointment of…

_Of being unloved. I shouldn’t do this at all._

A firm hand grasped hers, hot palm over the back of her hand, fingers interlocked in a protective and affectionate aura. Shido stood silent, eyes forward and to the nature before him despite taking the initiative. Grateful, Wakaba reciprocated the silence, her heart thumping at the speed of light. Her hand lightly squeezed Shido’s fingers in return. The sakura above their only witness.

Fire scorched her hand, unburned; she wanted more. Shido’s touch sent shivers down her arms, the heat rising to her face and loins. His thumb drew circles on the side of her hand, a burst of electricity shot throughout. Emboldened, Wakaba crossed her arm to clasp her hand with Shido’s and stroked her thumb against his, heart skipped a beat when he squeezed. She tested the waters by cuddling closer to his arm, head leaned on Shido’s shoulder.

_If he hates it, then he’d move away. Simple as that, Wakaba._

Shido moved his leg. The sound of shifting cloth and another shuffle of his hips and leg.

A slight pressure pressed against her head: it was Shido’s head.

Licked his lips, swallowing hard. His hand kneaded hers. “Golden Week is coming…”

“Right… What are you planning to do?”

“I didn’t have anything in mind except stay home with Goro and visit a shrine on Children’s Day.”

“That sounds sweet.” Her eyes weighed down from exhaustion. The activities of the previous night finally caught up to her. “I never thought about Children’s Day before. I just used it as a day off.”

“Hn. I didn’t either until Goro came along. It’d be the first time me celebrating it. What about you? What are you planning for Golden Week?”

“I… I usually stay home in my office to research.” Oh, that piece of information was too sordid! He’d think she were insane for spending her time during vacation on work. “B-but I-”

He chuckled. “Sounds like something you’d do.”

“Sometimes I visit my family. I’m not always working!” she remedied.

“Your family, huh?” His voice low, pensive.

The weight on her head became heavier. Shido sighed.

“Yes,” she yawned. The grip on her hand waned. “But I don’t think I’ll visit them this this Golden Week.”

“Why don’t you and I do something on Golden Week?”

Her heart leapt. “Together?”

“For a day.” Not wanting to seem too desperate or eager. “That’s if you want.”

“I do,” she whispered. Sleep knocked at her door. “I’d like that very much.”

“Me too.”

Wakaba snored softly on Shido.

 

 

“This feels… nice,” he said to himself.

He wondered where this would take him and Goro. Love? Too soon to say love. Like? Like worked. Shido could say with much confidence he liked Wakaba. As a person, of course, but as a woman? He removed his head and stared at her serene face. Yes, as a woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, witty, and had a need to provoke him.

Shido loathed to be teased. He hated it so much, he dumped many women in his life because of it. It didn’t work to make him like them better, and it was certainly far from a turn on. Yet it worked with Wakaba. Not necessarily a turn on, but an intellectual challenge. Her intellect kept him on his toes, retorts and debates a plenty. There was a woman who wanted more in life than to get married and stay at home for the rest of her life. Wakaba had goals and dreams, and she used her smarts to get there. People saw her efforts and brilliance and Shido did too.

He liked her. A lot? Perhaps. Not quite? He considered her on several occasions, sometimes during random everyday events and, lately, during his more indecent moments. Holding her hand was the most innocent thing in the world. He had done it before, albeit with not much emotion behind it. Men and women were expected to hold hands if they were a couple and he did it to satisfy his current girlfriends. Honest and requisite behavior with nothing else hiding beneath the action. Logical. If that were case, then why did he have a boner the moment he touched her hand? Her reciprocating the touch made it worse.

Without being too obvious, Shido used every trick he knew to make his erection disappear or less noticeable. Wakaba’s voice and soft hand increased the task’s difficulty, always finding a way to challenge him even when she didn’t try.

Despite the embarrassing inconvenience, he didn’t regret holding her hand. By far, it had been nothing like his previous experiences. A swell of passion. The boiling lust and growing tenderness came together to form a bond. Weak and at its initial states, Shido secretly wished for it to flourish and bloom into something more. Sakura never died. They underwent cycles of development throughout the seasons. Shido escaped the bitter, empty winters by the skin of his teeth. Medical bills, demotion, child care, a dead wife, a family he nearly destroyed before the end of his autumn, an endless winter. Green buds sprouted from the naked, dead trees. Flowers awoke the cold trees from their deathlike slumber. Pink petals uplifted the world and its people. Spring arrived. The rebirth. A new beginning.

He eyed his sleeping son, showered by the lovely flowers. Maybe it was too early to be moved by Wakaba. Every kiss and word she said in confidence to his child played inside his mind on repeat.

“I love you!”

What a phrase.

Powerful, Shido’s throat stung. Someone loved Goro.

How could he not be touched?

Careful not to move Wakaba too much, Shido reached for her camera. Cherry blossoms blessed her hair. A brush of a delicate petal on her cheek; rosy lips sighed. The goddess Konohanasakuya-hime in human form. He took a picture of her sleeping, and another shot of something he hoped would develop well.

Shido leaned against Wakaba, eyes closed.

 

 

Wakaba awoke to a distant child’s happy shouting. Goro remained in his spot with more flowers than before. Shido head nodded in sleep. Flowers also fell on his head.

Smiling, Wakaba stretched and wiped the flowers from his head. If was awake would he laugh and do the same for her like in her fantasy? An adventurous thought crossed her mind. To do it would go far beyond her original intent and expectations. Could she do it?

Yes.

No.

Yes!

No one was looking anyway and anyone who did assumed they were a married couple. They held hands and a baby slept on their blanket. Normal things normal adults did with one another. Nothing suspicious. Nothing to worry about.

Wakaba’s body reached closer to Shido’s face. Blood coursing, heart exploding, hands shaking, this was more intimidating than the time she saw him naked and had to open the door to his room. The time she touched and gave him sexual release? A cake walk. Standing at the precipice, Wakaba had to make her decision. If she hesitated for too long, she risked being caught by Shido.

Now or never.

Her lips met his cheek with a short, dainty kiss.

She took a photo of Shido sleeping.

To dampen the cracking fireworks in her body, Wakaba cleaned up their picnic spot.

Work was good. Work was productive. Work created a way for Wakaba to relax her mind.

Such a wild and crazy thing she did! She kissed him! She kissed Shido and she liked it. She liked it so much she wanted to do it again, however, she decided against it for the excitement would render her heart asunder.

That and - in her giddiness - Wakaba knew she’d trip and fall on Shido. No more embarrassing and unpleasant experiences with him please. At least not for a while.

Shido woke to Goro’s babbles. Wakaba had changed his diaper and sang him a nursery rhyme. He helped her gather their respective items and throw away any trash.

He grabbed her hand. “You have a lot of belongings. Would you like a ride home?”

“A ride home?” Her heart stopped, eyes widened. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You don’t live that far from here. I can take you there.”

Neither energy nor desire to argue with him, Wakaba agreed. His offer was kind and made sense. Why take thirty minutes to get home on foot while carrying a heavy basket when she could be there in 5 or 10 minutes in car?

Throughout the ride, Wakaba stared hard at the passenger window. If she saw Shido’s eyes, it would mean the end for her. She knew what would be the next question, and she wasn’t ready for that stage yet. Too soon, too quick and carnal. Memories of her former boyfriend flashed. It could wait. Whatever Shido would request could wait; she had to sort out her feelings first. Emotions ran rampant and the thought of pain and hurt would destroy her at her current state.

_I can’t._

And yet she craved it.

Shido escorted Wakaba to her door, Goro in his arm while the other carried her basket. “May we come in?”

We? Nice way to sneak in by using Goro. Sneaky, but Wakaba saw through his trick. Her mind was made up: no Shido in her house.

Only for today.

“Sorry Masa-Masa, I have a lot to do to prepare for tomorrow.” Her head turned away, most certain her face was bright red with unease and dilemma. “I know you don’t care for it, but I like to work on my research during my free time.”

“I see.”

She shifted uncomfortably, legs squeezing together. “Please understand.”

“It’s fine. I do.” He bit the inside of his lip. How he desired to burst in and carry Wakaba to her bed. Goro aside, his sense of awareness prevented him from doing so. He wanted Wakaba to be comfortable and happy, not frightened out of her wits.

“Sorry.”

She closed the door.

Never had Shido experienced such an abrupt close. She denied him access, and he was fine with that. He figured it was for the best. Why ruin a nice date? And he too had to sort his own feelings on the matter. So much happened today. Shido needed to go home and think.

But not before he rushed back to his Tokyo apartment.

He had to call her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember disposable cameras and pay phones???


	13. NSFW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frustrated but not defeated, Shido travels back to his home to call Wakaba.  
> When she answers, he hears something suspicious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the comments! I appreciate them a lot!  
> This chapter's a bit short, but yeah, the tension is there.
> 
> Like in the previous NSFW chapter, this won't cover important story elements but the sexy actions here will be referenced in the future.  
> If you want to skip, feel free to do so.
> 
> Tags/Warnings:  
> Masturbation, phone sex, sex fantasies, cunnilingus (oral), dirty talk

Infuriating and exhilarating.

Infuriating was the trip and fight against traffic back to Tokyo. Infuriating was forcing the house key to fit only to realize it was the car key. Infuriating was figuring out where to safely put Goro for privacy.

Exhilarating was searching through his drawer and finding the blouse Wakaba hand-washed and left behind. Exhilarating was sniffing the shirt and catching traces of her smell on it. Exhilarating was reaching for his house phone, shirt loosened, trousers unzipped, thumb on the dial pad.

She left him at the door, balls busted and blue. He needed to hear her voice, her spritely gentle voice. What did she do after she closed the door? Did she sigh in relief for her denial or groan in frustration for whatever feelings she had bottled up? Whatever the case, Shido had the urge to call her. At his current state, cock hard and twitching, a few words would be enough to send him over the edge.

But he had to be careful, subtle. If he breathed too hard, said the wrong words, or moaned, Wakaba would probably hang up and never speak to him at work -or any place for that matter- again. The longer he kept the conversation without resorting to obscenities or horny desperation the better it’d be. Just a guy wanting to talk to a woman about everyday things while holding his dick. Normal. All guys did that.

It couldn’t be that difficult.

First ring: Shido’s heart raced.

Second ring: Shido bit his lip.

Third ring: Shido nodded.

Fourth ring: Shido panicked.

Fifth ring: Shido almost hung up.

“Hello?” A breathy voice answered on the other side, confused and annoyed.

“You left me stranded, Wakaba.” He recognized the deep breath. Wakaba had either ran to the phone while doing something important like cooking, or -he hoped- she touched herself.

He wondered how she did it. Did she remove her clothes and lay on her bed, fingered herself or used a toy? Maybe she humped her pillow or the bed. In his lust-filled head, he imagined Wakaba closed the door, locked it, and used the corner of a table to get herself off, panties soaked with her desire. She would scream out Shido’s name when she climaxed and plead for more.

If she had a toy, it’d be better. It would fill her up better than fingers ever could, reaching deeper to relieve the aching need for release. For cock, his cock namely. If he could be right there to see her pleasure herself, he’d lose it completely. Grab and spread open her legs, throw out the toy, and eat her out. He’d finger her for good measure to feel how wet and tight she was around him. If her scent from their previous sexual encounter told him anything, Wakaba would taste amazing. And he wouldn’t stop until she came, pressed his head against her pussy and rode the waves of her orgasm.

“Masa-Masa!” she squeaked, breath unsteady. “W-why are you calling m-me?”

“I wanted to talk.”

“Um, this isn’t the right time.”

“No.” His voice low, greedy. “It is.”

 

“Oh God,” Wakaba whispered into the phone, her hand thrusted her dildo deeper at the sound of his voice. Deep and sensual with the ability to calm one’s nerves and incite anxiety at the same time. Perhaps Shido’s call would prove beneficial. Not that she planned it from the beginning - he called her first after all! But maybe since Shido had the audacity to call despite her shutting down any advances he’d make at her home, the least Wakaba could do was use his voice to get her off. He couldn’t have known what she was doing anyway. Wakaba was careful to not seem so obvious, and as long as she spoke and breathed without making weird squeals or moans, Shido would remain ignorant.

“I guess it is the right time? W-what did you want to…” She swallowed. “...talk about?”

They just shared a lovely date together and the only thing on her mind? Sweet release. She prepared tea to relax after apologizing to Shido and Goro. Though it failed to cool the heat between her legs. Her arousal drove her to find Shido’s undershirt and wear it. All other articles of clothing were extraneous. The only thing she needed was Shido’s shirt and the special toy she hid in her drawers.

His hand felt good against hers. She imagined him using his big, heated hands in a different manner. It would still be at the park, but instead of the lingered strokes, his fingers wandered towards her lap. And she would let him. Neither a word of protest nor a physical denunciation. Not when he brushed against her thigh or cupped her sex through her clothes. When he unfastened her pants, she said nothing and allowed him to slither his hand inside her underwear. Thick fingers explored her folds and plunged into her cunt. People watched, but Wakaba let Shido to tear off her clothes and fuck her on the blanket. It didn’t matter who saw just so long as Shido didn’t stop. Every time he came inside, she encouraged him to do it again; his girthy dick grew inside of her in anticipation for another round. Shido’s seed oozed from her body, dripping down her thighs as she rode him over and over again, only to be replenished with more.

“I had a great time at the hanami,” he answered.

“I did too.” Shido needed to speak more. Unwilling to lose the momentum of her fantasies, Wakaba opted to goad him into conversation. “Goro looked adorable in the sailor suit. Did you buy him that outfit?”

Shido huffed. “Of course I did. Who else would?”

“It’s just that the outfit…” Shido was so easy to provoke. “...it’s super cute.”

“Are you implying I can’t dress my own son in cute clothes? If I can dress fashionably, I can dress my son in nice clothes.”

Wakaba laughed.

 

Shido drew circles at base of his cock; a little disappointed at her choice of words but remembered she probably answered the phone while masturbating. His dick twitched thinking about it. He’d have to be the one to draw out conversation with Wakaba. Although the one subject he had to avoid at all costs was research and work. If he dared utter a word remotely close to that subject, Wakaba would blab about the topic and forget about touching herself.

“I was thinking about what you called me at the park.” Shido stroked himself slowly, careful to remove the receiver away in between pauses in case his breathed too hard. He wanted nothing more than to fuck her brains out. “So do you read American comics?”

“Um, maybe…” She exhaled hard into the microphone, unaware the loudness in her breaths gave herself away to Shido. “I do like a f-few titles.”

She was definitely touching herself. If he could hear a moan or another sound of pleasure, it would be a win for him. Just a little more to coax it out of her. “Batman?”

“Yeah…” Wakaba sighed. “I like Batman.” The dildo rubbed against a sensitive spot. A moan escaped her lips. This was so risky but it felt so good, so right and naughty. If he only knew she was masturbating right now, getting off to his voice and allowed her lust to take over. She almost regretted not inviting him into her home and let him ravish her anywhere he wanted. The kitchen, the table, the bathroom, her office, anywhere. Wakaba wanted him to bend her over and pound into her without any regard. Slip between her wet mound and jerk to find purchase. His large hands would explore her body, remove her bra and suck on her nipples and pinch the other. He’d beg her to let him stick it inside, his head rubbed against her clit in agony for her warmth.

‘ _Just the tip_ ,’ he’d say as he lined his cock with her entrance. He’d gasp at the sopping wetness and glide in easily. Wakaba moaned again.

Shido smirked. No doubt his voice aroused her. Sneaky little minx used him to fantasize. But he didn’t mind at all. If she moaned it was enough for him. Next time, he told himself, next time she’d do all the talking and he’d be the one losing himself for her.

“T-that reminds me… You speak English right?”

“I do.” He pumped harder and faster. It became more difficult to hold himself back, hips thrusted up for a better sensation. He needed more. He needed her.

“Say something in English. Anything. H-how about comic books?”

“Okay.” Shido had no idea where to start; impromptu his weakness. Though, he could say something absolutely filthy to her in English, use superhero names instead of his own and she’d be none the wiser. Perfect. Speaking patiently and like a gentleman would drive him into madness if he continued. “ _The things Batman would do to you right now_ , _Kitten._ ”

“Your English accent is so good.” Her English reading comprehension superior to her listening, though she understood enough but wouldn’t tell him. Where was the fun in that? “Talk to me?”

He wanted to use “fuck,” but any idiot knew the vulgar word. He couldn’t give out his intentions out in the open like that. The prize for his game would be worth it. “ _Batman wants to take you to his bed and pound you into it until you cum so hard, the neighbors hear it. I’d make you feel so good._ ”

Fuck too apt of a word to use but too obvious. Why did he decide to make it this challenging for himself? Wakaba’s unhinged whimper reminded him why and threw the reason out the door.

“ _We’d be like wild animals in heat. I’m going to breed you, Kitten. You were meant to be bred by me. To be cummed inside. To be filled all the way up with my seed. I need you. I have to- I have to breed you._ ”

Neither of them were being subtle. The deep, harsh breaths, the moans coming from Wakaba’s end. Shido forgot for a few instances to pull the receiver away but he no longer cared. It was important to tell her these things. She had to know much he wanted to dick her even if she didn’t understand a word he said.

Wakaba sped the pace inside her. The toy was good, though not good enough. She needed something thicker, hotter. Something hard and living. Something that could fill her walls and stretch them wide, pin her down and never stop. She’d cum hard around Shido’s dick. He would make her feel incredible with his girth and kisses. His lips sucked on her neck, leaving dark marks. Everyone at the office would know who did it to her, and she wouldn’t care. The girls green with envy that the weird obsessive science girl was secretly a slut and banged the most attractive guy in the lab.

“ _I’m gonna spread your legs apart._ ” Wakaba would squirm underneath him, shy yet willing, oh so willing. The sight alone of her glistening pussy, begging to be licked, explored with every inch of his tongue would send him over and paint her tits with his semen. She’d go crazy and cry out for more.

He’d be satisfied to watch her touch herself, shove a dildo or vibrator all the way inside. She’d tell him to look but not touch. Torture, pure torture, yet sexy to see her pleasure herself as he observed with hungry eyes and a cock ready to burst.

“Don’t stop talking to me!” she whined. He wasn’t supposed to stop. She understood some of those words and they sounded erotic to her. Even Batman. “You’re supposed to tell me more about comic books.”

Close, painfully close to release. He’d do anything to cum all over her face, tits, cunt, where ever. He reached for her blouse. The silky fabric brushed around his cock -the difference in temperature was a jolt of ecstasy against his leaking member. Damn, if it were only her it be heaven. Her scent lingered and he desired more as he rubbed the blouse against his dick. She didn’t have to know what he was doing to her shirt anyway.

Breath ragged, fist pumping at his cock. “ _Kitten, you’re sounding a bit desperate. Are you close?_ ”

A raw, predatory voice like his had no reason to be attractive. The more he spoke, the closer she got to her climax. Shido could have been reading a verse from the Bible or a children’s fairy tale and still sound sexual, on the prowl to pounce on his prey, rip open into the flesh and devour whole.

In a feverish state, Wakaba pushed the toy deep inside and left it in to furiously rub her clit. The mounting pressure soon reached its tipping point. He wouldn’t know what she was doing, she told herself repeatedly as she arched her back in pleasure. Shido couldn’t possibly know.

She was close and he knew it. If only he could hear her underneath him, whispering her wanton moans, begging him for more, for a kiss. And he’d kiss her in fervor, drowning her cries and desires and melded them together with his. His strokes slowed in a vain attempt to stop himself from releasing. Wakaba had to cum first. She was just too irresistible.

“I, ah, I, uh, Masa-Masa.” And in one final touch, Wakaba’s body tensed as she came, her mind on Shido. She rode her orgasm with a few thrusts of her dildo before pulling it out from the extreme sensitivity. Little whimpers escaped her lips, unaware her noises were heard on the other side.

That stupid nickname sent him over the edge and came onto the blouse with a deep sigh and an inaudible grunt. Thick white ropes covered the dark clothing, proof of his indecency. And Shido didn’t care. If Wakaba cherished the blouse, she wouldn’t have ran off and forgotten about it. The clothes were at his mercy and Shido chose to use it to jerk off. And he’d do it again too because despite Wakaba’s general silence, she keened and crooned throughout the call and sent shivers all over his body. He felt amazing.

Shido stilled his breathing the best he could and hoped Wakaba remained oblivious of his deed. “Was my topic about comic books that boring?”

“No,” she puffed. “I liked your lesson…” Her eyes drooped, heart settled as she basked in the afterwaves of her orgasm. How she longed for Shido to be right next to her, holding her close in a tight embrace, to whisper sweet nothings as they came down from their high. Why did he have to live in Tokyo? “I can’t get over how good your English is. You sound like a foreigner.”

“Ah, well, it’s due to my mother’s influence.”

“She sounds worldly.”

Shido smiled. “She is.”

“You should tell me more about that sometime.” She yawned, “But not now: I’m sleepy -Oh, what did you call me for?”

“I forgot,” he lied. “If I remember, I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” she hummed, idly dozing off. The surprise mission, completed. There was no way Shido found out, otherwise he would have teased and commented her on it. If he so boldly held her hand at the park, then surely something like this wouldn’t be beyond him to mention. She teased him, therefore he teased her back. It was only fair. “I’ll see you at work then.”

“Sleep well, Kitten.”

“Hey… Masa-Masa?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s kee-ten?”

“Look it up.” And hung up the phone with a smug grin. He flopped onto the bed, wild thoughts ran amok.

 

Shido hadn’t done something like that in years. Sure, every once in a while he’d tell his main squeeze a few dirty words here and there through the phone, but it rarely went the route as it had with Wakaba. A teenager again, except this time he no longer had to hide the volume of his voice or cover his erection with a sock under the blankets. As silly as his game had been, it enriched the experience and gave him a mindblowing orgasm. Something about saying random names while uttering the most depraved wishes in another language to someone who didn’t understand made his dick rock hard and eager to voice out more obscenities.

God, he was such a pervert. He hoped Wakaba understood a few of the words he said to remove some of his guilty feelings. But it should be fine? Wakaba didn’t tell him to stop, and for all he knew, Wakaba probably didn’t think he masturbated during the call. Or - more like - Wakaba most likely thought she was being covert with her noises. Yes. Knowing that woman, the latter seemed expected from her.

Didn’t she know breathing hard against the phone was not only distracting but indicative of something physical? And in that cockblocked mood she put him through earlier in the day, naturally Shido’s mind fell into the gutter.

If she fell asleep after the call, then she didn’t bother to clean up. Which meant Wakaba laid in bed with a drenched pussy full of her cum. Shido could slip inside and she’d feel no resistance, only his girth filling her up so good. He’d fuck her into the mattress, hands on her sides, his hips thrusting to get more of her wet heat around his cock. The sounds her sex made as he bucked, skin slapped into skin, music to his hears. Her moans begging for more. After he came inside her supple, warm body, Wakaba would turn on her side, hair everywhere, out of breath and face red from the pounding and lust. With clouded eyes, she’d lift her leg to reveal the generous amount of cream and say, “I want more, Masa-Masa.”

Shido climaxed onto Wakaba’s shirt again. All guilty thoughts disappeared as pleasure coursed through his body. He slept with many women in his past, either through relationships, affairs, or one-night stands. Several were gifted in sex - one girl in particular gave the best head. Few he jerked off over but always after he fucked them. When was the last time he thought of a woman - a tangible woman - while he masturbated and she wasn’t anyone he slept with? High school? College? Shido’s memories faltered.

Wakaba’s bright smile spread throughout his mind.

“I guess I do like her.”

For once in a long time, the thought of encountering a specific person at work daunted him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember phone sex?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shido and Wakaba return to work but the atmosphere is tense for a different reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your support during the long wait. I apologize for the time!  
> In this chapter another familiar character from Persona 2 appears. I really like Katsuya so I was very happy to include him here. <3
> 
>  
> 
> I started on a two-partner fic featuring Goro involving time travel, and he gets to meet young Shido.   
> If you are interested in the read, you can find it [here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18324197/chapters/43376723)

Work was not as awkward as he thought it would be. Perhaps Shido learned how to control his feelings and kept his heart at bay before arriving to his job. A strong man full of ambition and conviction, a simple crush on a woman could never waver him from his goals. Shido worked to gain money to support himself and his son, and to further his lifelong goals. The mountainous fortitude expected for a man of his caliber. A force of nature not even a goddess could topple.

Or maybe Wakaba left a little something in a specific diaper bag a special baby boy got a hold of and played a specific game with. A game in which Shido’s soul leapt from the shock and lost ten more years of his life. The little something took hours for Goro to ignore and allow Shido to hide. Every time he tried, Goro caught him, whined and held the firetruck close to his body. Such a stubborn and contrarian child! He wasn’t even playing with the cursed toy!

Shido chuckled at the memory of Goro’s angry spouts. Who knew a person could have such a personality at a young age?

Everything continued the way it normally would. The usual good mornings and water cooler gatherings abundant. However, early into his shift, Shido noted a change in the atmosphere as he entered the breakroom for his coffee.

Sojiro leaned on a counter, cup in his tightened hand.

As much as Shido didn’t view Sojiro as a rival and thought his attempts at getting with Wakaba pathetic, he still had the decency to worry about Sojiro’s pensivity. The guy didn’t seem like the sort to hold a grudge for too long.

Shido poured himself coffee. “You okay, Sakura?”

Sojiro stared hard into the distance.

“Sakura,” Shido repeated firmly.

“Huh? Oh, it’s you,” he grumbled. “Today’s going to be a shit day. Sudou is _pissed_.”

“Why? He’s rarely here so why does he care?”

“There’s an investigation going on with Ogata’s death. The place is littered with cops.”

“I didn’t see anyone on my way in.”

“They’re in the area where Ogata died. Apparently foul play’s been suspected so everyone he was affiliated with will be interrogated. Our side included since his job was in government.”

How odd. Wouldn’t there have been an autopsy report to conclude how Ogata died? Why the sudden doubt? Shido recalled the gossip about Ogata’s death but that’s all it was: gossip. Baseless rumors shouldn’t have launched an investigation. He could see why Tatsuzou Sudou would be upset by this.

“What’s Nanjo’s response?”

“Nanjo Group’s complying no problem, but Sudou is probably going to make us work extra for any lost time.” Sojiro shook his head. “As if we asked for this.”

“Any word from Shinjo?”

“He’s making his rounds. Security told me he was the one calming Sudou down, but it’s not like Shinjo’s too happy about the situation either. But at least he’s levelheaded about it.” Sojiro sighed. “Anyway, it’s only a matter of time before the police ask us questions. I hear they’re pulling people one at a time.”

Shido sipped his drink. “I don’t care as long as I leave on time.” He had nothing to hide.

 

 

Wakaba stared shocked as the investigators searched her office and her workstation in the lab. To her dismay, her computers were probed and analyzed. Any mistake on the police’s part and all the hard work she and her team put would be for naught. How could they come and look at her information like that? What if someone stole or corrupted the data and gave it to another interested party? The credit would be given to someone else. No achievements to be made by Wakaba despite a majority of the work coming from her alone. Nanjo Group could be forced to abandon the project and Wakaba remain jobless or transfer someplace else.

It wasn’t fair.

The circumstances of Ogata’s death were just rumors, so why was this happening?

_Of course… But why is it happening like this?_

The rumor in the lab must have spread and affected the cognition, she thought. How could it have gotten as far as it had though? The hanami rumor only affected the lab, no other entity except the people who worked there. This rumor would involve another party, namely the police. When the investigation ended, Wakaba would have to go and check the readings on her special instrument.

As alarming as it had been to see her work treated haphazardly, the best way to gain a grip of the situation was to think about the possibilities involved. The only thing she knew were the rumors around the lab, the most prominent being the hanami and Ogata’s death. A reach, albeit, it may be the closest idea to finding the truth behind the sudden police intrusion. If rumors entered the masses’ cognition, what else were people capable of believing and bringing their perception into reality?

The mini DEVA machine Nanjo worked on was far from its testing phase. The answer to the change lied in the government notes. Wakaba needed to see the SEBEC files.

“Isshiki, the detectives want to ask you some questions.”

Wakaba sat in a cold office within the facility. She wondered if it would be like in the crime shows when a mean cop does the initial asking, topped with rude body language and argumentative accusations. Then when Wakaba neared tears, another police would should up and tell the other to calm down and ask nicely. Good cop, bad cop. Classic! If she weren’t the one being interrogated, Wakaba would have shaken her hands in anticipation to see if the dramas were true.

A young police detective wearing a grey suit and dark red sunglasses entered the room. Despite his youth, he had a stern gaze and perfect posture. He pulled out a small notebook and set a folder on the table before sitting across Wakaba.

“My name is Sergeant Katsuya Suou of the Konan Police Department, and you are-” He opened the file. “Wakaba Isshiki?”

“That is correct.” This man had to be younger than her! Quite impressive someone his age became a police detective. So handsome and distinguished!

“And you currently reside in Mikage-cho?”

“I do.”

“Any family?”

“Ah, um,” she gulped. “N-not with me at the moment.”

“Understandable. Do you know why you’re here today?”

“Because Ogata died at work?”

“Indeed.” A glimmer shined through his glasses. “Where were you on the day Kenji Ogata died?”

Right to the point. “I was at home.”

“For what reason?”

“I was working from home. I do that sometimes.”

“Was your job aware of it?”

“Yes. I informed them of it that morning.”

“And they were fine with this?”

Wakaba’s eyes shifted, unsure if Suou’s detailed questioning put him in the position of a good or bad cop. “Yes?”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why were you off on that specific day?”

If Suou was the good cop, Wakaba hated to see the bad cop. She cracked her knuckles on her lap, eyes refused to meet with the rigid sergeant's. “I was working and, and, and…”

“What else were you working on? Do you not think how suspicious it appears to a police officer when a person just so happens to not show up on the day the victim dies? You were well acquainted with him, no?”

“W-we got along like normal coworkers.” In all fairness, the detective was right. Wakaba not showing up to work on the day of Ogata’s death waved red flags to any person with a penchant for conspiracy or suspicions. But she didn’t do anything wrong! The sergeant didn’t have to be so mean to her since she had a valid reason, but the words were stuck in her throat. His intense, accusatory gaze paralyzed her vocal cords and rendered them at the mercy of the growing lump.

“What were you doing, Isshiki-san? What was so important that you had to be off on the day Ogata died? Are you in cahoots with another?”

“N-no!” her voice trilled. Not one to stay quiet, however, Wakaba was out of her element. To observe it in the TV shows were nothing like real life. Anything bad would be held against her and soon she’d be eating prison slop and wondered if she’d ever get back to her research, or with _them_. “I, I…”

“Yes? What do you have to say, Isshiki-san?” He placed the notebook down and looked at her eyes welled up with tears. He jumped back. “I-Isshiki-san?”

“I was…” she sniffed, voice demure. “I was just looking after a little baby. I promise, s-sir.”

“O-oh!” the detective stammered. “I didn’t mean to assume you were up to no good! You must understand how it appears when there is a suspected homicide.”

“I do.” Wakaba wiped her eye. _Crying in front of a cop, how embarrassing._

“My apologies, Isshiki-san! Ah, er, so you took care of a baby?”

She nodded, her vision blurred by tears. If he continued to speak to her, more tears would flow. The situation unnerved her as she had never been interrogated by police back with SEBEC. The SEBEC lawyers and later the Nanjo Group interfered before anyone asked her questions -an action she had been eternally grateful for.

“And you worked?”

“Yes,” she whispered, eyes fixated on the file. Anything to avoid Sergeant Suou’s sight.

Sweat ran down the detective’s reddened face. “Was this your baby?”

“Just a coworker’s. I was doing them a favor…”

“That’s ad-admirable, Isshiki-san. And you said you got along with Ogata?”

“He was very cautious with his work.” Wakaba twiddled her thumbs. The lump in her throat now sharp razors. “But he was a regular guy who did his job.”

Suou arched an eyebrow. “Not a good man?”

“I didn’t know him that way. I usually keep to myself at work.”

“I see… I think I have enough information.” He stood up and opened the door, his vision stared straight to the floor. “You may go, ma’am. And um, er, I apologize for frightening you.”

“Y-you too.”

“Th-thanks.”

  


 

“I hope Shinjo doesn’t chew us out.” Kimura bit his nails, eyes shifted everywhere around the waiting area to Shinjo’s office.

Shido frowned. “Why would he?”

“Because of this? What if he finds out about that trip?”

“The hanami?” How wouldn’t Shinjo know about the excursion? Everyone in the damn office flocked to the shuttles with picnic baskets and coolers. Shinjo would have to be blind to not notice the hoard. “Are you dense? Of course he noticed! Get a hold of yourself, Kimura.”

“I don’t want to be transferred to Iwatodai! I have family here!”

“You don’t think _I_ don’t have family either? Why would either of us be sent to Iwatodai?”

“Not you: us Nanjo scientists, Shido-san. Sometimes Nanjo scientists get transferred to the Kirijo Group. They’re a Nanjo branch group gone independent, but they both work close with one another. Some of our research is siphoned into theirs and vice-versa. There’s a rumor among us over unsatisfactory results getting us transferred.”

“What’s so bad about Kirijo?”

“I have some colleagues working at Kirijo right now and they say Kouetsu Kirijo is a scary man. He’s obsessed with shadow research, even went so far as to demand from President Nanjo for more shadow-” Kimura slapped his hands over his mouth, body quivering. “I shouldn’t have said that. Oh god I am going to get transferred to Kirijo!”

“You need to calm down. No one is getting transferred.”

“But-!”

“Enough!” Shido’s fists held Kimura’s collar against the wall. “Kimura, you are a goddamned scientist. Think logically!” He inspired and exhaled deeply, counted to ten before his temper flared beyond the point of no return. “Shinjo does not have the authority to transfer you. He works for Sudou who ultimately works for the government. Regardless of his status, neither of them have any jurisdiction over Nanjo.”

Kimura’s breathing slowed. “R-really?”

Shido nodded. “Of course. Shinjo provides guidance and does his own research. You Nanjo people abide by Nanjo scrutiny.”

“You’re right…” Kimura slid onto the floor, reality seized. “I’m sorry you had to see that Shido-san.”

“Get up before Shinjo sees you like this.” He offered his arm to help the scientist up. “It’s unsightly.”

Shinjo’s door opened. A short bespectacled greasy man with a receding hairline exited the office, continuing the conversation. “Don’t you worry. The investigation won’t impede our progress.”

“It’s not me who’s worried, Shimazu. If anything, it’s the proof we needed to start the process. But your words will reassure Sudou and his partners. Just get your men out of here as soon as possible.”

“Chief Togashi has been alerted as well. Until next time.”

Shido watched as the man left the small lobby. In his previous government position, he knew many people in the police departments of large cities, namely ones who held the highest positions. Shimazu didn’t ring a bell, but Togashi did. He was the commissioner for the Sumaru City police department. The two never met, however, during a case, Shido spoke to him through the phone.

Shimazu mentioned progress in an odd context too. Our? As in association with Shinjo therefore Sudou? What did the police have to do with the science lab aside from the Ogata investigation? For Togashi to be aware meant something big, possibly deeper than what puddle surfaced. No other reason would explain the sheer madness of the investigation.

Good thing secrets and cover-ups were Shido’s specialty.

Shinjo called the two into his office. He wore his trademark shades, though instead of his usual calm expression, Shinjo seemed solemn, eyebrows furrowed. “You must be wondering why I called you here. Considering our workplace has essentially been raided by the police, I’m sure you have lots of questions.”

_Raided?_

“Nevertheless, work must go on.”

Kimura asked, “Shinjo-san, will our information be safe? They were looking through our files. What if the data gets fragmented?”

“Captain Shimazu of the homicide department has assured me everything will be left unharmed. They’d be liable to litigation if anything went missing. After the investigation is over, see to it that all the information is intact, Kimura.”

“Yes sir.”

“Now the reason I called you two here is simple: I have a special assignment for you and Isshiki. I believe she is currently being interrogated. Regardless, I need you three to investigate and run tests on a specific individual. I have your assignments listed in these folders.” He handed one folder to Shido, and two to Kimura. “Shido, as an employee of the government, you are still expected to report your information to your usual chain of command, though I will also be a direct recipient in this particular assignment.”

Shinjo turned to Kimura. “Please give Isshiki her folder. Turn in your results as indicated. Also bear in mind this assignment was created today based on a specific need of the research lab. Be aware that your assignment may change depending on the findings and needs of this particular case.”

“Yes sir,” they replied.

“I have great expectations for the three of you. The future of this facility and the goals of Tatsuzou Sudou greatly depends on the results of your work. Please work hard.”

Shido bowed and left the office without a word. Too much happened simultaneously to put his mind at ease. Kimura appeared fine and waltzed back to the lab, eager to take upon the assignment. A relief considering how much the scientist freaked out before the short meeting. Shido nearly suspected the creature had been the culprit, however, he didn’t feel its presence at all, not even in Shinjo’s office.

He had to sit back and think about the current situation. As much as he wanted to toss his assignment and go flirt with Wakaba, the sight of a police officer sobered his thoughts. The work hanami never sat right with him. It began as a rumor, spreading itself through the building like a wildfire, catching the interest of the employees and continued until its flame consumed, the smoldered ash being the rumor becoming reality. And now the rumored circumstances of Ogata’s death did the same. Started as rumor, ended with a reality. Although Ogata wasn’t murdered, the gossip managed to have the police swarm the place. In a sensible situation, the police would have been at the office the following day if not the same day after Ogata’s passing.

Something strange brewed in the science lab and threatened to escape into the atmosphere. Could it be related to the monster prowling in the offices?

The personal investigation proved to be more complicated than Shido anticipated, taking an unexpected turn - yet it did not deter him. If anything, Shido yearned to know more about Sudou’s goals and why he needed the help of both the government and the Nanjo Group.

Shido’s stomach growled. Junk food would help him think better.

  


 

Carl Jung mentioned shadows various times in his writings. A shadow was a repressed part in the human unconsciousness, a darkness as he sometimes called it. Though Jung had stated a shadow was not necessarily bad as people suppressed other aspects of their self due to trauma or low self-esteem, and thus created a shadow. Kimura said the word “shadow” when he rambled over the Kirijo Group. Shido was no expert on applied science but it seemed strange to do physical experimentation and research on an intangible concept such as a shadow. The way Kimura stated Kirijo wanting more shadows? How did that even work? All humans have shadows, yet the statement implied it was a commodity Kirijo could acquire. What in the world did both conglomerates - Kirijo and Nanjo - do to gain a corporeal shadow?

Shido squatted on top of a bench outside the compound, knees close and eyes gazing off into the distance as he ate yakisoba cup noodles, a guilty pleasure of his. He needed the trash food for the trouble the day had given him. Many of his coworkers were interrogated except him. At first, Shido remained confident he’d be called and sent back to work, but as the day progressed, he worried the police would question him closer to his leaving time. No matter how important the case, nothing was more important than picking up his son from daycare.

Wakaba tilted her head. What an odd position for Shido to be in! Wouldn’t it have been more comfortable for him to sit on the bench instead of squatting on it? In spite of her amusement, Wakaba sat next to Shido and unfolded her bento. The stress of the police looming around the corners of the facility made her nervous and hungry.

“How are you doing that?” she asked, taking a mouthful of rice.

Shido stared straight ahead. “Doing what?”

“Squatting like that. Your feet are flat, and your legs are so together? How are you doing that without falling?”

“I don’t know?” Such a weird question. “My body just defaults to this?”

“Are you even comfy?”

“Never really thought about it, but yes?” Shido pulled down one leg at a time to sit normally. “I suppose I like it.”

Wakaba smiled. An interesting factoid about Shido! “Do you normally eat cup yakisoba?”

“They’re…” He sighed. There was no way getting around it after what he experienced the night before. At some point Shido had to sort himself out and decide whether to keep Wakaba in his life more intimately or leave it at the door. “...my favorite.”

Wakaba took another mental note. “So, how are you?”

“I’m fine.” He slurped his noodles. “How about you? Heard you got interrogated.”

A soft sigh escaped her lips. Her hand paused at her bento. “Yes… and it was awful.”

“Why awful?”

“The police detective was so mean and intimidating! He may look young and ultra-fashionable with his nice suit and red sunglasses, but he got too passionate about the whole thing. Went even so far as to accuse me of Ogata’s death! The very idea!”

Shido arched an eyebrow. “That’s a little too extreme.”

“Right?! I wasn’t even at work and he used that as some sort of circumstantial evidence to pin it on me! I was just at home minding my own business and playing with a cute baby.”

The corners of Shido’s mouth twitched into a smile. Cute baby? Yes, Goro was indeed a cute one. Wakaba complimenting his son brought a warm sensation inside of him. “Did he get a confession out of you?”

“No.” Her smug grin and puffed out chest exuded confidence. “He let me go after seeing the error of his ways.”

“So you cried?”

“I did _not_ cry!” Wakaba shook Shido’s arm back and forth. “All I’m saying is that he was scary! Masa-Masa, don’t laugh!”

“I’m not laughing at you, I swear!” He caught her bluff and couldn’t help but chuckle. Though, if he had to be completely honest, being accused of murder was enough to make the toughest man shit their pants. Especially with the high conviction rate the Japanese police force boasted.

Despite Wakaba’s whimsical protests, Shido chortled at her antics and placed the noodles on the side. He pulled her hands away only to grasp one and softly squeeze it between them, face serious. “It must have been stressful.”

Wakaba’s heart jumped at her throat. So he didn’t make fun of her…

“It was… scary.” Her body lessened the gap between them, hand returned the reassuring gesture, eyes staring at Shido’s knee. “For a brief moment I thought I was going to become a prime suspect and be thrown into jail. And… and- Ha, ha, this is going to sound so ridiculous. Don’t mind me-”

Shido responded by stroking his thumb against Wakaba’s wrist.

“The idea of going to jail is frightening on its own, but I thought I’d never see my science ever again. However, that wasn’t what terrified me.”

“You can tell me.”

“Just not seeing Goro and…” She paused. To admit her affection for Shido meant for her to relinquish her heart. Wakaba wasn’t certain if she was ready to give it to him, at least not yet. Though a nagging pang inside screamed for release. It longed to be at his side as his friend, lover, and possibly wife. Perhaps it was okay to confess the blossoming feelings. Yet Wakaba wanted to let Shido know about her doubts to start anything. There was too much for her to think about and didn’t want to burden Shido with her emotional baggage and apprehension from previous experiences.

The least she could do to was cleanse herself from all anxiety before taking the next step with Shido - should he accept her of course.

“To be taken away and never to see Goro and, ah, you shook me to the core.” A swallow painful to pass through her prickled throat. Somehow expressing her feelings to Shido felt right.

“What are we?” he asked for the first time in his life. Wakaba’s hesitation to look him in the eye shattered his insides. Rejection imminent.

“I’m not at the right state of mind to tell you yet.”

Ouch. “Does this mean Golden Week is off?”

Her hand tightened against his. “No!” Absolutely not! How could Shido think that? They haven’t had the opportunity to talk about it yet. “That doesn’t mean no to everything, Masa-Masa.”

“Then what _does_ it mean?”

“It means...” Wakaba exhaled. Full of determination, she looked Shido in the eye, face burning. “It means give me some time to think before I give you my answer. This is… something very new to me. Can you give me time, Masa-Masa?”

Previously, Shido gave up on chases the moment any woman showed signs of indecision. To save face from rejection - as no one rejected Masayoshi Shido, he did the rejecting - he ignored the woman or flat out said he changed his mind and left them confused from his words. Served them right for the negative answer. And yet with Wakaba he could not find himself doing that. Allowing his pride to get the better of him, to hurt and confuse. To show the ugly side to his handsome exterior. The utter arrogance.

His heart could not bear to harm Wakaba. It was a sin. It was wrong-

An epiphany struck him, though unpleasant. No reason to cheer or applaud. Only a thick black pit of sorrow and shame. Shido understood how those women felt.

For Goro and himself to cross Wakaba’s mind during her jail panic… He realized how much hope he placed on Wakaba’s reply. And despite her negative response, it hadn’t been entirely in the bad either. Hope trailed at the end of her sentence. She needed time? Fine. Shido would make the time to wait for her. For Wakaba he would wait until the Earth stopped on its axis. Yes, he wished it wouldn’t take _that_ long, and naturally he’d attempt to sway her decision towards the positive, but nothing too pushy. Shido hated clingy women and he imaged Wakaba held the same stance based on her turning down Sojiro and her general independent attitude. He had to be careful. Push too much and Wakaba would tell him no. Push too little or show no interest and Wakaba may interpret it as disinterest and move on.

It was too much to think about! Shido had never had to put so much thought into his conquests. Wakaba made him experience emotions he never knew he could possess for another person romantically.

Familial love? Easy.

Friendship? With his eyes closed.

Paternal love? As true as the sun.

Lust? Second nature.

Romance? What in the world was romance? Even with his marriage to Toshiko, the idea of falling in love with her didn’t cross his mind. Yet now with this woman. This intelligent and lovely, albeit unconventional woman full of hopes, dreams, and an ambition large enough to compete with his own? Shido could see a possible future with her and his son. Together.

But yes: he could and would wait for her.

He smiled, hand clenched hers with reassurance. “Take your time.”

Wakaba’s vision swirled. Her surroundings were too real as if they they wandered into another dimensional plane of existence. She scooted closer to Shido, arm and hands on their legs, and laid her head on his shoulder. She said no, but her heart screamed yes. Every thump against her chest reminded her how much it longed to burst out and confess to Shido what she wanted and felt. But there was far too much from her past and present she had to settle before accepting her place as Shido’s lover.

Soon though.

Soon, she told herself. Soon she would have at least sorted her life out and then take the next step with him. Once done, it was a free for all! Though… it wouldn’t hurt to be near and flirt with him, right?

Wakaba bit her lip. Perhaps placing her head against his shoulder gave a mixed signal? Shido said nothing when she did that. In fact, his body relaxed into hers. A good sign, a good sign indeed. Her previous boyfriend and other men who tried to court her frowned or made disappointed faces when she asked for time. She was certain Shido had been disappointed too. Anyone would, but Wakaba was eternally grateful to his lack of an aggressively negative body language.

She hoped Shido wasn’t too upset…

“So, regarding Golden Week…” Not to by pushy, but yes to be pushy. He couldn’t help it. It wasn’t a matter of pride anymore so much as the excitement to be near her. “The only day I plan to do something is on Children’s Day. That’s on a Wednesday. May 5th.”

“I’m okay with Children’s Day.”

“You are?”

“I am,” she nodded. “I’d like to do something special for Goro-chan on that day.”

“No other day?”

“Hmm… depends on work. I’m a bit confused on the assignment.”

“Of course you’d think about work during vacation.” Shido rolled his eyes with a smile. Though she was right to be concerned about the latest assignment. The instructions were rather vague and it involved having to do an outside investigation over a woman named Chizuru Ishigami, a famous fortune teller. “But you’re right. It’s a bit… odd.”

“I’ve done outside excursions with my team before, but this seems very unusual. Why Chizuru Ishigami of all people? She has nothing to do with the sciences.”

“I think there’s something we’re missing. The report Shinjo gave me appears to be written hastily. He said he wrote them that day but it’s just so arbitrary and without anyone to proofread it.”

“Maybe… Maybe it has to do with what happened with Ogata.”

“Ogata’s dead.”

“You’re so abrupt.” Wakaba bumped her head against Shido’s arm. “I mean more about how the police are here to investigate his death.”

“In my background that sort of thing is rather unheard of. Taking almost a month to investigate a suspected crime is the sloppiest thing one could do. And it happened after that weird hanami outing.”

“You thought it was strange too?” She would never tell Shido she spread that rumor. At least not now since it held no pertinence. “Remember when we were at the park? And I said I was investigating a rumor about the flowers?”

“I do.” Shido stroked his chin. “Are you saying there is a correlation with the cognition of many and the investigation?”

“I think so. It’s just too coincidental to be unrelated.”

“It’s rather farfetched.”

“Do you have another explanation besides ‘it’s just a coincidence?’”

Cheeky. “Skepticism isn’t a bad thing to have.”

“If my theory is wrong, then it’s wrong. I’d rather act out on it than not and keep wondering if my theory was right. You have to admit there is something strange happening.”

“There is, but I still think it’s too soon to conclude it’s related to cognition.” He sighed. “Anyway, we have a lot of work ahead of us, and I still haven’t been questioned by the cops. I’m a bit nervous it’ll bleed into my daycare routine.”

“I hope you don’t get that mean Sergeant Suou.” A sharp pain struck her right ear. Wakaba flinched, cupping her hand over the offending ear.

Shido put his arm around her shoulder. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

“Ah, um.” Wakaba scratched inside her ear. “It’s just the tinnitus. Sometimes it strikes whenever.”

“That doesn’t seem normal. You need to see a doctor.”

“I know, I know.” What inopportune time to occur, but at least the pain and ringing eased out quickly. Wakaba removed her glasses. A massage between the eyes usually helped get through the pain. “I forget, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Shido grabbed her glasses. The frames were thick, large, unfashionable, and a bright shade of red. No one wore glasses like hers anymore except those stuck in the 80s. Yet they were cute on Wakaba. It was jarring to see her without them on. Opening the temples, Shido peered through the glasses. A wave of dizziness struck him. He removed a contact lens, balancing it carefully on his finger before trying out the glasses.

Wakaba’s prescription was surprisingly weaker than his.

Wakaba jumped. “Wah! What are you doing!?”

“Comparing prescriptions.”

“Not that! How did you reach into your eye and do that!? Doesn’t it hurt? I can’t believe you wear contacts!”

Shido shrugged. He had worn contacts since high school and continued without glasses since then. He had a spare in case, though he rarely used it - too nerdy. Desensitized from the constant touching, Shido bore no issue removing his contact lenses at random. Almost twenty years of contact wearing would do that to a person. “It’s no big deal.” Deft fingers pulled his lower eyelid and popped the contact back into his eye.

Nothing to it.

Wakaba flinched.

“Come off it.” Shido returned the glasses to Wakaba. “You get used to it.”

How ridiculous. Her? Putting her finger in her eyes? Perish the thought! Eyes and fingers did not mix. “No thank you, Masa-Masa.” With a playful wiggle, Wakaba placed her glassed over her eyes. “I think I’ll stick to glasses.”

Shido slurped his noodles. “That’s your prerogative.”

A burst of heat ran through Wakaba’s face, head hung low and focused on her meal. She anticipated a comment to convert her into a contact lens user but found none. Better yet, Shido said nothing about her glasses’ appearance. They were unique and unusual - no one else had them like hers! The red color often took people aback by its gaudiness. But the color was the best part! It reminded her of kabuki makeup and sexy femme fatale dresses. If she had one hundred yen for every remark about her glasses, Wakaba would be rich. No matter what was said, Wakaba loved her glasses. And that was all what mattered to her.

“Thanks,” she mumbled into her rice. Her hopes held high and the anticipation for Golden Week growing.

  


 

At 5PM, Shido was called to be interrogated.

 _Finally_! _It’s a bit on the late side but it can’t possibly take long. As long as I leave by 6:15, it’ll be fine._

Shido sat in the empty room. He knew every tactic police used to get confessions and knew how to deflect them thanks to his previous government position. He knew through silence he could not be pinned with anything. People were slaves to their words, and in a judicial system with an over 95% conviction rate, any sort of knowledge of the system proved highly beneficial. But he had to remind himself the questioning was for Ogata’s death and he had nothing to do with it. Hell, Shido hardly knew the man!

Besides, he thought as a smirk crept through, his file had a specific piece of information that would exonerate him from answering specific questions unless one of his government superiors gave the clearance.

The police detective entered the room with a file. He wore a nice grey suit and trendy red sunglasses.

Wait.

Was _this_ the man who scared Wakaba? The man had to be at least ten years his junior! Shido did a once over, which the detective countered with his own.

Oh, he could take him. Easily. Police training or none, Shido was confident he could kick his ass into next week.

“Good afternoon, my name is Sergeant Katsuya Suou of the Konan Police Department. And you are Masayoshi Shido?”

“That is correct.”

The detective sat across from Shido and pulled out a small notebook. Opening his file, he noted the details then closed it. “Where are you currently residing?”

“In Tokyo.”

“Any family?”

“Just my infant son.”

Katsuya raised an eyebrow and cleared his threat. “Do you know why you are here?”

“Kenji Ogata’s death.”

“Quite right.” He adjusted his sunglasses. “Where were you on the day Kenji Ogata died?””

The cop wasted no time. Shido was pleased by that fact. Nothing worse than to be stuck in an interrogation where the entire purpose involved wearing down the defenses of the suspect to the point of confession. The longest interrogation Shido had conducted lasted ten hours. Highly illegal, though the case didn’t go to court as his job…

Well, needless to say his job was unlike any of the publicly sanctioned government positions. If it hadn’t been for a change of interest and other promotions, Shido wouldn’t have minded continuing as a special member for the public safety branch. With Goro in his life, the idea of returning to the job horrified him. The loss of his team member during SEBEC proved to anyone the job was dangerous enough to be killed.

Shido was not about to let Goro become an orphan. He forbade it.

“I was here at work.”

“I have reason to believe you were not on the premises. Where were you?”

Sharp guy. He certainly did his homework. “I went to Aoba ward for food.”

“Where?”

“Double Slash Cafe.”

“What time?”

“Noon. I arrived back on the premises around 12:50.”

“Premises? You sound rather informed, Shido-san. Tell me, is this your first police interrogation?”

Too sharp. “You’re going to need to be more specific as your question is rather broad.”

“Have you ever been question by a police officer?”

“Just for speeding tickets.”

“Is that so, Shido-san? Nothing else to comment? Or confess?”

Typical trick. Shido remembered this tactic. “How is my past relevant to Ogata’s death?”

“Because someone with your sort of supposed knowledge of the legal system would be able to find the perfect alibi and method to conduct a murder. Now tell me Shido-san, what did you eat at the cafe?”

“Curry,” Shido replied with a straight face.

“You said that rather quickly. Do you remember what you ate last night?”

Shido just _had_ to be questioned by one of _those_. They were amazing to work with when they were on his side, but right now they were the worst sort for him to deal with. Anything remotely suspicious - be it his movements, pitch, tone, swiftness in answering, or what not, - had the ability to trigger a response and be used against him.

Times like these Shido wished he had a violent cop instead of Suou.

“I remember it because I felt like eating something from home. My son was sick that day and I wanted to clear my mind by eating food from easier days. To get away from responsibility even if for a few minutes. You get me?”

“Hmm…” Suou’s eyes glazed over. “Yes... we can all relate. But back to the matter at hand…”

Yes, the matter at hand. The real question was why investigate Ogata’s casualty so far _after_ his death. Unprofessional and careless. Almost as if the rumors of his passing stirred something up in the community and created an investigation over a month after the fact. For a second, Shido considered the cognition theory Wakaba gushed over at Aoba Park. Fantastical? Yes, however the existence of the creature which lurked in the lab, and the unspeakable abominations he witnessed in SEBEC, gave credit to her ideas. If those could exist, then Wakaba’s cognitive-rumor hypothesis could as well.

Curiosity got the better of him. “I’m rather concerned why I’m here in the first place. Wasn’t there an autopsy performed on Ogata?”

“I’m afraid that information is confidential.”

_Of course._

As the they continued to talk about Ogata and Shido’s other whereabouts, precious time ticked away. For every response Shido had, Suou countered with another conjecture. No wonder Wakaba became overwhelmed! The man may have been a paragon for truth and justice, but to Shido he was a pain in the ass. The circumstances of Ogata’s death were tragic, yes, however they were not at all suspicious, and most of all Shido didn’t give a shit about Ogata’s previous position until Shinjo offered him the role as a promotion.

“You and Ogata worked for the government. One thing I see you two have in common is a fairly similar background. Did you kill him because you wanted his job?”

“I’ve never met him before until this job. My origins are from public safety.” Shido eyed his watch. It was now 6PM. He had to go.

“What did you do in that job?”

Shido crossed his arms. Not only did the officer waste his time on something he had nothing to do with, but it began to spill on his time to pick up his son. If Suou pried deeper, he’d be entering territory beyond his clearance. Shido loathed the paperwork involved for that sort of breach. “We’re done here.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“As you heard: we’re done. I’ll be taking my leave, sergeant.”

Katsuya frowned. “I am not done with you, Shido-san.”

“You have no idea who you’re talking to, do you? You are wasting my time on something I have nothing to do with-”

Hands slammed against the table. “I’ll be the one to determine that.”

“I need to leave. **Now** ,” snarled Shido. Rarely one to lose his temper, the young detective pressed the right buttons for a nuclear meltdown. Shido was not about to be late for Goro.

“What’s the rush? Do you need to speak with your accomplice?”

Fuck it. Shido would deal with the repercussions later. “I have a son to pick up from his daycare in Tokyo. At the rate this inane interrogation is going, I will be late. There are fees involved and I want to see my son.”

“Your wife-”

“Is dead.” Shido stood up, consequences be damned. “Do you think I was being facetious when I said it was only me and my infant son? My boy needs me now. If I get into a car crash or if anything happens to my baby, I _will_ have your badge.”

Katsuya’s face turned bright red at Shido’s audacity and his reason for flipping out. “I, er, was unaware you were the sole caregiver for your son… I apologize for my indiscretion. You may leave.”

Shido reached for his file and pointed at a symbol near his name. Few people had it on their profile. Those who did were in a special know-how. Not a secret society or cult, rather a covert sector in government. Certain government officials and specific police officials were aware of its meaning, though not its explicit area. This Sergeant Suou either didn’t see the symbol or wasn’t aware of its significance. Whatever the reason, Shido hardly cared. Him bringing attention to the symbol sufficed.

Behind the red sunglasses, the sergeant’s eyes widened with realization; he said nothing. The response was enough for Shido; he made his message clear.

Lips thin, a menaced glare, Shido swept out from the room leaving a flustered Katsuya behind. Served him right for crossing into his time to pick up Goro.

Shido could have entertained the police officer for far longer if he wanted. The man challenged him in a way few had. Would have been a great opportunity to stretch out the proverbial legs and hone his old interrogation tactics - though in a situation as grave as Suou poking through the hornet’s nest that was Shido’s previous career warranted an immediate intervention.

Nip the problem at the bud before it spread like a weed, proliferating and choking everything in its way.

Carrying Goro in his arms, snuggling his child thrilled to see his father after a long day, Shido was at peace. To play and blow raspberries on his chubby tummy, laughter elicited and begged for more. His bright smile and the way he cried out for “Papa!” whenever he wanted attention. The fun splashes during their much-needed soak in the bathtub. Shido wouldn’t have been able to do this as efficiently without that symbol next to his name.

Sometimes it paid to be a former black op.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcomed!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Golden Week has arrived and Shido counts the days before Children's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been quite a week but here we are!  
> Thank you for your support! I appreciate every single one of you!
> 
> As a note, on Sojiro's rank 10, he states he is going to the church to visit Wakaba's grave. In many Catholic and Christian churches all over the world, there are graveyards close by as well as crypts in the church itself. Considering the church at Kanda is Catholic and Wakaba is buried there led me to believe she's also one as well. So that's where my logic went with it.

April 29th: First day of Golden Week

Shido punched the sandbag, the frustration of the previous two weeks accumulating in his strikes. First had been the typical government red tape tripe he wished he were not familiar with. Kimura and Wakaba were shocked to find out their investigation required specific permits. Simply said, one could not enter a building or a business and ask to do an investigation. They required warrants and special permissions not only from Chizuru Ishigami, but her bosses and the other people in charge of the establishment. After all, Chizuru’s position in society recently began to rise. A celebrity yet not quite. No big deal, Shido thought.

No big deal his ass.

Turned out the papers got misplaced in the typical bureaucratic fashion. Uncaring federal workers who stated they were doing their best despite clearly not and asked them to turn in another form. Shido wanted to scream when he heard about the application’s missing status. It pushed their assignment until after Golden Week. Thankfully Shinjo didn’t reprimand him when he reported the delay. He merely smiled and told Shido to do his best after Golden Week. His calm voice reassured him though the words were tinged with a hidden threat. Get it done or else.

Shido didn’t want to know what the “or else” was.

He intended to get the job done right for his review during the evaluation season. Good scores meant more money. More money meant better opportunities for himself and Goro. Before he knew it, Goro would be entering preschool. If he wanted Goro to enter a good school, he had to research now and have the assets to back him up.

Only the absolute best for his child. It was what Goro deserved and more.

If only the delays were the biggest worry. Bills and other home things aside - he really needed to invest in more kitchen tools - something else had bothered Shido.

Thursday, the day before Golden Week, Shido witnessed something he never expected at work.

He entered the lab with coffee - one for him and one for Wakaba - and noticed something was amiss. The scientists stared at Wakaba’s desk, unable to work on their assignments. Anyone who tried, turned back to gawk at her. And who could blame them? Wakaba wasn’t behaving like Wakaba.

Instead of her quiet, loner busy bee persona, huddled close to her computer, completely absorbed into her studies, Wakaba stood and paced all around her desk. Pages and books flipped, pens tested on random papers only to be tossed aside. Her rigid face white with scarlet cheeks, vulnerable eyes glassy from unshed tears. She had a mission and yet she didn’t. Her movements uncalculated, aimless. She turned on her computer and slammed her fist onto the desk when it booted too slowly for her tastes. Finding a pen she liked, Wakaba scribbled all over a thick notepad, copying from a torn sheet from a phonebook. After the computer loaded properly, she typed into the keyboard, fast and furious, a slew of tak-tak-taks against the quiet laboratory.

“Argh!” The mouse clicked a little too hard before she slammed her seat into her workstation, purse in hand.

Wakaba pointed to Ando. “If anyone asks, I’m working from home.” She zoomed past the scientists and Shido. Her eyes hard-focused on the exit.

Concerned, Shido went to her desk to investigate. He shaded over the indents of the notebook she wrote on with a pencil. A phone number and the words “Tokyo Bay Pawn Shop” were inscribed on the paper. An invasion of privacy, but her distress troubled him.

Shido wasn’t sure if he should have called her later that evening or today. The gym calmed him, allowing him to vent out his frustrations in a healthy manner. She didn’t even look at him! What in the world happened to Wakaba for her to completely lose her composure like that?

The sandbag went flying.

Only six more days until Children’s Day.

He wanted to call her bad, but couldn’t find the words to say to coax out a explanation from her.

**You should avoid seeing her, Masayoshi.**

 

 

April 30th: Second day of Golden Week.

Ulala punched Shido’s gut with all the force she could muster for the third time.

Shido pushed her away, throwing his gloves to the floor. “The _fuck_ is your problem!?”

“I’m pissed is what I am!”

“Then take it out on a punching bag like a normal person!”

“I tried!” She frowned. “But I accidentally broke two of them, and the staff told me I had to stop or else they’d kick me out.”

“I’m not your punching bag, Serizawa.” That woman had a mean uppercut. “I’m your sparring partner.”

“Put on your gloves! I’m not done!” Ulala got into her stance.

“Fuck off.” Those punches really hurt.

“I need this, Shido! Punch me! Punch me in the face!”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” Shido turned towards the exit.

Ulala grabbed his arm. “Don’t leave! I’m so sorry! Please don’t go! I need someone to vent my frustrations on!”

“I’m not that person. Good luck to you.”

“I-it’s just that… that…!”

Was he really going to humor her or brush her off? Ulala’s eyes were narrowed with anger and panic; she understood she did wrong but still raw over whatever upset her. “Fine, what?”

“I saw my bastard of an ex-boyfriend macking on some hot lady yesterday!”

“That’s life, Serizawa.”

“An ex-boyfriend who literally emptied out my bank account before he left me out in the cold!”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh.’” Ulala punched her gloves together. “I decided to learn boxing so I could kick his ass and become stronger! But… I guess I’ll never achieve that.”

Such an unlucky woman. What sort of man leached off a woman and left her in financial ruin? “You can still kick his ass, you know.”

“Yeah… you’re right Shido... “She smiled. “So will you spar with me?”

“Punch me again and we’re done.”

Ulala playfully jabbed his arm. “We can get drinks after this! Whuddya say?”

Shido could use a drink. There was the issue of Goro, but one beer would do him some good. Perhaps help him think about the situation with Wakaba. No beeper messages or phone calls since Thursday. He wondered if Wakaba was okay.

A quick visit to her home wouldn’t hurt.

Shido and Ulala sat in a bar, Goro tapping the counter while Shido prepared his baby bottle with formula.

“I almost forgot you had a kid,” Ulala said, nursing her second drink. “He’s such a cutie!”

“Of course he is.” Shido handed the food to his son who snatched it and drank his meal. He loved to see Goro’s greedy side. Petulant and adorable.

Goro looked at Ulala, bottle in hand, eyes wide. She was not his mama, but she seemed nice when she smiled and patted his head.

Ulala sighed. “Shido, it’s going to be too late for me.”

“Pardon?”

“I turn twenty-five this year. Next year I’ll be twenty-six!”

Where in the world was that woman going with this? People age. It was a part of life. “Why is that a problem?”

“Because after twenty-six I’ll be a Christmas cake! No one will want to date or marry me! I need to find a man-” She downed her drink. “-and get married _pronto_!”

Oh, that. Shido heard about the infamous Christmas cake ordeal. Toshiko was twenty-four and eager to marry, and if Shido were to be honest, society vastly overrated the idea of dating young women. Hot as Toshiko may have been, her immaturity turned Shido off on many occasions. His own mother disliked Toshiko for her wanting to leave the workforce to become a housewife forever. It didn’t bother him then, yet as he struggled with Goro and met Wakaba’s ambitious self, he found her sort of character more attractive.

Then again, his mother worked for most of her life. Freud once said humans searched for partners similar to their parents. A quack obsessed with sex, his words held some half-truths. Shido could see why a woman like Wakaba suited his fancy.

Wasn’t Wakaba also over twenty-five?

“There’s someone…” Would he tell Ulala or not? Not so much to comfort her, but to mention his relationship issues to gain advice from another woman? What in the world was he doing!? “There’s someone who I’m interested in and she’s over twenty-five.”

“S-seriously?”

“I think she’s closer to her thirties.”

“No way!” Nearly jumping from her stool, Ulala banged the counter with her fist. “Holy hell!”

Goro jolted at the sound.

“Watch it,” Shido threatened.

“Oops… sorry Goro-chan. I got a bit carried away, heh heh…” Sighing was all she could to today. “So have you confessed?”

“What?”

“You know? Confessed? Told her you liked her?”

“Why does that matter?”

“You serious!?” He couldn’t possibly this dense. “You’re into her and you haven't told her yet!? That’s super important, Shido!”

“I’m sure she knows.”

Ulala threw her hands up. “Whaaat!? What kind of cocky statement is that? You don’t know how she feels!”

“She told me she need- No. I don’t have to tell you anything.” Shido sipped his beer.

“She said what? Come on, tell me! I’m a woman, you know!”

“I don’t have to divulge you my private life.”

“I told you mine!”

“I didn’t ask for it; you spilled it out before me.”

“Oh… I see how it is…” Ulala nodded to herself. “She _rejected_ you.”

Hands grasped the cool bottle. “She did _not_ reject me, Serizawa.”

Ulala crossed her arms and legs, smirking. “You seem mad.”

“I’m perturbed at your hounding.” Though she seemed to hit the nail on the head. But he hadn’t been rejected. Not fully, he hoped. “She said she needed some time to sort personal matters.”

“Hmm…” Ulala tapped her chin. “But you didn’t tell her your feelings?”

“Again: does that even matter?”

“Well… I’d say it does.” She shrugged. “I haven’t had much success in love, but I do know that a girl likes to hear she’s appreciated and loved back in return.”

“It’s not lov-”

“Love, like, whatever! You should tell her you like her. Not that it’ll change her mind or anything, but who knows right? She might even think harder on it.”

Not a bad idea…

“But, uh, that’s of course if she likes you back.”

Shido scowled. “You’re reassuring.”

“Heh heh, sorry.”

It couldn’t hurt to tell Wakaba how he felt. Though, the act was foreign to him. But the urge to confess grew with each second. A weight would be lifted from his shoulders. Did he not debate himself to give it his all for Wakaba’s approval? Maybe Ulala was right.

Masayoshi Shido was bold and courageous. Nothing, especially not silly hesitations, would stop him from expressing his affection to Wakaba.

**Don’t visit her, Masayoshi.**

 

 

May 1st: Third day of Golden Week

“We’re going to see Wakaba before we go to the gym, Pillow.”

“Mama!” Goro bounced in his car seat. He missed her dearly!

He didn’t call Wakaba to announce his visitation. She did it all the same a while back, therefore Shido had the right to reciprocate.

A tit for a tat.

Climbing the stairs, a portly man wearing a cap glared at a door before scrambling past Shido and his son.

He mumbled, “Selfish bitch. She had that coming!”

Shido held Goro close.

What a suspicious man.

He eyed the man as he left the vicinity, practically stomping his way out. Whatever agitated that man must have been bad. The door he stared at appeared close to Wakaba’s.

A piercing coldness hit his stomach.

_It couldn’t be..._

Shido knocked on Wakaba’s door.

No answer.

He knocked again, tapping the handle.

Locked. No answer.

**Go away, Masayoshi.  
** **She doesn’t want you.**

Shido scratched his ear. Something felt wrong. Like SEBEC and when he went to the Araya Shrine with Goro.

No, it couldn’t be it. He was fine, wasn’t he?

“Wakaba,” he whispered against the door, head throbbed. “If you’re here: call me when you can.”

Goro whimpered, snuggling into his father’s neck.

“It’s okay, Goro.” He kissed his son’s head and stroked his back. “Let’s go. We can try next time.”

As he left, his peripheral vision caught the movement of shutters, but it could have just been his imagination.

He boxed with Ulala, headache gone, heart heavy. He swerved, ducked, and weaved. He received many compliments from Ulala for his form and speed. Every move -as if by instinct- perfect.

Wakaba’s behavior and the angry man were connected. Shido trusted his gut and it told him the suspicious activities were linked. It would explain everything.

_I wonder if he’s the reason why Wakaba didn’t want to advance our relationship._

Youji came to mind.

Was the man Youji? If he was, then what was his relationship to Wakaba? A former lover? Current lover? Loan shark? Maybe a family member?

Hard to say as Wakaba never mentioned her private life to him. He knew Wakaba and yet he didn’t.

Shido’s mind screamed.

Once Golden Week was over, Shido would investigate on his own or flat-out ask Wakaba herself. He was not one to shy away over these matters. But Wakaba did and it bothered him.

 

 

May 2nd: Fourth day of Golden Week

Shido left Peace Diner in Central Avenue. Ulala invited him for lunch after a session and he accepted. Again, she cried over her ex, a man named Youichi Makimura. Revenge vowed over a Peace shake and fries, Shido listened in pieces, his mind focused on feeding and playing with Goro. He was always a delight and helped drown out Ulala’s complaints.

A nice woman, but way too absorbed about marriage and relationships.

A woman’s singing stopped Shido in his tracks. Soothing to the soul, her voice rich in melody. Her song had no distinctive lyrics, only chords with no familiar pattern or reason. And yet… they made sense. The music resonated inside his heart. An aria for him. And aria for his son. An aria for humanity.

Her song became louder the more he searched. A piano arrangement echoed close by.

No windows or signs, the door to the Velvet Room glowed blue.

Were the people practicing for the night’s performance? Would a lounge be open on Golden Week? Perhaps?

Shido turned the knob; the volume intensified.

A concerned voice spoke. “You okay there, Shido?”

His hand slipped from the door, his attention to the voice who called his name. “Hm?”

It was Ulala.

“What are you doing staring at that wall?”

“There is no wall-” A brick wall appeared before him. “What I meant to say, I was thinking about what you said the previous day. I think I will tell her how I feel.”

“That’s great!” Ulala cheered. “Tell me how it goes tomorrow!”

**Don’t.**

 

 

May 3rd: Fifth day of Golden Week

He called Wakaba when he woke up. He called before heading to the gym. He called after his session. He called after leaving Ulala in her drunken woes at Parabellum. Each time no answer.

Across the street from Parabellum stood a bridal store. Long, exquisite dresses were showcased at the window. Elated and hopeful women admired the clothing both inside the store and out. The symbol of the most important day in a woman’s life.

For a moment, Shido imagined Wakaba in one of those gowns. Silk and lace with pearls adorning her elegantly as she walked down an aisle. Hand clutched a bouquet of fragrant flowers. A veil to reveal a blushing bride.

Too soon for those thoughts.

Shido called Wakaba again.

Again, no answer.

**She’s not interested, Masayoshi.**

 

 

May 4th: Sixth day of Golden Week

Visiting the gym felt like a chore. Instead, Shido opted to sleep in and play with his son at home. His muscles were sore from the exercise - body readjusting to the ache of constant work out - but he felt good. Despite the setbacks with Wakaba, Shido’s confidence grew. A weight had been removed from his body. Music sang into his soul. The darkness inside retreated into the unknown depths. His spirit cleansed from a malaise which threatened him these past few days, one Shido could not identify though could at the same time.

No doubt or worry. All was well in Shido’s world.

Tomorrow was Children’s Day. If he spent it solely with Goro, the day would continue to be amazing. And the day after tomorrow was work; he could talk to Wakaba then and there.

Goro danced with his father to fast Latin music. His giggles filled the room and flowed with the upbeat sounds. Shido’s face hurt from his constant smiling but continued anyway. His child brought too much joy in his life.

His beeper chimed as he prepared lunch. His heart sank with a glance: it was a number he did not recognize.

Goro secured in his arms on the couch, he dialed the number. Butterflies in his stomach. “Hello?”

“Masa-Masa?”

“Where the hell have you been!?” The words spilled without a thought, raw and unfiltered. Nothing else mattered in this world except the child in his arms and this phone call. “You scared me!”

“Masa-Masa…” Wakaba paused, a million thoughts and words at a crossroads. “I’m sorry if my lack of communication worried you. But, ah! I-I got a new phone and phone number! My old one got damaged two days ago.”

Shido exhaled in relief. She was okay. _He_ was okay.

“I just got this one activated, so, please forgive me?”

 _Always._ “Always.”

A tiny squeak escaped into the receiver. “Um, ah, so ahaha… that’s my new number! Write it down okay?”

“Right, right.” Mobile got damaged, huh? She was scatterbrained but not a klutz.

_Maybe it’s related to the pawn shop._

“Is Goro-chan awake? Can I talk to him?”

“As long as you apologize to him.” Shido placed the handset over Goro’s ear, his head too tiny to reach the speaking end.

Goro babbled and cooed for mama as Wakaba spoke to him. The sound of her sweet voice excited him, going far as to push Shido’s face away whenever he came close to removing the phone. It was his turn to speak to mama! Goro kicked and screamed when Shido finally got a hold of the handset.

“No!” he wailed. “Mama!”

“Fine, fine!” Shido handed Goro the phone and pressed the speaker button. Goro’s cries ceased, ignorant of the trick and continued to talk to Wakaba on the handset. “You were saying?”

Wakaba laughed. “He’s such a good boy!”

“He’s a handful.”

“Baaaa!”

“See? Goro is an angel.”

“Don’t defend this troublemaker.” Shido ruffled his son’s head with a smile. “Tomorrow is Children’s Day.”

“Ah, so it is.” Wakaba hummed. “Last time you went to Mikage-cho. How about I go to Tokyo?”

“Seems fair. I was thinking about heading to the Meiji Shrine for Goro.”

“Ooh, that’s a good place! Mind if we take a trip to Kanda afterwards?”

“Is this the thing you wanted to do for Goro?”

“Yup, yup! There’s something there I’d like to visit with him.”

Shido nuzzled his son closer, planting a kiss on his cheek. Goro didn’t push him aside, rewarding his father with a bright smile. “Anywhere is fine.”

Wakaba breathed hard. “I wish we could have met sooner…”

“Me too.”

That night Shido dreamed there was no Goro in his life, and his dream-self was okay with it. He never got demoted, and he found himself directly working under Sudou as a supervisor. But it was summer instead. Loud steps echoed as he approached Shinjo’s office. His hand on the knob. Turned. A hand sprinkled with paint on his shoulder. Shido paused.

_“Don’t fall prey. This isn’t your proper timeline.”_

Shido woke up, hands searched desperately for Goro. Where was he? Where was his baby!?

Delicate flesh met his rough hands. A mewl escaped his son’s sleepy lips. Shido moved Goro to his chest, protective arm wrapped around, and ever vigilant for any danger. Anyone who tried to take Goro would meet certain death.

“A timeline without you? Impossible.”

 

 

May 5th: Final day of Golden Week, Children’s Day

Littered with parents and their brats, Meiji Jingumae was a mob scene of screams, cries, and laughter. Joyful music played in various locations. Small booths full of activities and snacks lined at Yoyogi Park, while a large crowd gathered towards the Meiji Shrine. The sakura were in full bloom; pink petals rained on heads and splashed onto the ground. A grand carpet for the people and their children to walk upon.

Had there been that many people at the shrine before on Children’s Day or did Shido remember it differently as a child? How did he expect to find Wakaba in such a place?

He should have told Wakaba to meet him at his home instead of in front of the shrine. The need for a mobile increased with every outing he planned with her. But he liked his beeper. Piece of crap was going to die in the nearby future but receiving those cute _goroawase_ messages from Wakaba made the process more tolerable.

A tap on the shoulder alerted Shido.

“Hello!” sang Wakaba. She wore a pastel-yellow dress with white polka dots, her long hair in a braid.

“I’m glad you found me,” Shido sighed in relief. There was no telling when he’d find her without a cellphone. “Hello.”

“Hello Goro-chan!” Wakaba pulled Goro from the stroller and into her arms. Smooches and sweet words placed all over his face and head. Her tight squeeze brought giggles and sloppy kisses in return. “It’s so good to see you!”

Goro buried his face into her neck. “Mama!”

“He’s so happy!” Wakaba hoisted Goro for a better hold. He was getting heavier with every visit! “Did you wait too long, Masa-Masa?”

“No, not at all.” Shido turned toward the shrine, the crowd as busy as it was when he arrived. “There’s a lot of people here.”

“I know! I don’t remember it being like this when I was a kid!”

“Same.” Shido took control of the stroller. “Let’s head for the shrine.”

The three climbed the packed stairway to the shrine. A long queue awaited them for the ceremonies and prayers. Shido wanted to turn and go home but remembered this was supposed to be a special day for Goro. Tempting, though he had a duty to fulfill for his son. If his parents took the time to celebrate Children’s Day with him and his brother, then he could do the same for Goro. Shido could wait all afternoon, albeit not happily.

However, Goro didn’t agree.

As they waited in line, Goro fussed in Wakaba’s arms. Whimpers, growls, and whines. No amount of rocking or soft gentle noises calmed him. Shido took Goro in his arms to no avail. Goro’s complaints turned into disgruntled sobs.

“Is he okay?” asked Wakaba. Did she do something to upset Goro?

“I think it’s the crowd.” Shido rocked Goro, earning a screech near his ear. Drum practice could never compare to Goro’s pipes. “He’s not used to this many people and so close by.”

She smoothed Goro’s red face, worried. “Should we stay?”

“I think we should go.” Shido handed Wakaba the stroller and headed for the crowded stairs. People did little to make space for him going down. “Is it going to be this bad in Kanda?”

“I’m pretty sure it won’t. Ah, but…”

“Yes?” He grabbed Wakaba’s hand to keep her near. Memories of the first hanami came back to him; he did not want to lose Wakaba to a mob again.

“I didn’t tell you this because I figured we’d be here all day, but I wanted to take Goro to a church.”

The air cooled significantly at the base of the stairway. Shido unfolded the stroller and placed a crying Goro inside and offered a pacifier. Goro accepted it with zeal; the suckles soothed his restless self.

“A church? Like a Christian church?”

Wakaba scratched her neck. “Yeah… If it’s okay with you.”

“It’s fine.”

Her eyes sparkled. “Really?”

Shido led her to his car, Goro tucked and fastened into his car seat. “I was exposed to all that as a child. My mother’s family lived in Chicago, so we spent a lot of summers there.”

“So that’s why you can speak English so well!” Wakaba sat in the passenger side. She turned to check on Goro, quiet and consoled by the pacifier. “It must have been so much fun…” Reaching into her purse, Wakaba pulled the lion notebook and wrote something down. “I’ve never been outside the country.”

“Really? I didn’t expect that at all. You seem like the sort who would get up without a thought and leave.”

“Haha… I do, don’t I?” She stared at her hands on her lap. “I put a lot of thought in what I do, so don’t you worry.”

Cryptic, Shido let it go. The issue of the strange man by her home from the previous day bothered him. There had to be a way to ask Wakaba without upsetting her. Shido gathered self-awareness the moment he realized he liked her, and because of it, Shido feared overstepping any boundaries. What if he asked about a sensitive topic? What if she hated confrontation over delicate subjects? Ask or say the wrong thing and any hope for a relationship with Wakaba ended.

It hurt to think about it.

“So…” they said in unison.

Wakaba giggled sheepishly. “I’m sorry!”

“No, it was me,” he answered with a smile. “You go first.”

“Ah! I didn’t have anything to say, Masa-Masa!”

“Then why did you say ‘so?’”

“You are such a cheater!” Confidence renewed, Wakaba focused her attention to Shido and flicked his cowlick.

Shido chuckled, noting the redness spreading through Wakaba’s face. Funny how easy it was to tease her as it was for her to tease him. “I do have something to say actually.”

Wakaba leaned forward. “Yes?”

“Is everything okay at home?”

“Of course!” Her eyes looked straight at the road, hands on her lap, the fabric of her dressed toyed between her fingers. “Just a bit frazzled. My phone broke is all. But I got that fixed!”

Unable to remove his eyes from the road, Shido could see the stiffness in her posture. Her attention fixated on the destination rather than the journey. Wakaba hid something and refused to reveal it to him.

Was this a part of the rejection process?

The church stood proud, the bright sun providing warmth and light through its stained glass. Shido held Wakaba’s hand as she led him and Goro through the large wooden doors. The church smelled of incense and sweet wood. Serene organ music resonated throughout the church, an auditory reminder to remain quiet as the music played to inspire the spirit. People walked along the church to admire the scenery, genuflecting before the cross at the altar, or prayed inside the pews.

Yes, this was indeed a church. Despite not having a religion, Shido remembered the times him and his brother were dragged into a Catholic mass because his mother gave _nonna_ permission to take them away. Never listened to the liturgy or cared about Christianity despite the Sunday attendance; though now as an adult he found the solemness inside the church peaceful and welcoming. He sort of missed it. Waking up early in the morning for mass not so much.

Wakaba poked her finger into a small bowl with water, signed the cross and kissed her fingers.

“Are you of faith?” he asked.

“I’m Catholic.” She smiled. “Do you mind?”

His breath stolen by a thief. “Why should I?”

“Good.” Eyes closed, a sigh escaped her lips. Shoulders lightened. She held out her arms to Goro inside the stroller. “Goro-chan, do you want to come with me?”

Goro flailed his arms. “Baaa! Mama!”

Shido sat in a pew while Wakaba carried Goro around the church. Her lips rested on Goro’s head, whispering gentle words to the baby who pointed, wide-eyed and eager to absorb the new environment. Everywhere the two went, Shido’s gaze followed, protective and in admiration. Goro for his natural curiosity to make sense of the world and Wakaba to guide him into that world with her tenderness and patience. Baby cooing and soothing lectures whispered along the stone walls, Wakaba’s airy steps echoed along.

Back leaned into the seat, a loss for words and a blanket of warmth spread over him. Thirst struck him. Shido drank the image before him. It was enough and insatiable. To see his son loved by another. To witness someone he felt a strong connection earn the trust and love by Goro. They were meant to be together. Here. At this church. United in the house of God, their purity and affection before the altar and cross. The priest laid his hands on Goro’s head, uttered a blessing before doing the same to Wakaba. Candlelight bounced against the faint shadows of their tranquil faces.

Heart pulsated deep in his body. Pain? Anxiety? Neither applied, rather an excitement for the future - a future involving Goro and Wakaba together. Shido craved to be a part of it. The seed of interest came to fruition and blossomed after a few months of cultivation. Happiness grew in his softening heart, still of stone yet developed pliancy since Goro’s birth. A malleability he once bore albeit lost years ago.

The aria he heard played in his head, transforming into a hum. He watched Wakaba circle the church with Goro a few more times until she approached Shido’s pew.

“You seemed relaxed,” she giggled.

Shido hadn’t noticed the silly smile plastered over his face. “How was he?”

“Like a curious cat.” Wakaba kissed Goro’s cheek. “He’s quite the scholar. Are you ready to head out?”

Shido nodded, taking the stroller while Wakaba and Goro walked ahead. His son babbled and pointed at the drifting sakura petals. Wakaba praised Goro and affirmed his observations. Open palm, Wakaba caught a petal on her hand and presented to Goro. He pinched the petal and showed it to his mama before attempting to eat it. She shrieked in surprise and amusement, Goro poking her nose in response. Wakaba twirling with Goro in the sunlight underneath the pink trees amplified what Shido affirmed back in the church.

Body in autopilot. Legs moved. Heart drummed. Vision tunneled. Breath stolen again.

Wakaba secured Goro into the stroller, a caress to the baby’s face as his reward. “Thank you for letting me bring Goro to the church, Masa-Masa.”

“I like you.”

Her back snapped straight, ears and cheeks blazed crimson. Did she hear that right?

“…”

“ _Kitten_.”

“…”

Shido held her hand. Wakaba neither flinched nor pulled away. He prayed it translated to reciprocation. Overwhelmed by an internal pressure, Shido blurted his confession. Did she see the mounting doubt and affection he carried? It wasn’t meant to bring her to the side of acceptance, rather the confession happened by accident. The feelings boiled inside and set itself free by the declaration of those three simple words.

“… I…” Wakaba’s eyes wandered to the church then back to Shido, teary yet resolute. “I like you too.”

He pressed his lips against her forehead, hands pulled close linked as one. The sound of his heart drowned his beeper’s ringing. None of it mattered except the woman who stood before him.

Wakaba closed her eyes. The heat of Shido’s lips enveloped her entire being, deep into her mind and soul. A wonderful memory was made today and something much more.

Desire overruled logic.

Perhaps it would be okay to accept him as she currently stood, baggage and all. She made a mental note to write another goal into her lion notebook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas cake - A phrase in Japan pertaining to single women over 25 years of age. Christmas cakes are unwanted after the 25th, hence the nickname. Allegedly a woman has "past her prime" when she turns 26.
> 
> That P5R screenshot with Wakaba made me go !!!!! I want to see her at her base personality! I'm so excited!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an amazing day, Shido remembers he received a page.  
> He recognized the number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaah sorry for the big delay. It's a shorter chapter, but I hope to update the next one even sooner. orz  
> Thank you for your comments and kudos! I appreciate you guys lots!

What a perfect way to end the day!

Wakaba was a blushing mess - simply adorable - and she accepted him! They were an item, a couple. Two people on their journey into something that would blossom into depth and true love.

True love? What an absurd concept to think about! A teenager thought about true love. But there he was, Masayoshi Shido, a man of thirty-five years dreaming about the next step in the relationship when it had been only a few hours prior when they decided to be official.

No words could describe his elation.

After he kissed her forehead, he wanted more. The temptation to seize her shoulders and kiss her right in the mouth grew more difficult the longer he stood in her presence. She must have sensed his unease when she said it would be best if they ended the day at the church.

Shido agreed, unsure if his giddiness would have led to awkwardness. Tomorrow would be work and he had to prepare himself physically and mentally before the following day.

He danced with his son at home. Goro laughed with him, encouraging his father to do more.

Goro in his arms, Shido looked at his beeper - it had sounded earlier as he confessed to Wakaba. He knew the number.

“Hiroki.”

A heavy sigh, Shido changed into comfortable clothing. The conversation would be heavy and probably last for hours if it went in the right direction.

“Making the first move… I guess I taught you well.”

Hiroki grew up side-by-side with Shido. Never in the shadow or in the limelight of their parents’ eyes. They were equal with attention and had their many talents. Shido networked; Hiroki built. Shido defended himself while Hiroki had avoidance tendencies. “Make peace, not war” would be Hiroki’s mantra, while Shido’s was “Make war pretending to be in the name of peace.”

Half the fights Shido got into as a student were due to people bullying his younger brother for having a foreign accent. To this day some of the American accent lingered at the tip of his tongue, years of practice and exposure to Japan finally ironed out a convincing native sound.

Any time Hiroki came home bruised or crying, Shido came to his rescue and beat up the people responsible. Girls were not exempt from Shido’s wrath. While only a single girl had met his fury, it was enough to learn how to make them cry without ever laying a hand on them.

He called the girl in question called ugly and out came the waterworks. His mother scolded him for telling her mean things, but Shido shrugged it off. If she didn’t want to be called names, then she shouldn’t have teased Hiroki. No one told her to make fun of his brother.

Hiroki hugged his brother then punched his arm afterward. He _liked_ the girl who mocked him.

“But she called you stupid.”

“But I like her, Yosh! She’s cute!”

“Weirdo.”

Children and their strange ways of showing affection.

“I hope you never have to deal with those strange girls, Goro.” Shido kissed Goro’s cheek. “They’re not worth the trouble. Anyone who pushes you should be pushed back.”

Goro blinked at his father and smiled. “Papa.”

Shido returned the smile. “You are such a good child. Nobody comes close to how good you are.” He carried his son into their room and allowed Goro to crawl all over him, phone in hand. “Did you have a good time with Wakaba?”

The baby bounced on the bed, excited. “Taaaa Mama.”

“I did too. We should do something like that again.”

Goro clapped his hands.

“That’s right…” Shido stroked his chin. “Your birthday is next month. We should invite her to your birthday.”

How did one throw a birthday party for a one-year-old?

A year.

One year since Goro’s birth. It felt almost like yesterday when he held his son for the first time. From that very moment, Shido felt aware of the world. A deep sleep woken, a spell broken. The puppet’s strings cut. Masayoshi Shido’s heart was freed from an unspeakable malignity.

He could be a father to the child he almost cast aside.

He could be a son and a brother to the family he rejected and cursed.

His mother said she forgave him for his behavior, but Shido wouldn’t forgive himself if he were in her shoes. All the ignored calls, the aggressive tone, the insults - words unable to be taken back.

“You were never around!” he told her a month after his SEBEC investigation. “Why should I return calls to an incompetent mother?"

“How dare you?!” she screamed in English, Japanese words unable to form in coherent sentences. “I was the only one with a job! You said you understood, Masayoshi! Why are you telling me this now?!”

Shido had no answer for her question. On the inside, his words repulsed him. Yet he continued to spew vitriol to his family for months. Every time he came close to apologizing and to beg for forgiveness, an invisible string tugged at his soul. Foreign words flowed from his mouth.

His father, mild mannered and kind, pleaded for his son to seek medical attention. The behavior was sudden, abnormal. Despite Shido's aggressive personality and delinquency during his school years, he never went so far as to rebuke his family with genuine animosity. It had been the first time he heard his father raise his voice when Shido came face-to-face with his mother. The shock of his father’s booming voice resonated inside Shido. Arms clenched, sweat dripping from his temple, Shido marched out of his parents’ home. Cries for his return fell on deaf ears.

“I don’t need people who hold me back. How aggravating.”

A small hand touched his cheek, distracting Shido from his thoughts.

Goro stared at his father, dewy-eyed and inquisitive.

Shido bit his inner cheek. His pensive state may have alarmed his son. Lips met his son’s forehead. Hostile memories faded, a taste of sweetness quelled the pervading bitter. “Truly… a remarkable child.”

The kiss was returned in saliva on his chin and an enthusiastic head bump to his chest. Goro snuggled against his father blabbing the same syllable over “Da da da da” and giggled.

“You are too much!” Shido held Goro over his head with a laugh. “You must have given Wakaba a hard time.”

Again. He mentioned her again! While he should have called Hiroki, Shido’s thoughts wandered back to Wakaba. The softness of her hands, the flush of her face, her never-ending smile! If he weren’t so uncertain, he would have kissed her lips and invite her to his home. Not for sex - well perhaps, maybe? No, not for that at all. He wanted to be in her presence and talk. Talk? Seemed a little too conflicted, his mind and heart fighting for the best course of action. New and overwhelming feelings coming at him from all sides, rendering his voice speechless.

Body on automatic, mind screaming, his heart drummed and drowned all noise except his son and the woman walking next to him. Wakaba stood quiet despite her radiant smile and allowed Shido to escort her to the station. The chaotic train station paused; the crowd parted as they approached the ticket vending machine. If she wanted to protest against Shido buying the ticket, he would never know. The increased pressure in his hand encouraged him to make the purchase and sit with her on a bench. Her head rested on his shoulder, hands still clasped. Silence: their conversation.

Nothing else mattered. The world belonged to the three of them until the train to Mikage-cho arrived.

“Maybe the next one,” Wakaba breathed, voice dry.

The next train arrived forty-five minutes later.

“Ah, it’s still early,” she declared. “The next one.”

“Let me change Goro-chan’s diaper in the restroom.”

“How about a fruit sandwich?”

“Ooh, I saw a place selling bubble tea.”

“The next one?”

No word of protest escaped Shido’s mouth.

Wakaba laughed awkwardly when she ran out of excuses and approached the train. Early afternoon neared evening. Shido smiled, swallowing back the sting in his throat, and kissed her head before begrudgingly letting her go.

Tomorrow was work, he told himself, legs moving along the platform in the direction of the train until it became a speck in the distance.

Shido sighed against his son’s temple.

Was this how Hiroki felt when he confessed to him his feelings for Yomiko? Hiroki shook uncontrollably, hands flailed about almost reminiscent of the Italian children they played with in America, heart pouring out his vulnerabilities for his older brother to witness. Surprised by his brother’s passion, Shido grabbed him by his shoulders and asked:

“What exactly are you saying?”

“I already told you! She’s my moon, the very fib-”

“In five words or less!”

“I love her.”

“Then go tell her.”

“Wh-what?! I can’t do that!”

“Then…” Shido shrugged. His critical expression transformed into a smug grin. “You don’t deserve her.”

Defiant eyes glared back at his brother. “Watch me!”

“You do that.”

“I will!”

Hiroki returned with the goofiest smirk and treated his brother to drinks the following day.

  


Shido grinned.  “He’s so easy to rile up.” His beeper stood untouched on his nightstand, and his phone between his legs. The smile disappeared. “Excuses,” he muttered.

Simply put, Shido stalled to make the call.

He picked up the beeper, unsure.

It had been far too long since he last spoke to him. Shido hoped it wasn’t too late to make amends. What he did - whatever it was, as his memory of the time blurred - made Hiroki mad. His brother used to forgive him for everything, even if Shido were in the wrong. That was how much he looked up to his older brother. And now? An afterthought. A pebble in Hiroki’s shoe.

It hurt knowing his brother didn’t want to speak to him, the pang in his chest at the thought of his younger brother reminded him of the injury. But the time was now to make the change. Shido dialed his brother’s home; hope and anxiety clashed with each ring.

“Hewwo?” answered a little girl’s voice. “Shido house.”

“Is this Megumi-chan?” asked Shido, a drop of sugar in his tone.

“Nooope! This is Hinata-tan! How do you know my sister, mister?”

“I’m your Uncle Masayoshi.”

“I have an uncle?! Mommy, it’s Uncle!” A sound of a fallen phone crashed into the receiver. A child’s oops was faintly heard. “Sorry. The phone fell. Here’s Mommy.”

“You’re so clumsy, Hinata. Hello?”

“Hello Yomiko.”

“Masayoshi?” Her voiced pulled away to tell her daughter to fetch her father. “Who broke first?”

“Hiroki.”

“Don’t mess this up, Masayoshi,” Yomiko sighed. “The _both_ of you.”

“I know,” replied Shido. Now or never, he had to speak with his brother. Not just for the two of them but for their children as well. Shido would hate to see Goro grow up without knowing his cousins.

“Yosh...?” Hiroki inquired carefully.

“It’s me, Hiroki.” Why was it so difficult to talk to the kid he grew up with? “I got your page.”

“Ah… Took you some time to answer it.”

“I was on a… Hiroki?”

“Yes, bro?”

“...”

“...”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Shido held his breath. Ears prickled and burned. Every breath against the receiver thundered, wet smacks and tongue clicked mixed with his roaring heart. A dirge of calamity and doubt. Seconds were years; minutes, eons.

Hiroki had supported him through thick and thin. No matter the insult or light jab, Hiroki bounced back with his jovial grin. No feelings hurt. Forgiven and forgotten.

Despite his temperament with his parents, harsh words and lashings, Hiroki defended him. Even when Shido told him to leave him alone, Hiroki continued to reach out to his brother and understand his sudden change. Shido expelled venom; the curses amplified the more Hiroki intervened.

In their childhood, Shido had been the one to protect Hiroki from those who tried or had harmed him in any way. He’d treat his brother to a cola or a snack from the conbini, mind racing to explain to his parents - namely his mother - why the two of them were roughened up. All the hard work, the bruises, and scars accumulated into Hiroki having no choice but to be his shield.

Invincible, Shido grew disdain for his brother’s sniveling behavior. The bright man became a fool for his developing royal court. He was the sycophant Shido could punch and never have to face the consequences. The perfect ally.

They were at a bar in Shinjuku when it all crumbled into pieces.

Disgusting, Shido once thought when his brother smiled at him in the attempt to get along. There was no need for such a lowly person in his life, but it felt good to know Shido could do no wrong in the eyes of his younger brother.

“Hinata is turning three this year and I wanted to invite you to her birthday party.”

“What?” Shido’s face twitched, lips curled. What business did he have going to a child’s party? He had more important things to do than to waste his precious time on an annoying brat. A weekend with an influential senator awaited him! Ear aching, he responded, “I don’t have time for such foolish things.”

Hiroki frowned. “Family’s not foolish, Yosh. You don’t have to be near the kids if you don’t want to, but…”

Shido’s hands clenched against the beer glass. A mild headache formed between his eyes. “Out with it.”

“Megumi really wanted to see you again. You’re her favorite uncle, you know.”

A chuckle escaped. How absurd! Did his brother think using his daughter against him would make him falter? Such a fool. He needed to be put in his place. **You think I care.** “You think I care?”

“Huh?”

**You think I give a damn about ‘family?** ’  
“You think I give a damn about ‘family?’”

“Yosh-”

Shido slammed the glass onto the counter. The itch in his ear increased its intensity. Invisible slime and hot breaths licked his inner ear. Fingers jabbed into his ear to remove the offending sensation. No matter how hard he scratched, it became worse.

**You mean** **_nothing_ ** **to me.  
** “You mean _nothing_ to me.”

“You’re drunk.”

**I’ve only had one drink. And frankly? I don’t give a fuck about your daughters. They are nothing but useless brats. Leeches of society.  
** “I’ve only had one drink. And frankly? I don’t give a fuck about your daughters. They are nothing but useless brats. Leeches of society.”

His fist pounded against the counter, knocking over a few glasses by the unhinged force.

**All you do is talk about how incredible they are, but they aren’t. They’re going to be spoiled children and contribute nothing to the world. I’m sick of hearing about them.  
** “All you do is talk about how incredible they are, but they aren’t. They are mediocre and they’re going to be spoiled children and contribute nothing to the world. I’m sick of hearing about them.”

Instead of a shrug, a sigh, or words of agreement, Shido’s face met with a fist. Bar patrons went silent.

“Fuck you.” Hiroki rubbed his right hand. “I don’t care what you say about me or even my wife, but you…” His shaking finger pointed at Shido. “You _animal_ . You do _NOT_ talk about my daughters like that. How _dare_ you?!”

Head spinning, vision twisted and churned blobs until his brother faced him from above. Shido was on the floor, legs entangled into the bar stool. He had not felt the fall nor heard the words he said to his brother, though the furious aura emitting from Hiroki above him said enough.

“You don’t deserve family, Masayoshi.”

Final words to the newly estranged Masayoshi Shido, reverberating through the years. Memories of his own words said, gone - almost as if they never existed in the first place. And yet those five little words were enough to compress into his heart and turned the petrifying heart into rock and steel.

  
  


“What you said to me those years ago…” Hiroki sighed. “...it hurt. It hurt so much that I lost it. I’m really sorry for punching you. And for ignoring you during Toshiko’s funeral… It was selfish of me.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“It’s not,” Hiroki grunted. “I should have swallowed my pride and said something to you. I didn’t even give a single word of condolence. I mean, hell, Yomiko was the one who said something! That was just shitty of me.”

“Funerals are stressful.”

“Yosh.” He paused. “She was the mother of my nephew: your own child. An infant! I didn’t even comfort the baby in your arms. What kind of father am I?”

“You’re a wonderful father,” Shido said simply. “I saw your eyes move to see Goro when he started crying. Any other man would ignore it. Unlike me, you have good paternal instincts. Like Dad.”

“Bro, I…” Hiroki cleared his throat. “Not a day… aah you know what? I think it’s better if we talk face to face. It’s been way too long.”

“I’d like that.” Shido kissed Goro’s head. “I want my son to know his cousins.”

“I want that too. Megumi still asks for you, you know?”

“Oh, does she now? Is she still saying Masaoji?”

Hiroki laughed. “Yeah, and she really wants to meet Goro. She loves babies- ah! Speaking of Goro, his birthday should be coming up soon, right? June?”

And he even remembered his son’s birthday month. _How could I have kept Hiroki away for so long?_

“June 2nd.”

“That’s super close. Why don’t you come to Amami City and celebrate it here with us? You can spend the night before heading back home.”

Shido arched an eyebrow. “You’d really offer your home for me and my son?”

“I want us to fix the rift. I do miss you, Yosh. And I want to get to know my nephew too. So… sounds good?”

“I like the idea. Oh, but…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Since we’ll be going to your place for Goro’s birthday, I was wondering…”

The words wanted to come out but refused. How was he going to word such a heavy question? Not because it made him nervous or cared about what Hiroki thought, but because… he really did not want to be teased.

“...I can’t tell where this is going, Yosh.”

“If I could bring someone along.”

A smack rumbled on Hiroki’s side. “Oooh… bring someone along, he says! This someone wouldn’t happen to be a woman, would she?”

“And? Do you expect me to remain a grieving widower for the rest of my life?”

The line remained silent until a small squeak interrupted the stillness. “Bro, you _need_ to invite her. Oh shit, I’m going to invite Mom!”

“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Shido snarled. The last thing he needed was his mother present to judge his taste in women. Again.

“And face her wrath when she finds out we reunited and had our cute kids together, in one place? Without _her_? I’m not that stupid, Yosh. Hell hath no fury like Mom scorned.”

“I won’t invite her then.”

“Mom’s getting invited regardless.” Hiroki clicked his tongue. “What’s her name?”

“Why does it matter?” Honestly, feud or no feud, Hiroki never changed. “She’s not going to the party.”

“Just want to know the name of the woman who charmed the pants off my caveman of a brother. She must be someone special for you to even consider her like that.”

“Sshi...kaba.”

“Come again?”

Shido grumbled under his breath, “Wakaba. Her name is Wakaba Isshiki.”

“Mama?” Goro squealed.

“Brooooo-”

“Goodnight Hiroki.”

Shido disconnected the call. Like hell was he letting Hiroki have the final word. Not again.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Masaoji - Kinda a play on words. Oji means uncle. Essentially Megumi is calling Shido "Masauncle."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally an official couple, Wakaba wants to lay down the ground rules only to find out Shido has been several steps ahead of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long, long wait!  
> This chapter is a bit long but what the heck right?  
> Thank you for sticking around for this long. I appreciate your readership.

As exciting as Golden Week had been, Wakaba planted her feet back to earth and continued to work as if nothing happened. The passion for her research helped keep her on track. No time to sneak peeks at Shido from afar or to flirt at the water cooler. Work was work, and it needed her undivided attention.

The moment Shido walked into the laboratory, Wakaba braced herself for the inevitable touches and attempts for kisses. Nope! Under no circumstances, no! She was a professional woman working in a professional environment. There would be no butt grabbing or lip smacking allowed. If Shido didn’t know how to respect her boundaries as a coworker then they had no future!

Well, perhaps no future was too harsh. By no means did Wakaba want to end a relationship that barely started. But if he came too close - idle hands and all - she’d slap him on the wrist and send him with his tail between his legs. That’ll show him to mess with her!

A kiss would be so nice though… They hadn’t kissed on the lips yet and as much as she would like to kiss Shido, her jumping the gun to start a relationship she herself wasn’t 100% sure if ready, prevented her from going further.

Doors opened, Shido arrived - _ignore him, ignore him_ \- sat and turned on his computer. He read emails and answered them according to urgency. From there he made a list of tasks he had to complete for the day and walked to Kimura’s desk to talk business.

_He’s pretending as if nothing happened. Good! Way to not make it awkward for me or any of us._

Shido exited with Kimura, off to do whatever he needed to do.

Wakaba stared at the door, eyes wide.

It was the last she saw of him that day.

No big deal.

Wakaba was able to get a lot of her work done without the distraction of Shido asking for a private moment or anything romantic of that nature. She was pleased to see professionalism in the workplace.

The following day came with the same results. Shido spent a long time on the phone and wrote information. He came up to her desk and handed her a file with background information regarding their current assignment.

Wakaba pulled out a blank form. “What’s this for?”

“Now that we’ve been approved for the visit, they’re going to want the information on the people involved for the interview. Please fill out the form and turn it in to me before three so I can fax them on time.”

“Yes sir, Masa-Masa.” She smiled. “Do we have a date for Ishigami-san?”

Shido nodded. “Next Tuesday. I’ve already sent the information to Shinjo. I’ll be keeping in touch with you and Kimura for updates or changes.”

His relaxed posture and professional expression caught her eye.

Fine. It’s fine. Nothing to worry about. Shido probably got the memo and knew better than to flirt with her at work in front of others. Her mind-reading brainwaves successfully transmitted themselves to Shido’s.

“Will you be working this Saturday?” asked Wakaba.

“I have it off. Yourself?”

“I’ll be here.” If he thought he could come in and pretend to make small talk and just demand for her to skip work to spend it with him, he had another thing coming! She’d calmly tell him how disrespectful he was being and the implications of his words had on her as a working woman. She didn’t need to be with him all the time after all! They were dating, not married, and even then married people had their alone time.

Such a clinger! She’d whip that man into shape!

“Sorry to hear that,” he said.

_Oh. Where was the sass?_

“But it’s your thing. Let me know if there’s anything you need.”

  
  


Saturday she fumed on her desk. Shido didn’t invite her home! She had his key and everything! Why didn’t he ask her to come over and hang out? Make dinner? Play with Goro? Anything!

Weekends were for couples! She may have worked that Saturday, but Sunday was her free day! She had no plans to do extra research at the park or at her home office. He could have done anything! He could have suggested whatever!

_Maybe should I have taken initiative? But I don’t want to seem clingy or desperate. I want to be a good girlfriend! I want this one to work! He should have invited me!_

Sunday would have been ideal. Perfect, in fact. Just the two of them, Goro in the bedroom taking a nap, and they’d talk or watch TV. Drink a delicious cup of tea and maybe her hand would “accidentally” touch his. One thing would lead to another and then… And _then_ he’d kiss her! On the lips!

And it would be incredible and like fireworks! Like in those movies except this was real. It would be _her_ reality with the man she truly cared for.

But he ruined it by not offering!

Damn him! Why was he playing hard to get?!

  
  
  


Monday morning went the same as usual. A cup of coffee filled with cream and sugar packets to the side were by her desk. Wakaba stirred the sugar, sipping for taste. Shido drank his coffee while checking his emails and wrote down his daily agenda.

The utter gall of that man.

Ando approached her desk. “Wakaba, they’re requesting your presence today in the core lab.”

Shido’s eyes met with hers. So _now_ he’s going to be missing her? Too bad for him to have such bad luck. The coffee was a nice touch but she would not allow him to become inappropriate with her at work.

Her email alert pinged. An email from Shido.

[Would you like to have lunch with me later?]

_I suppose I should forgive him for being so despicable._

[Sure! I’ll let you know when I’m free?]

Shido smiled at the message. [Sounds good.]

She poked her head out from the side of her monitor and glimpsed his rare sentimental smile. Her heart melted and her soul ascended to the heavens. _How dare he!? Doesn’t he know how… adorable he is? It’s not fair!_

  
  
  


The trip to the core lab gave Wakaba the creeps. Underground aside, the interior oozed with hospital-like sterility. Be it the cleaning agent they used or the wires and chairs with straps and probes, it never failed to put Wakaba on edge. The last time she went there on an assignment, shrieks echoed down the artificially lit halls. Nary a person in sight. Just her and her clipboard walking down the corridor in clacking heels with various locked doors along its walls.

“Isshiki-kun,” an older scientist greeted. “We have some good news with our research.”

“Oh? Were we able to have the User accept the Persona?”

“Well, not yet, but we’re getting closer to creating an artificial Persona user. We just need more resources and volunteers for the experiment.”

“So what am I needed for today?”

“You remember Edogawa, right?”

“Yes. He works for Kirijo now. He was transferred after the SEBEC overhaul a few years ago. What about him?”

“Our division is also looking into transplanting human nerves into bipedal robots. Sort of the Nanjo Group’s version of a human yet with special abilities. Since Nanjo has deep ties with Kirijo, there has been an equal allocation of research between the two-”

“Are you saying that Kirijo is also making robots?”

The scientist grinned. “As sharp as ever, Isshiki-kun! I swear you should’ve been in the applied sciences group, not the cognitive division.”

“I’m happy where I am, thank you.” She bowed with a smile.

“Anyway I’d like to share with you the fruit of Kirijo’s labor.” He handed Wakaba a green file. “I don’t think I need to reiterate how important it is that you do not share this piece of information outside these walls…”

“None needed.”

Opening the file, Wakaba’s eyes widened at the notes. Pictures of a robot with long white hair and red eyes in the shape of a young teenage girl caught her attention. Unit #031, the prime candidate to become the fifth generation Anti-Shadow Suppression Weapon. She showed the most progress in acquiring a personality through Kirijo’s rigorous artificial personality program, and their use of a substance referred to as the “Plume of Dusk.” The report did not go on to mention what the plumes were, however, it correlated the robot’s rapid developed personality with its large size as it was the first to contain a larger quantity of plumes compared to the older models.

“She’s… beautiful,” she sighed. Artificial as she may have been, she held the beauty of a real girl. But why were they giving her this information so freely? She had nothing to do with the applied sciences or the engineering departments. How did her cognitive pscience pertain to-

Oh!

Simply said, an artificial personality was... still a personality? How would an artificial human perceive the world and herself? One had to have a sense of self in order to develop cognition. Perhaps he wanted her to study Unit #031 and see how she grew and matured into a passable human. Maybe even-

_Wait… why would they want a robot to develop a human personality? Anti-Shadow suppression, huh? Are they- No, they could possibly attempt to do what I think they are doing!_

Wakaba flipped through the pages until she encountered several with blacked out lines and paragraphs. “What’s this about?”

“Information you are not privy to.”

“Come now,” she pouted. “You can tell me.”

“I’m afraid I cannot and it unfortunately goes far beyond my clearance. Take what you can get, Isshiki-kun.”

“I guess…” Hard asses. Though it didn’t deter her. She had her ways of making people talk, and if they didn’t, she trusted herself to find a way.

The Nanjo Group attempted to figure out how to create artificial Persona users, though they were human, not machines. If a robot could use a Persona, what other things would it be capable of? Could artificial intelligences technically overpower humans and thus cause an all out rebellion against their masters?

It would be just like her Eliminator movies, except instead of a robot from the future, it happened now.

To entrust her with this information though…

It had been the same back in SEBEC. Takahisa Kandori specifically hired her for her brilliant mind. Though she lacked the experience most places would have required for her to work in their prestigious company, Kandori personally viewed her résumé and was impressed by her thesis. He hired her on the spot and allowed her to use whatever she needed to gain as much knowledge to create an important device that would not only benefit SEBEC, but the entire world. The DEVA machine was to revolutionized everything experts knew about the human mind.

All the resources and free reign was a luxury most researchers and scientists couldn’t afford, but not Wakaba! Her and her peers could and would do whatever they wanted as long as they produced results. Her division figured out the idea of a mind falling into a profound distortion, going to far as to reach into the deepest recesses of their unconsciousness, and create a new world of the person’s own: a palace.

“Don’t let this privilege cloud your mind, Isshiki,” Setsuko Sonomura, a lead SEBEC engineer once said.

“With all due respect,” Wakaba snided, “it’s people like you who hold science back. What we’re achieving is the discovery of the century! Doesn’t that excite you?”

Setsuko shook her head, sighing. “I get it. Really, I do. You’re young and you’ve accomplished a lot in this sort of workfield. I know the struggle: I’m a female engineer and a single mother to boot. It’s wonderful that Kandori-san doesn’t see gender, only merit, but you can’t be entirely absorbed in this. There is more to life than just work.”

“I thought someone like you would understand,” she frowned. How could she not understand what was being accomplished?

“I _do_ understand. Whether you choose to believe me is your problem, not mine. Just… just be careful Isshiki. There are a lot of things going on here that don’t sit well with me. I’m only doing it because I need to support my daughter in the hospital.”

“Well, that’s just you because everything that we’re working on will change the world forever! And I will get to be a part of it! You as well!”

“Think about it this way…” She paused, biting her lips and cracking her thumb. “Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”

Naturally, Wakaba ignored her words and proceeded to continue her research in SEBEC. Everything was fine. Kandori praised the team, gave her credit when due, and all was going as planned. Well, until things stopped going smoothly and Kandori took over the project entirely. With the flip of a switch, Mikage-cho became engulfed in a protective bubble. Into the mind of a sick girl. A paradise world where the need for police stations and hospitals were unnecessary. Where the sick girl could become her ideal self. Her palace. The palace of Setsuko Sonomura’s daughter: Maki.

And Wakaba supported Kandori’s decision to test the DEVA machine without the approval of the lead engineers. She gave him her full endorsement, as did others.

She paid the price.

People died and many were injured. Dr. Nikolai being among the casualties. When the ordeal ended, all that was left were the memories of those who were deeply involved in the incident. The general populace forgot about the SEBEC incident as did the entire nation and the world.

The blood of those people were on her as much as they were on Kandori.

Setsuko warned her. She warned her about those lofty goals devoid of humanity, and Wakaba did not listen.

Her words echoed in her mind as she viewed the palace’s invisible walls shimmer on the safe side. She said yes to Kandori, and she left for a split second - for lunch! It was just lunch! Lunch at some stupid new shop she wanted to try. She could have returned to work when she saw the long line, but no! She insisted to try the hip and trendy Indian food! If she hadn’t… if she had only gone back sooner, she could have been there to help Setsuko and stop their boss from nearly destroying Mikage-cho.

Why did she have to listen to him?

_Not again though._

Nanjo Group acquiring her and the other scientists would bring her back to the path of redemption. She learned from her mistakes and now she could move past Kandori’s darkness and strive for a better future.

Though…

Wakaba couldn’t help but get the feeling the sounds coming from the experimental labs were not human.

  
  
  


“Hey, Masa-Masa?”

“Hm?” Shido bit into his kare pan.

“We’re going to meet Chizuru Ishigami tomorrow, right? Took a long time for that to happen, huh?”

He grunted. “You have no idea how any of this works. Golden Week alone set us back. We’re quite fortunate we were able to get it tomorrow despite the mishaps and the long vacation.”

She giggled. “Don’t be so grumpy.”

“When you have a man like Shinjo on your ass, any good mood gets sucked up. It’s mentally exhausting. Sometimes physically.”

“Curious…” she wondered aloud. “You know now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Shinjo-san.”

Shido grimaced. “You worked here for how long and you still haven’t met him?”

“Well he’s not in charge of my division, and he was gone for almost an entire year for business related stuff. It’s kinda funny.” She giggled into her cup ramen.

“What is?”

“Just a silly theory of mine. It’s all rumors at this point.”

“Aren’t you the one with the rumor hypothesis?” He poked her arm. “Enthrall me.”

“Well around the time Shinjo arrived from his trip, that Ishigami lady started getting really popular.”

“That’s…”

“What if they’re related somehow? Like Shinjo going across the world in search of a rare item and he took a fortune teller with him! I mean, Ishigami herself said she spent the past year in a grand tour around the world to ‘regain spiritual energy.’ Doesn’t that seem suspicious to you? Even slightly?”

“This is apples and oranges.”

Wakaba pouted. “I told you it’s silly! But you wanted it anyway!” The jerk! He loved to frustrate her all the time! A dumb theory, but he insisted. Why was she dating a man who gets off to that?

_I sure know how to pick them!_

A warm hand grasped hers. She jumped slightly. Goosebumps covered her arms by its intensity and suddenness.

“I know it was going to be odd.” He squeezed it gently. “But I wanted to hear it. I find it comforting to hear what you have to say.”

Why, why, why, why!? Why did he have to go and say that?! Her ears must have caught flame and burned the rest of her hair into cinders from that daring comment! Too bold! Shido was too bold for his own good! What kind of man just goes up and say that to a woman? Only him!

“Cat got your tongue, Kitten?”

“N-no!” There he went with that pet name, literally. During her spare time, she looked up various words he said to her on the phone. Most were unfruitful due to Wakaba forgetting the word said, or the spelling being different in the dictionary. Yet that word. That one word. She found it and threw the dictionary across her room and hid her face into a pillow until she almost couldn’t breathe. “You just… aah, you can’t just go and say those kind of things!”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s cheating!”

“How is that cheating?”

She pouted. “You’re telling me these things when you actually think the opposite.”

“You can’t speak for me.”

“Well I am. Right now. So get used to it, Masa-Masa!”

“We’ll see about that.” His face grew serious. “I do think you may have some merit with your rumor theory. I don’t entirely believe it - so don’t get your hopes up - but I think if what I think will happen occurs, then… I don’t know.”

“What are you saying exactly, Masa-Masa?”

“This investigation… I can’t shake the feeling that it has something to do with the rumors of Ogata’s death coming into effect before Golden Week. To the point of the police getting involved over a month later? It really bothers me.”

“Well…” She placed her hand over his and returned her support with a tender squeeze. “Whatever the reason why two scientists and a government worker have with talking to a fortune teller, we’ll find out. Nothing is kept in the darkness for too long.”

“I hope not.”

  
  
  


When tomorrow arrived, Wakaba struggled to keep the disappointment at bay. After her lunch with Shido, he held her hand once more and left to his office. Not a word of goodbye or a “I’ll see you later.” Just some cheesy note he scribbled on a post-it note and placed it on her computer screen. Such brashness. She would have said goodbye to him back had he said anything! Instead he put that note on her monitor in such a passive aggressive matter. She typed furiously, yes, and her mind focused on her work, yes, but less than two seconds she could have afforded Shido the privilege of her saying farewell!

She huffed on the way to Kimura’s car and sat in the passenger’s seat. Shido didn’t deserve to sit up front. That was reserved for the owner of the vehicle and compassionate people who didn’t shy away and play games with others.

At Sumaru TV, Shido walked ahead and spoke to the receptionist. Which, of course, he would. He took his job seriously, didn’t he? And he sure loved to be sure the I’s were dotted and the T’s were crossed too. Liked to show off how responsible he could be despite no longer being in the presence of any supervisors. Certainly Wakaba was not his higher up, and neither was Kimura. Why the formality?

“We have to wait for Ishigami’s manager to escort us to the studio,” he said, sitting next to Wakaba.

He had to be doing this on purpose!

“My wife likes this show,” said Kimura. “She says Ishigami’s Wang Long fortune telling is very accurate.”

“Chinese?” asked Shido.

“It’s based on the Twelve Dragon Kings of Taoist and Chinese mythology,” replied Wakaba. “I bought a book about it during Golden Week. It doesn’t seem any different than a horoscope.”

Shido rolled his eyes. “Horoscopes are such a waste of time. Nothing but the Forer effect acting on the insecurities and ego of the gullible.”

“Killjoy.” Wakaba stuck out her tongue. He didn’t need to know she looked up her Wang Long fortune and read all its attributes. And he most certainly should never be privy to her researching the compatibility with the other dragons. Good that she didn’t know Shido’s birth month! It would have made their date awkward had she known.

_You don’t need a fortune to tell you who you feel romantically connected to either way!_

She nudged Shido’s side with her elbow. “The _Barnum_ effect is an easier term to recognize anyway.”

“Same thing.” He nudged her back.

Kimura smiled. “You two are… kinda cute, you know?”

Shido straightened. Wakaba froze.

“Don’t say unnecessary things, Kimura,” he sneered.

  
  


The manager escorted them to the studio and sat them in the audience. After the show, he would return to bring them backstage and interview Ishigami.

Wakaba had never been to a TV station, let alone a live TV show before. It was interesting to see how there were people in the foreground to cue the audiences’ reactions as well as the prompter lights. Then there were the other members such as bodyguards, cameramen, microphone, and lighting. The prop expert prepared the set, while the makeup artist and stylist worked on Chizuru Ishigami’s final details before going live.

The lights dimmed. The audience’s voices simmered into a silence within the muted darkness. Spotlight and soft hues of colored light accentuated the set and Chizuru. Kimura bent over his seat, eyes fixed on the fortune teller. Shido sat straight, hand on his chin and vision to Chizuru. Slumped shoulders, Wakaba deflated into her chair. She had no reason to feel like this, yet she did. Hesitant eyes gazed at the set, head and heart heavy, and listened to Ishigami’s introduction.

The show involved three segments. One covering the history of various fortune telling techniques and how they worked. The second part dedicated itself to live phone calls for advice and fortunes. The final part involved the live audience, and three lucky people would get their fortunes read similar to the live calls. A simple show really. It ranked up millions of views, the show airing as far as Sapporo and Fukuoka. It surprised Wakaba when she heard an Okinawan accent in one of the calls.

Such a popular show for something not from Tokyo!

Then again, Kimura said the fortunes were accurate. The book she read only covered a basic understanding of the art. Chizuru Ishigami allegedly studied the Wang Long fortune telling technique for years, claiming to go as far as China to research and perfect her craft. But how does one take a horoscope and turn it into an actual fortune? Despite her silly self-research for compatibility, Wakaba, too, suspected it was the Barnum effect as Shido stated. The vagueness, breadth, and the overall positivity involved in the fortunes allowed for others to believe them unconditionally. A few negative aspects were sprinkled here and there, such as “being critical of oneself” or “feeling like no one understands,” but those sort of things applied to everyone, didn’t they?

_Critical, huh?_

Perhaps her thoughts were too critical over Shido as of late. She didn’t want to speak to him about private matters, yet craved it. It killed her to ignore his glances - professional or not - and interpret them as him trying to make a move on her at work. Him not inviting her over for the weekend sent her into a spiral of ugly sobs and moping.

He had to have his reasons for it. Shido would not be so cruel to ignore her the moment they became official. Yet those doubts and fears seeped into her mind, crawling chaotically deeper and deeper. Memories of unpleasant relationships were evoked the more she thought of his impending rejection. Her ears hurt.

Less than one week of dating, and the paranoia began to set in. He hadn’t even kissed her on the lips yet! All her previous relationships, fleeting and the one time serious, led to immediate kissing, but with Shido there was nothing!

And…

And…

And…!

And that was good.

Uncertain she came into the relationship, the hesitation thick on her mind, not ready to take the next step with Shido, and she took the plunge regardless of the consequences when he confessed to her. She couldn’t sleep when she arrived home after their Children’s Day date, shaking uncontrollably with happiness and a touch of fear.

“Take your time,” he once said to her during an intimate moment.

Despite her caution, he really was allowing her to take her time in their official status.

Wakaba’s body shivered. The studio’s atmosphere blew icy air, and by all the bad luck in the world, she sat under a vent. Shido removed his blazer and wrapped it around her shoulders. His body heat lingered on the cloth, radiating its comforting warmth onto her freezing body. She sighed happily, putting on the blazer and hugged her body. Shido’s fingers wandered onto her side and held her hand. His cold face remained fixated on the set; his warm thumb stroked her palm in circles. A bit of pressure to her muscles, then a gentle brush up her fingers to her wrist then back to her palm. He repeated the motion several times, a grave mistake as Wakaba could not focus on the show and only on Shido’s touches.

After the show, Ishigami’s manager took them backstage and brought them tea. It didn’t take long before they were taken to a private room. Chizuru sat on a cushioned seat, a coffee table in front of her with various clairvoyant tools - tarot cards, bones, incense, crystals - were displayed.

“Welcome.” She gestured for her guests to sit. “I am Chizuru Ishigami. To whom has requested audience with me?”

Shido cleared his throat. “The cognitive research department of the Nanjo Group. My name is Masayoshi Shido, and as a government employee, I am foreseeing their project. This is Wakaba Isshiki and Daigo Kimura. They are the scientists.”

Chizuru’s dark eyes flickered with excitement. “My manager told me this would be interesting… I’ve been interviewed by many media outlets before, but this is the first time a legitimate scientific source has come to ask me questions. I am merely a fortune teller, after all.” She smiled. “But I am more than happy to comply.”

“Can you tell us more about your fortune telling?” asked Kimura. “My wife is a big fan of yours, by the way.”

“Thank you, Kimura-san. And yes, I can. The Wang Long fortune telling is thousands of years old. Essentially one’s life can be improved or made worse depending on the governing dragon of your birth month. Someone like me can go beyond the typical horoscope and view if a certain decision is feasible, and sometimes predict things.”

“And this is all according to the dragons?” asked Wakaba. At the corner of her eye, she could see Shido’s eyebrows furrowed, lips chewed and the bobbing of his Adam’s apple as he stopped himself from speaking.

“Yes. Let me give you an example.” She looked at Shido. “Please state your birth month.”

“No,” he monotoned.

_Tell her! Please tell her, Masa-Masa! I wanna know your birthday!_

“Ah, well, how about yourself, sir?”

“January,” answered Kimura.

“The yellow dragon. It protects balance, and is responsible and patient. Your wife?”

“May.”

“The gold dragon. It protects the world, and is realistic and reasonable.”

Shido’s breath hitched when Chizuru said “realistic.” Wakaba bumped his arm.

Chizuru’s line of sight shifted to Wakaba. “In the matters of love, the two of you are very compatible.” Her gaze then returned to Kimura. “I imagine you both are quite thrifty, though your wife doesn’t mind a few luxuries like going out to eat at nicer restaurants when the bank is full, or buying new clothes when the old has worn out.”

“Yes, yes! That’s exactly her!” Kimura laughed, slapping his hand against his knee.

Shido’s head turned ever so subtly, looking at Kimura in disappointment.

“You put up with a lot, but that’s your strength.”

“Exactly! Can you tell me more?”

Chizuru smiled wistfully, nodding her head to the side. “I’m afraid that will have to cost you, Kimura-san. Though I do advise you to be wary of the color green and dialing the wrong number.”

Wakaba stiffened. What in the world did she mean by that?

“That’s interesting.” Kimura wrote down on his notebook. “Mind if I step out for a second, Ishigami-san?”

Chizuru nodded. “It’s fine.”

“Shido-san?”

“How gauche.” Shido scowled. “You need to get your life together. Go.”

Kimura excused himself before he left. The room grew silent, a telltale sign of a failed interview. Shido seemed adamant he was not to speak, possibly out of disinterest or because the cognition aspect belonged to the scientists and not him. Regardless, Wakaba wanted to pinch Shido’s face for his childish behavior and placing her in an awkward situation. After the day was over, she was going to give him such a mouthful!

“And you, miss? What is your birth month?”

“February.”

A soft hum vibrated against Shido’s throat.

Chizuru’s raised her eyebrows for a moment. “You are the blue dragon. It prefers reform, and is intellectual and calm. Fitting for a scientist, though I imagine there may be varying degrees of calmness.”

Wakaba tapped her chin. “I mean you could say that about me, but you can also say that about anyone, no?”

“It is a general trait people wish to be, yes.”

“Well for me, it feels kinda scummy to say those things to people and say they are truths. The more broad, the more people tend to believe it- !”

Chizuru held out her arm. “Are you well, Isshiki-san?”

“The more people believe in a concept or a person, the more it can become a part of someone’s cognition...”

“Don’t mind her,” said Shido. “She got an epiphany.”

“Pardon?” asked Chizuru.

“She’s fine.”

“If many believe,” Wakaba whispered, “then it exists and becomes so in the minds of those people…”

“Hmm, are you certain you don’t want to tell me your dragon?”

“I’m sure.”

“Don’t mind me saying, but the blue dragon happens to have two notable compatibilities: the navy blue and red dragon.”

“And why are you telling me this when she’s just rambling about?”

“I thought it would interest you considering that blazer is too big to be hers.”

“Therefore a TV show-” Wakaba’s eyes widened and pulled at the lapels of the blazer. The temperature the room escalated into hellish levels. “Huh?”

“She was cold.”

“Compatibility doesn’t have to be romantic, Shido-san.” Chizuru smirked. “What is your birth month?”

“None of your business.”

“Masa-”

“I don’t need a charlatan to tell me how I feel.”

“Passionate and confident. A red dragon no doubt.”

Wakaba and Kimura continued the interview after his return. Wakaba writing notes and concepts on her notebook while Shido wrote his own and Kimura used a tape recorder.

Chizuru stared in the background between them, eyes staring at one and yet not at the same time. “Beware of yourself, namely the darkness that looms deep within. If I were you I’d listen to your dreams. They are a window to inside the soul and even the future.”

“Generic,” disagreed Shido. He opened the door for Wakaba, shielding her with his arm to lead her to the exit.

When the two exited the room, Chizuru sighed and massaged her temples. “Treasuring a person too much will be your downfall… the both of you.”

  
  
  


“Hey Masa-Masa?”

“Yes?”

“Since we’re done and still haven’t had lunch, how about we go somewhere to eat? Where did you get that sushi from last time? It was really tasty.”

“Sushi?” Kimura’s face lit up. “You know a good place, Shido-san?”

“There’s a place in Rengedai’s Lotus Plaza called Gatten Sushi. The chef has a good hand.”

Wakaba wiggled in her seat. “Let’s go, go, go!”

How exciting was it to go on another lunch date with Shido? Okay, sure, Kimura was there, but the guy hardly paid attention to anything social. The smells, clothes, and the lively shopkeepers and crowd enhanced the experience.

A foreign shopkeeper with blond hair organized his wares and called out to the trio. Kimura ignored him, and Wakaba waved her hand to pass on his offer. And it would have been that until she heard Shido speaking English to the younger man.

Kimura whistled. “Wow, Shido-san’s English is amazing.”

“It really is.”

“I’m going to look at the shops. I’ll meet you at the Gatten Sushi in twenty minutes?”

“Sounds good, Kimura.”

Shido eyed Wakaba and waved his hand. He mouthed, “Go,” nodding to her.

“You sure?”

He nodded again, turning his attention to the shopkeeper.

What nerve! Kimura leaving to do his own thing was the perfect opportunity to be alone, and now he’s telling her to go? So rude!

They were supposed to get closer with this experience. Hold hands while they enjoyed their delicious sushi lunch. Head leaning against shoulders in a private bench, or go as far as to kiss? A real kiss?

At least she was in a mall to calm her nerves. Retail therapy always managed to make her feel better.

“You seem tense.”

Wakaba startled and whipped her head to the shop behind her.

_Time Castle?_

“Why don’t you come into my shop and rest your weary mind? I have all sorts of antiques.”

“I’m sorry.” She bowed. “But I must get going-”

The man with the monocle chuckled. “Going where? Far from that man I see outside? You’re contradicting yourself.”

“In which way?” she challenged. That man spoke too familiarly for his own good.

“Your heart says yes to him and yet here you are making a mess of things, and you know it. Humans never change. You are but helpless creatures bound to their stereotypic feelings and act out the same way every time. No matter what you decide: you will never change the future.”

What was with this man?

“You’re wrong. Humans have the gift of free will, and so long as I have that, I can do anything.”

“You should come into my shop. He’ll be there for a while.”

“No thank you.” Her chest rose, swung her body, and walked away. She did not need to entertain this rude person. He knew nothing about her and said cruel things so freely. If she thought Shido had been incorrigible in the past week, this weird cosplaying shopkeeper was worse!

And no. Shido had not been mean or vulgar with her. He lent her his jacket and held her hand in the studio. Nothing wrong with discretion. Maybe she hoped for too much too soon, and maybe it was for the best they were taking their newfound relationship slow.

That weirdo knew nothing about her or her feelings for Shido.

“Do you really think he likes you?”

A better person would have walked away. They would have ignored the vicious words and left it alone. Perhaps eat some chocolate as means to lick their wounds and move on. Wakaba was not one of those people.

“Masa-Masa _adores_ me.”

_You dumb bastard._

In her rage, she found herself wandering into an empty part of the mall. A soft piano played through the speakers. No, not speakers. Though there was a piano somewhere. Live music?

The shopkeeper’s words were wiped clean from her mind. A welcome sensation from the bitterness and anger festering inside her soul.

Where did this incredible music come from?

A presence stood beside her. Without looking she knew it to be Shido’s. Their hands intertwined automatically, each receiving a reassuring squeeze from the other.

“Are you okay?” he asked, staring at a brick wall. Was he seeing something she couldn’t?

“I am.” She leaned her head against his arm. “What were you saying to the shopkeeper?”

“I was asking about his products and where he was from.” His body shifted towards Wakaba. “Tony’s a foreign exchange student trying to make money on the side. I wished him luck on his studies, and that was all.”

“I’m inclined to not believe you,” she joked.

He stroked her hand. “You can believe what you want to. Let’s eat.”

  
  
  


“Wakaba, let me borrow your phone,” Shido sighed in the backseat of Kimura’s car after their meal, pulling out his pager.

“Sure thing.”

After his phone call, Shido rubbed between his eyes. “This is going to sound a bit odd, if not unethical for our line of work.”

Wakaba and Kimura tilted their heads in interest.

“But I need you to drive to Tokyo to pick up my son.”

“Wait, what happened?” asked Wakaba. “Is Goro-chan sick?”

“No, he’s fine. The daycare’s air conditioning went down. They’ll have it fixed by tomorrow but I do need to pick him up as soon as possible. I won’t let him stay there for longer than he needs to. Not with these rising temperatures.”

“No problem!” said Kimura. “Do you want to drive since you know the way?”

“If you’re not afraid of me breaking the speed limit, then yes; yes I do want to drive.”

Wakaba giggled. “You’re a devil on the road.”

“Only when I need to,” he said, buckling up in the driver’s seat.

The drive to the daycare was uneventful. No major traffic jams or crazy construction. Wakaba wanted to ask Shido about Chizuru and his gripe with fortune telling, however Kimura was present. Not that the conversation was private, but it was private. He didn’t seem impressed about Chizuru’s alleged abilities, stuck in his ways of practicality and the matters of the human mind. Much like herself, though she liked fortune telling just to see what surprising things a person would tell them.

All things considered, the trip proved to be valuable for her research into cognition and rumors. If someone as influential as Chizuru could sway the masses into believing things, and witnessing first-hand how many people placed their faith into her words, then - by God - the field trip was a success!

Damn Kimura for being there, though. She would have asked Shido more intimate questions about their relationship. The words Chizuru spoke over compatibility repeated in her head. A bunch of hogwash! But… still nice to dream and pretend, right?

Navy blue and red dragon? She had the book tucked safely in her bag, but she’d have to confirm it as soon as Shido weren’t looking. He’d probably scold her or roll his eyes over her interest.

Whatever!

They arrived at the daycare in record time. Shido stepped out of the car, leaving the air conditioning on. Kimura switched to the front.

Antsy legs bounced. Hands grasped her knees in anticipation for Shido’s return.

“You seem… uh, excited?”

“Masa-Masa’s son is so cute, Kimura. I just want to - hngh - squeeze him so tight!” An idea popped in her head. Without opening the passenger’s door, Wakaba crawled into the backseat and jumped in place.

Shido was greeted by a hopping Wakaba, arms stretched out and signaled to take Goro. “What are you doing?”

“I'm here to comfort your baby.”

Instead of dishing a scathing remark or a snappy retort, Shido complied and allowed her to hold his son, much to the delight of Wakaba and the baby. The boy bounced as enthusiastically as she had and nuzzled into Wakaba's arms.

“I missed you, sweetie.”

Goro cuddled closer. “Cookie...”

“Cookie?”

Shido buckled up. “He learned a new word and hasn’t stopped saying it.”

“Aww cute!”

“It’s not cute when that’s all he wants to say.”

“Gotta agree with Shido there, Wakaba,” said Kimura. “My kids used to do the same thing at little Goro’s age and it got old fast.”

“You two are just a bunch of sourpusses.” She showered Goro’s head with kisses and received a large kiss on the cheek in return for her abundant love. “So cute…”

Goro remained in Wakaba’s arms during the ride, falling fast asleep, hands clasped onto her blouse and mouth slightly ajar. Shido placed a small towel under Goro’s mouth and stroked his head.

Small moments like these brought out old thoughts. Ideas that were long since decided. As a child, Wakaba found babies cute. As she got older, she realized that’s as far as it went. College solidified it when one of her dates rambled on about having children. When she asked about a babysitter, he made a confused face and asked, “Babysitter? Why would we ever need one?”

“Because I’d be working?”

“Why would you want to work? A woman is supposed to stay at home when she has children. A cute woman like you shouldn’t want to work.”

Wakaba splashed him with red wine and walked off. The look on his face was priceless.

Even if she didn’t want to have children of her own, she’d be content if she could be a part of Goro’s life.

And Shido’s too.

  
  
  


“Is that your _baby_ , Shido-san!?” a woman cooed.

Shido rocked his son in the lobby, smiling. He was surrounded by women of various age groups admiring Goro.

Wakaba fumed in the doorway. Sparks of lightning at her fingertips and a dangerous aura emitted from her body. How dare they ambush Shido like that? No, not Shido! He didn’t matter, no he didn’t. They were stressing poor Goro out and that’s what bothered her the most!

Certainly not Shido.

“He’s so cute!”

“How old is he?”  
  
“Wow, Shido-san, you look so domestic! I didn’t know you were such a good papa.”

Each woman got zapped by her imaginary lightning powers. _Pew, pew! Go away!_

He humored the women and smiled with them. Whenever one came too close to Goro, his body instinctively moved away from her touch in a way that appeared natural. A short bow, he excused himself and walked towards an infuriated Wakaba.

“I’ll be leaving in a few. Is there anything you need before I go?”

Goro’s cute face soothed her ire. She held Goro’s hands and swung them back and forth. “I’m good.”

He smiled. “I’ll finish my report tomorrow. You and Kimura should finish yours today so I can turn it into Shinjo tomorrow afternoon.”

“Roger that~” Her eyes were glued to Goro’s.

“Cookie!”

“Good boy!”

“Wakaba.”

“Hmm?” As long as she didn’t look at his stupid face, she wouldn’t seethe. He should be able to read her mind by now. Her body language was obvious enough. Maybe his mouth? No, not his mouth. His mouth brandished that smug casanova smile. Never mind the fact the arrogance had faded the moment he spoke to her. Never mind that it transformed into something less plastic and more tender, genuine. The memory of his warm lips on her forehead felt like it happened a second ago.

Never mind any of that.

If she gazed into his eyes, Wakaba was unsure if she could contain herself.

“If there is something bothering you, you should-”

“Why is there a kid here?” asked Sojiro, entering the lobby.

“I have to get going.” Shido frowned. “Say goodbye, Goro.”

“Cookie!”

Sojiro waited until Shido left the office. “What was that all about? He shouldn’t be bringing his kid here of all places. It’s distracting people from their work.”

“Oh Sojiro, you’re no fun!” exclaimed a female coworker. “He only brought him here for a teeny tiny minute. Right, Isshiki?”

Wakaba nodded.

“Just looking at his baby makes me want another one!”

Sojiro blinked. “What?”

“This is woman talk, Sojiro! You wouldn’t understand how a cutie like Shido-san’s son could stir a lady. There’s just something so attractive about seeing a father holding their child.”

“You’re talking nonsense!” Sojiro huffed.

“You wouldn’t know because you’re old and unmarried!”

“Hey now,” warned Wakaba. “It’s not his fault he hasn’t found the right woman.”

“If ever.”

“Don’t be rude, Tsuji.”

“He’s the one being negative over nothing, Isshiki. It’s not like Shido brought his kid beyond the lobby.” She shrugged. “Whatever. I don’t need to be barraged by some jealous old man.”

“I’m not jealous!”

“Sure, sure.” Tsuji walked back to the office with the other workers. Giggles and whispers echoed down the hall, words of delight and lust thick in their voices.

“Are you okay, Sojiro?”

“I’m fine, Wakaba.” He smiled. “It takes more than a brat like Tsuji to get me down. So how was the interview at Sumaru TV?”

“It went well. Very well actually. I think this will prove valuable to our goal.”

“I don’t know how you could have come to that conclusion by talking to a fortune teller, but that’s amazing work. You really have a knack for all this sciency stuff.”

“Thank you, Sojiro! Well, I do have to head back. I have to make sure my report is ready for Masa-Masa tomorrow.”

“Again with that ‘Masa-Masa’,” he mumbled.

“He’s fine with it! Really he is!” More than just fine, he also gave her a nickname too. One he gave to her when he talked so _dirty_ on the phone. His voice was wanton, heated, predatory. He repeated that “burido” word over and over like his life depended on it. Aside from kitten, it was the one word she desired to know, yet knew better than to ask Shido directly. Her face felt hot. The unbearable heat from her core reminded her she still had Shido’s blazer on.

“Ah, but, I-I do need to go!” Wakaba pulled out her cell and called Shido’s pager. After the prompt, she dialed “82” and pressed pound to send.

Sojiro sighed as a blissful Wakaba disappeared into the distance. “It’s not about that…”

  
  


“I want to kiss him,” she said to herself in bed. The lion notebook sat on her lap, pen in hand. “That can’t be a bad goal. It’s natural for a couple to kiss. I mean, I know I’m outspoken in some things, but this is a bit too much? Maybe? Ah, what the hell. I should put it in my goals. It’ll be easy to achieve!”

[Kiss Masa-Masa]

“Norihito was a mistake. But this time it’ll be different.” Her knees bent close to her body and wrapped her arms around them. “I’m not just doing it because everyone else is doing it.”

Curiosity had always been a virtue and a folly for her. In her attempt to understand physical relationships, Wakaba began to date a man from the math department on her final year of university. All the women she knew bragged how they were experienced with love and sex. They mocked the “virginal types” and oftened asked why Wakaba had not acquired a boyfriend yet.

She ignored them for the most part, although a part of her hated their prying. It was none of their business she hadn’t found someone she was willing to be steady with. Of all the dates she had, only one managed to get into the second date. And he wasn’t even the one she officially went out with.

And she became Norihito’s girlfriend for the sake of it. Simply to know what it was like to be physically intimate with another person.

But it was not for her. Not then, not ever.

A terrible kisser, and a selfish bed partner.

“It’s going to be different because this time I get to have a say! Oh, actually that’s an idea… If you will it and believe it, you can change your own cognition.” She wrote down notes in her lion notebook. Dedicated for goals, yes, however sometimes her thoughts were best placed in whatever immediate sheet of paper laid about. She knew her scatterbrained self too well to pause and search for another notebook. “Please God, let me be happy with Masa-Masa and his son.”

That night Wakaba dreamt she was on Earth, but it wasn’t the planet Earth she knew. Everything was inherently the same. Same streets, same sky, same life. And yet it was different. As she walked along a dark corridor, she saw Shido standing in the distance, a spotlight hovering over him.

Her lips were on his. The passion she felt for him in her world persisted in this one as well. He reciprocated the sincere feelings to her with a bright colorful aura tinged in specks of darkness. A metallic taste on her tongue. Shido’s eyes were wide and hurt, blood flowing from his mouth. His heart had been stabbed with a knife Wakaba held. Shido fell over into a black abyss, the dark speckles overtaking the light around him. An incredible rage.

Wakaba screamed out to Shido, but found no voice only a swollen womb. When she turned back to where Shido had fallen, a little girl cried out to her.

Wakaba vomited black and came face to face with a moving vehicle.

  
  
  


The following morning, Wakaba had little chance to speak to Shido as he rushed into the office, heavy bags under his eyes and a large cup of coffee at hand. He performed his usual morning rituals and sped off to work on his report.

Shido walked up to Kimura. “Where is your report?”

“I’m proofreading it right now before I turn it in.”

He leered. “You had better turn it in within the next hour or it’ll be you who has to speak to Shinjo.”

“Y-yes sir.”

Wakaba swallowed.

Shido approached her table next. The aggressive posture melted into his usual business tone. “I’ll be meeting with Shinjo this afternoon. Please let Ando know I won’t be available after lunch.”

“Got it.”

“Also…”

“Yes?”

Reddening ears, he pulled out his pager and showed her the message she sent last night. Instead of an “82” as she had sent, the numbers were replaced with a heart ❤.

“Please do your best,” he mumbled with averted eyes and returned to his desk.

Stay professional.

Stay professional.

Her heart struck against her chest, ready to leap out of her throat the moment she opened her mouth.

Stay professional.

“I’ll do my best, Masa-Masa!” she yelled from her desk, adding vigorous arm waving at his direction. His tomato-red ears were so cute.

  
  
  


The following days Shido had been pulled to examine the SEBEC files, while Wakaba had to attend other planned field trips for her study with Ando. Ever busy was their work, and ever too busy in their daily lives to set time aside for quality bonding.

She had expected more unprofessional behavior from Shido though it never came. Not to her disappointment, but to her disappointment. Was it childish of her to want her boyfriend to do more with her? He was supposed to be this big suave, handsome, rascallion of a man and what? He’s into his work that much?

 

Shido looked quite pleased with himself after speaking to someone on the phone. He gathered his papers. “According to the reports,” he started.

_Hey, kiss me._

“...there seems to be a high correlation between…”

_Kiss me!_

“...therefore I believe your team needs to proceed with caution should you…”

_Why aren’t you kissing me!?_

“Wakaba.”

 _Get with the smooching already._ “I didn’t put on lipstick on because I wanted to look nice.”

“What are you talking about?”

 _I said that out loud, holy shit I said that out loud._ “Cognition.”

Shido frowned, annoyed. The slight twitch on the left corner of his lip indicated something else. “Let’s take a break. Wakaba, I need to speak with you regarding your performance.”

Wakaba gulped. Okay, perhaps she went about this the wrong way.

“Follow me.”

A distant blood curdling scream broke any tension in the room. Shido sprinted into the hallway, a few scientists and Wakaba followed.

When Wakaba arrived at the scene, Shido writhed on the floor, clutching his stomach through gritted teeth. The victims groaned, cursing, striking the floor or wall to bear with the excruciating pain. Anyone who approached them were hit with a wave of pain. Wakaba ran over to Shido despite this.

“Masa-Masa!”

He slammed his fist against the floor. “Why did you get close!?”

A sharp pain ran throughout her body. It felt like hundreds of knives stabbed and ran along her body, leaving trails of open flesh and blood in its tracks. She doubled over Shido’s body, tears unable to be contained. Whimpers escaped, but she would not apologize for going to his side.

Shido’s hand stroked her head; hesitant and awkward circles in attempts to soothe.

And it worked.

The pain went away. It went away for everyone.

Wakaba pulled herself off Shido’s body, breath ragged, sweat dripping down her face. Shido remained on the floor trying to catch his breath and rebuild his composure. She crawled beside his head and carefully laid it on her lap, brushing away the sweaty hair with her hands.

Shido sighed. Her cool hands felt good against his flushed skin. “You’re brash.”

She smiled. “You’re the one who ran first.”

“Are you okay?”

“Mmhm. You?”

“Maybe one more minute. I’m enjoying the view.” He winked.

Wakaba covered his eyes with her hand. “You’re so bad!”

Removing her hand from his face, he looked at her with serious eyes. “I do need to speak with you in private though.”

“Is it… bad?”

He sat up to properly face her. “No. It’ll only take a few minutes. Do you know of a private area?”

“I have an office?”

Shido’s face fell. “What? What do you mean you have an office?”

Wakaba shrugged. “What I said? I just don’t use it that often since I can work with noise in the background. It’s no big deal.”

“Must be nice,” he said under his breath.

“Shall we go?”

  
  
  


Wakaba’s office was small, but functional. A well-sized desk with a comfy leather chair, filing cabinets and a computer with three monitors. An extra chair was placed on the other side of her desk for any guests, though hardly any visited knowing of Wakaba’s habit for being too engrossed in her own world, typing away and ignoring everyone around her. Eventually it became the “temporary” home for loose papers and books.

Her heart raced. This was the first time she showed Shido her office. Secluded from the lab, this made for the perfect getaway spot for _private_ dealings. “So what did you need to say? Is it about my performance?”

“No, I said that so no one thought there was something going on between us. At least more than the usual.”

“Huh?”

Shido glowered. “I want to remain professional at work. I have a reputation to maintain and long-term goals that would be ruined over something like overt flirting, or touching in public.”

Was that it!?

“Are you serious!?”

“Come again?”

“Is that all you wanted to tell me!? I’ve been going nuts for the past two weeks and it turns out you’re not touching my butt because of how you’d look at work!?”

“I don’t…” His face resembled a lost, confused child’s. “You want me to touch your ass at work?”

“No!”

“What do you want then?”

“I’m simply flabbergasted with you right now!”

Shido massaged his temples. “This isn’t how I envisioned this conversation. Wakaba, are you sure you’re well after that attack?” He grabbed her hand. “I can take you to see a doctor.”

“Aaah um, no I’m fine.” She covered her face with her hands, no doubt red as a cherry. An earthquake would be great right now. “I’m so sorry, Masa-Masa. I can understand if you never want to speak to me again.”

“I’m not sure what’s happening.” He pressed her against his chest, confused but willing to fix whatever was going through her mind. “But I wanted to tell you something about Goro.”

She nodded, still covering her face with her hands.

“Goro got accepted to a daycare in the Rengedai ward. It’s sort of an elevator school where he’ll be able to go to an excellent elementary school, same with middle school, and practically guaranteed to go to Seven Sisters High School as long as he passes his entry exam.”

She peeked through her hands and looked up to see Shido. “Really? Sevens is one of the top schools in the Greater Tokyo Area. That would be so good for Goro!”

“And, well, I also added you to the emergency contact list. So if you ever needed to pick up Goro from daycare, you don’t need any special permission forms.”

“Oh my God, really!? Really really?”

“Really really. If you’re fine with it-”

“Of course I’m fine with it!” She squeezed Shido tight. “I’m just so… happy that you trust me with Goro-chan like this, and, ah, so soon.”

“I’d hardly say it’s soon.” Fond eyes staring back at elated. “You’ve been a part of Goro’s life since I came to Sumaru. And, erm, ah…”

The color in his cheeks shifted into pink, his ears red. Wakaba wanted to pinch those cheeks and stretch them out. He was cute when he didn’t want to be.

“Yes?”

“Speaking of which…” Obvious he hadn’t done such a thing before, not with this level of candor and romantic feelings. “Goro’s birthday is coming soon-”

“When, when!?”

“June 2nd, and well-”

“That’s so soon! I need to plan something special for-”

“Stop interrupting!”

Wakaba stuck out her tongue. “Such a grumpy papa.”

“Regardless.” His skin flushed into deeper pinks. “I wanted to invite you to a small get-together for Goro. We’ll be going to Amami City at my brother’s place and celebrate his birthday there.”

Invite her? To Goro’s birthday? At his _brother’s_ home!?

“If you’re interested, please ask for the time off.”

_I’m going to need to pack!_

“Wakaba?”

_And find a cute present for baby boy!_

“Wakaba?” He waved his hand over her face. “Hello?”

_I’m going to have to pull double shifts to get my work done sooner. I don’t want to go to Amami and have all these worries about my research. That would be the best getaway place to even… Ah! Keep your mind out of the gutter, Wakaba!_

Shido sighed. “There she goes again.” All he needed was her confirmation, not her jumping into different thoughts at a million miles an hour. He pinched her nose.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“Yes or no, Wakaba?”

“Yes!” She hopped repeatedly, holding both of Shido’s hands. Immature, but who cared? Not her! Pulling Shido’s head close, she showered his face with a flurry of kisses, smooching everywhere but his lips. Nothing could take this moment of pure happiness away! “Yes, yes, yes! I’m so happy!” She pulled away, giddy as a schoolgirl. “I have to ask my boss right now!”

Running out of her office, it wasn’t until she knocked on her boss’ door did she realize she left Shido alone.

“Oops.”

  
  
  
  


Shido balanced his bank account while Goro sat on his lap and colored on a blank sheet of paper. Goro attending the new daycare would save him enough to do more things, but for now, keeping the new money in his savings sufficed. They days of calling companies for an extension for his bills were gone - at least he hoped, but no more of those troublesome thoughts. More time to work, more time to go to the gym and return home in a better time? On top of that he got a beautiful girlfriend with the wit to catch up to his? It’s more than he could ask for.

Reaching for his phone, Shido briefly fought against Goro’s prying hands for the device until he offered him his calculator instead. Goro held the calculator against his ear and babbled an entire imaginary conversation to Shido’s surprise and amusement.

“You’re a silly child.” He kissed Goro’s head and laughed when Goro swatted his hand away as he had a very important phone call to attend.

Shido dialed a number and waited. He hadn’t meant to be seemingly cold to Wakaba. After all, he didn’t lie when he said acting out at work would affect his career opportunities. The last thing he needed was a visit to HR to stain his immaculate profile with a sexual harassment complaint. But there were more pending issues he had to deal with before spending a Sunday with Wakaba, and until they were resolved, he’d unfortunately have to put off a few luxuries.

He looked at the note he took from Wakaba’s desk and then the silver butterfly bracelet he bought from Tony. It would be worth it.

“José? Esse favor eu pedi de você... onde você está com sua investigação?”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few important cultural notes.  
> -The use of -kun is not exclusive to males. Sometimes in a higher learning or academic setting, specially among some older generation males, women are referred to as "kun."
> 
> -The Wang Long fortune telling is from Persona 2. The months, dragon colors, personality, and some compatibility info is from the Wang Long fortune fanatic. Navy Blue is June and Red is August. 
> 
> -The goroawase 82 can be interpreted in two ways: Ha-ni (honey) or ha-tsu (heart). In Japan, some pagers had the ability to make the heart icon and was immensely popular among the beeper users. 
> 
> -If anyone is fluent in Brazilian Portuguese find any errors in my final line, please let me know in the comments and I will fix it! "That favor I asked you... where are you with your investigation?"
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shido, Wakaba, and Goro make their way to Amami City for Goro's birthday and visit Shido's family.  
> The trio and Shido's nieces go to the zoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again all of you again for your support and readership.  
> I appreciate you all!

Packing everything for a short weekend trip should have been easy. In theory. Considering how much happened in between Wakaba’s freakout at work and the time it took for their mini-vacation for Goro’s birthday, it was nothing short of torture.

Wakaba and Ando were gone for two weeks for some important study they had to conduct outside the science labs. Shido didn’t mind as the sort of thing was expected in their line of work, but it didn’t mean he liked it. It was nice to see Wakaba type away in her computer first thing in the morning, and down the coffee he brought to her. But it wasn’t the case. His daily routine had been ruined, and now realized her frustration from before.

Though, he thought to himself, Shido liked how he was able to see her at the parking lot when he left to pick up Goro in his new daycare. She sent him many goroawase notes to his pager and called him when she got out of work. His mouth ached by how long and wide he held his smile.

A wonderful feeling.

He wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss her until they were sick of one another - if it were even possible.

Ah, but he was not one to consider their slow relationship a defeat. Wakaba had been the only person he dated while working in the same department. It had its perks, though many more negatives as he took his job seriously. If reputation didn’t matter, he’d have taken her right in front of the other Nanjo scientists.

Either way, he had plans to make their experience perfect.

Perfect? What an odd concept. What could he possibly do to make it perfect? He was a sexual man who loved to fool around with women for as long as he could remember. But with Wakaba, no one else mattered except her. He thought about things he saw in the movies or heard from other people on what made women happy, but brushed them aside as they were useless. The women in the movies followed formulas and scripts. And the girlfriends and wives of his friends were not Wakaba, therefore not as special. Wakaba seemed happy enough to be invited to Goro’s birthday celebration, but that was one small thing. Small trinkets, surprise meals, a few thoughtful actions went a long way, and she appreciated every single one of them.

Easy enough for Shido to do, yet it just seemed much easier to initiate a sexual encounter when they were both single and hot for one another. Now they were together and hot for one another and he loathed how he had not kissed her yet.

How embarrassing.

In her excitement, Wakaba kissed Shido all over; her lipstick stained various parts of his face, faded kisses when her lipstick ran out. He wanted to grab her arm and give her a real kiss, but she wiggled and giggled in her adrenaline-filled frenzy and ran off, leaving him with a burning face and in awe.

Wakaba was one-of-a-kind and he craved to see what other whimsical things she’d come up with.

He researched a nice hotel where he could spend a night or two with her and only her. He’d ask his brother to watch Goro so he could charm the metaphorical and literal pants off Wakaba. They’d be alone. Everything quiet, calm, and romantic. No need for music or alcohol, only their budding feelings and their growing lust for one another. One kiss would lead to another, clothes peeled off one by one. Soft curious touches and gentle nips.

Shido shook the erotic thoughts from his head. Wakaba would be at his home any minute now. He planned to pick her up from her own home, but she had insisted less time would be lost if she went to Tokyo. Not wrong, though that wasn’t Shido’s point. In the end she won the argument - more like Shido let her have her way as it was easier than hearing her entire thesis paper why her method made more sense economically and ergonomically - but whatever, she “won.”

He mailed a small package to her home in revenge. Hopefully it would arrive on the day after their return to Tokyo. She’d get what she deserved for her absurdity.

Goro looked at his papa who gathered their clothes and various objects. Shido carried Goro over his head, eliciting giggles from his son. Goro cried out with kicked feet, eager to grab hold of father’s face. He kissed Goro’s hands, so small yet larger than they were a month ago. Sighing, he held Goro close and kissed his palms once more. His baby turned one two days ago. A year from that day Goro was born and brought something inexplicably special in Shido’s darkened life.

He didn’t go to see Toshiko give birth in the hospital; he went out of obligation and it was only after Goro had been born. After all, work needed him and Toshiko had her family and the medical staff at her disposal should anything go awry. Once he finished his shift - too early for his liking - Shido drove to the hospital and entered his wife’s room.

She looked exhausted, though the fond smile on her face meant she hadn’t minded. When Shido met Goro for the first time, in his arms swaddled in a blanket, protected by the harsh sterile coldness of the hospital and the world around him, everything changed. Work ceased to be solely for Shido and his future: work was for Goro and his health and happiness. The infant cooed as Shido held him close, touching his delicate skin in wonder, and refused to let anyone be it nurse, Toshiko’s family, and even Toshiko herself take him away. Goro was _his_ son. No one knew better than himself how to handle his own child.

Bundled up and tiny to a rambunctious and rapidly-growing toddler. Shido kissed Goro’s forehead. “I’m never going to give you away. Never ever.”

“Papa!” Goro babbled words to his father, some sensical others not.

“Happy birthday, my boy.” Playful knocks alerted Shido. “Oh, I think I know who that is. Do you, Pillow?”

Goro shrieked in glee. “Mama!”

“I’m home!” she sung when Shido opened the door. She wore a button-down lavender dress and a white hat. “Why hello there, baby! Did you miss me after your birthday phone call?”

Goro yelled and thrashed in Shido’s arms. “Mama! Mamaaa!”

“Okay, okay!” Shido handed Goro to Wakaba. “You didn’t have too much trouble did you?”

Wakaba pouted. “You’re supposed to say, ‘Welcome home’ Masa-Masa.”

“Am I now?”

“Yes. I have a key after all.”

“Yesh!” Goro repeated.

“A key you made a copy of without me knowing.”

Shoulders shimmied. “Of course.”

“Welcome home, Wakaba.” He smiled fondly. Goro and Wakaba looked amazing together; they were meant to be. “Let me help you load that.”

Once their belongings were secured, baby and his supplies checked and double checked, they were on their way to Amami City to celebrate Goro’s birthday with Shido’s family.

Hiroki said he planned to tell his mother about the special guest. Not that Shido hated the idea, but he merely wanted a calm evening without his mother poking and prodding into things that were not her concern. The last thing he needed was for her to judge Wakaba harshly as she had with Toshiko prior. While he shielded Toshiko from his mother’s sharp words - his mother never held back her punches - he didn’t always correct or defend Toshiko whenever she had something to say. He lamented it to an extent yet he did agree, but never ever admit out loud, that he should have taken Goro and raised him without Toshiko from the beginning. Shido got his wish, however not in a way he would have liked. No matter what he thought or felt for his former wife, she did not deserve to perish so young and under such dire circumstances.

Well, either way, if his mother had anything negative to say about Wakaba, Shido would put his foot down and tell her to do something more constructive. If he had to, he’d resort to getting his father involved to quell her fiery attitude. No one was going to insult the woman he lo- liked. Liked. He liked Wakaba. A lot.

“This is so exciting,” bubbled Wakaba. What were they going to do to celebrate Goro’s birthday? The possibilities were endless! Good thing she brought her picnic basket and loaded it with lots of tasty foods, because there was no way she’d go on a weekend trip without treating Goro to a wonderful picnic. “Where are we going first?”

“First, we go to my brother’s home. From there we’ll go to the zoo with Goro and my nieces.”

“You have nieces!?”

“I do.”

“Why didn’t you tell me!? How old are they!? Will I get to meet them!?”

“Because it wasn’t necessary, seven and four, and of course you’re going to meet them. Goro’s also going to be meeting them for the first time.”

“We’re so lucky today, Goro-chan!” Wakaba turned to honk Goro’s feet. The sun hat he wore highlighted his chubby face. Uncontainable cuteness!

Goro giggled at his mama’s touch and yawned.

“Sleepy already?”

“Car rides make him sleepy,” said Shido, his eyes looking at the rear view mirror to see his son’s big yawn. “A little nap will be fine anyway. I don’t want him to start getting cranky at the zoo.”

“True, true.” She nodded. “What’s after the zoo?”

“Dinner with my family.”

“When you say family…”

“My immediate family.” Hands clenched the steering wheel. “My brother invited my parents, so they’ll be there.”

A deep breath inspired. Better to prepare her over the shock of the entire family being present now than never. More than anything, it was mainly for himself. Wakaba meeting his family would be a first for him. In the past, his relationships were shallow and fleeting, never warranting an introduction to his family, except perhaps Hiroki when they hung out. Toshiko met his family after he married her in court and it didn’t feel the least bit awkward to him. But with Wakaba? Any moment his windshield would be splattered with the myriad of stomach-butterflies he’d have thrown up.

“Y-your parents?” she squeaked. Meeting his parents? So soon!? “Ah, um, it’s a bit…”

“It was my brother’s idea,” he sighed. “I can punch him you want.”

“N-no! That’s unnecessary, Masa-Masa!” She bit the side of her thumb, unable to look at Shido. “I’m a bit nervous, I guess?”

“I can understand that.” His hand grasped the one she had bitten. “But let’s not worry about them. We’re all here for Goro and his birthday.”

“You’re right.” Allowing her hand to be taken, warm lips pressed against its top. Shivers ran down her body and a heat spread across her chest and loins. “Masa-Masa, about us-”

“There’s also something else.” Though he could not take his eyes from the road, he held her hand on his chin. “This trip isn’t only for Goro.”

Wakaba swallowed. “Is that so?”

“I reserved us a hotel room.” He shifted his eyes for a split second then back to the road. “Just you and me.”

“And the baby?”

“Goro will stay with my brother. Just for one night and-”

A delicate kiss to Shido’s temple. Soft lips lingered into another deep kiss.

“I’d like that,” she whispered next to his ear. Hot breath blew into the stray locks of hair and reddening flesh. “Masa-Masa…”

She made it difficult to drive, but he refused to give into temptation. Not here. Not when he had precious cargo under his care. He’d never forgive himself if anything happened to Goro or Wakaba. His knuckles turned white. “Yes?”

“I want to…” The temperature in her face reached solar levels. Turning her head away to the window, Wakaba recanted with an “A-ah, it’s nothing!”

“You sure it’s nothing?”

“Absolutely!”

“If you manage to remember…”

“I’ll let you know!”

No, she would not let him know.

  
  
  


Shido was greeted by his sister-in-law, Yomiko, at the door. She rolled her eyes at him with a fond smile.

“Long time no see, Masayoshi.” Her gentle hand met with Goro’s head. “He’s grown so much.”

“He has.”

Yomiko glanced at the woman beside Shido. Beauty aside, the first thing she noticed were her big gaudy glasses. Not one to judge, though this new woman seemed to express her personality loud and clear with her choice of lenses. Shido rarely went for the weird ones, if ever. Looks were important, but the quickest way to disgust her brother-in-law was an unassuming personality. For him to show up with a woman at his brother’s house to celebrate his child’s birthday, she must have been something special to him.

“This is Wakaba Isshiki,” said Shido. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Goro pointed at Wakaba. “Mama!”

Wakaba tensed, eyes wide. “Ah, that is to say, I’m not his mama, he just calls me that because the nurse thought I was his mother and said ‘Oh is this your mama?’ and then he started calling me that. But - but really, I didn’t give birth to…”

Yomiko laughed. “It’s okay; relax. Hiroki told me all about the mama thing.”

“O-oh, I s-see!” Wakaba forced out a laugh. “Funny isn’t it? For him to think I’m his mama, haha.” Her eyes shifted anywhere except to Yomiko, who probably thought she was the dumbest, most awkward person she had ever met. Worse, she most likely embarrassed Shido in front of his family member. How awful!

Shido placed his hand on Wakaba’s shoulder, the twitch in her muscle did not go unnoticed. “Wakaba-”

“I need to go to the restroom!” She zoomed past the doorway, throwing her shoes into the genkan and wandered into the Shido household.

“Mommy, there’s a lady in the house!” yelled out a little girl’s voice.

She locked herself in the restroom, mortified.

 _I did it again! I embarrassed Masa-Masa, and it’s all my fault! Why did I freak out like that? And of course now he won’t forgive me for behaving like that. I mean, I can’t help it. I’ve_ never _been introduced to anyone’s family before!_

They weren’t going to get married. Preposterous! This was a small get-together to celebrate Goro’s first birthday! She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It was normal to feel overwhelmed with the trip. There was nothing wrong with her nervousness, but she had to swallow her previous anxieties and face Shido’s family forward.

Remember, she told herself, Shido’s family are not going to be like her own. She had an older brother who spent his time gambling instead of finding a stable job or a family. Nothing wrong with not settling down, of course. Yet the idea of him spending his money - and hers as well - on pachinko disgusted her. He said rude things whenever she refused to give him money, then she’d relent and give him part of her hard-earned paycheck as long as it were for food and bills.

But they never were, and she still loaned him the money as if one day he would knock on her door and bestow her a thick envelope with all the money he owed.

Shido’s brother had children and a lovely wife. That in of itself made him different from Youji.

She pulled out a key from her purse and rubbed it between her fingers. During Golden Week, Wakaba went to the hardware store to copy her house key. Not ready to jump into a relationship, she made it “just in case” she needed someone else to have access to her home. She hadn’t expected to get confessed at on Children’s Day, no less say yes to Shido. A spur of the moment, yes, but accepting him right then and there felt right. Yet over a month later, Wakaba still held the key.

Why hadn’t she given it to Shido yet?

A knock interrupted her thoughts.

“Are you okay?” asked Shido.

Wakaba hugged her knees. “No…”

“Are you ready to come out?”

“Not yet…”

“You’re going to have to anyway. Hinata needs the restroom.”

“I need to poop!” she exclaimed.

“Oh… I guess my time is up.” Putting the key back in her purse, she opened the door, flushed and ashamed. The little girl rushed into the restroom. “Sorry.”

Shido led her out. “She’s going to need some privacy.”

“No peeking!” the child trilled and closed the door.

“Come on, the tea’s going to get cold.”

Shido took Wakaba into living area. Goro stood beside the couch with a serious-faced girl next to him. She had a high ponytail with pink ribbons and a large bow, and wore a red tartan pleated skirt and a white blouse. Despite her sober expression, she smiled and sang gentle songs to Goro and kissed his head. He returned the kiss and babbled back to his cousin, swinging their arms in a playful dance.

“She’s beautiful, Masa-Masa.”

The little girl took note of the two adults in the room and held Goro’s hand as she walked up to them. “Hello Masaoji.”

Wakaba quivered. She called him Masaoji! What a precious child!

Shido smiled. It had been years since he had last seen Megumi. A quiet child, the two bonded over silent moments when everyone else talked. He gave her books and crayons, and took her on walks when the room grew too loud. They didn’t say much to one another, yet their presence and support spoke volumes.

Kneeling, he patted her head. “Have you been a good girl, Megumi-chan?”

Megumi nodded. “Yes, sir. I missed you, Masaoji.”

“I missed you too. You’ve gotten so big and pretty.”

Swinging her body, Megumi looked away to hide her blushing face. “Th-thank you Masaoji!” She peered up to see Wakaba, then beckoned for her uncle to come closer.

He complied, leaning his head towards his niece. Goro copied.

She whispered into his ear. “Is she your wife?”

Shido grinned at her question. How bold of her to ask! But he didn’t mind. It was natural for a child to question the status of a stranger, and Megumi being so young deduced Wakaba must have been a wife or mother figure. He eyed Wakaba to see if she heard. By her quirked eyebrow and pale face, she must have not heard Megumi’s question.

His hand covered his mouth and Megumi’s ear. “She’s someone very special to me.”

Her eyes sparkled. “Special?”

More than special, he wanted to say. His heart soared whenever she looked his way with those beautiful, expressive eyes. Long lashes fluttered and waved at him at work. The way she wiggled about and puffed up her chest when she had a sassy comeback. She spoke her mind and didn’t apologize for it - but if she were wrong, she sulked and pouted, face pink and apologetic for her actions. A remarkable and intelligent woman who kept Shido on his toes.

Wakaba was precious.

Shido nodded, his eyes meeting with Wakaba’s and heart sent to heaven.

Hands on her hips, Wakaba narrowed her eyes at the two. “What are you talking about?”

“Baby!” cried the youngest daughter. She ran into the living room, arms wide open and tightly hugged her baby cousin. She twirled Goro with all the strength she could muster. “He’s so cute!”

Goro whined and tried to push the girl aside to no avail. He found reprieve when Wakaba stepped in and gently loosened the younger’s grip on Goro. His hands grasped Wakaba’s arms and cuddled against his mama’s chest. All his life he had been among adults and babies his age. Having a child smother him was completely new and overwhelming.

“Hinata, no!” scolded Megumi. “Goro-chan is a baby. You have to be gentle!”

“But I love him, Megu-nee!” She pouted and stamped her foot. “I wanna hold the baby!”

Unlike Megumi’s calm exterior, Hinata was energetic and unhinged. Tiny pigtails and random colorful hair clips - ones she clearly placed all by herself - adorned her head. She wore a similar blouse as her sister except her tartan skirt was green and blue. Overall an adorable girl though too rough with her affections for Goro.

“Hinata, you’re being rude,” said her mother. “Greet your uncle and auntie.”

“I’m not-” stuttered Wakaba.

“Hello Uncle and Auntie!” She spun and curtsied. “I’m Hinata Shido. I love your baby! I wanna give Goro lots of kisses and head pats!”

“Only if you’re gentle,” said Shido. He patted her head and sat her on the couch. “Sit here and I’ll get your cousin.”

“I’ll be vewy careful!”

Goro clung onto Wakaba and hid his face in the crook of her neck. “Mamaaa…”

“I think you should be heading for the zoo,” said Yomiko. “The earlier you get there, the better.”

“You’re not coming?” asked Shido.

“I’ve got a lotta things to do for the evening. Besides, you owe it to your brother to take the girls out. Let them get to know you, Masayoshi.” She gave him a knowing look. “It’s been years.”

No need for the reminder. Shido knew he had plenty of catching up to do. First the girls, then his brother would be next.

  
  
  


Shido held Megumi and Hinata’s hands, while Wakaba pushed Goro in his stroller into the zoo. They were greeted by a giant elephant statue and a large map after crossing the entrance. Shido picked up the pamphlet and read it with Wakaba. Despite it being a Friday, people and their children crowded the zoo. Wagons and limousine-sized strollers littered and jammed the entrance like highway traffic. What was so special about today that caused everyone in Amami to go to the zoo? It should have been a calm outing, not a locust swarm.

Every time. Every single time there was some sort of mob scene. Why did they suffer that misfortune with their outings?

“I hate crowds,” Shido grumbled to himself. At least they seemed to hurry out once they took a pamphlet.

“Looks like they have a petting zoo,” pointed Wakaba. “That would be fun.”

“That’s a good id- Hinata, no!”

Hinata stood a few feet away with her skirt pulled down and ready to throw it away into the nearest trash can.

Shido carried his niece to shield her from any lurking perverts. He knew four-year-olds were a handful, but not this much! “What are you doing, young lady?”

“I _hate_ this skirt, Uncle!”

“It looks…” No, it didn’t look nice. Overly starched and boring, the skirt had the typical pattern his brother must have forced upon his daughters. Since her parents weren’t here, Hinata figured she could get away with trashing it. “It looks fine, Hinata.”

“Hinata, don’t trouble Masaoji!”

“But it’s ugly and scratchy and I want it off _now_!”

“How about we do this?” Shido turned his head until he found what he needed. “We can stop at the gift shop and buy you a big shirt, and you can wear it as a dress?” Children looked cute in oversized shirts, right? She’d grow into it anyway.

Hinata’s eyes sparkled, hands clasped over her chest. “Ooohh, I want a great big shirt with a warthog on it!”

Wakaba giggled. “Is that your favorite animal, Hinata-chan?”

“Yes, I love them! They are so big and silly!”

“Very good.” She patted Hinata’s head. “I’m sure we’ll find one for you.”

At the gift shop, Shido bought his niece a shirt long enough to function as a dress. Hinata pouted because there were no warthog shirts, but accepted the red panda shirt. She twirled around with her new shirt, excited she no longer had to wear the stuffy skirt her daddy made her wear. Big smooches and cheek pinches were given freely to an unwilling Goro, strapped into his stroller.

“No!” Goro squealed.

Wakaba pulled Hinata back. “You have to be gentle with the baby, Hinata-chan.”

“I’m sowwy, Goro-chan.” Under Wakaba’s vigilant eye she carefully patted his head. “I love you vewy much.”

“And he loves you too, but you have to be soft with him. He’s not used to your love.”

At the corner of her eye, she noted Megumi staring down, biting her lip and shifted her foot around. Her little sister probably got the most attention due to her brazen personality. But what about the obedient and taciturn elder daughter? About to get up away from Hinata, she stopped noting Shido automatically going to Megumi’s side and grabbed her hand.

“Would you like a shirt too, Megumi-chan?” asked Shido.

Megumi nodded, a bright smile formed looking up at her beloved uncle. “Yes, please.”

“Let’s go find one for you.” Shido allowed his niece to lead him around the store in search for the perfect shirt, a fondness in his features as Megumi spoke to him about the animals she learned about in school.

The children left the store with brand new shirts and high spirits - Goro a little less due to Hinata’s attempts for another hug, but his mood improved with the greenery around him. Wakaba watched the girls walk ahead of them, jumping and cheering about the animals in the zoo. She bumped her arm against Shido’s, who pushed the stroller.

“What was that for?”

“Oh, nothing~” How could anyone tell a serious man like Shido about his cute behavior with Megumi? Wakaba wanted to die then and there when Shido praised Megumi for her choice of shirt. The adoration the little girl had in her eyes for her uncle and the way Shido smiled at her was just too much to hold inside.

“Nothing? I don’t believe it’s nothing.”

Wakaba grinned. “Do you really want to know?”

“Do I?”

“Maybe~”

“Just tell me.”

“I noticed something at the shop. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you must really care about Megumi-chan.”

“She’s… a good girl.”

“And Hinata-chan?”

“I… I don’t know Hinata well,” he admitted. Of course, the few times he did interact with Hinata were full of loud screams and crying, hard to console and ran around when she wasn’t. Too young to truly have an established personality, yet old enough at the same time. A little Hiroki essentially. “But that’s the past. Today that changes.”

Hinata shouted at the distance, “Look what I can do!” and attempted what appeared to be a cartwheel.

“She’s excited to know you too, Masa-Masa.” She placed her hand over his.

“Auntie look!” she giggled, pointing at toucan in its exhibit.

“And yourself as well.” He smirked and patted Wakaba’s shoulder, noting the crimson on her cheeks. “Girls, what do you want to see next?”

“Flamingos!” said Megumi.

“I wanna see them too! Auntie, let’s go!”

Megumi and Hinata grabbed Wakaba’s hands and led her to the next area, half skipping half galloping, and eternally grateful for deciding to wear flats today. Distressed, she turned to see Shido chuckling with Goro in his arms, and got yanked back to the girls.

A flurry of pinks and feathers, squawks and caws. Grey fuzzy flamingo chicks splashed in the water, watched by the vigilant parents standing gracefully near the artificial banks. The rest intermingled and frolicked, flapping their wings and searched the water for shrimp. Beautiful yet whimsical.

Too short to see over a few bushes, Hinata hopped to get a better look. She squeaked when a strong arm lifted and boosted her for a better view.

“Do you need help?” asked Wakaba.

Shido had two children in his arms now: Goro, who stared intently at the flamingos, eyes bright and in wonder; and Hinata, who pointed and cooed at the birds. While he showed no signs of struggle, it must have been a bit difficult for him to handle.

“I’m fine.”

He was more than fine; he was perfect. Having bench-pressed heavier things in the past, two small children were a piece of cake. Not like he wanted to show off or anything. A man like him was more than capable of handling two kids at the same time. Nothing wrong with it.

“I see…” she said with a knowing smile. “Let me know if you do.”

“Believe me: I won’t.”

“Can see we the lions?” asked Megumi, doe-eyed and hand latched onto Wakaba’s.

“Masa-Masa, I’m going to explode.”

Shido arched his eyebrow. “What?”

“She’s just too precious.” She smiled at Megumi and swung her arm. “You’re so lucky to have these good girls.”

Shido smiled wistfully. A twinge of regret and brutal memories cycled through his mind. The little girl he held was a stranger to him, yet she held onto him with all the trust in the world. She smiled and cheered and pointed at everything new. Her conversations to her older sister were like the ones he had with his younger brother at their age. Frivolous talk, though they bonded through those words said and their actions done. He hoped Megumi would remain her best friend and confidant forever.

“Is there a reason why you want to see the lions, Megumi-chan?” asked Wakaba. Not difficult to figure out why, but she decided to test her on her knowledge.

Megumi nodded. “My family name is lion.”

“Lion child,” corrected Shido. He let Hinata down and kissed Goro’s temple. “But you’re still right.”

“Baby lions!?” Hinata flapped her hands and hopped around Shido. “I wanna see baby lions!”

“Lions are very, very brave.” Megumi smiled brightly at her uncle. “Just like my Masaoji.”

Wakaba could hardly take the cuteness overload any longer. What started off as a nervous and awkward introduction blossomed into affection. “I’m going to cry...”

“Please don’t, Wakaba.”

  
  
  


They ventured down the exotic bird exhibits and into the various money arenas. Small, cute, and mischievous monkey families played around in their pens. Mothers carried and fed their babies, while others groomed one another, eating the insects they found in their friend’s fur.

“Ew!” Megumi cringed. She hid her face on Shido’s leg “Why are they doing that?!”

“They’re making sure their friends are all clean,” said Wakaba with a giggle.

“But why eat bugs? That’s gross, Auntie.”

“Because they’re hungry and bugs are good for you.”

Both girls grimaced.

“But they are! It’s full of vitamins and proteins that’ll make the monkeys big and strong!”

“Yucky!” Hinata stuck out her tongue. “Monkeys are weird!”

“Wakaba?” asked Shido.

“Hmm?”

“Were you the sort to play with insects?”

“Ew, no. Insects are gross.”

Shido knew better than to make a retort. With that sort of answer, how could he call her on her hypocrisy? Easily, actually, but he preferred to keep that piece of knowledge tucked in the back of his head for future use. He snorted.

“Aan aan!” Goro babbled, flailing his arms and emphasized to the floor. “Aan aan!”

“What is it, sweetie?”

Shido placed Goro on the ground. “He wants to walk.”

Megumi patted her cousin’s head. “Let’s walk, Goro-chan.”

Goro clapped and grabbed the stroller, pushing it down the trail. Awkward as his steps had been, the stroller served as a support. When Megumi or Hinata tried to take the stroller away from him, Goro whined and begged to push.

“No!” he protested.

“Such a brat,” sighed Shido. “Leave him alone girls; he’s happier this way.”

“He’s not a brat!” Wakaba came to her baby boy’s defense. He had his reasons for his behavior and she would make all three of them understand. “Goro just wants to be like his papa and me. He’s at an age where he wants to do everything like the adults do. That’s how babies at his age learn, you know. It’s well documented that-”

“Spare them the lecture.” Shido shook his head, amused. “They’re already running for the elephants.”

“They are?”

“Yes-” His eyes fixated on the girls and Goro, who still pushed his stroller. “-all three of them.”

“Uwa! Goro come back, sweetie!” She chased after the children and Shido remained calm, pace steady and swift reaching to the girls while Wakaba walked along side with Goro. The baby refused to be picked up or stopped.

The crowd in the park varied from location to location. The food court areas were teeming with parents and their children munching on a quick meal and rested their weary legs. Shido bought the girls and Wakaba cool, bottled water before treading back onto the path. Goro grew tired of his stroller role and held up his arms to Wakaba.

“Mama…” He looked up at his beloved mama, eyes glowing with adoration and innocence.

She carried Goro and kissed his cheek. “Of course I’ll carry you.”

They saw elephants, impalas, camels, koalas, leopards, and many other amazing animals. So much to see and so little time!

At the giraffe pen, Shido paid a small fee for the girls to feed the giraffes. Their long black tongues swirled near their small arms and snatched the tasty treat. Wakaba handed Goro a carrot to feed to the giraffe.

“Why are you giving that to him?” The girls were one thing, but Goro was an entirely different story.

“The girls can’t be the only ones having fun.” Wakaba stepped closer to the fence. “Besides, he’s laughing!”

Goro giggled and cackled at the giraffes bending over to eat the food from his cousins and other children. He held up the carrot and laughed when its snake-like tongue wrapped itself around the vegetable and slurped it up. 

“Good boy!” Wakaba cheered. The giraffe’s tongue came back for seconds, but aimed at Wakaba’s face instead. She ducked and hid behind Shido. “Shoo! Shoo! No more for you, Mr. Giraffe!”

Megumi tried to race against the cheetah, but the cat seemed more interested in sleeping on a cooling mat than giving attention to the silly humans. Defeated initially, Megumi gained a victory when the cheetah raised its head and looked at her before going back to sleep.

“Wow!” She swung around a pole on the way to the next exhibit. “Cheetahs are so cute!”

Goro clapped and babbled.

Megumi smiled. “I love you too, Goro-chan!”

The red panda exhibit excited Hinata and tried to show the animal her shirt by screaming out for Mr. Red Panda to look at her.

“You think he saw it, Uncle?”

Shido smiled. “I’m sure he loved it.”

“Yay!”

A single male lion, one female and their cubs were loafing and ambling about. The lions’ exhibit was spacious, full of large rocks and green trees. Small wooden bridges, cooling mats, and shaded havens scattered around the den for the animals to rest and explore. A fortified glass stood in between the pen and the visitors.

Hinata danced in front of the glass. “Lookie at the babies!”

Goro tapped his hands against the protective barrier. “Baaah! Baaaah!”

The lion raised his head and trotted to the window. Proud, regal, dangerous. He looked at Goro then to Hinata. Hinata screamed and ran behind the adults. Megumi stared, fascinated by the large cat. He was the king of the jungle and she shared a name with him. She may as well have been a princess as she was a lion child herself.

“Wow…” Her hands pressed her mouth. “He’s really big.”

Goro continued to tap and yell at the lion, not flinching when the lion pawed at the glass in attempts to grab him. The baby laughed and growled back at the lion, pressing his face against the barrier and blew into the glass.

“Goro, no!” Shido pulled his son away from the glass. As much faith as he had with the glass remaining unscathed despite the lion’s valiant efforts for a delicious baby sandwich, he didn’t trust it to be clean.

“No!” Goro whined, face red and arms reaching for the lion.

“Aww! Masa-Masa, you should let him get closer to the lion.” She pressed Hinata’s face against the side of her thigh and patted her head when the girl pulled closer. “He likes him.”

“I don’t want him licking things he shouldn’t be,” he replied with a huff and put Goro down. “He hasn’t been sick for a while and I want to keep it that way.”

The lion pawed Goro again, unrelenting and unsuccessful. Goro wiggled in front of him and clapped his hands. Megumi joined.

Wakaba laughed. “I think he sees you in the lion.”

“Preposterous.”

“But you have so much in common! He’s a lion, you’re a lion…”

“Hmph.”

Megumi looked back between the lion and her uncle. She tapped her finger against her chin, smiling wide. “Two big grumpy papas!”

“Papa!” Goro pointed at the lion.

“See?” Wakaba giggled. “Goro agrees!”

  
  


Wakaba set the picnic area while Shido spun the girls in circles. He threw Megumi into the air and caught her, pressing his forehead against hers; Wakaba’s heart stopped. He looked happy. More than happy. Shido was ecstatic. He laughed freely and smiled genuinely to his nieces. They were enthralled with his strength and begged for more twirling. Despite his cold, no-nonsense demeanor and intimidating aura, there existed a man capable of showing affection. With Goro, he evidenced it enough, yet somehow seeing it with those two beautiful girls? It hit harder. They were not his girls and he cared for them regardless. Compensating for something? Perhaps, but there was nothing fake about his smiles and gentle touches.

_Imagine if he had his own little girl..._

Shaking the intrusive thoughts out of her head, Wakaba continued her task to finish the picnic area. Placing Goro on the blanket’s corner, she handed him a sippy cup and went back to work. It was Goro’s day after all! The more she spent time with him the better, and what better way to do than to keep him to herself?

“You know, Goro, I want to give your papa something very special.”

Goro looked up at his mama, eyes wide.

“I have a key. A house key. Well, um, _my_ house key.” She sighed. “I want him to have his own one too… N-not because it means anything, just because it would be fair, you know?”

He blinked and took another swig of his drink.

“But I don’t know how to do it, sweetie. I’ve had this new key for over a month, and I really really want to give it to him, but I can’t! It’s so hard… it’s a big step in our relationship...”

“Mama.”

“You’re such a good boy, Goro.” She wrapped her arms Goro and pulled him onto her lap. All the time she spent with him were precious. And if she gave Shido her key, they’d have even more time together. He’d continue to call her mama and she’d love every single moment. “I love you so much.”

  
  
  


Delighted shrieks and giggles filled the atmosphere. The girls swung from Shido’s arms, hanging onto his biceps as he stood up to walk back to the picnic area. They never let go, and Shido showed no signs of faltering or weakness. Other children stared at the display; that man was so strong! Mothers admired the paternal instinct and the presumed father’s strength . Fathers were swarmed by their own children in attempts to be carried in the same manner as those other girls. Many tried, few were successful. The ones who managed couldn’t make it past standing up, let alone walking with their child hanging onto them like the monkeys from the zoo.

Shido settled the girls at their picnic site and smiled at Wakaba. She patted the ground next to her and greeted him with a plate of food. He ate in silence while the girls chatted and talked about the animals they saw and the food that they liked and disliked.

“What do you want to be when you grow up, Megumi-chan?”

“Hmm…” Megumi chewed on her tamagoyaki throughtfully. “I dunno?”

“I wanna be a mermaid!”

“That’s not a job!” Megumi poked Hinata’s forehead.

“Is too! Mermaids work hard!”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“Maybe you can be a different kind of mermaid?” suggested Wakaba. When she was a child she wanted to be a princess but also a scientist, then settled for a science princess. “Maybe a teacher mermaid?”

“Ooh! I wanna be a doctor mermaid!”

“That’s an excellent choice!” Wakaba poured more tea into Hinata’s cup. “You’ll be the best doctor mermaid.”

Shido and Megumi recoiled.

Despite her whimsical personality, it was nice to see Wakaba get along with his nieces. Megumi may have not agreed with her mermaid comment, but she was open to Wakaba’s words and frequently smiled at her. She called her “Auntie” and held her hand more times than Shido could count. He hid behind Goro or pretended to wipe his mouth or look at another animal to hide his own reaction to the overabundant cuteness.

And Hinata - that little chatterbox - was captivated by her new auntie. When she wasn’t gawking or calling out to the animals, she stood close to Wakaba, often holding onto her dress and rubbing her fingers between the fabric. She laughed and sang nursery rhymes with Wakaba during their travels along the trail. A show off, Hinata made it a point to count up to thirty and identified the kanji to “day” and “water.” Wakaba praised and encouraged her to learn more. The smile in her eyes ever sincere and pure.

Everything he introduced her to, Wakaba absorbed and accepted it into her life. Initial awkwardness ensued, though dissipated the moment she gained a grip of the situation and owned it. Goro loved her, and she loved him too. Every touch, every kiss, smile, cuddle chipped away at the stone that engulfed his heart. And with his nieces, any doubts he had about Wakaba and the future of their relationship melted away.

Wakaba brought out a small box from her picnic basket. Opening it, she revealed a small cake with vanilla whipped cream and strawberries on top, eliciting joyous oohs and aahs from the girls. A tiny card made of chocolate with white chocolate lettering read “Happy Birthday Goro!” was placed on top of the cake. She pulled out a single candle, lit it, and placed the cake in front of Goro.

His son’s eyes were huge.

“Happy birthday to you~”

The girls chimed in, giggles and glee. When they finished, the girls clapped for Goro. He copied their actions, amazed at the flame and the cake displayed before him. Wakaba kissed his forehead, lips held in place for several poignant seconds before she let go and helped him blow out the candle. Cheers and laughs. Happy wishes and thoughtful prayers. Wakaba scooped whipped cream onto her finger and gave Goro a taste of the confection.

Goro hopped in place and fisted the little cake. Pieces of sweet bread, jam, and cream all over his hand and into his greedy mouth. Hinata shrieked happily at Goro’s antics and did the same. Megumi scolded her sister, who ignored her and licked her hand clean. Wakaba laughed and offered a clean slice to a pouting Megumi.

Shido reached into Wakaba’s purse and removed the disposable camera she brought. In the midst of the strawberries and creamed chaos, he snapped a photo and returned it. Sliding a hand into his pocket, he nodded when he touched the small velvet satchel inside.

_I was meant to be with her._

After tending to Goro and Hinata’s messy hands and mouths, Wakaba turned to Shido. Her mouth moved. No sound. It moved again. No sound again. She waved her hand in front of his face, plated cake in tow. “Did you hear me?”

“Hn?”

“I asked if you were having fun?”

He smiled, mind wandered and fluttered into infinite possibilities, mouth on autopilot. “I am.”

“Good.” She plopped herself next to him. “They’re having so much fun. I was afraid that the cake would get all melty since it’s kinda hot outside. And…”

Whatever she said, he nodded to anyway. Goofy, dreamy smile plastered on his face. Hand thumbing the gift inside his pocket. The opportunity was now. He couldn’t let this moment pass. Any other day - past or future - wouldn’t be good enough. It wasn’t right, but this exact time and place was. He pulled out the satchel, turned her hand, and placed it into her palm.

“W-what’s this!?” She pushed her hand back to Shido, but was nudged in return to her side, hand clasped over her fingers to keep the gift safe. “But it’s not my birthday.”

“You don’t have to wait for a person’s birthday to give them a gift.” He unfurled her fingers and unloosened the satchel. A silver chain bracelet with a butterfly fell into Wakaba’s hand, soft clinks and gasps. Scooping the trinket from her hand, Shido unclasped and placed it on her left wrist.

Frozen stiff and red. He noted Wakaba’s hard, incredulous stare as he handled the delicate bracelet. From the first touch of his rough fingers, goosebumps trailed from her forearm to shoulder. Overwhelming for her, perhaps, but he wanted to do this. Protests and denials could follow afterwards. And it wouldn’t matter to him. He needed to do this for her..

The silver butterfly glimmered against the sunlight. Wakaba’s watering eyes twinkled more than the bracelet ever could. And she was beautiful. From her shivers to the bitten lips to her deepening pink face. The crease between her eyebrows when caught up in her research, the sincere joy whenever she embraced Goro, the mirthful soul beneath the layers of wit and ingenuity. Wakaba was beautiful.

“I-I don’t think I can accept this.”

“Why not?”

“It’s Goro’s birthday!”

“And? Don’t you want me to spoil you? Where’s the Wakaba who told me to touch her-” He eyed his nieces. “-you-know-what at work?”

Wakaba clenched her hands on Shidos, pouting. “I didn’t say that!”

“Wow!” Hinata pointed. “Auntie looks like a tomato!”

Goro pointed at his mama. “Maaaaa!”

She hid her face against their clasped hands. “This is so embarrassing.”

“Do you like it?”

Wiggling in place, Wakaba peeked once, twice, thrice before looking into Shido’s eyes. On the verge to cry albeit not. She lunged forward, squeezing Shido tight. “I love it!”

Megumi giggled, eyes met with her uncle’s. Perhaps Masaoji _would_ be getting married soon.

  
  
  


On their way to make the loop back to the entrance, the girls ran up to the petting zoo. A brown alpaca bent over the fence for headpats. Megumi rushed over to give her all the headpats she desired, admiring the plush fluff on top of her head.

“So soft…” she whispered. “So cute Miss Alpaca!”

Hinata scurried next to her sister. “I wanna too!”

“Can we go inside, Masaoji?” Megumi’s voice was bright and hopeful. If Shido told her no, her world would crumble beneath her.

“Oooo oooo!” babbled Goro, legs kicking in his father’s arms. He had never seen such a fluffy thing before!

“You too?” Shido put Goro down and led him into the petting zoo. He signaled for the girls to join him.

Megumi grabbed into her uncle’s hand and dragged him into the area.

Wakaba laughed and escorted Hinata.

Bunnies, lambs, goats, two alpacas, chickens, ducks, and a miniature horse were monitored closely by zoo staff and the various parents. Shido watched as Hinata ran to the miniature horse and hugged its neck.

“I love him!”

Megumi went into the rabbit pen and greeted the animal handler with a bow. Kneeling onto the grass, the girl reached for a grey rabbit and caressed its soft body. She smiled to her uncle and waved. Once her uncle waved back, her focus was only to the bunnies. The cute, soft, fluffy rabbits who binkied about and plopped themselves onto the grass when resting.

Shido handed Megumi a few yen coins. “Go buy a carrot.”

She fisted the change and held it close to her chest. “Thank you, Masaoji.”

Goro chased after a duck, hollering in some indecipherable language. He gave up interest when he spotted the goats in a corner and approached them. He touched a white goat’s side and hummed excitedly. With his other hand, he did the same to the goat next to him.

Wakaba laughed. “Is that you with a goat, baby boy?” She snapped a photo of him. “Look at you all grown up and playing with the goaties!”

Goro clapped and called out for his mama. Once she was at his side, he laughed and waddled to the baby sheep, the cheeky grin as obvious as daylight.

“Baa,” went the lamb.

“Baaaaaaa!” repeated Goro. He turned to his mama. “Mama!”

“Okay, okay.” Wakaba walked to Goro.

Another giggle, and the baby was off to see the alpacas. He rubbed his face against the animal’s fleece. “Mama!”

“Again?” She put her hands on her hips and shook her head. What was she going to do with that silly baby? “Alright, but you better not run away again.”

Goro ran to the chickens, but found his legs did not take him anywhere. The familiar pressure and warmth gripped at his midsection. It was papa.

“Are you giving her trouble?”

“Papa!” Goro pressed his face against the crook of his father’s neck. A gentle nibble and he pulled back his head. He pointed at the sheep. “Baaa?”

“Yes, the sheep go ‘baa.’ You’re such an intelligent boy, Goro.” He kissed his forehead and pointed at the goats. “What sound do they make?”

Goro stared at the goats, eyes shifted to his mama. Stretching his arms to her, he opened and closed his hands. “Mama!”

Shido complied, laughing. A work in progress.

“I got you now, silly!” Wakaba cuddled Goro. No matter how much he cried or threw a tantrum or grumbled, Goro was the sweetest, most lovable baby she had ever encountered. This trip was more than she could ever ask for.

The children fed and pet the animals for half an hour before leaving. It took a lot of coaxing for Hinata to let go of the pony, but after a five minute long “goodbye poem” she made on the spot and kissed its cheek farewell, she was ready to go.

A bathroom break later - they needed to wash their hands after handling so many animals - they continued their return to the front gate. They stopped at other exhibits and took pictures in front of animal statues. Hinata and Megumi raced playful otters. Goro barked at the sea lions. Wakaba gushed over the penguins and capybara, and went ballistic over the shoebill.

“...He’s…”

“Wakaba?”

“Masa-Masa…” Tears welled into her eyes. Dashing good looks, incredible height, and a prehistoric appeal, the magnificent creature weakened her knees “I love her.”

Shido watched as Wakaba approached the shoebill’s sign, snapped a picture of said sign, took three pamphlets, and gathered the girls and Goro to take a picture with the shoebill. Afterwards, she pulled Shido next to her and asked a passerby to take their photo.

“You serious?”

“I love her. Don’t take this away from me.”

Shrugging, he wrapped his arm around Wakaba’s waist, resting his hand over her hip. So much love she had for the bird that she hadn’t tensed from his touch, going as far as to lean closer to him and mimicked his action during the second shot. He tensed for a split second and relaxed when he saw her giddy smile. Wakaba was beyond the moon and into the stars, head over heels for this animal. It looked like a grumpy muppet and a dinosaur mixed into a bird. How she found the stork attractive was beyond his comprehension, but if it made her this happy then so be it. Seeing her in a raw form of euphoria brought a pang in his chest. A good pang. One he’d tolerate and do anything to keep her in that state.

Heading to the next exhibit, Hinata grabbed Shido’s pants, rubbing her eyes. “Uncle, I’m sleepy.”

Goro nodded off in his arms. The last time he napped had been in the car, well over five hours ago. Full tummy and changed diaper, Goro was ready for his nap. A miracle he hadn’t begun to whine.

Megumi yawned, her pace sluggish and dragging against the pavement. She leaned against Wakaba for purchase, lifting her leg and bending her knees one at a time to remove the pressure. “Me too…”

“Uh, how do we handle this?” Wakaba stroked Megumi’s hair. “I’ll carry Hinata?”

Shido stroked his chin. “You carry Goro, I’ll carry Hinata. Megumi can ride in the stroller.”

“Do you want me to push?” She held Goro close when Shido traded him for Megumi. Goro’s tired body relaxed into hers, nuzzling himself to her familiar scent and warmth.

He lifted Megumi like a weightless doll and secured her into the stroller.

“I’m not a baby, Masaoji…”

Shido smiled and patted her head. “Big girls need their beauty rest too.”

Hinata whimpered, despair and exhaustion wrought over her features. Her uncle scooped her up from the ground and hoisted her into his arms and shoulders. A natural instinct, Hinata wrapped her arms around her uncle’s neck. His calm rubs against her back reminded her of daddy and slowly drifted off to sleep.

“I’ll push Megumi,” he said.

“Let me know if you get tired.” She angled Goro’s hat to block his face from the sun. “I know Megumi is heavier than Goro.”

He nodded, the sentiment appreciated.

If any one asked what they witnessed, they’d all say the same thing: a beautiful family of five ready to make their way back home from their adventure. The children were a baby in his mother’s arms, a first grader in a stroller, and a preschooler in her father’s arms. The mother was a beauty beneath the red glasses, and the father a handsome, stylish man. When their eyes met, small sparks of longing and fondness flooded in their vision. They spoke of science and the human brain, agreeing and disagreeing over theories and concepts. Or at least that’s what some managed to hear.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Returning from the zoo, Shido and Wakaba meet the rest of the Shido family.  
> Shido sees his brother up close for the first time in years.  
> Wakaba gets interrogated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your wonderful comments, kudos, and reading! <3  
> I can't say enough how much every single one of you mean to me!
> 
>  
> 
> One thing I remembered and forgot to mention were the two cities I've used outside of Tokyo, Mikage-cho, and Sumaru.  
> Those three are Persona related and fairly well-known.  
> Amami City is from Soul Hackers and is linked to the Persona universe from some of their references in P2. It is the equivalent of Chiba in real life Japan.  
> Ayanagi City is from Persona -Trinity Soul- and is located in the Toyama prefecture, a real life prefecture in Japan. I guesstimate it to be the Persona world version of the city of Toyama.

The children slept in Megumi’s room. Sisters cuddled together between their baby cousin. No discomfort, only sleepiness and pleasant dreams. Wakaba closed the door to mute the loud voices from the adults; it had been a busy day.

She sat by Shido on the couch and sipped on the iced oolong Yomiko brought.

“You two look tired.” She winked. “Did my girls give you _that_ much trouble?”

“Nope. They were angels!” replied Wakaba.

Shido scoffed. “Yes. Hinata wanted to get naked.”

“Masa-Masa!” Wakaba shook his arm. He was too honest! “She was fine. Really!”

Yomiko laughed. “Was it the skirt? She hates that thing.”

“Then why make her wear it?” Shido leered. “Did you set me up?”

“Do you think I have the brain capacity for that with two small children, a rambunctious husband, and a party?”

“Yes,” he deadpanned. She was the same woman he knew since university. Children wouldn’t change that fact. All he heard were meaningless excuses.

“Well tough luck, Masayoshi. It was Hiroki’s idea.”

“Hiroki wouldn’t do that.”

“Not on purpose.” Yomiko shrugged. “I told him Hinata wouldn’t like it, but he insisted because - according to him - it ‘accentuates her cuteness!’ He’s not wrong, but…”

Shido rolled his eyes. “But Hinata won’t have it.”

“Essentially.”

The rumbling of the door knob alerted them.

So this was going to be it, wasn’t it? The moment of truth before Hiroki burst through the door, scream out “I’m home!” and make way inside. Almost two years since he last saw his brother on good terms. Less than entire year when he saw him at Toshiko’s funeral, aloof and unyielding. What face would Hiroki make when he saw him in his home, sitting on the couch and chatting with his wife and girlfriend?

“Miko! Girls! I’m home!”

“Welcome back!” Yomiko waved at him from the living room.

Shido stood up, then froze. His feet were made of lead and cement. Would he go to greet his brother or stand there like a statue in hopes he’d muster the courage and energy to make his way to the door and say hello? In his youth, he fought with his brother over trivial subjects such as video games, friends, food; the typical things brothers often fought about. But this was different. This was personal and deliberate. Shido said hateful words to Hiroki for months on end; the vitriol spiraled until he insulted his nieces and sent his brother over the edge.

And they were good girls. Although Hinata may have been rougher and more animated than Megumi, her wonderful personality shown through. Children had no filter and said whatever was on their mind, and Hinata was amazing for it. And of course Megumi, his sweet Megumi, stood by his side and talked to him about all the incredible things she learned at school and how much she missed his presence.

_“Never do that again, Masaoji. Promise?”_

A hornet’s sting could not compare to the stab in his heart.

Hiroki stared back at his older brother. Words unable to form, minds racing at the speed of light. The two were at a standstill. Who should be the one to say hello?

“Welcome back” and “Hello” were said at the same time. Hesitant smiles formed on their sheepish faces.

“You look well,” said Shido.

“You too, Yosh.”

Yomiko kissed her husband’s cheek and ruffled his hair. “The girls had a great time with their uncle. Now kiss and make up already!”

Hiroki laughed nervously, scratching where Yomiko had rubbed. “Ah, yes, well…”

Shido shifted his legs. “We had a good time with the girls too.”

“We?” He looked over to see Wakaba sitting on the couch, silent as a mouse. “So you’re the woman who stole my brother’s heart!” Hiroki rushed past Shido and his wife to bow in front of Wakaba. “I’m Hiroki Shido! It’s nice to finally meet you Isshiki-san!”

A slight accent in his words. Tall, though not as tall as Shido - his thinner, less muscular frame made the size difference obvious. No facial hair, a big goofy grin, plum-colored eyes, and short, well-kept hair. It was hard to imagine Shido having a brother with such a jovial and warm personality. Wakaba assumed he was less gruff than Shido based on the book and note he had given him, yet nothing like this. Most certainly not…

“...Argyle?” Wakaba asked a little too loud under her breath.

“Huh?” Hiroki’s face fell.

“It’s almost summer and you’re wearing an argyle sweater vest? Why would you do that? You can get a heat stroke if you’re not careful.”

Shido and Yomiko burst into laughter.

“Hey!” Hiroki’s posture shot up and glared at the two. His face softened when he turned his attention back to Wakaba. “It’s my aesthetic, Isshiki-san.”

“But it’s questionable.”

“Like your glasses?”

Shido’s smile dropped. “Hiro-”

Yomiko snorted and grabbed Shido’s arm before he could intervene. “Give it a sec.”

Wakaba touched her glasses, eyes cast down. “Damn… I don’t have a comeback for th- wait!” She sprung up and pointed at Hiroki. “It doesn’t pose any danger, so there.”

“It hurts my eyes: it counts.”

Impressive, impressive. Wakaba let out a whistle. “You’re good. Masa-Masa, he’s good.”

“Pft! Masa-Masa!?” Hiroki howled. “You let her call you that?”

“What’s wrong with Masa-Masa?” pouted Wakaba. “I think it’s cute”

“Oh, nothing’s wrong with it,” he said through his snickers and Shido’s death-glares. “It’s _because_ it’s cute that-”

Yomiko pulled Hiroki by his ear, sighing. If not her first, then Shido would have had a boxing match with her husband. “I’m not in the mood to clean blood from the carpet.”

“Aww Honey-”

She spanked his butt. “Go get us some snacks.”

When Hiroki came back, he returned to see his brother sitting close to his presumed girlfriend. Their knees touched and despite the proximity, their posture was relaxed. Their hands teetered between ‘will they or will they not?’. His brother’s wary eyes shifted between Wakaba’s hands and Yomiko’s line of sight. A hesitation and shake in his large hand.

Hiroki placed the snacks and empty bowls in the middle of the coffee table, using rudeness to test the waters of their relationship. Yomiko scowled at him, yet he let her frown pass. He had his reasons and wanted to know more of this odd couple. It wasn’t every day when Masayoshi brought a woman to his family for the sake of introducing or showing off. He needed to squeeze this interaction for its worth.

Shido said nothing when he gathered a bowl, added the food, and offered it to Wakaba, who graciously accepted and nippled on a snack.

“These are good,” she complimented. “Give it a try.”

“In a sec,” he replied. “Do you want more tea?”

Wakaba nodded, picking up several chips in the span of a few seconds. Mouth crunched and munched, little mmm’s and satisfied simpers. She popped a few candied nuts. “These are a bit dry.”

“Here.” Shido handed her the refilled glass, stole a cashew from her hand, and ate it. “They’re not that bad.”

She wiggled and shoved a chip into Shido’s mouth. Annoyed, he chewed on the snack and drank from her glass. Rather than becoming upset, Wakaba reached for Shido’s cup and drank from it before leaning back into the sofa. She patted his back to coax him to relax. He complied, Wakaba’s original glass still in hand.

Wakaba leaned her head against Shido’s shoulder when she laughed. Shido smiled more often than not, his words and intonation natural and unforced. He didn’t always agree with Wakaba’s statements, yet he listened and challenged her. The two didn’t relinquish on their stances, complimenting one another for any points made and moved onto the next conversation with ease.

Hiroki rubbed his chin. He figured Yomiko may have come to the same conclusion as him, but didn’t say anything as she entertained their guests. In the past whenever his brother happened to have a girlfriend around, he dominated the conversation. Always passionate about his opinions and feelings, Hiroki couldn’t fault his brother for his fervor, though, at the same time, it didn’t help that his lady friend was either apathetic and didn’t speak or riled Masayoshi by being his cheerleader or enemy in the topic.

With Wakaba there seemed to be a simultaneous game of chess and tug-of-war. Whenever one took, the other reacted with an equal amount of force. And when extra force was applied, the other did not take offense - an odd concept for Hiroki to witness for his brother. Oftentimes, Masayoshi hated to be wrong and disliked it to be rubbed further in, but with Wakaba she managed to not only get her point across, but also douse the flames on her boyfriend with cool water before the small fire turned into a disaster. And the same courtesy was given by him to her.

Though he admitted he had some bias with the conversations he paid attention to. A majority of their conversation was neither debate or contest, rather the stated facts and gossip of their day. Hiroki merely wanted to hone in on how stupid or rash his brother behaved whenever being disputed. All this time raising his son did Masayoshi some good.

“So what do you do for a living, Shido-san?”

“I’m a mechanical engineer. Yourself, Isshiki-san?”

“Long position name short, I’m a researcher for the cognitive sciences. And by the way, don’t call me Isshiki-san,” said Wakaba, pouring Shido more tea. “You can call me Wakaba. I’m very comfortable with it.”

“Hiroki’s fine with me.”

 

  

Megumi yawned as she held Goro’s hand and led him towards the living room. Her baby cousin woke her up by poking her all over her face, but she didn’t mind because Daddy was back home. Hinata remained in bed, snoozing despite Megumi’s attempts to wake her up. She’d wake up eventually.

“Daddy?” She rubbed her eyes, the heaviness of sleep lingered in her body. “Welcome home.”

“Megumi!” Hiroki grabbed his daughter and tightly hugged her. “Did you have a good time at the zoo?”

She kissed her father’s forehead. “I did. Masaoji and Auntie were so nice.”

Hiroki stared at Shido. “Is he still your favorite uncle?”

Shido shifted in his spot, pulling up his groggy son onto his lap.

“He is my favoritest! I love my Masaoji!”

“Masa-Masa.” Wakaba clutched her chest. “I’m going to cry…”

“Please don’t, Wakaba.”

Hiroki laughed, twirling his beloved daughter in his arms and lavished her with kisses. “Wow that’s quite the title, huh Bro?”

Shido smirked. Goro smacked his hand against his papa’s. “Maybe if you work hard enough, one day you’ll have that title.”

Putting down Megumi, Hiroki knelt onto the floor and opened his arms. “If you can be my little Megu’s favorite, I can be Goro’s favorite too.”

Kissing Goro’s head, Shido placed his son down. “He’ll be the judge.”

“I’m going to win.”

Yomiko shook her head fondly. Wakaba snickered.

Goro looked back at his father, whose face was nothing short of smug. He turned to see the stranger before him, a smaller and less buff version of Papa. On his knees, Goro crawled towards his uncle, each step cautious albeit curious. Who was this man who resembled his papa? Once more, he turned to his father then back at Hiroki.

“Hello Goro-chan,” Hiroki coaxed gently, the voice of an experienced father. “Do you want to come with me?”

The baby blinked then giggled, crawling faster to his uncle’s arms. A warm body wrapped itself around him. He smelled like his father yet didn’t. “Aaa?”

Hiroki stroked his nephew’s head. This was the child he refused to comfort during his mother’s funeral. The baby cried in his father’s arms. Hungry? Tried? Diaper change? Or just overwhelmed by the depressive energy surrounding the wake and his father? Whatever the reason for his tears and fussing, Hiroki didn’t do anything to help Goro or his brother. Pride clouded his sight and his paternal instinct shuddered at Goro’s cries. How could he call himself a father when he denied solace to this innocent boy, his nephew?

Goro honked his uncle’s nose.

Wiping his eyes, Hiroki hugged Goro. “He’s a good boy, Yosh.”

“Of course he is.”

  

 

Hinata joined and played with her sister and Goro in the living room. The adults took turns to watch while the others worked on dinner in the kitchen. A knock on the door alerted Hiroki, who excused himself to answer it. Wakaba continued to chop vegetables, noting Shido’s blank face and fast-cutting slowed significantly. There were greets and hugs at the distance.

“Nana!” the girls cheered.

“Nana?” Wakaba leaned her head to the side.

Yomiko raised her eyebrows and made a face that said “brace yourself.” “Nana is Hiroki and Masayoshi’s mother. Of which…” She lazily pointed her knife at Shido. “You should be saying hello to her, you cretin.”

“I speak to my mother by phone, you banshee,” he huffed and washed his hands before leaving to the living area.

“So, uh… you both seem pretty familiar. Did you know Masa-Masa from before?”

“I knew him back in university.” Yomiko continued on her work. “I was busy studying and him and his friends were chatting up a storm in the library.”

“Imagine things didn’t go too well after that…”

Yomiko laughed. “It wasn’t too bad. They were talking about a concert coming up and I approached them about it. We hit it off pretty quick after that. What about you two?”

“We met at work.”

Needless to say she liked Shido from the start, but for the most shallow reasons. He was tall and handsome - the bags under his eyes were not enough to deter his good looks. Before he spoke, she assumed he was the typical government worker, a yes-man with no understanding of the sciences. Much like Sojiro, though Sojiro was jovial and thought for himself unlike the other paper-pushers. Sure, he didn’t understand psychology, but she appreciated Sojiro’s kindness - his flirting notwithstanding.

Simply said, Shido was eye candy.

When he spoke, her perception of him shattered. He was educated in her field and understood the nature of her work to the extent that didn’t involve the experiments. A bit of an insult to call her statement stupid, yes, albeit a breath of fresh air to hear something different. Contrasting perspectives brought about new ideas and sides people never saw before. The human mind was complex and enigmatic. Any sort of insight helped to unravel its mysteries, even if they went against what she believed.

And if she had to be honest with herself, she almost expected him to flirt with her at work, yet it never came. He behaved professionally, more interested in drowning himself in coffee to bolster his terrible sleeping habits and work until it was time to pick up his dear son.

She liked that about him. She liked that he didn’t completely dismiss her ideas and was receptive to her theory. Skeptical, though a healthy amount of skepticism was necessary in science. He listened and gave his ideas and understandings, and, at times, disagreed with her. And recently Shido came to consider her theory in the wake of the strange occurrences at work.

Wakaba hadn’t told him, but her heart skipped a beat when he mentioned her theory having merit.

She was touched.

“Work, huh?” Yomiko tossed the vegetables into the pot, and loaded a tray with snacks. “I never expected Masayoshi to find someone at work.”

“Is it that odd?”

“Not really, but he’s always been so focused on his career goals, so I figured it’d be too much of a distraction for him.”

“Say… Is his mother that bad?”

“No? Natsu is nice but kinda pushy. She was raised in America so she might come off as different, but it’s nothing to be alarmed about.” Pouring fresh tea into cups, a fond smile formed. “Sometimes when she gets worked up her accent gets thicker and spouts words in English. It’s cute.” Her smile transformed into an annoyed frown. “But it’s not very cute when she keeps asking ‘So when’s the next one coming, Yomi? I need more grandbabies, Hiroki!’”

One of those mothers it seemed.

Again her face changed. A thought - No! A revelation. Something grand and life-changing. “But not anymore…” The smirk Yomiko sported contained a hint of something sinister and sadistic. “Let’s go greet Natsu, Wakaba~”

Wakaba gulped.

 

  

His mother held Megumi tight when Shido entered the living room. She let go with a pat to Megumi’s head and embraced a hopping Hinata next.

“ _Dolly_! You’ve gotten so big!”

“Where have you been?!” Hinata put her hands on her hips. “I waited!”

“I’m all the way in Ayanagi, _Dolly_ .” She patted her granddaughter’s head. “But I was so excited to see you and _Bunny_ and everyone that I came rushing here without Grandpa.”

“Poor Grandpa!” Hinata’s eyes shifted, worried. “Is he gonna come?”

“Of course, he is.” She stroked Hinata’s face. “Grandpa just has to work later. Don’t you worry.”

“Yay!”

“So that explains why Dad’s not here.” Hiroki nodded.

“You haven’t figured it out after all this time? She does when she has an agenda.” Shido rolled his eyes. “Hello, Mom.”

Natsu Shido was not tall. In fact, she had the average height for a woman her age, but her perfect posture and straight shoulders mixed with her stern features exuded an energy and height that towered demons. Amber eyes like her eldest son, she arched an eyebrow at him and grinned.

“So you made it after all, Masayoshi.”

“I did.”

Natsu’s eyes shifted to Hiroki for a second before directing them back to Shido. “Good.”

“It’s good to see you again.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.” She waved her hand flippantly. “Anyway, _Bunny_ was telling me all about Goro and the zoo. It sounds like you all had a great time.”

“Hn.” Shido nodded. They had a wonderful time.

“Is my grandchild enjoying the firetruck I gave him?”

If only she knew how much he wanted to burn that stupid toy...

Hinata yanked Goro to their grandmother, eliciting a whine from her baby cousin. “Goro-tan is so cute! Lookie!”

Natsu bent over to remove Hinata’s grip from Goro’s arm. “Gentle, dear, gentle. He’s still a baby.” She kissed Hinata’s forehead and carried Goro. “You’ve grown so much, Goro!”

Goro stared at his grandmother, any recollections he may have had about her were gone from his fleeting memories. He touched her face and cooed when she smiled.

“He reminds me of you when you were a baby, Masayoshi.”

“What happened to him?” Hiroki jabbed.

“No one asked for your opinion,” he snapped.

“I give them for free, Bro!”

Natsu smirked. “Good to see you two getting along again. Now that the dust has been settled…” She peered toward the kitchen. “Where is she?”

Hiroki laughed, patting Shido’s shoulder with all the sympathy in the world. “You’re on your own with this one.” He stretched out his arms, opening and closing his hands. “Wanna come with your uncle, Goro-chan?”

Goro reached towards his uncle and allowed himself to be carried. Grandma didn’t seem to mind as her attention were solely to his papa.

Shido crossed his arms. For the longest time he avoided the woman conversation with his mother. It was often relegated to Hiroki who had stable, more permanent relationships. When he began dating Yomiko, the first questions out from their mother’s mouth was about Yomiko’s career and education. She didn’t care about family or the registry, all she wanted to know was Yomiko’s personal standing.

Odd, though his mother was not a conventional woman. She spoke whatever was on her mind, popular opinion or not and often clashed against the traditional Japanese thinking with her American ideals. She worked a majority of her life, refusing to stay at home and remain idle. Considering his father’s layoff back when he was in middle school, his mother had no choice but to get a second job and continue her side hustle to make ends meet. She sacrificed time away from her children, yet worked with her husband to be sure everyone was supported and the mortgage paid on time.

As a teenager, Shido didn’t quite see eye-to-eye with his mother’s actions, comparing her to other Japanese mothers. Though he couldn’t hate her. Not ever. He admired her strength and sense of duty for her family despite her silent insistence in being an individual. As a single father, he found himself loathing the selfish thoughts he had as a bratty teenager. In life one made sacrifices. Eat or fall into the abyss of poverty? Work or do what society expects you to do because of your gender and marital status? His mother made her choice.

Still…

He hated how she had the need to pry into his love life. Such a motherly thing to do.

“Her _name_ is Wakaba Isshiki.” He crossed his arms. “And she’s in the kitchen with Yomiko.”

Right on cue, Yomiko stepped from the kitchen with Wakaba, tea and snacks in tow. “Welcome home, Natsu.”

“Thank you, Yomi.” Her eyes darted instantly to Wakaba, hand rubbing her chin, curious and observant. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to her, Masayoshi?”

Shido bit the inside of his cheek and walked beside Wakaba. “This is Wakaba Isshiki.”

“N-nice to m-meet you!” Wakaba bowed. “It’s a-a-a pleasure!”

“So formal! I’m Natsu Shido.” She held Wakaba’s hand and led her to the couch. “Go cook dinner, Masayoshi. Us ladies need to talk.”

“Are you serious-”

“Dead serious.” Her calm aura swirled into fire and lightning. Maternal eyes leered and gave a warning to her son. The both of them. “Go.”

“Come on, Yosh.” Hiroki shrugged, pulling Shido along the way. “Who wants to help Daddy?”

“Me! Me!” Megumi and Hinata volunteered and skipped into the kitchen with their father and uncle.

Helpless eyes met with Shido’s frustrated. There was nothing he could do. As much as he wanted to shield her from an onslaught of questions and the judge’s gavel, Shido didn’t want to face his mother’s wrath. He may have been an adult, but even he knew when not to interfere with his mother.

Besides, he thought to himself, Wakaba is smart and sharp-tongued. More than just that. She was capable and full of life with dreams and ambitions. If his mother couldn’t see any of that, then it was her loss for judging Wakaba poorly. He knew his girlfriend, and would never give up on her.

_Good luck…_

Was it to Wakaba or himself?

  

 

Wakaba sipped her tea. Eyes shifted everywhere around the room except to Natsu. Yomiko wandered about to pick up toys and dirty plates and cups. Goro crawled back and forth from the kitchen to the living room. Megumi or Hinata followed their cousin and brought him back to the kitchen only for him to return in random intervals.

“So Isshiki-san…”

“W-Wakaba is fine.”

Why was she so nervous? It’s not like Natsu had done or said anything horrible to her. On the contrary, she insisted Wakaba to sit and she’d fetch the snacks and tea and offered her more food if she wanted. After Wakaba denied more, Natsu sat next to her - too close for comfort - and examined her. Please - Masa-Masa, Goro, anyone! - come and save her from the intensity of this woman! Even their mere presence would be enough!

Harsh eyes assessed every nook and cranny of Wakaba’s being, nothing that hadn’t been done to her before, but it was jarring considering how much her eyes resembled Shido’s. Light, fierce, beautiful. Not a shred of ill will, only objectivity. Who was this woman who captivated her son this much?

“Wakaba,” she said slowly, her lips and palate absorbed each syllable like a holy mantra. “You have a nice name.”

“Ah, thank you, um…”

“Natsu is fine,” she teased. “So tell me, Wakaba. What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a researcher in the theoretical science division for the Nanjo Group?” Why in the world did she answer that in the form of a question? She was a scientist and that’s that!

“The Nanjo Group?” The fiery glint from her eyes shone bright. “That’s prestigious. And your schooling? What did you major in?”

“Well, I earned my master’s two years ago-”

“A master’s degree? Wonderful, wonderful! Do you work full time?”

“Yes-”

“Excellent. You seem like such an industrious woman! You know, Yomiko works part time at a university library. I think it’s amazing when a woman continues her work despite having family.”

“Oh?”

That was certainly different and unexpected. While her own parents said nothing of Wakaba quitting work after marriage, the implication ran deep. In the past her father offhandedly mentioned several times how nice it would be to visit a married Wakaba at home with her children, and her own mother was a housewife, and while there was nothing wrong about it, Wakaba knew it was not the life for her. After the failed attempts and years without being in a relationship, her parents lost hope in their daughter becoming a wife. Can’t enforce an idea if the first step was never taken to begin with.

A weight was lifted from her shoulders. Though her posture remained straight, Wakaba’s bone relaxed, tummy untucked and muscles at ease. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad after all? Maybe?

“Absolutely.” Natsu grabbed Wakaba’s hands and pressed against them. “How did you and Masayoshi meet?”

Instant tension.

Too close! Too close!

“T-through work.” She bit her lip, palms sweating against Natsu. “Masa-Masa got promoted a few months ago so now he works in my department?”

The eager grip in Natsu’s hands loosened. “Masa-Masa?”

Should she have said that? How could she do that!? It was the most natural thing to her in the world and yet in front of his mother? The most embarrassing thing ever. How was she going to recover from the faux pas?

Natsu chuckled. “Aww… I’m so glad you two are so close. That’s very important in a relationship.”

Face on fire, she must have been brighter than the sun. Such a perceptive woman! Almost at her level, if not more. There was no way she could lie her way out of this without Natsu catching on. Much like Shido, his mother had a keen sense for bullshit.

Relationship?

_That’s right. I’m in a relationship with a man: a man who could become my husband if we continue at this pace._

He heavily implied he was going to have sex with her tonight. She wanted to kiss him in the car. She was close to telling him her intent to do so too, but her nerves got the better of her and brushed them away in the most inelegant and obvious manner. Careless and brutish!

If she had sex with him, then their relationship would deepen. The deeper it went, the more likely marriage would come soon after. She already cemented her love and place in Goro’s heart. No need to charm his son as his son loved her back. Now she was meeting his family! They hadn’t even gone all the way -no less properly kissed, and here she was in his younger brother’s home talking and mingling with everyone - from the sister-in-law to Shido’s nieces. And here was _his_ mother. The woman who birthed and raised him! The woman whose sharp eyes locked onto her and asked her a myriad of questions. This woman could become her own mother-in-law.

Was it too soon? It couldn’t be happening. An absent-minded scientist, consumed in her own world and studies. She who ignored her own family and allowed herself to relinquish a hefty portion of her paycheck to enable a brother with a gambling addiction? Her? Her!? Her find a new home with Shido’s family!?

The room spun slightly, vision becoming all too real. Ears itched and rang with a familiar pain.

Natsu’s brows furrowed with worry and stroked Wakabas cheek. “Waka-chan?”

Wakaba’s body jolted against Natsu’s caring touch and the soothing hand of a small child on her knee. It was Goro.

He looked up at his mama’s anxious face. “Mama?”

“Oh, Goro!” Her sweet, sweet Goro! No one else could protect her from the intrusive thoughts and ringing ears like him. She picked him up and embraced the boy, warm and welcoming. “Baby boy, my good little baby.”

Natsu remained silent. Not a single detail left unnoticed. She smiled at Wakaba when their eyes met. It was gentle and calming. No judging. Just two women sitting on a couch with a baby.

As reassuring as Goro’s presence and Natsu’s silence may have been, something else had been missing. The quake, the shivers of anxiety crawled through her skin. No visceral reactions save the pulsations in her chest. Another piece of the puzzle was needed to abate the turbulence inside her heart. A security blanket perhaps.

“I think Wakaba needs some rest from your constant pestering,” said Shido. He put his hands on Wakaba’s shoulders, kneading it gently.

The security blanket had arrived!

“I’m not pestering her.” Natsu frowned at her son, hand dropping to her lap and stiffened at the accusation. “I’m interviewing her.”

“The interview is over,” he retorted. “Look at her: she’s overwhelmed.”

“She’s fine. We were just talking about how much Goro adores her. I think it’s wonderful that my grandson has bonded so well with her.”

Indeed, Goro took quite a liking to Wakaba in the short time they’ve known one another. It surprised Wakaba to witness Goro’s attachment and how much he began to see her as a mother figure. Mama name calling aside, he loved to cuddle and kiss and play with Wakaba whenever he had the opportunity. Despite their dry spells, Goro seemed to remember her fondly, kicking and cooing whenever he saw his “mama.”

But… they didn’t talk about Goro, did they?

Hiroki grabbed his keys and stuffed his wallet in his back pocket. “I’m going to the vending machines to buy some cigs.” He looked at Shido. “You should too.”

Shido chewed on his inner lip, nodding. “Alright.”

“Ah, but you don-” Wakaba started. No, it wasn’t right for her to stop the brothers from speaking. They were family, tight-knit and had one another's backs. Shido never told her if his relationship with Hiroki was strained, though judging from his comment about Hinata at the zoo, a rift existed.

She had no place in their lives.

A darkness bubbled from within.

“Don’t take too long,” she rescinded. A smile to add extra sugar and a playful wink for spice.

Shido paused at her initial hesitation. Face stoic and thoughtful. Something about her actions didn’t feel right. Once he finished reconciling with Hiroki and finished mingling with his family, he’d speak with her in private.

As soon as the men left, Wakaba preoccupied herself with the children and their games and TV shows. Children were easier to understand and abated any shadows lurking from her mind.

 

  

Hiroki inserted his bills into the machine and dialed his favorite brand of cigarettes. Opening the package, he pulled out a cigarette and made a gesture to offer one to Shido. “Want one?”

Shido shook his head. “I quit.”

The cigarette nearly slipped from Hiroki’s lips. “Seriously!?”

“Yes.” He smirked. “I quit a little before Goro was born.”

His brother stared at the cigarette between his fingers. A habit and an addiction, relaxation and frustration all rolled into a skinny stick. “Damn… you have better discipline than I do.”

“Not going to lie: it wasn’t easy. There were times when I wanted to say ‘fuck all’ and go back to smoking.”

“And here you are almost two years smoke-free.”

Shido grimaced. “Not exactly.”

“Oh?” Hiroki lit his cigarette, pocketing the rest. “What happened?”

“A couple of months ago Wakaba gave me the scare of a lifetime.”

“And that’s what got you smoking?” Hiroki scratched his head. His brother rarely got scared. The only thing he truly feared was failure and looking bad, literally and metaphorically. Monsters, aliens, spooky shadows, and ghosts were more of his fear growing up, not Masayoshi’s. “It couldn’t be that bad, Bro.”

“She entered in my house while I was gone with Goro.”

“Yeah, so?”

“I never gave her permission or a key to my home.”

“Oh shit.” Laughs escaped between the exhaled smoke. He pulled back a few steps when Shido raised a balled fist. “Sorry, sorry! I can’t help it! It’s kinda hilarious.”

“You idiot, I thought I was being robbed!”

“When you put it that way, yeah it sounds bad. How did she get into your house?”

“She copied my key without me knowing.”

“That’s… Wait, how did she get your keys?”

“She did a favor for me. I gave her my house keys so she could take Goro back home from the doctor’s office.”

“Doctor’s office...” he sighed wistfully. “Is Goro okay?”

Shido leaned against a rail, arms crossed. “That was a while back a bit after my transfer…” He smiled, eyes cast down. “But he’s fine. Just a typical illness kids get.”

Hiroki leaned next to Shido. The cigarette no longer interested or satisfied his cravings; embers turned the tobacco into cinders and fell into the ground. It was only them and the cicadas now. “Megumi told me about the zoo.”

“Did she?”

“Yeah… Both of them actually. They were really excited to tell me about their day and how you got them shirts and had a picnic. Hinata wouldn’t stop talking about how strong you were too.” He compared their arms: Shido’s was bulky and his was average if somewhat flabby from lack of exercise. “Megumi was so happy she got to feed the rabbits.”

“Mom’s Bunny,” Shido answered in English, his lop-sided grin fond and longing back for the zoo.

“Hey… Yosh?”

Shido held in his breath. He had been avoiding it, hadn’t he? The moment when he had to face his brother and take full responsibility for his actions. Phone apologies were distant and convenient. Intimacy arduous to achieve despite the sincerity in his tone. He apologized, yet it didn’t suffice and Shido knew it. Almost two years of estrangement warranted more than that. He owed it to Hiroki to tell him how he felt, and he was willing to do it.

Wakaba, Yomiko, and their mother weren’t there as his excuse to say nothing. No eavesdropping, no awkward queries after all was said and done, none of that. Time to man up and talk to his younger brother. They shared everything in the past, didn’t they? Hopes, wishes, dreams, fears, anxieties. Visits in the nights when emotions were strong and unbearable. Whispers between the sheets so Mom and Dad couldn’t hear them between the paper-thin walls. Secrets safe and never left their rooms. Bruises and cuts after fighting boys from school. The clink of chilled bottled cola from a test well  done to the cheers, laughter, or wallowing at a bar after a long day’s work or major life event.

Their bond tight and unyielding only to be ruined and near the point of no return because of Shido’s reckless and selfish behaviors. As much as he wanted to shift the blame onto the SEBEC incident and that _voice_ , Shido knew he had only himself to blame. He allowed a growing darkness to pervade his thoughts and actions. Not once did he question himself. Life went his way. All the hard work he put into his job and career goals began to see results. He was infallible despite the fights he had with his family. They were wrong, not him. They stood in his way. Toshiko stood in his way. His unborn child stood in his way.

And he was wrong.

And he was a fool.

Remnants of that bond with Hiroki remained, though weak and on the verge of dying should he utter the wrong words or display inappropriate behavior.

Shido had this final opportunity to save his relationship with his brother. No way would he fuck it up after all he went through.

“Yes?” he finally asked.

“Thank you.”

He bit his lip. Hiroki had always been the sort to do that sort of thing, and he hated it. “Why? If anything _I_ should be thanking you.”

Hiroki inhaled his waning cigarette. “For what?”

“For giving me this chance? For paging me? You didn’t have to do anything and yet you did.”

“But you called me first. I didn’t even have the guts to call your house phone.”

Shido shook his head and looked into Hiroki’s eyes, determined. “You have no idea, do you? Hiroki, you were the one who took the first step. If it hadn’t been for that page, I wouldn’t even be here today.”

“I guess you have a point…” he sighed. “Still… I feel bad for taking this long, and then the funeral-”

“I don’t fault you for the funeral or the time.” Shido frowned at himself. He was never the better man, always deciding to take a petty route that would leave his targets writhing in pain, physical or mental. Hiroki was never that man, not then and not now. He was a pure person like Wakaba and Goro. “Hiroki…”

_Say it! Just say it!_

“For everything I’ve done? For everything I’ve said to you and our parents? To everything I said about my nieces? I’m sorry. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I want Goro to be in your life. I want him to know Megumi and Hinata and Yomiko. I want him to know his family. He shouldn’t have to suffer because of me.” Shido bowed and kept his body angled in the position. “If you don’t want to forgive me, that’s fine, but please accept my son.”

“Get up, dumbass!” Hiroki’s eyes watered, lips quivering and face red. He grabbed Shido by the shoulders and stood him straight. “I’ve already forgiven you! That phone call said so much more than you think! You’re a proud guy, Yosh - you’ve always been. So this? All this? It’s more than enough and I can tell you care about my girls. I wanted to thank you because you made them so happy.

“As a father, nothing brings me more joy than to see them happy, and as your brother, it’s so incredible to see you be in their lives. Of course, I’ll accept Goro. He’s your son and my nephew. I can tell you love him very much. I… I never thought you of all people were capable of being _this_ doting on a baby, but then again… haha… well, that pride thing, right? Goro is _your_ son.”

A large lump made it difficult for Shido to swallow. It stung and swelled the more he tried to fight it. “I’d… I’d do _anything_ for him, Hiroki.”

“You’ve changed, Yosh.” Hiroki crushed the cigarette with his shoe and threw the butt into the trash. He smiled warmly. “You’re not the same guy I punched at that bar. And for that, I-”

“I’m still not a good person.”

Hiroki pinched Shido’s arm. “Don’t say that! And it doesn’t matter what you do or did, what matters if what you’re doing now to fix your shit. As for me, I feel _terrible_ for what I told you.”

“Hiroki-”

“Don’t interrupt!” He frowned, though not from malice or anger to his brother but to himself. “I was wrong: you deserve family, Masayoshi.

Shido firmly squeezed Hiroki’s shoulder.

“And I’m really happy we’re talking like this.” A wistful smile full of hope and love. “I can’t wait to see us grow old and talk about our grandkids.”

What was once broken, anewed. The ripped seams mended. A torn card no longer damaged. Deep in his heart and soul, Shido sensed a change inside himself. The estrangement vanished. The feelings of anger, regret, and revulsion dissipated. Upside down turned upright. Whatever happened at this moment changed everything between him and Hiroki. Their bond rekindled. Flames wavering in its delicate state yet hope burned. It kept the renewed bond alive. Follow the right steps, and the bond he had with Hiroki could grow stronger, more powerful than before until it reached a potential when the bond remained unbreakable.

His family was back and they were willing to forgive him for his deplorable actions.

“I’d like that,” he answered.

“So…” Hiroki began with the toothiest grin.

This did not settle well with Shido. “Did you have a question?”

“You didn’t think you could bring a woman to my house and me not question you, did you?”

Ah that. Well, it was inevitable. Shido never introduced women to his parents and with Hiroki it was only when they hung out, though the relationship had never been serious. Wakaba was an entirely different story.

“She’s a woman I am dating and we happen to work in the same building. What else do you possibly need to know?”

“Just sayin’ is all.” Hiroki shrugged. “This is the first time you brought someone like this to the family. Toshiko came out as left field since you were already married to her when you introduced her to us. Mom was ready to stab you.”

“There was nothing wrong with that. And frankly, Mom was being unreasonable.”

“Gonna have to agree with Mom on that one, actually. Good on you for taking responsibility, but bad on you for leaving us out like that.”

“Whatever.” Shido crossed his arms. “What matters is that I made her my wife and took my son, right?”

Hiroki rubbed his chin, and arched his eyebrow. “Sure, sure, it’s valid but…”

Shido glared. Where was he going with this? “But?”

“Why bring Wakaba over to the family and formally introduce her as your girlfriend?”

“Because I can.” What a stupid question! “I don’t need to explain anything to you or Mom.”

“Ohh, so is that how it’s going to be? Not something like ‘You see, I got her pregnant and I fulfilled my duty as an honorable man by taking her as my wife’ but just because?”

“Yes, so?”

Hiroki laughed, sly grin and an impish glint in his eye. “Yosh, _are you in love_?”

“I only dated her for less than a month and knew her since February,” he snapped. “Only fools fall in love so quickly.”

“Then I’m a fool!” He clutched his sides from the laughter. “You said that a little too fast, dontcha think?”

“Hmph.”

“Yoooosh…”

“Not another word.”

“You can tell me. Promise I won’t tell Mom or Miko.”

“I don’t believe you.” Despite their good relationship and promises, Hiroki liked to tease Shido until he went red with fury at his insolence. He knew how to press his buttons, and would do anything to minimize his onslaught of jokes and jabs. Mended bond or not, like hell would he ever admit to Hiroki his feelings for Wakaba. It should have been obvious since the beginning. Why even bring her to Amami City in the first place?

“Come on. At least give me something?”

Shido exhaled, frustrated. “... A favor then?”

“Favor?”

“We’ve been rather busy with work and other personal matters.”

“Uh-huh…”

Was he really going to ask Hiroki this question? A quick memory of Wakaba’s hot breath against his ear replaced his hesitance. Awkward as it may have been to admit aloud, Shido wanted to consummate his relationship with Wakaba. If he had to owe his brother a babysitting gig or money, then so be it. Tonight was to be _their_ night.

“I reserved a hotel room for Wakaba and I and-”

“Say no more, Bro.” Hiroki wrapped an arm around his brother’s shoulder. “We’ll be more than happy to watch Goro-chan tonight.”

“Oh thank god- ah, I mean - thank you, Hiroki.”

He chuckled. “Wakaba seems like a nice lady.”

“She is,” Shido sighed, sweet thoughts of her smile clouding his mind. A wide smile formed beside himself, joy and affection. Muscles on automatic, the sensation left unfelt by Shido himself. He was being subtle, of course. No one could see through his stoic expression.

“Be good to her, okay?” he said with a knowing grin.

Shido side-eyed his younger brother. Was it that obvious how he felt?

  

 

The men were greeted by the ladies and Goro. Yomiko and Natsu looked at one another before going back to their duties. A reconciliation had been achieved. All was back to the way from before except now with new beginnings and possibilities with Wakaba and Goro in Shido’s life.

Wakaba pulled Shido aside into Megumi’s room. Something had changed.

“You okay?” she whispered. “You look… happy.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

Of course it would be a good thing! Happiness was the dream, wasn’t it? One that could be gained in life through one’s journey. Strife or none, it could be achieved by those who sought it. And upon his return after the longest cigarette run, Shido became happy. Truly happy. His shoulders were light, nary a stone or any pressure on his body. The wrinkles in his eyes paired with his blithe smile signaled a state of contentment. The sour tendril inside her twined around her body, a green rash of envy spread across her chest. Her ears stung.

_No, this isn’t right. I should be happy for him._

Let him think everything was fine because it _was_ fine. Nothing was wrong and she enjoyed his state of bliss. Shido had his beautiful son and a lovely family, and she had…

“It’s a wonderful thing,” she replied, smile plastic and rehearsed.

“Wakaba-”

“I’m home!” said another man’s voice from the living room.

“Grandpa!” Megumi squealed.

“Now we can eat!” Hinata’s hops were loud and excited.

Shido breathed deep. “Looks like my father is here.”

“We shouldn’t be rude.” Wakaba slid by to greet the final Shido. A strong yet gentle grip on her elbow stopped her in her tracks. Nervous eyes met with unreadable. Did he see through her facade with his predatory gaze? She joked about the lion comment at the zoo, but the stare was that of a lion: watching, waiting, on the prowl and ready to pounce when the moment was right. Shivers ran through her body, the raised flesh more pronounced where he had touched her.

“Masa-Masa?”

“After this, we need to talk.”

“Talk?” Play it safe. Don’t let him know of the growing pang inside her heart and the constant lick crawling into her ears. “Why?”

“There’s…” He swallowed thickly. “There’s something I want to tell you.”

“Can you tell me now?”

He shook his head. Thank God for that! “No. I’d rather tell you at the hotel.”

Right, the hotel. Shido made a reservation for the two of them. Just them two. No one else. A single queen or king-sized bed, thick sound-proof walls and a bathroom and shower. Knowing him, there would be wine and snacks from room service displayed on a nearby table. They’d sample the food and drink, faces reddening from the alcohol and their speech would become more glib. Some laughs and giggles, many kisses and caresses. Sweet nothings whispered until she relinquished and entered the bathroom for a quick shower. After he finished with his own, they’d finally have the physical relationship they craved.

Sex or love-making? Which would be the proper term for the ache and impatience in their heart and loins?

Heat flooded to her cheeks and ears. Now was not the time to think of such things! “O-oh! Masa-Masa don’t make me blush before meeting your father!” Pulling away from the scalding hand, Wakaba latched herself free and returned to the living room.

Handsome and masculine, Shido’s father was the same height as his eldest son. He resembled both Hiroki and Shido physically and - in an odd way - spiritually. A soothing aura of kindness similar to Hiroki’s, and a calmness much like Shido’s though much more serene. A robust, clean-faced man with warm eyes and two little girls swarming him with many kisses and hugs. His smile melted through ice, stone, and steel. Wakaba’s heart fluttered.

“Wow…”

“He’s really handsome, right?” Yomiko murmured next to her. “Sweet as pie too. Our father-in-law is fine wine.”

“O-our?!” What in the world was Yomiko talking about? Sure, their father was indeed nice to admire from afar, but what did she mean by “our” father-in-law. Being Shido’s girlfriend didn’t mean she was going to marry him. At least not yet!

Yomiko chuckled. “Kidding! But he is a great man. I hope my Hiroki turns into wine and not vinegar. You’re so lucky…”

Wakaba blinked.

“Come on, don’t be coy. I can tell Masayoshi is going to be fine wine like his father.”

“You’re so mean to Hiroki…”

“I could never leave him even if he turns into a raisin.” She sighed, giving goo-goo eyes to her husband. A huge goofy smile, Hiroki blew a kiss at her direction which she caught with her hand and pressed her against her chest. “He’s _my_ raisin.”

Goro waddled to his grandfather. No memory of the man, however he felt the need to see him up close. He smiled as his grandfather sank on one knee to be at his level and touched the top of his head.

“You’re a good boy, Goro-chan.” His voice deep and smooth. “You’re walking already. A very gifted boy.”

The baby commanded for the older Shido to carry him, arms out and hands flaring to signal up. His demands were swiftly met and found himself in the arms of the man with the kind aura. Goro poked his cheek and nuzzled into his neck. A deep breath and wrapped his small arms around: this man felt safe.

“ _Darling_ , he loves you!” Natsu cooed. She stroked Goro’s cheek and kissed her husband’s shoulder. “You took too long.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be here sooner, dear.”

Natsu waved her hand. “Well I had to see them now. You know I had to. I couldn’t wait to see Goro on his big day-” She switched to English, “ _And our son’s girlfriend_.”

“ _Mother_ ,” Shido warned.

“Hn.” He eyed Wakaba.

“Does he speak English too?” Wakaba whispered.

“He just understands it,” said Yomiko. “Can’t speak it at all.”

Shido’s father walked across the room and introduced himself. “My name is Masahiro Shido. It is a pleasure to meet you. ” Holding Goro close, he bowed before her.

“Th-there’s no need for that!” Wakaba’s heart leapt at the back of her throat. She should be the one bowing, not him! “I-I’m Wakaba Isshiki!”

“Mama!” Goro reached over to Wakaba and snuggled into her welcoming arms.

“That is to say, haha, Goro-chan likes to call me that! Really, there isn’t anything weird like that going on, haha.”

“Please,” he said calmly. “I understand the circumstances. I can tell my grandson cares a lot for you.” He pulled a chair from the dining table and gestured for her to sit.

Wakaba shook her head. “You should be sitting, not me! You’re Masa-Masa’s father after all, and I need to respect my elders, and-”

“What a cute nickname.” Masahiro laughed. So this was the woman who captured his unruly son’s heart. Nervous, yet still managed to show her vibrant personality. “Please, I insist. You are our guest.”

Body tense, subtle shivers, holding her precious cargo, Wakaba sat on the chair. This was abnormal. She wasn’t anyone’s guest: she was an invader, an intruder. She did not belong.

The Shido family fell into a comfortable flow. Natsu brought the dishes to the table with the help of Megumi. The girl was praised by her father who played clap games with Hinata. They sang their rhymes, Hinata slurring and Hiroki laughing. Yomiko ruffled Megumi’s head before stepping into the conversation between Masahiro and Shido. Neither of the men rebuked her; they joked and nodded at her comments, affirmation she was a part of them family, always belonging, never a stranger.

Goro slid from her body, but she did not know when. There was no sensation or rustling of clothes; no kicks or squeals. If there had been, her body did not register. Only when Goro ran along with Megumi and hugged his uncle’s leg did Wakaba note the cold absence on her lap. Goro was gone. That’s how it should be.

Family should be together to support through the smallest and heaviest of situations. Sickness and health. Life and death. Richness and poverty. Grades and cram school. University. Disappointment. Marriageability. Disenchantment of studies. Social interactions. Rejection.

The room stretched further. Her chair remained in the corner of her tumultuous, unstable mind. The kitchen disappeared into a dense fog. The miasma surrounded the room of the happy family. They were content with one another. They did not need her to be happy or together. It was Goro’s birthday they celebrated. Why treat her as a guest if baby boy was the one to be lauded?

Shido’s smile radiated through the fog.

But it wasn’t for her.

Why would it?

The food should have tasted good, and that is what she told Yomiko when she sampled the eggplant dish. Sand, ash, and bland coated her tongue. Mechanical chewing. An unquenchable thirst to remove the unyielding desert, under the harsh sun, the unforgiving heat and microscopic shards of glass against her eyes and skin. It blinded her.

Blistering water welled into her eyes. She dare not blink unless she wanted attention. No need to call out for it: they wouldn’t be able to notice her anyway. They were in their world full of light and love. She was in her corner eating dust and imbibing liquid sand. Maybe it was a good thing no one spoke to her.

Good.

Good!

She longed to be ignored. Her desire. Any word, an utterance, a voice would shatter her intricate facade. Her secret would be revealed to the world. To their world.

Right?

_If I weren’t here, they would be the same._

Wakaba excused herself to the restroom. No one said anything to her.

“Okay,” Natsu nodded with a smile. She whispered approving words to Hiroki in English.

“ _I agree._ ”

Of course they’d speak in their coded language.

Absolutely no one said a _real_ word.

“You should visit us in Ayanagi,” said Masahiro to Shido. “She’s a lovely lady; I’d like to get to know her better.”

No one.

Hinata slipped from her chair. Now was her chance to be alone! She wiped down her makeshift shirt-dress to find her auntie. The zoo was full of adventure and cute animals; it was an amazing birthday outing. She loved the way Auntie held her hand and cheered her on. Hinata had many aunts from her mother’s side, but Wakaba had to be the prettiest, most fun aunt. She had to let Auntie know how much fun she had and how she wanted her to marry her Uncle Masayoshi so she could be her flower girl, and dance in their wedding. She looked happy whenever she carried Goro or talked to Uncle, so naturally Auntie Wakaba should join her family.

But where was she?

Purse in hand, palms sweating against the leather strap squeezed between white knuckles. No hesitation, no regrets. Wakaba had to leave the Shido family - for good. By the time any of them noticed, she would have been gone for hours on end, already cozied up in her bed and drifting off to dreamland. Drunk on their merriment and jubilation for Goro’s first birthday and their joining as a family. That’s all they needed. She brought nothing to the table, only a taken seat and her misery.

Hand on the door, a tug to her dress pulled her from her stupor. Large curious eyes stared up at her.

“Hinata-chan?”

_No, no, no! You can’t speak to her!_

She cocked her head to the side. “Where you going, Auntie?”

Wakaba bent over and rested her hand on Hinata’s head. “I have something to get from the store.”

“Oooh, can I come?!”

“N-no.” The plastic smile returned. “You need to be here to play with Goro. Don’t worry, I’ll be back really soon!”

“Aww…”

“Are you being selfish, Hinata? Hmm… Hey, let’s make this a secret.”

Hinata’s eyes sparkled. “A secret?”

How repulsive.

What a disgusting person she was to press her finger against her lips and reward Hinata with a fake smile when she smiled back. “Don’t tell anyone I’m leaving, okay? It’ll ruin the surprise I’m getting. I’ll give you a present if you keep your promise.”

“I pwomise, Auntie!”

“Shh… it’s a secret. You need to whisper, Hinata-chan.”

Hinata covered her mouth. “Oops…” Her voice stilled and breathy. “I can whisper.”

“Good girl.” Wakaba wrapped her pinky against Hinata’s. “See? It’s official.”

“I pwomise.” Her first official pinky swear and from her favorite aunt. Hinata couldn’t wait to tell her about being her flower girl. “Come back soon, please?”

Her voice cracked. “I promise.”

The worst human being in the world watched as she carefully closed the door. The pure child she lied to waited on the other side, full of hopes and dreams and excitement for the return of her aunt. Sooner or later, Hinata would come to realize that some promises would be broken. Unfortunately for her, she’d learn the lesson at the tender age of four and by a horrible stranger her unsuspecting uncle brought over. Worse than a thief, she was a liar and a charlatan. And that was why she had to go.

She prayed to God for his forgiveness.

 

 

She had been in the restroom for too long. Standing up, Shido knocked on the bathroom door. “Wakaba?”

No answer.

He knocked again, harder. “Are you okay?”

Again, no answer.

Shido turned the knob and found it to be unlocked. She wasn’t in the bathroom. Nor in Megumi’s room. Nor Hinata’s. Nor his brother’s room and office. Neither kitchen or living room. Where in the world was she?

“Have any of you seen Wakaba?” This was unlike her. She lived in her own world and abided by her own rules, however she always had the decency to tell people where she’d be going. Something didn’t sit right with the situation. Why not tell him? Why now of all times?

Did he scare her with his ominous words? He hadn’t meant to. All he wanted was alone time with her to discuss her melancholy. She seemed distant and hesitant despite their good time at the zoo. What had changed?

That didn’t matter. Wakaba was lost and needed to be found.

Shido tightened his fists. “She’s not here.”

“What do you mean she’s not here?” asked Yomiko.

“I can’t find her! She’s been in the ‘bathroom’ for ages.”

“Maybe she stepped out for some fresh air?” suggested Hiroki.

Natsu’s jerked her neck in realization and searched the rooms, tables, couches, and wall hangers.

“Mom what are you-”

“Don’t you question me.” She removed the couch cushions. “Her purse is gone: she left the house for good, Masayoshi.”

“What!?”

“Lower your voice,” she frowned. “You’ll scare the children.”

“Megumi,” asked Hiroki, “have you seen your auntie?”

Megumi shook her head.

Masahiro approached Hinata, who had been hiding behind a stool in the kitchen. “What’s wrong, Hinata?”

Biting her thumbnail, tears rolled down the four-year-old’s cheeks. Too much was happening all at once. “No…”

“Do you know what happened to your Aunt Wakaba?” he asked, stroking a loosened lock of her hair. “Please tell Grandpa, Hinata.”

“But I pwomised!”

“... Let’s go talk to your mommy and daddy, okay?”

Masahiro carried Hinata through her sobs and hiccups back into the living room. Nearly unconsolable, getting any information from her could possibly be unfruitful. Yomiko stepped in and spoke soothing words to her daughter until Hinata gave in.

“S-she said she gots to go the store.” She rubbed her eyes against her grandfather’s shoulder. Fresh tears poured out. She broke her promise. “A-auntie she said she’d be back!”

“Maybe she did just go to the store,” soothed Yomiko.

Shido brushed his hand against Hinata’s head. Running off to a store in a city she was completely unfamiliar with. What in the world was she thinking? While not exactly uncharacteristic of Wakaba, to do that in the middle of a family dinner? To only tell Hinata in the guise of a secret? She already brought her cake to their zoo adventure, what more could she possibly need to do? Wakaba was carefree, not rude.

“No,” said Shido, grabbing his keys and headed for the door. “I don’t buy it.”

“Yosh,” Hiroki warned, “don’t do anything rash.”

“What do you think she’s doing then?” He growled at the shoes that refused to cooperate. Stupid shaky hands. Stupid wretched shoe laces. “I’ll be back.” And left without shutting the door. Every second wasted on not getting to his car was precious time away from finding Wakaba.

Hiroki followed, yelling, “I’m coming with you!”

“I’m fine!” Shido fumbled with the car door.

“You don’t even know where the train station is!”

He slammed his hand against the roof of his car. “Hurry up!”

How long had it been since he noticed her departure to the “bathroom?” Fifteen minutes? Twenty minutes? Thirty? An hour? He was careless! Too enthralled with his family, ecstatic things went back to the way they once were, except now she was in his life! And that made it better! Without Goro or Wakaba, would he have had the strength or the heart to apologize to make amends with his family? No Goro meant he would have gone through with abandoning Toshiko and become promoted at work, swallowing and stomping out the competition as he gained more power and respect until - by any means necessary - he reached his final goal. But what good would that have been without his son? Without his sweet smile and endless potential to be great, if not greater than his father? A boy with the power to sway the world and have them eating out at the palm of hand with his dazzling charm and wile?

Without Wakaba he wouldn’t know what it meant to have feelings for a person. Was it necessary? Possibly not, and he would have been fine with him and Goro alone had she not entered his life. But that’s all it was: would have, could have, should have. He met her, he liked her, and it was final. Turning back the time was impossible and he had no interest if it were so. A life without Wakaba shook his heart. An icy grip enveloping around his core, seeping into areas he never knew existed. She couldn’t leave him like that! They barely begun to know one another as lovers!

Thirty-five years later, his heart had finally been stolen.

Shido would not allow it to rip itself into pieces without a fight. At least tell him what he did wrong!

Ripping his seatbelt off, he ran into the station. Hiroki’s yells fell on deaf ears. He had no time for his brother’s warnings. He had to find Wakaba. She had to be safe and sound. If she were in the station, he’d be upset though happy for her safety. Walking alone in the middle of the night in a place she had never been to was irresponsible!

_Where are you?_

He eyed the gates. He could jump them. No problem, easy even. The night was young but late enough for the security to be at its minimum. One officer was easy to outrun, two or three too. He could do it. In fact that was what he was going to do. If he stopped to buy a ticket, he’d miss his opportunity and Wakaba would be gone or get hurt.

Bracing his body for the run, a hand over his shoulder interrupted his thoughts.

Hiroki stood beside him with a ticket in his hand. “I got your back, Yosh.”

_One, two..._

Counting to ten was supposed to help right? He took the ticket and thanked his brother as he rushed through the gate.

_Three, four…_

He ignored his brother’s plea to wait, to have patience and let him help. Couldn’t Hiroki see he needed to go on ahead to find Wakaba? The sooner he found her the better. She’d be safe with him and they’d go back home and talk about what happened. Nothing mattered but her wellbeing. Don’t let it be too late.

_Five, six..._

Where in the world could she be?! He searched the area for signs back to Tokyo or Mikage-cho. Damn Amami City being large and populated! Where the hell were the trains returning to the big city already!? If he missed her, if he were too late… No. He’d find her. She was easy to identify. Their first encounter in Aoba Park made that clear.

_Seven, eight…_

Shido ran to the platform back to Tokyo connecting to Mikage-cho. Pushing, shoving, bumping into the annoying people in his way. Fuck them. Tell security about his behavior, he didn’t care! All he wanted was a glimpse, a sign that Wakaba was safe. That she wasn’t jumped by a mugger, or harassed by a drunk, or taken away by gangsters looking for a quick fuck and sell her on the black market.

_Nine…_

If he couldn’t find her, he’d call her phone. All night if he had to! There was also work and her home. He didn’t have the key to her house, but he knew where she lived. He’d find her and hold her tight. She couldn’t be gone forever. Wakaba was safe. She was safe. She was safe. She was safe. She was just having a bad day but she was safe.

Right?

Right…?

_Ten…_

In the distant platform, a woman with bright red glasses sat inside the train, inflamed eyes, desperate hands on her head, grasping at her sanity or ears. Whichever it was, she appeared to be in turmoil.

She could not see him.

“WAKABA!”

She flinched despite their distance.

“ _W_ _AKABA_!”

Wakaba dug into her ears, clawing away at the insufferable itch.

Feet on automatic, mind blank and primal. His only goal was to reach that train and be at her side. Each step was lead striking the concrete, slower and slower the more he advanced. His heart cried when the doors shut. The train hissed and creaked. Momentum built. Automated voices warning to step away from the yellow line. His legs continued despite the shock. Mouth dry. Voiced cracked. The stench of diesel burned through his nose, putrid and hot against his skin.

And it was gone.

Wakaba was gone.

“Masayoshi,” Hiroki huffed a few minutes later. “Don’t follow her.”

  


 

Wakaba had to go back to work. Work was safe. Work didn’t judge her. Work didn’t cause pain- well, not any more. She didn’t work for SEBEC. She knew better than to blindly follow orders the way she used to. Science was safe and pure. It was always there waiting for her to go back and work on it. Science loved her. Work loved her. Vacation didn’t matter: she needed to return to the thing she adored the most.

The platform was busy - it was a Friday after all! People had places to go, people to see, food to eat, families to-

She scratched her ear. The tinnitus must have been getting worse. It was the only explanation for this feeling. She had it since she worked in SEBEC. Annoying, yes, but she figured working among the fancy machines must have done some damage to her ears and caused the constant pain and voi-

No. That wasn’t right. It was regular ringing.

Wakaba looked at the time. The train to Tokyo connecting to Mikage-cho would be arriving soon. She thought of the happy faces Shido’s family made and snuffed it out. They were better off without her and probably didn’t notice her absence.

This was the right thing to do.

Shido deserved a better girlfriend and Goro deserved a better mother. She wasn’t fit to be any of those roles. A scientist first and foremost, a single woman for life second, and friend third, and everything else came last. If anything, she’d be more than happy to remain as Shido’s friend. They’d cut their alone time for sure - after all, they weren’t together anymore. Wakaba would mingle with the other scientists or the other government workers like Sojiro. The more people she surrounded herself with the better. There was no room for her to be around him. He didn’t need a vile, selfish woman in his life.

_Shido too good for me anyway. Handsome, smart, the cutest, sweetest baby in the world for a son? A shitty woman like me is too low for that lifestyle._

Her ears ached, sharp and hot saliva oozing from the orifices.

“It hurts…” She sobbed. Her heart ripped into shreds and disappeared into the darkness of her soul. “It hurts so much.”

The train arrived and not a moment too soon. Everything hurt. A nice bath at home would do her good-

_I can’t go back home. If he noticed, he’d be there and he’d be so mad. No, I can’t let him see me. I need to go back to work and deal with it on my own. Masa-Masa doesn’t need someone like me. I’d just hold him back!_

Tears muddled her sight as she stepped into the train and she scolded herself for it. Why should she cry? She should be proud she made the right decision to Shido’s life better. Those tears were nothing but worthless pity - crocodile tears at best! There was no reason to weep for she had lost nothing. She didn’t lose love because there was no love. They dated for a month and nothing happened. No kisses, no hugs, no sexual encounters of any sort. They were not in a real relationship. They were lovers by name only. No heart or action, just name.

She didn’t want that. If Shido liked her so much, he would have done something sooner. Right. Right!? He would have! But then again, to be the most honest she had ever been with herself, she didn’t warrant that sort of lovey-dovey behavior. It was never meant for her: she didn’t deserve it.

A clink against her wrist caught her attention. The butterfly bracelet… just a lie. Yes, it was just a lie. It meant nothing, only a means to trick her into thinking she was wanted.

She wasn’t wanted or needed by Shido or his beautiful family. A cold woman like her had no place in a warm, welcoming, and loving household.

_Stop crying! Wakaba stop crying!_

“It hurts so much…” She clutched at her head. Bounding headache, eyes burning, and ears simultaneously on fire and drowning. She flinched at the outside sounds, the creaking, little dings and announcements, the sealed doors, and the muffled shouts. Her fingers found their way into her ear. The unending itching _voice_. “Please… please stop…”

As the train rolled by the pain refused to end. Such was her life, one that did not merit love or comfort, only pain and loneliness stemming from her abhorrent sin.

 **Wa… ka… ba…  
** **Did you really think you were ever worthy of being loved?**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it.


End file.
